Irrevocable
by 1974alner
Summary: Destiny has a way of finding you
1. Chapter 1

**Irrevocable**

 **Prologue – 3 years ago –Seattle**

 **Anastasia**

I can feel myself falling in and out of consciousness and there is nothing I can do. I hear a door opening and closing, I hear my mother talking in a hushed voice, but before I have to chance to hear what they are saying, I feel myself being pulled back into the darkness.

 _Despite the pain and the fog that has set in my brain, little snippets of memories immediately come crashing down on me. Laughing, I felt happy as I walked down the stairs of my new home, but then I turned around to look at my mother and I slipped on the stairs…there was shouting and so much pain. The pain in my belly was unbearable, my mother was screaming…there was more pain and she told me to push…I remember telling her that it was too soon, that we needed to call an ambulance. Panic! Dread was setting in because I knew my little baby was in distress and at that moment while looking into my mother's eyes, I knew that things could go very wrong._

 _The pain was coming in waves as I heard my mother telling me to push. I was crying and praying for my little girl to be born healthy. The pain is intensifying and then relief. The urge to open my eyes is indescribable when I hear soft cries. She doesn't stop crying and I can't open my eyes…_

"How is she doing, Carla?"

"She will be fine"

"She won't, she will be devastated…" _Daddy, what is he doing here? He was supposed to be on his fishing trip with Mr. Rodriguez._

"We should take her to the hospital, Carla. Didn't you tell me she hit her head? Maybe.." My dad's voice breaks.

"Time heals all wounds. Besides she has her job, Ray! And we won't be going to the hospital, you know how much she hates hospitals! Also, I told you a good friend of mine who is a doctor came to check her over. He told me she is fine. Her body endured a traumatic experience and that's why she is still unconscious, her brain is basically protecting her."

There is a long silence and I fear that I am pulled in the darkness again, but then I hear my dad again.

"She doesn't like her job, Carla!"

I hear my mother sigh and the only thing I want to do is to scream at them and tell them to stop arguing.

"Stop it! What is there not to like? She travels the world, meets celebrities and makes a lot of money."

"We aren't all obsessed with money, Carla"

"Well, I didn't hear you complaining when she bought you that boat." My mother sneers. _Stop! Stop!_

"I'll come back later." My dad mutters. Shortly after I can smell his scent and then his lips are on my forehead.

"I love you, Annie" He whispers.

* * *

It's dark when I'm finally able to open my eyes and the first person I see is my dad. His hand is tightly gripping onto mine as he is staring into space. With all the force I can muster I squeeze his hand and his face immediately snaps in my direction.

"Annie, oh God, Annie"

"Where is my baby?" I rasp.

"Annie…" And it's then in that moment that I realize something is terribly wrong. His eyes. I can see it in his eyes.

"Where is she?" I plead.

"I'm so sorry…" He closes his eyes and I see a tear falling down his cheek.

"What…dad…no…no…" Raising to his feet my dad engulfs me in a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm so sorry, Annie…I am so sorry…your little girl didn't make it…"

"She …was…crying…I heard her cry, daddy…you have to believe me…when she was born…I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore…Please I...want my... baby" I sob against his chest. Painful heart-wrenching sobs.

"I am so sorry, Annie." _No! No!_

I don't know where I get the strength from, but I manage to push my dad away. He is trying to calm me down, but I refuse to listen to him or look at him for that matter. But then this rush of anger overtakes me.

"I want to see her," I say gripping his shirt with both hands. "Give me my daughter…"

"You have been unconscious for three days Annie, she is gone…Phoebe is gone."

I let go of my father's shirt and I feel my arms falling limb on the bed. The anger, the disbelief, are gone. Instead, an incredible sadness has taken place. I have never felt a pain like this before. Through my tears, I look at my father and slide my hand in his. I just feel pain a lot of pain. I have lost a piece of myself and I will never be the same again.

* * *

"I also think you need to put the house on the Sound up for sale" my mother rattles while she is busy going through a fashion magazine. She snorts "I don't even know why you felt the need to buy that ridiculously big house either. Your life is in L.A., Anastasia and not in Seattle."

I close my eyes in the hope that she will just shut up. I can't stand to hear her voice anymore, I can barely stand to look at her at this point. It has been two days since I asked my dad to take me to Montesano. I couldn't spend one more minute in the house at The Sound. The house I bought for the two of us. A house with a beautiful meadow. A house where Phoebe could grow up being happy and close to my father and Kate and sheltered from the paparazzi.

"I will contact a realtor later today." She shifts on the couch and sighs. "I will send her clothes to Goodwill and I will make sure her room is emptied"

"You will do no such thing. She has already been taken away from me, her room and her clothes are the only things I have left."

"Oh, Ana, you've always been so dramatic, remember when you lost that dirty, beer? You cried for weeks."

"Do you even care that she is gone, mother? Don't you feel sad? Aren't you heartbroken that you won't be able to see your grandchild grow up and achieve all the milestones she should be achieving?"

"Of course I am sad. But life goes on, Ana, you are still young"

"What did she look like, mom?" I say cutting her off. The pain is excruciating, and it alternates with numbness. I am mad at my mother, at myself, hell I am mad at the world. Why was she taken away from me? Why did I never get the chance to see and hold my little girl, and tell her how much I had longed to meet her.

"Anastasia, don't put yourself through this"

"I want to hear how she looked like." I grip the blanket that is covering my legs and stare out of the window.

"I already told you" She sighs.

"Then tell me again, please," I whisper.

"You need to forget about her, Anastasia. The sooner you forget about her, the better! You can focus back on your career and…"

"Her? Her? Her name is Phoebe, mother! And I will never, ever forget about my little girl!" I yell.

She looks shocked by my outburst, but the shock is soon replaced by her mask. Indifference. Doesn't she feel anything? Isn't she sad? This little girl was supposed to be her granddaughter.

"Why?" I ask my mother

"Anastasia, we've already discussed this. I thought…"

"You thought it was for the best to have my little girl cremated before I could even see her? Touch her?" I hiss.

"Anastasia…"

"Get out, mom" She looks up from the magazine she is reading, a frown marring her face.

"Anastasia, you have to be in Milan in two weeks, I was supposed to go with you…"

"I am not going to Milan, mother. I made Hannah cancel all the shoots and appointments I had for the next six months. I want you to go away. I want you to leave this house, I don't want to see you. I am staying here with dad"

"You don't mean that…" She rises from the chair and calmly places the magazine she was reading on the table.

"I can't stand to look at you, mother. You made decisions that weren't yours to make. She was my little girl…" I bite back a sob as the hurt and pain grips my heart at the thought of my little girl. She can't be gone. I don't believe it. I am her mother, I should feel it.

"You weren't able to make decisions, Anastasia!" She shakes her head in annoyance and throws her hands in the air in desperation. "You were unconscious for a few days, Anastasia!" She takes a deep breath and straightens her shoulders.

"I understand that it is your grief talking right now." She continues. "I will be staying in that awful motel in this awful town and I'll be back in two weeks. You will need to call your personal trainer, you need to get your body back into shape." Her eyes dart over my still swollen stomach.

"You won't be staying here in Montesano, mom. I don't want you near me. I want you to leave the state"

"After everything I gave up for you?"

I laugh coldly. "You didn't give anything up for me, except for a loveless marriage to a guy who was emotionally and physically abusive to you and your teenage daughter! Don't talk to me about sacrificing anything for me. You were all too happy when you were able to escape that horrible house!"

"I gave up my job for you"

"Right, the job as a nurse in which you only worked the nightshifts. You hated it and you made sure I knew it."

"Ana." I raise my hand telling her to stop talking.

"I just called Hannah and told her not to include you in my travel arrangements anymore," I say looking at her.

"But I am your manager!"

I snort. "You are not my manager because I don't have a manager mother! I have Hannah who is my personal assistant. Hannah is the one who makes sure that all of my bases are covered. Hannah works all day every day to better my career. She also has the connections in the industry! As for you…" I take a deep breath and try to push the anger and tears away. "You have been tagging along for all these years and haven't really contributed anything. The only thing you managed all these years, and especially these last eight months was to make me feel guilty or bad about myself. I simply tolerated you, because I didn't want you to run away with the next guy you met." I swallow and have to look away when I see the tears in my mother's eyes. But deep in my heart I know she is not crying for me, she is crying for herself.

"Hannah transferred a substantial amount of money into your account so you can continue a similar lifestyle as you are used to."

"I knew the moment you told me you were pregnant that it was a mistake. I told you that there were a lot of options, but no…you had to be stubborn and now look at where it took you" She sniffs haughtily. "It even cost you your relationship with Thomas, and he is a great catch, Ana."

"Stop talking about my baby as if she was a nuisance. She was welcome from the moment I knew I was pregnant and as for Thomas, I don't want you mentioning his name ever again in my presence. If he would be the great man you claim he is, he wouldn't have walked out on me after being together for 2 years."

"He is still her father, Anastasia, he had a right to ask you for an abortion" She presses on.

"Get the fuck out of here," I yell. I have my hands clenched into fists.

"I will not tolerate..." She is not able to finish her sentence because the door to the living room is slammed open.

"GET OUT!" My dad is standing in the doorway and I have never seen him looking this mad before.

"I have heard the entire conversation and I have never been more repulsed with a person than I am now with you." He takes a few steps towards my mother who has now the tears streaming down her face. I watch his big hand grabbing her elbow and dragging her towards the door. "I will personally take you to the airport and don't ever mention that low life's name in my house ever again."

"Raymond Steele!" My mother is trying to pull away from my dad's grip, but he is too strong for her.

"Out. And don't contact my daughter unless she contacts you" That's the last thing I hear of the conversation before my dad drags my mother to his car.

* * *

It's two days later and I finally feel calmer now that my mother has left the state. I don't know where she is and at this point, I don't care. It's not that I don't want to ever see her again, but now I am not ready and maybe I'll never will. I guess time will tell.

"Dad"

"Yes, Annie" He leans down and kisses the top of my head.

"Is it okay if I stay here for a while with you in Montesano?"

"Of course," He says without hesitation. "But don't you want to go back to Seattle or to your fancy apartment in LA?"

"Not yet" I breathe. "I will have to go back in a while, but I am not ready to face that right now. I've decided not to move into the house at the Sound. The memories are too much to handle at the moment."

"You are welcome to stay here as long as you want, Annie"

Placing my head on his shoulder, I sigh and close my eyes. "This might sound strange, but I feel closer to her here," I whisper. Because I know deep down she is still here.

My dad doesn't respond, but then again he doesn't have to, I know he really understands me.

 **Christian - 3 years ago – Northwest Hospital Seattle**

"Mom, I need to talk to you." The nurse she is talking too scowls at me for interrupting their conversation, but I don't give a shit.

"Christian honey, it's really busy at the moment." She says quickly looking at the nurse. Placing her hand on my arm she squeezes it gently. "Can't it wait until dinner tonight? You are still coming over with Jessica, aren't you?"

"There will be no more dinners with Jessica, mom," I say through clenched teeth.

"What are you talking about? I just spoke with her yesterday, we even made plans to…"

"She had an abortion." I blurt out not being able in keeping it inside me for one second longer.

"Excuse us for a moment, Nadia" My mother looks at the nurse and drags me through the very crowded hallway until we reach the hospital cafeteria. She pushes me down on one of the chairs and takes a seat next to me. Her hands immediately cover mine as she waits for me to start talking. Despite my anger, I see that the cafeteria is almost abandoned. There is only one table occupied by two women.

"Talk to me" I have no idea how my mom can be so calm about this. My mother who was never able to have children of her own and suffered through three miscarriages is against abortion.

"She came home yesterday from her trip to Washington DC and I immediately noticed that she looked flushed. She waved it off and said she was really tired. Later I found her in the bathroom and there was so much blood…" I close my eyes and try to get the image out of my head.

"Go on, honey," My mom says softly.

"I took her to the hospital, but through the entire drive she kept saying that she was menstruating, but I just didn't believe her, so I kept driving. I stayed with her the entire night and this morning the doctor just confirmed that the fever and the severe blood loss was because of an infection. She just confessed that she never went to that seminar, instead, that bitch went to a fucking quack and had our baby aborted!" I am practically yelling at this point. It's only when I feel my mother's thumbs wiping over my cheeks that I notice that I am crying.

"I know you are mad, but keep your voice down, Christian" My eyes dart to the women sitting on the other side, but the one dressed in white, who I assume was a doctor has left. The other woman is now talking on the phone while her eyes keep darting in our direction.

"She aborted my 10-week old baby. How can someone be so cruel?" Gently I push my mother's hand away and wipe the tears from my eyes. I need to move on, I need to forget about Jessica. From the corner of my eye, I see Taylor standing a few feet away from us. The moment I make eye contact he makes his way towards me.

"Sir"

"Jessica and I are as of now no longer together. The few belongings she has in my apartment, I want them removed immediately. She can't have access to me, my family or GEH." Taylor's response is a simple nod, but I know her things will be gone before I get home tonight.

Turning around again I meet my mother's sad eyes. "I want to adopt. I need you and dad to help me adopt a baby."

"Christian, you can't make these decisions based on grief" She reaches for my hand and squeezes gently.

"I'm not, mom. You know how much I wanted a child. I don't need her. Please, mom"

"Of course we will help you, Christian" Relief floods through my body when I hear my mother's words.

 **Anastasia – Present day**

"So this will be the first year you won't be in Seattle for Phoebe's birthday?" I look away when I see the compassion on Rhian's face. I nod my head and stare out of the window. It's raining, the sky is gray and dull and it mirrors exactly how I feel right now.

"How does that make you feel?"

I snort and roll my eyes. "You are sounding more and more like your husband every day, Rhian" I tease.

"What can I say, being married to a psychiatrist does things to your head" She slowly takes a sip of her wine, her eyes never leaving mine. Meaning, I still have to answer her question. How do I feel about not being in Seattle?

"I don't know, I guess it's time, also, I promised Kate ages ago to take this trip and I had to postpone it several times due to my schedule" I shrug. "Besides, I just need to stay busy and Kate is a good listener, the best friend, and the perfect distraction," I say bravely. Even though I don't feel brave at all. I have always felt closer to her in Seattle, and it's a feeling I can't pinpoint. But it's like a part of her is still here. Like she never died, and the idea of not being in Seattle on that particular date has me completely on edge.

"And where is the trip going?" She says crossing her legs. _This I can talk about._

"The Maldives. We have this bungalow over the water. It's a secluded spot so hopefully, I can catch up on my writing."

"And how is that coming along?"

"It's hard. Child loss is often misunderstood by many people. It is incredibly difficult to give someone an inside look into why the loss of a child is a grief that lasts a lifetime." She nods understandingly.

"I love my child just as much as you love yours, Rhian. The only difference is that my daughter lives in heaven and unfortunately is talking about her a taboo in our culture. I want to make people see that even though it makes them feel uncomfortable, it doesn't make her any less. I want to tell people that it is compassion and love and not advice that is needed. I want people to know that there is no "moving on", or "getting over it". There is simply no solution to my broken heart. I want people to know that the death of your child is irrevocable."

* * *

 **Author's note: Hi! Here it is, my new story Irrevocable. Updates will be once a week, on Friday. I made a Pinterest board for this story: 1974alner / irrevocable /**

 **And last but not least! A very big thank you to my good friend for helping me! You know who you are.**

 **Let me know what you think!**

 **Alner X**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow! Just wow! Your response to the prologue was amazing! Thank you! And since you have all been so nice, I decided to give you this bonus chapter.**

 **I would love to hear your thoughts!**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **Christian**

"Okay, Princess one more bite and we can go to the beach" I stare into my daughter's blue eyes and I know it is a lost battle. She has that determined set in her jaw and her eyes are relentless as she stares back at me.

"No" She shakes her head stubbornly and pushes my hand holding the fork away. "No", her favorite word. My mother told me this phase would pass, but it seems that my daughter really enjoys saying that little two letter word. Especially when it comes to eating.

My daughter's eyes dart to my mother who is hiding her smile behind her cup of coffee. But she knows better than to interfere because I might be a single dad, but I know exactly how to raise my daughter even though she has me wrapped around her little finger from the first moment I saw her. My phone starts buzzing against the table and with a sigh I place the fork back on the plate and look at the caller ID. _Ros._

"Why don't you take that call, Christian. I'll make sure she finishes her breakfast." Placing her cup of coffee on the table my mother raises from her seat and takes the seat next to my daughter's high chair.

The call takes longer than I had anticipated and when I return back to the bungalow, I find my mom and dad lounging in the living area.

"I'm sorry it took so long." I apologize and sit across from them. "Did she finish her breakfast?"

My mother raises her eyebrow at me. "Of course she did." She says smiling. "She can feel your frustration, Christian."

"I just can't stand it when she doesn't eat and she is too thin, mom" I brush my hands through my hair and lean back against the couch.

"Nonsense…she is perfect." She says with a wave of her hand. "I already told you Christian, the moment she started walking she would lose some weight. Besides, Fee is healthy, active and achieves the milestones according to her age, you have nothing to worry about." Her eyes dart to my phone that keeps buzzing and she gives me a small smile.

"Why don't you concentrate on GEH for a moment. We'll be here until she wakes up and then I'll call you and you can take her to the beach as you promised"

"Where are Mia and Elliot?" I say looking around after realizing that it is too quiet without their constant chatter.

"They went to that bakery in town to make sure Fee's cake is getting delivered tomorrow."

"You really don't mind then?" I point at my phone and back at my parents. My dad blatantly rolls his eyes and my mother waves her hand. "Go! We have everything under control!"

I hesitate for a moment, but then decide that it's better to concentrate on GEH today, so that I won't have to worry about it tomorrow at Fee's third birthday.

* * *

Sitting at one of the most expensive hotels on the island, I am looking at the quarterly figures from GEH that Ros sent me a few hours ago.

It's a very secluded spot. I have the perfect view on the beach and there are only a few people catching a tan, reading a book, generally just relaxing.

I focus myself back on the paper in front of me, but from the corner of my eyes, I see someone approaching. I give it no further consideration and look back at the quarterly figures.

"No, I don't want to go along with you and your new flavor of the week and his pathetic brother on a date. You only told me two things about that guy and he already seems incredibly boring. It's probably a dirty old man. And third, the last time I joined you on one of your dates it turned into a huge fiasco."

When I look up I see that the girl talking into her phone has approached the table next to me, and is struggling with the chair. She is packed with a beach bag, a laptop and she is holding the phone to her ear. I see her rolling her eyes as she listens to the person on the other side. I take a good look at her and I'm not disappointed in what I see. It's a petite woman, wearing one of those white beach dresses. But because of the huge sun hat, she is wearing I'm unable to see her face properly. I do see a mass of curls that almost reaches her perfect ass. Since good manners were ingrained by my mother, I quickly stand up and help her with her chair. Without looking at me she mutters a thank you and sits down placing her laptop on the table and the enormous beach bag on the chair next to her.

"Kit-Kat, it's all right, you can go out with him…no, no, I really don't mind and you don't have to stay with me…"

"Hmm, I'll make sure to be there and help you pick the perfect outfit for this evening" She ends the call and throws her phone on the table letting out a big sigh.

I trying really hard to focus back on my work, but I'm somehow not able to. My attention keeps going to the girl sitting at the table next to me.

She, on the other hand, seems oblivious to everything around her. She fires up her laptop and rummages in her bag.

While she waits until her laptop is booted, she looks straight ahead. There are two little girls, from which I assume are the same age as my little girl, playing with their father. I see her watching their interactions and there is a smile on her face that doesn't quite reach her eyes. She shakes her head slowly and casts her gaze back on her laptop. While she is frantically typing she occasionally looks back to the girls on the beach.

In the meanwhile, I'm trying to draw her attention in every way possible. I shuffle the papers in front of me in an incredibly annoying and exaggerated way. I start coughing, and I even purposely kick the empty chair next to me. But she doesn't look up. And the only thing I want is to have a little peek at her face.

Her phone begins to vibrate against the table and she picks it up with a smile on her face.

"Hey Hannah, what can I do for you?"

While she listens to this Hannah she leans back in her chair and sighs. Her eyes never leaving the little girls.

"No, it's okay…I understand what you mean. Will you please email me all the information? I promise to look at it later today."

After another slight pause: "No problem. Bye Hannah, see you next week."

With that, she throws the phone back on the table and places her long legs on the chair opposite of hers folding her hands on her flat stomach.

The quarterly numbers I had promised to mail back to Ros this afternoon, have been forgotten. Instead, I've spent the last half hour marveling the mysterious girl sitting at the table next to me. The only thing I can discern from this angle is her slightly upturned nose and her beautifully shaped lips. The way she strokes with her tongue along her lips after taking a sip from her drink is so fucking erotic that it has me shifting in my chair.

Again her phone starts buzzing. Reaching for the phone her brows furrow and I see her hesitating to pick it up after looking at the caller-ID. Eventually, she slides her thumb over the screen and closes her eyes.

"Hey, mom." She pauses for a moment listening to the person on the other side of the line.

"I'm at the Maldives…no…yes, I told you last week when we talked on the phone…oh right…"

While she listens she is playing with the hem of her dress.

"I'm fine…guess what? I'm asked to help a couple with…oh okay…sure, mom…tell Bob I said hi." She ends the call and keeps looking at it while holding it in her perfectly manicured hand.

"Why bother in calling if you don't even take the time to listen." She says to the phone.

I clear my throat one more time to attract her attention. Instead of looking in my direction she reaches for her bag and starts frantically looking for something. Finally, she takes out a small package out of her bag and turns her face to look at me.

"Here take one of these," she says

"I believe you could use one," she says, extending her hand where she is holding a packet of mints. She shrugs and continues "It's that you are coughing the whole time since I've been sitting here."

Instead of taking the mints from her, I can only stare at her. She is beautiful. The first thing that I notice is that she has the perfect alabaster skin. She has big blue eyes, that almost seem too big for her face. She has small freckles scattered across her perfect nose and beautiful full pink lips.

"Sir?" She says taking me out of my stupor.

"Sorry?"

"The mints…for your throat…" she repeats herself pointing at her throat. Still unable to form any words my eyes dart to her delicate hand. Perfection.

"Yes, thank you…" I say clearing my throat. I purposely brush my fingers against hers and feel this jolt of electricity.

She immediately withdraws her hand and starts to giggle. "Did you feel that?"

The sound of her giggle again throws me off balance. As a result, I can only stare at her. I am completely out of my element. Here I am a grown man, 31 years old and I have no clue whatsoever in how I should behave or say for that matter.

Normally a giggling woman irritates the living fuck out of me, in my eyes, woman giggle as a form of attention, but with her, it's a natural and a wonderful sound. It doesn't irritate me in the least. As a matter of fact, I want to hear it more…much more…

Without answering her question I take a mint out of the package and put it in my mouth. "Do you always carry mints with you?" I ask. _Holy fuck what a stupid question!_

"Actually I do. I travel a lot for my job and I always get a very dry throat on the plane. Somehow the air is always so dry up there, so that's why I always carry mints with me."

"Fair enough" I reply back.

"So you travel a lot? Mind if I ask what your job entails?"

Her eyes wander off to two little girls on the beach and then back to me. "I don't mind per say, I just prefer not to talk about it. It's a means to an end." Her eyes dart to her hands and then slowly back at me. She fakes a small smile. "Look," she says quickly "I don't want to keep you from your work, so don't feel obligated in talking to me whatsoever."

"I have finished work" I lie. "And you?" I say pointing to her laptop.

"Kind off" she replies.

"So, you came here by yourself?" I ask. Fuck, I can't keep my eyes off of her. _Please don't tell me you have a boyfriend._

"I came with my best friend. Because of our jobs, we don't get to see each other as much as we would like, so we decided to take a week off work, to catch up you know." She shrugs and takes a sip from her water bottle.

"And where is your friend now?"

She rolls her eyes and smiles. "Right after we landed yesterday she bumped into some guy…I guess she is spending the day with him."

"And she leaves you by yourself even if you came here together?"

"Well, she asked me to join them and this guy's brother for a double date tonight…but I'm so not going. The way my friend described this guy just gave me the shivers."

"So bad huh?"

"Yeah, he is some kind of self-made billionaire. Probably as boring as they come. This guy is probably on his fourth marriage, bored out of his self-made billionaire mind and came here to cheat on his wife. But I hope my friend has a great time, she deserves it"

"And how about you?" She asks, her blue eyes are boring into mine. It is just a split second and it feels as if I have seen those eyes before.

"I came here with my family."

"Must be nice to spend some quality time with your family." She replies wistfully.

"It is, but don't tell them I said that." I laugh and I am immediately rewarded with a bright smile that lights up her beautiful face.

"My lips are sealed?" she winks and turns to look back to the playing girls.

In a comfortable silence, we watch the little girls play. They are laughing and giggling while they bury their father in the sand.

Glancing at the woman sitting beside me I again am mesmerized by her beauty. I am cracking my brain to come up with something to ask her, but I can't think of anything. Christ, why am I so fucking helpless when it comes to women? Sure, I can fuck them, but that's it. I never had to worry about getting in contact with a woman, they come to me. And now it's working to my disadvantage.

The enjoyable silence is suddenly broken by the beeping of her phone. With a sigh, she looks at it and presses a button to stop the sound.

"That's my cue to go."

 _Fuck no! She can't go yet! I don't even know her name!_

She puts her phone in her bag and closes her laptop. As she hangs her bag over her shoulder, she grabs the laptop under her other arm and puts her sunglasses on. Then she turns her gaze to me and she smiles.

"Goodbye," she says and turns around

"No! Wait…what's your name?" I say when she starts to walk away. "I'm Christian!"

"Bye," she waves at me but has still her back turned to me.

"Wait!" I yell again. "You forgot your mints"

"Keep them!" And with that I watch the beautiful mysterious woman disappearing into the distance.

* * *

"Fuck dude, you are such an uptight ass…just come along with me and this hot blonde."

"Fuck off Elliot…I'm not going out with you and your new flavor of the week…and I don't even understand why you are taking her out for dinner when your intention is only to fuck her into next week."

"Whatever man. Besides this one is different." He gives me a grin and slaps me on my shoulder.

"Christian, your father and I are going to take a walk. Would you like to come along? Fee is sleeping and Mia is staying with her."

I am able to suppress a snort. Over my dead fucking body ... going for a walk with my parents. I might be an uptight ass, as my brother repeatedly loves to say, but I'm definitely not pathetic.

"Thanks, mom, but I'm staying here and I still have some work to do."

With a deep sigh and a little pinch on my shoulder, my parents walk away.

* * *

I have no idea how long I have been sitting here watching the waves, but I can't seem to get that beautiful brunette out of my head.

It was only later when I was walking back to the bungalow that I realized that she rejected me more or less. Any other woman would have given me her name, telephone number, hell she would even give me her panties if I asked…but she didn't even seem impressed. I have woman falling at my feet and I couldn't care less, and the one woman I am interested in…does not seem interested in me. That's a first!

Maybe she's a lesbian? I immediately reject that idea…she isn't…absolutely. not.

To shake off these thoughts I decide to go out for a run. Fortunately, there are few people that recognize me here and I won't have to take Taylor with me.

I quickly change and walk to my Mia's room where I knock on the door before entering.

"He Mia, going for a run. Will you be ok?"

She is so engrossed in a magazine that she only waves at me and continues reading. _Must be one hell of an interesting article._

"I have my phone on me, just call if there is something with Fee"

"This isn't the first time I babysat her, Christian. Please go and annoy someone else"

Since there are not many people on the beach at this time of the day, I decide to run along the shore. After running about half an hour I see a woman's silhouette in the distance. She is walking slowly, holding her shoes in one hand and wearing a bikini. While her gaze is focused on the waves I see her long hair fluttering in the wind. When I am almost near her I realize who is it. It's her!

"Hi," I say lamely when I stop beside her.

"Hi," she says while she roams her eyes over my body.

The moment our eyes meet I smirk. I caught her checking me out. Ha! She isn't gay! I knew it.

"What?" she says smiling.

"You were checking me out," I say a little bit too enthusiastic. _Fuck Grey, get a grip!_

"Actually," she says as cool as a cucumber "You are wearing your shirt inside out."

It's her time to smirk when my smug expression disappears instantly. _Time to change tactics, Grey! Show her who's boss!_

With my eyes still fixed on her beautiful blue ones, I grab the hem of my t-shirt and pull it off. I see her eyes wandering over my chest. Her eyes widen slightly when she notices my scars, but fortunately, she doesn't mention them. The last thing I want to do is talk about the fucking scars. I'd rather talk about her.

"How is your throat?" Her eyes dart from my eyes to my lips where she lingers longer than necessary.

I grin and watch a beautiful blush spread over her face. "Perfect. Those mints did wonders. Thank you"

"You're welcome," She says softly.

She turns her face away from me and watches the gulls flying over the sea. "Wouldn't it be amazing to be a bird?" She says with a dreamy look on her face. "To be able to fly?" She tucks a tendril of hair behind her ear and keeps looking at the birds. "Just spread your wings and let the wind take you away." She adds longingly.

The desire in her eyes is so strong, that I'm tempted to invite her to go gliding and let her experience that feeling of freedom. I think she would love it.

What the fuck is wrong with you Grey? You don't go gliding with women! I should just fuck her to get her out of my system. Enthralled I stare at her pink lips and imagine them wrapped around my cock, and my hand tangled in her beautiful brown curls.

When I look back up, I see that she has started walking again. In a few steps, I'm standing beside her.

"Can I join you on your walk?"

"Sure, but I'm going back to my bungalow. I hope my best friend already left for her date." She rolls her eyes and giggles. "I mean there are only a few ways to tell her how great she looks right?"

"I guess so" I shrug.

"How long will you be staying here?" I somehow need to get to know her better. She is a fascinating woman.

"I'm flying back home in a few days," she says looking at the sea again.

"And where is home?"

Her blue eyes meet mine and she smiles. "Home is nowhere actually."

"Nowhere?"

"What is this, the 20 questions game?"

"No, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to make conversation." I feel chastised. And I know that I should say goodbye and run back to my bungalow, but something in me tells me not to. Something tells me to stay with her.

"I'm sorry" she sighs. "I'll make a quick stop in Seattle first, I have to gather some stuff and then I will be flying to Rome."

"Beautiful city, Rome." I muse.

"Yes, it is." She agrees.

"So Seattle? You live there?" I ask hopefully.

"No" Her answer is short and her body tenses slightly. She gives me a sad smile and sighs. "Like I said, home is nowhere."

I want to ask her a million questions, but I don't. I don't think she will appreciate it. And I'm enjoying her company. For the first time in a very long time, I'm enjoying a woman's company.

"We're here," She says suddenly stopping and pointing with her head in the direction of a bungalow.

"Thank you for accompanying me."

"The pleasure was all mine." I take her perfect hand in mine and kiss her knuckles. A current passes through my body the moment I touch her.

"The least I can do is offer you something to drink." She says shyly. I think that my face breaks out in a huge smile because my cheeks actually hurt.

"I guess that's a yes?" she says cocking her head to one side and smiling back.

"Definitely a yes"

The bungalow she is staying in is perfect. It is perched atop the water. It has an infinity soaking tub a hammock on the water and glass bottom floors.

"This is pretty amazing," I say looking at the bottom floors.

"It is" She smiles while she grabs a bottle of champagne. "I love the hammock"

* * *

Two hours later we are sitting on the porch of her bungalow, and even though she is slightly intoxicated she has perfectly avoided all my questions. The urge to kiss her is increasing by the second. I simply can't take my eyes of those perfectly shaped lips.

"Can I kiss you?" I blurt out.

She places her drink on the floor and slides closer. Her hand caresses my face and slowly she leans into me.

When my lips make contact with her perfect lips something triggers in my brain. With my tongue, I gently caress her bottom lip and she grants me access to her warm mouth. She tastes like champagne and sweet…she tastes so fucking sweet. Better than I could have ever imagined.

She breaks the kiss, takes hold of my hand and guides me to a bedroom. She starts undressing, never breaking eye contact.

I take no time to undress. And before I know it I have pinned her to a wall. Her hands above her head. "You are beautiful" I breathe in her ear.

I feel my heart beating furiously against my chest. I have never done anything like this before. Sure I've had one night stands before, but not before I had the woman sign an NDA. There is also never been any emotions involved in those one-night stands. It was just a means to an end. A way to take care of my needs, and to feel normal again. I've always made sure I was the one in control. Then there is Gabrielle with who I have a friend with benefits arrangement. We meet in a hotel, we fuck and we part ways. No fuss, no mess and certainly no emotions, and I am always the one in control. _Always._

But at this very moment, I'm losing control. This woman, with her enchanting blue eyes, her angelic voice and her beautiful face, is turning my world upside down with her soft moans and her perfect kisses. Somehow this girl, whose name I don't even know, is different. She is different from all the others.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask.

She nods her head and for a brief moment she looks scared but that passes as fast as it came. Then she peeks up at me from beneath those long, dark eyelashes and smiles.

"I'm positive."

"What about your friend?"

"Has her own bungalow"

Releasing her, I reach for my pants on the floor and pull a condom out of my wallet. In no time I have the condom wrapped around my cock.

Cupping her perfect butt I lift her off her feet. "Wrap your legs around my waist and put your arms around my neck."

She nods her head and I notice her eyes turning a shade darker blue. My erection is pressing hot and hard against her stomach. I slightly move my hips and pull back for a moment. I feel her nails digging into my shoulders.

"Now" She whispers. "Do it"

The moan that slips out of her lips the moment I slide my dick inside her is a sound I will never forget. And I have never been this turned on in my life. Her eyes flutter shut briefly but open as I stretch her to accommodate my size.

My thrusts are fast and hard, and the smell of her body is fucking addictive. Her fingernails are digging into my skin to the point of painful, her forehead is pressed against mine as our moans fill the bedroom.

"Oh my god, I am going to …"

"I know…" I growl.

Readjusting my hold on her, I slip a hand between our body and press my thumb against her clit. Her cry echoes through the room, but I continue to trust, my pace increasing until I feel her walls clenching on my cock.

"Fuck! Fuck!" I yell as I pound into her. I slide out and thrust again. Over and over and over again, almost mindlessly until I feel her clenching around me for the second time and another orgasm slams through her. And thank fuck because my balls are so tight that I can't hold back any longer.

When I pump one last time, her inner muscles clench me so hard I can barely move. Then I let go, emptying myself inside her. I drop my head forward and lean it against the wall. Her legs are still locked around my waist and I am not sure if I am able to move again. I pull out and carefully lower her and let my cock slip out of her body. Before she can walk away I grab her hand and guide her towards the king size bed. "I am not ready with you yet"

* * *

I wake slowly and reach for the woman beside me as I had two other times last night, but the only thing I feel is cold empty sheets. My eyes snap open and stare at the empty bed. She's gone. I sit up in bed, brush my hands through my hair and look around the bungalow. _Nothing._

Turning my head to look at the empty spot, I find a short note on her pillow.

 _ **Got a call, had to leave earlier. Thank you.**_

That's it? Thank you? Thank you for what? For the nice fuck? For the way, I made her scream? For the countless orgasms?

I crumble the paper in my hands and jump out of bed. It's still dark outside so with a little luck I can sneak back in the bungalow and no one will suspect a fucking thing.

Call my ass. She is probably one of those easy girls who needed a quick fuck. With jerking movements, I quickly pull on my clothes and start walking back to the house. It's then that I realize that she never told me her name. Not even when I was fucking her senseless.

"Sir!" Taylor hurries to meet me when I'm only a few feet away from the bungalow we've rented. "I've been looking everywhere Sir and I couldn't reach you."

I stop dead in my tracks. "Taylor, with all due respect. You are my head of security, not my fucking babysitter. I'm back, safe and sound." _With only a damaged ego._

"Of course Sir."

I try to sneak into the house as silently as possible and hope that I don't encounter a nosy family member. Just when I'm about to reach my bedroom door I hear my mother.

"Christian, there you are! You had us, worried son. Taylor has been looking for you everywhere."

"I'm fine mom" I don't even turn around to look at her hoping that she will let this pass.

"Are you really Christian?"

"Mom, please! I'm not a baby anymore for fuck's sake just get off my back." As soon as the words have left my mouth I regret them. I lean my forehead against the door and close my eyes.

"Mom, I'm sorry," I say after a few moments of silence. But when I turn around my mom is gone.

"Way to go Grey…" I mutter.

Walking into my bedroom I discard all my clothes and throw them in the hamper and jump under the cold shower. All I want is to wash her scent off of me. I need to forget her.

To say that the rest of the week was a major cluster fuck, would be the understatement of the century. Everyone in my family was aware of my foul mood. And no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't forget about that beautiful creature. Her eyes haunted me at night. The sounds of her moans, the way she whispered my name…I have never felt that connection with another human being. And now she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

 **Christian**

"So are you ready for your big party tomorrow?" I can't help the smirk on my face when John's eyes slowly meet mine. Casually I lean back in my chair while he slowly chews on his food.

"Do you need to talk about it, John? How does that make you feel? Are you ready to embrace the fact that you will be turning fifty tomorrow?"

"I didn't know the tables had turned" He deadpans.

"They haven't, but then again, you aren't my psychiatrist anymore, John. We're friends" He nods his head slowly and places his fork at the table. When he still doesn't reply, I add one more jab.

"But I guess that 50 is the new 30, right?"

He slowly shakes his head. "Christian, Christian," He says mockingly. "I wouldn't want to be 30 again if you paid me." I raise my eyebrows, surprised by his admission.

"Sure, I had more energy then, and I could still eat what I wanted without gaining weight. But in my 30's, I was raising 2 kids and I had just opened my practice. Life was hectic. The pleasure was a good night's sleep or hiring a babysitter so that Rhian and I could watch TV or engage in other activities without being disturbed."

I nod my head, realizing he is right about how your focus and priorities change the moment you have kids. Not that I regret ever having adopted my precious girl, but "pleasure" now is definitely different, then pleasure 3 years ago.

"You are still coming, right?"

"Yes, I am. Fee is staying with my parents and Mia."

"How is she?"

"Wonderful," I say smiling. "The other day she mentioned her 'mommy' for the first time" Sadness clenches at my chest when I recall that conversation.

"What happened?"

"I took her to the park and there were other kids playing there with their mommy's. One of the kid's mother was pregnant and that little girl told Fee that her little brother was growing inside her mommy's belly."

"I see. And what did you do?"

"Nothing at first because she didn't ask. But then she started drawing pictures of me, herself and a woman. However, she never draws the woman's face" I clear my throat and take a deep breath. "She asked me if she grew in my tummy."

John chuckles but immediately turns serious again.

"How did you handle that?"

"I told her the truth. I said she grew inside her birthmother's belly and that she then came to live with me. That I adopted her." I brush my hands through my hair. "She seemed happy with that answer and she hasn't brought it up again."

"You did good, Christian. Phoebe is only 3 years old. Even though you used the word 'adoption' she doesn't really know what that means. But you can be sure at one point that she will want to learn more. When she gets older and she asks about her adoption, be honest. Even though if you know that the truth might confuse or hurt her. Just don't lie to her."

"But what do I tell her? I mean, I can't possibly tell her that her mother didn't want to be bothered by her, do I?" I clench my fists and grit my teeth.

"No, you simply tell her that she was given up for adoption because her biological mother was unable to take care of a baby at that time. But tell her that her adoption is permanent and that she doesn't have to worry you will give her up someday. She doesn't need the details of how you came to adopt her."

My mind drifts back to the day I found her and I feel my anger coursing through my veins. How will I ever be able to tell her that her mother just left her? Abandoned her.

He stares at me for a long time. "Don't compare Fee to yourself, Christian. You still have memories of your birth mother. Your daughter was a baby. Barely a few hours old."

"Yes, but you know as well as I do that at a certain point she is going to start asking herself questions. She will feel different. Maybe she'll even feel unloved. Mia and Elliot went through that same phase, and they never knew their biological parents. They were babies when my parents adopted them."

"You will deal with that when the time comes. Just like your parents did, Christian."

"Is there anything else on your mind?" He asks smugly.

"I met someone at the Maldives and I can't seem to get her out of my head, John" His eyebrows shoot up to his receding hairline and he sits straighter in his chair.

"A woman?"

I roll my eyes and flip him the bird. "Of course a woman, John."

"Tell me about her"

"When I first met her I made a complete and utter fool out of myself. Anyway, she is beautiful. But there is something about her like she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. There is this sadness edged into those beautiful eyes…" I gaze down at the linen tablecloth and think back at the few times she smiled. Sure there were a few smiles, but it was like it never really reached her eyes. And when it did, it only lasted a few seconds.

"To make a long story short, we ended having sex in her bungalow and I have never experienced sex like that in my life, John. But when I woke up a few hours later, she was already gone. And the only things she left me was a shitty note."

"What did the note say?"

Without thinking about it I pull the crumpled note out of my wallet and give it to him.

"Interesting," He says and hands me back the note.

"Interesting? Is that the only thing you have to say about this? You are supposed to be my friend, John"

"What do you want me to say, Christian. You've made it very clear that you don't want a relationship. You don't easily trust people, and after what Jessica did, you don't trust women in general."

"Well, it's clear that Jessica used me for her career and my money, John. And that's what I am to most women. A pretty face with a huge bank account"

"You used her too" He shrugs.

"That's different," I say raising my voice.

"Is that so, Christian? You were in a relationship with her for what, one year? You never allowed her to move in with you, you never asked her to marry you. You wanted to use her to create a family. You even admitted to me that you cared for her, but you never said you loved her."

"That's not the point here…"

"That's exactly the point," He says cutting me off. "You both entered that relationship with your own agenda, and I am sorry to tell you, but you came out as the loser in this one."

"I don't want to talk about Jessica."

"Right, we were discussing this mysterious girl at The Maldives," He says thoughtfully. "Can I assume you have confused feelings about this woman?"

"I don't have any fucking feelings, John. I am mad at her. Why the fuck did she leave like that? She even told me that she was going to stay for a few more days on that island."

His phone buzzes against the table. "That's my cue to get going. I have an appointment in fifteen minutes, and I don't want to leave my patient waiting." He grabs his wallet and throws some money on the table. "Let's discuss this next week on our lunch meeting" I nod my head.

"One more question, you never told me how this mysterious woman looked like"

"Long curly brown hair, big blue eyes and petit." I see his eyes widening slightly and then he quickly clears his throat.

"Who knows Christian, maybe you will see her sooner than you think" He winks at me and saunters away. _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

"See you tomorrow, Grey"

* * *

"Congratulations, John" I shake my best friends hand and look around his living room that's filled with people. "How does this make you feel? It is a pretty momentous occasion, I mean you just turned half a century old after all." I smirk when he squeezes my hand a little too hard and then I casually slap his shoulder. "Right, I forgot, you are embracing the fact that you turned fifty"

He mutters something under his breath but it falls away as my eyes are drawn to the other side of the room. It's her! She has her back turned to me and she is talking to Rhian. And even though I can only see her back, I am sure it's her. I will never forget that ass or that hair. She is wearing a short yet simple red dress, paired with a beautiful pair of Louboutin's which makes her legs seem to go on forever.

"What the fuck, John," I ask slowly pulling my gaze from the beautiful brunette.

"Yes, about that. I need to introduce you to someone." He scratches his beard and stares at me sheepishly.

"You knew?"

"No, I suspected when you told me how she looked like." He says looking guilty. "One thing, Christian," He says stopping me. "Don't be your asshole self"

I turn around on my heels and face him. "Forget the introductions, John. I will go meet her myself"

"Christian…" He says in that warning tone.

I don't bother in replying, I just start walking towards the woman who has haunted my dreams for the last month.

Rhian notices me walking towards them and I see her placing her arm on the woman's arm to briefly break off their conversation.

"Christian, it's so lovely you could come" I hear a gasp coming from the woman's mouth, but I ignore her at first and make idle chit-chat with Rhian. I take my time talking to Rhian and completely ignore her. I can feel her, though and I want nothing more than to look into those beautiful eyes again, and at this point, I don't know who I am punishing more, her by ignoring her, or myself.

A waiter approaches Rhian and whispers something into her ear. "I am sorry, Christian, but they need me in the kitchen."

"Of course"

"We'll catch up later!" Rhian gives me her signature smile and walks away.

"So we meet again," I say when I slowly turn around. She is wearing her hair down, her curls framing her perfect face. She looks absolutely breathtaking. Her lips are painted in a blood red and when her tongue darts out to wet them, I can't help but stare.

"We do," She says coolly.

"Christian Grey," I say extending my hand. She looks at my hand for a few seconds and then hesitantly glides her petite hand in mine. And there it is again, that fucking current. Her brows furrow slightly, but she recovers quickly and before I know it that impassive mask has returned on her face. There is no giggle this time and somehow that pisses me off.

"I know who you are." She says confidently.

She knows who I am? How long did she know? "I think you have me at a disadvantage then" I cock my head to the side waiting for her to tell me her name.

She shocks the hell out of me by turning around. She starts to walk away, heading to the makeshift bar.

"A Martini please," She asks the waiter. The young waiter almost does a double take when he takes a good look at her. I see him visibly swallow and his eyes land on her breasts. I will deal with him later.

"Why did you leave?" I ask her walking to where she is standing. I am standing so close to her that I can feel the heat emanating from her body.

"I don't recall promising you my everlasting love," She says looking straight ahead. "I mean, I don't need to educate you on casual sex, right?" What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I want to speak, but she cuts me off with a little wave of her hand.

"Look, it was a mistake. I had too much to drink." She shrugs and that casual lift of her shoulders pisses me off.

"So that's the kind of woman you are, I suppose?"

"You don't know anything about me," She says now turning on her heels, her blue eyes blazing with anger.

"What is it? Did your enormous ego take a hit because I didn't fall on my knees and begged you for your love?"

"I guess I thought you were different, that's all," I say exposing more of my vulnerability than I actually want.

"Your comment just confirmed what I said, you don't know me" Her anger seems to dissipate for a moment, but it is so brief that it takes only seconds before she squares her shoulders and tilts her chin and meets my gaze head on. "A simple thank you would be enough," She says "In the end, I did you a huge favor, you know no awkward morning after and all"

"You can act like this all you want" I lean closer to her, my lips brushing against her hair. I feel her breath catching in her throat and when she takes a step back, I quickly take a step forward and place both of my hands on the bar. "You can act cold, indifferent and like it didn't mean anything to you, but I know better. Do you know how I know?" I don't wait for her answer. "Because your body says differently"

"You don't know me" Her voice isn't nearly as cold as it was a minute ago, and it is merely a whisper.

"You can deny it all you want, but I have it figured out," I say as casually as possible. I brush my finger against her cheek and take a step back. With a little nod of my head, I turn around and start walking away. What the hell did just happened? Why is she acting like that?

I see John standing at the other side of the living room talking to a group of people. I greet them and immediately turn my face to John. "A word, please" I whisper into John's ear.

"Excuse me" John gives the group a polite smile and raises his eyebrow when he looks back at me. "My office and I only have five minutes, Christian" Whatever. I follow him into his office and the moment the door is closed I pounce.

"What the fuck is her problem and who the hell is she?"

"What have you done?"

"Me?" I say angrily pushing my index finger against my chest. "It was her! She has a fucking attitude and she is a cold bitch!"

"Watch your mouth, Christian. She is as much a friend of ours as you are, and as long as you are in my home I expect you to respect her" He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, probably using some stupid technique to calm down.

"Why are you so angry with her?" He says in a much calmer tone.

"She fucking dismissed me, John. She didn't even give me a chance to talk to her. She didn't even tell me her name."

"You like her," He says squinting his eyes. I roll my eyes and throw my arms in the air.

"John, grow the fuck up."

"No, no, I missed it yesterday when you first told me about this mysterious woman, but I think she made such an enormous impression on you, that you really, really like her."

"That's ridiculous" I mutter looking at my shoes.

"Right. So this is what I think happened. You met her a month ago at the Maldives, you were intimate and she somehow managed to make a little dent in that carefully guarded heart of yours. She leaves you with a shitty note," He raises his finger in the air and cocks his head to the side. "Your words not mine. Then your ego gets a big blow, because who in god's name blows off the big Christian Grey? You were angry and decided to forget her, but then you returned back to Seattle and it seemed that she was harder to forget then you originally thought. I want to bet my practice that you returned back to that bungalow or contacted the owner and you probably threatened him when he refused to give you her name." Well shit. I actually send Taylor over to the bungalow, but at this point, I don't think he needs to know all the details.

"You probably called Welch to find out who she was, but there wasn't a lot to find out was there? Because you really didn't know anything about her."

"Something like that…yes" I say clearing my throat.

"You even kept that note she left you and you still carry it with you in your wallet."

"What's your fucking point, John?" I say through gritted teeth.

"I'm not there yet Christian…but first" he says raising his finger at me. "Let me ask you this question. If you were so angry at her, why do all that trouble to find her?"

"Because I wanted to let her know how I felt…that I thought it was classless of her to leave like that." Well, shit! That sounded better in my head. I'm such a fucking wimp!

"I don't understand Christian." He shakes his head and I see the fucker suppressing a smile. "You told me time and time again that sex for you is just that…sex…"

"And it is…"

"Well then maybe you should resign to the fact that it was just sex…maybe…just maybe…she thinks the same about sex…just like you. No attachments, just a means to an end. You know like that lovely relationship you have with Gabrielle"

 _Smug fucker._

"But it wasn't just sex John! It was much more than that!" I yell, standing up from my chair and pacing around in his office. "And she felt it too! She can deny it all she wants, but there was a connection, and I just want to get to know her. It was much more than sex" My voice is merely a whisper when I finish my sentence.

"Ah, there is that word…" he says in his nauseating English accent.

"What word John?"

"More…"

I roll my eyes. "What's her name. Just give me her name" I say clenching my jaw.

"I remember vividly how determined you were after you broke up with Jessica. You told me you were never entering another relationship again." He says deflecting my question.

"Things get messy, you know that. I have a daughter, she is my first priority, I have my family and GEH. I don't have time for a relationship"

"Then why persuade this brunette woman? If it isn't love, than what it is?"

 _And that's the crux of the problem. Why can't I forget about her? What did she do to me?_

"I think I just have to speak to hear once…tell her how I think about her and leave her…just like she left me. But since she doesn't want to speak to me…" I bring both hands to my hair and pull. "You know forget about it."

I see a small smile on his face as he slowly walks to the small desk in the corner of the room and starts rummaging through a stack of magazines.

"You have no idea who she is, do you?" He says briefly looking up from the magazine.

"We are talking in circles here." Dejected I lower my head. "I'm sorry, John, but tell Rhian that I had an emergency call from GEH, I can't stay any longer."

"You really don't know who she is, do you?" He presses on.

"What the fuck do you mean John?"

"Christian" he sighs "She was right under your nose all this time. The beautiful brunette that captured your attention is Anastasia Steele and she is a model. She is on contract by L'oreal. Last year, she came second on the Forbes top-earning models list, estimated to have earned $8 million in one year."

 _What. The. Fuck._

"And how the fuck do you know all this John?" Isn't he supposed to be a boring psychiatrist with no life?

"Ana and Rhian are good friends. They are involved in several charities. And to be honest you have to been living under a rock so not to know her."

"I don't read those stupid magazines, John!" Anastasia Steele is a supermodel. Holy fuck.

Anastasia Steele. She even has a pretty name.

With the magazine still in his hand, he briefly looks at his watch. "I'm sorry Christian, I need to return to my guests."

He stops when he reaches me and taps his finger on the cover of the magazine.

And there she is indeed, Anastasia Steele. Her beautiful face, covering the entire cover of Vogue. Her hair falling in perfect waves framing her beautiful face, her blue eyes looking back at me and her perfect, desirable lips are slightly open. I can barely suppress a groan and snatch the magazine out of his hands. _I'm so keeping this!_

"Feel free to use my laptop" John shouts and then three seconds later I hear the door closing with a soft click. _Fucker._

I don't waste any time. I practically launch myself on his chair and fire up his laptop and drum with my fingers against his perfectly polished wooden desk.

Clicking on the internet tab I type her name and hit enter.

 _Holy. Mother. Of. Shit!_

My eyes scan quickly over the article.

 _Anastasia Rose Steele is one of few highly successful professional models who was not discovered by any scouting agency. She got accepted at Monde Model Management in Los Angeles after someone sent some of her holiday pictures. Quickly after that, she was cast at lingerie giant Victoria's Secret. She became as a Victoria's Secret Angel. Steele's portfolio quickly began to expand, and she appeared in numerous international editions of Vogue and Marie Claire. As a runway model, she has walked the catwalks for designers such as Vera Wang, Giorgio Armani, Valentino, Gucci and many others._

 _Steele continued to build upon her portfolio, doing more print work for Maybelline, for whom she worked as a spokesmodel the same year she appeared in the company's first calendar. She did an ad campaign for Gucci. Steele has also worked for notable fashion brands Bebe, Armani, Versace, and Louis Vuitton. She also appeared on the covers and in the editorials of other fashion magazines such as Elle, GQ, Vogue, V, Esquire. Her April 2010 GQ cover was the highest-selling issue that magazine for the year. It is also one of the biggest selling issues of the publication ever._

 _Anastasia Steele's net worth and salary: Anastasia Steele is an American supermodel who has a net worth $65 million dollars. Anastasia Steele was born on September 10, 1989, Montesano WA. Anastasia Steele owns an apartment in Los Angeles and New York City._

I skip the rest of the four-page long article and click the tab images on the top of my screen.

Christ. There are thousands of photographs from her. What the fuck? In one picture she is standing hugging this male model, her tits pressed against his chest. This is a fucking jeans add, why the hell isn't she wearing a top?

 _She doesn't need to get half naked to promote jeans, does she?_

And then this other one, where she is lying naked on the floor on another male model tugging his boxers down. This is a fucking add for Calving Klein underwear…what's the point in removing said underwear? And she is lying there perfectly comfortable in a skimpy lingerie set. _Unfuckingbelievable._ The more I look at those pictures, the more confused I get. There is this weird sensation taking place in my chest and I don't know whether to punch the screen or skip to the next photograph. Fuck this! She needs to talk to me. She needs to hear me out because I am not letting her get away from me.

 **Anastasia**

I need to have a serious word with Rhian. What the hell was she thinking introducing me to this guy?

What was his name again? Ben, Gent? I keep the practiced fake smile on my face while, whatever his name is, keeps droning on about himself. I see his lips moving, but that's it because I am too busy looking for Christian in the crowd of people that are gathered here together for John's birthday. What the hell am I still doing here? I need to find him. I need to apologize.

When Kent, I believe his name is, brings the champagne glass to his lips, I make grateful use of the silence. I place my empty champagne glass on the tray of a passing waiter and turn my head to look at him.

"It was lovely meeting you, Kent" I give him another smile and nod my head.

"It's Brant," He says with a little chuckle. _Whatever, I don't care I need to find Christian. Loser._

"Okay, Brant. Lovely meeting you, but I need to find Rhian" Before I am able to walk away he takes my hand in his sweaty one and brings my hand to his mouth. I fight the urge to pull my hand away and hope he doesn't make a show out of it.

"Go out with me," He says his lips still lingering over my knuckles. Inwardly I roll my eyes. This time I pull my hand away. "too busy, sorry" Rude I know, but there are more pressing matters right now and Kent, Ben, Gent or whatever his name is, is definitely not one of those matters.

Rhian is nowhere to be seen, but finally, I find John in the hallway. "Ana, you are not leaving are you?" He says briefly looking at his watch.

"No, I…I was just talking to someone…" I shake my head. "Christian, I was talking to Christian Grey and I behaved rather rudely, I wanted to apologize. Do you happen to know where I can find him?"

"In my study, second floor and then the third door on your right." He pauses and sighs. "He is a good guy, Ana. Yes, he has a temper, but his heart is in the right place. Maybe you should give him a chance."

"I know he is a good guy" I admit. "That's why I wanted to apologize"

He smiles brightly and after pointing towards the stairs he walks towards the living area.

"Thank you" I whisper and slowly make my way up the stairs. Why the hell did I react like that? Sure, I never expected him to be here. But I think I was ashamed of what I had done. Because he is right, there was a connection, deeper than I've ever felt. And then I left. I left after the most amazing sex I've ever had. And even though I left because I thought I needed to be in Seattle to feel closer to Phoebe, I only felt more miserable the further away I got from the magical island. I also left because that connection scared me. No man has ever affected me the way Christian Grey has. It's been a month and I haven't been able to forget about him, no matter what I did.

Soon I reach the door to Flynn study and I hesitate before entering. Should I knock? But before I have a chance to think about it any further the door opens and there he is. Christian Grey. He looks absolutely hot wearing a dark grey suit with a white shirt. His face has the perfect amount of stubble and his hair is in a perfect disarray.

"Hi"

"Hey" I giggle when we start speaking at the same time and the smile that forms on his face is simply magnificent.

"Ladies first," He says bowing his head slightly.

"Can we speak in private?" I point to the study and he immediately takes a step backward, opens the door and lets me enter.

"John told me where to find you," I start the moment he closes the door behind him. "I wanted to apologize, and I …"

"Apology accepted. I was completely out of line and I shouldn't have said those things I said to you." He says quickly.

"You were just reacting to my attitude. There was no need for me to react like that, but the point is that you caught me off guard, I didn't know you knew John and Rhian and I never expected you to be here tonight. And to clarify things, I am not a one-night stand girl. In fact, that was the first one night stand I've ever had." I feel myself blush after admitting it.

"And well, I was speaking the truth when I said I was slightly drunk, though"

"And were you speaking the truth when you said it was a mistake?" He asks softly. His hands are in his pockets and even though he is standing up straight looking strong and powerful, I also see a tinge of vulnerability in his gray eyes. It's almost impossible to imagine that this man could be vulnerable in any way. But he is.

"No, I wasn't. Like I said, you caught me off guard and I am really ashamed of leaving the way I did"

"Why did you leave?" the intenseness of those amazing gray eyes is too much, so I lower my eyes and swallow because I am not ready to tell him the real reason why I left.

"I know how lame this is going to sound, but it had nothing to do with you. I was…struggling with some things, personal things, and I just needed to leave." I clear my throat still looking at my feet. "I am telling the truth. I regretted it from the moment I stepped back on that plane back to Seattle"

"You live here then?" I smile a little at the curiosity in his tone.

"Yes, I do. I've always felt drawn to Seattle and every time I visited I stayed with Kate, my best friend. But I really needed a place for myself. I own a house at the Sound"

"At the Sound, you say?" His eyes widen. "Where at the Sound?"

I rattle the address and then he starts chuckling. "You are my new neighbor," He says smiling.

"Oh my God, you are the guy with that humongous gate and the guard?"

"Yes, that's me. I am a very private person." He says turning serious again.

There is a short silence and my eyes are drawn to his finger that is slowly brushing along his lower lip.

"Will you please stop biting that lip?" What? I just stare at him, not really understanding what he is talking about. But then he takes a step forward and brushes with his thumb against my lip. "You have the most amazing lips" He whispers.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you" He continues.

His eyes go from my lips to my eyes, like he is silently asking me if he can kiss me. Then his warm hands cradle my face and he leans closer. I can feel his breath against my lips and then suddenly his lips are brushing against mine.

As he deepens the kiss, I hear a sound but at this point, I just want to get lost in this amazing man.

"Bloody hell, …well this turned better out than I imagined." John is standing in the doorway looking a little flushed, surprised and happy at the same time. "I…I will leave you to at it…I will send up some food and let you two to talk…did you just hear me put the emphasis on talk? Don't do anything I wouldn't do on my desk…or any surface here in my study…"

"John. Get out!" Christian growls, his hands now firmly clasped on my hips.

* * *

A half hour later we are sitting on the floor, the food is long gone, and I don't remember when was the last time I felt this relaxed. I also don't remember the last time I laughed and smiled this much. I am finding out that Christian has the ability to make me feel at ease and comfortable, something I haven't felt in a really long time. And as if it is the most natural thing in the world we are holding hands. It's not even awkward, it feels like my hand belongs in his.

"So, you have already moved in? Because I saw some moving trucks the other day?"

I hesitate for a few seconds but decide to tell him the truth. "I bought this house almost four years ago," I say brushing my fingers over my forehead.

He looks confused and I continue quickly. "When I bought it something happened and I decided to move back to LA. My best friend has been living there for the last three years. They are now remodeling my kitchen and hopefully, they will finish it this week so I won't need to live out of pizza's and takeout food."

"You can come and eat with us," He says " I have a housekeeper who is an amazing cook"

"I wouldn't want to impose. Besides, you must be pretty busy running your own company."

"You wouldn't, also I always come home to have dinner." He squeezes my hand and looks at me pleadingly.

"I can come over tomorrow if you want," I say carefully.

His smile is blinding. "Tomorrow is too far away. Stay with me tonight" He whispers. "Please"

"Okay," The word just slips out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about it. And I have no idea if this is the right thing to do, but for once in my life, I am going to follow my heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

 **Christian**

"You are not leaving anytime soon, are you?" I look down at Ana's flushed face and her swollen lips and lean down and brush my lips against hers. She is gorgeous. A man would have to be blind not to see that. But it is more than that. I felt a pull since the moment I saw her walking to that table with her sunhat and the big sunglasses. We are connected in some way, I am sure of it. And it is more than physical.

"Well, I need to get back to my own house at one point if that's what you mean," She says smiling. If it was for me she wouldn't even leave my house. But I think that saying that at this moment would be coming out too strong. Instead, I swallow my comment and kiss her again.

"That's not what I meant" My hand glides over the swell of her ass over her back until I've reached her face. "I mean, how long are you staying in Seattle?"

"I don't know, to be honest. My assistant deals with the agents and…"

"Wait, assistant, is your assistant a guy?"

She laughs and slowly shakes her head. "No, Hannah is definitely not a guy" Good.

"Anyway," She continues, her fingers slowly brushing over my arm. "Hannah deals with my agents, some shoots are booked months in advance, but sometimes I get a call and I am expected to be at the other side of the planet within the next 48 hours."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Not really" She sighs and her arm falls limp on the sheet covering her stomach. "The opportunity presented itself and I just needed to get out…" She stops herself and gives me a forced smile. "You know, it doesn't matter, I love traveling." I want to ask more. I want to ask her why she needed to get out of there. What is there? Was she in danger? Where were her parents?

"You can always do something else."

"And do what?" She says sharply.

"I was always told that you can do anything you want as long as you set your heart to it"

"It doesn't always work like that" Her mood has shifted in a heartbeat. _What the fuck did I say wrong?_ She moves to sit up, but I gently push her down.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I don't know what I said to upset you, but please don't leave, okay?"

She looks at me, her eyes searching my face whether I am telling the truth.

"Okay," She relaxes and lies back down. "I just don't like to talk about the past. I'm not proud of what I do because I can practically see you thinking"

"What are you talking about?"

"Models have always been stereotyped to have lower intelligence and it's only because of the fact that modeling is the one job where you can have success without any education. We only have to look pretty and wink in time for the camera to catch it." I press my finger against her lips to silence her and slowly shake my head.

"That's not what I am thinking at all." She rolls her eyes and places her hand over mine.

"Listen to me," I say pulling away from my hand and replacing it with my lips. "The woman I spoke to at The Maldives was able to hold her own during our conversation. We talked about politics, science and even world governments. You may not have attended Yale or Harvard but that doesn't make you less intelligent, Anastasia." She blushes and tries to free her face from my grip, but I gently hold her in place.

"Most people find comfort in believing that models are stupid and incapable of anything because it's born out of jealousy. That leads them trying to find fault as most humans tend to do. But I am not one of them. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes"

"Good" I give her my biggest smile and kiss her again. _I can't get enough of those lips!_

I lay back next to her and lean my head on my hand. My other arm is possessively wrapped around her waist.

"Tell me about your job. I read that you weren't discovered like most models are, but were accepted at a Model Agency after someone sent them some of your holiday pictures?"

"You Googled me?" She scrunches her nose and that's the cutest thing I've ever seen. When I don't react because I am too enthralled looking at her perfect face she playfully pokes my chest.

"Hey, wake up! You Googled me?"

"Yes," I explain about my conversation with Flynn and she smiles.

"I haven't Googled you," She says softly. "I found out who you were when I stepped out of the plane here in Seattle last week and saw your face plastered on the Forbes magazine" She turns her head to look at me, her blue eyes dancing with joy. _"Christian Grey, owner and founder of the world's most innovative company"_ She whispers. "I bought the magazine and stared at your pictures for an improper amount of time" She giggles.

Her honesty makes my chest fill with an unnamed emotion, something I haven't felt before. She bought the magazine because she saw my picture on the cover. And she also admitted she ogled my pictures unashamedly _. I fucking like that._

"Did you at least read the article?" I ask with a chuckle.

"I did" She replies immediately. "But I have to admit that I skimmed most of the article, because those pictures were very distracting. You wear a suit perfectly well." She finishes with a whisper as her eyes land on my lips. I want to tell her that she will have all the time in the world to see me wearing a suit, but again I don't want to scare her off.

"We'll talk suits later" I wink. "But I still need to learn about you. Tell me how it was to go from Montesano to LA?"

"I wasn't living in Montesano at that time. I was living with my mother and her third husband in Vegas." She swallows and her eyes get this faraway look. "It was my mother who sent those pictures to the agency. It was a few weeks after high school graduation that I received a phone call if I please wanted to fly to LA the next week. Before I knew it I had left my life in Vegas and was in LA and started modeling full-time. I was a boyfriend-less-straight-A-student who deserted her books to begin a career"

"How was that?"

"I am not going to lie, at first it was exhilarating. I was glad I was able to leave Vegas and well I spent my time traveling to foreign cities on castings. I was on shoots having my hair and makeup done. I was wearing designer clothes and I was told I was beautiful. Sometimes, my model friends and I would be invited to a dinner or a club, everything paid for, we were granted access to the VIP room and we would often meet celebrities like Chris Pine or the entire cast of Superman" She pauses briefly and scowls. "He isn't a very likable person, by the way"

"Who is?"

"Henri Cavil. He is handsome sure, but he knows it. I've met him a few times and he is extremely arrogant" She waves her hand in the air and scrunches her nose.

"Anyway, that first year I worked my ass off. My mother told me repeatedly that the more skilled I got, the better the jobs I would get, meaning more prestige and more money. She only saw dollar signs." From the little, she has told me about her mother, I am slowly putting the pieces of the puzzle together and I don't think I like that woman very much. She continues talking, her eyes no longer searching mine, but strained on the ceiling, while wringing her hands.

"My mom kept telling me that the word "no" is nonexistent in a model's vocabulary. Being difficult means not getting booked, and not getting booked meant no paycheck." Taking a deep breath I see a tear rolling down the side of her face. "I did it all. I did everything they asked me to do. I jumped on trampolines, I sat on a horse even though I was terrified, I lost weight to the point I was only a shadow of the girl I used to be…"

"The hard work probably paid off because before I knew it I was cast as a Victoria Secret Angel."

"Things changed?"

"Yes, they did. The perks of being under contract as a Victoria Secret Angel comes in the form of guaranteed work. At first, I had no real form of job stability. By signing the contract with that model Agency, I had to take every assignment they gave me. What is also a perk is that the Angel contract doesn't accept the undernourished physique that is so common in the high fashion world. So I finally was able to have a normal breakfast instead of lemon-water."

"Please don't tell me you actually drank lemon-water for breakfast" I whisper horrified.

" I did," She says softly.

"But that's not food!" I practically yell at her. She blinks a few times at my outburst and then shrugs.

"You have to understand that I was extremely young, and my mother approved everything at first. She even made sure I didn't eat anything else" She says with a tiny laugh.

When I don't laugh back or even crack a smile, her face goes slack. "I didn't want to go back to Vegas, I didn't have any education and she loved telling me that."

"Wasn't there anyone else who cared?"

"My dad. But he was living in Montesano and he wasn't there to witness how bad it was. He saw the pictures that portrayed me as happy and he assumed it was true. He came to visit me as often as he could but those visits were always short."

"What do you love to have for breakfast?" I say and try to push back the anger I am feeling towards her mother.

"I have yogurt with granola every morning now, but my favorite breakfast is banana pancakes" She bites her lip and I see her blushing.

"I'll make you banana pancakes in the morning"

"Really?" Her face lights up and I can't believe the promise to make her banana pancakes in the morning makes her this happy.

"I Promise. Now sleep" She tenses slightly and looks at me with worried eyes. "I can leave if you want"

"I don't want that. I really don't. Please sleep and don't sneak out on me in the middle of the night" I shift her until her back is pressed against my chest and kiss her bare shoulder.

"I won't leave. I promise" Linking her fingers with mine she sighs.

"Christian?" She whispers and looks over her shoulder.

"Yes,"

"What are we doing?"

"Sleeping?" I answer even though I know exactly what she means.

She squeezes my hand and turns around to face me. "I didn't mean that and you know it." She turns serious. "I was telling you the truth when I said I don't do one-night stands"

"Neither do I," I tell her honestly.

"Please don't hurt me."

"I won't, I promise" Her smile is small and I don't think I have convinced her with my words, but the more reason I have to prove to her that I will do everything in my power not to hurt her.

After a few minutes, I feel her hold on my hand relaxes and her breathing is steady and peaceful, I know she has fallen asleep. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Her start as a model, fleeing from Vegas, her mother and then to the photo's I saw in Flynn's office. There were also dozens of videos of several Victoria Secret Angel's shows. I still haven't watched them and I am not quite sure if I want to see them at all. At this moment, I have no right to say one thing about the assignments she takes on. She's not mine, at least not officially. Because I intend to change that very soon. She was mine from the moment I saw her wearing that sexy as sin dress and that gigantic hat. But thinking about her being splayed across an international magazine for any average asshole to ogle her, well I have serious issues with that. Do I mind her being a model? Absolutely not. Do I mind her modeling in skimpy bikinis or even lingerie? Hell. Yes.

* * *

"Wake up! Christian, wake up!" There is movement and I slowly open my eyes and see Ana standing next to my bed. And she looks mad. Why does she look mad?

"There is someone in your house!" She whispers yells. "A woman! Please don't tell me you are in a relationship! God, I am so stupid!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I sit up and look at the alarm clock! Shit, it's noon! I was supposed to have lunch with Mia, my mom, and Fee today.

"I can clearly hear a woman talking and walking around your home!" She hisses while putting on her underwear. I look at the black lace and feel myself hardening.

"That's my sister and my mother" I raise my eyebrow and she bites her lip.

"Really?"

"Yes," I jump out of bed and I see her eyes darting to my erection. "I'd better go," She says her eyes darting to the doors that lead to the balcony.

"No! No, please don't go…I need you to meet someone. I haven't told you, because well there was no time, but I really want you to meet her"

She looks at me wearily while I am hurryingly putting on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. "Please"

"Meeting your sister and your mother looking like this" She points at her dress lying in a heap on the floor "And like this" She points at her hair "Is not how I want to meet your sister or your mother"

"I don't want you to meet my sister or my mom, well I do, but my sister is here because I was supposed to have lunch with them and my daughter." Her eyes widen in shock and her hand flies to her mouth.

"You have a daughter?"

"I do. And she is the most important person in my life. You see, she is happy and sweet, incredibly funny and I really, really want you to meet her"

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Christian. We just met…"

"And we have something amazing going on, Ana. I know it's early, hell we barely know each other, but you have to admit that we share this deep connection. And I've never felt it with anyone else before. In this short time that I've known you…" I shake my head and try to gather my thoughts.

"Just please, I would really like you to meet my daughter"

"But what is your mother going to think about me? I don't even have clothes" She is starting to panic and gathering her clothes from the floor where we left them yesterday.

"So this is how it feels to do the walk of shame" She mutters.

"We are adults Ana and my mother is going to love you, I promise. Besides, this is all about my daughter. It's really important to me that you meet her"

"Maybe you should prepare her first."

"Stop overthinking things. She is going to love you, they all are, trust me." I grab her face and stare into her eyes. There are so many emotions, but then she closes her eyes briefly and gives me a small smile.

"Okay," She says clearing her throat.

"Go clean up and brush your hair or whatever you want to do," I say pushing her towards the bathroom. "I asked Taylor to buy you some clothes." I point to the chair. "You can wear one of my shirts if that makes you feel better," I say quickly when I see her face turning red from embarrassment.

"Who is Taylor and why did he buy me clothes?"

"Taylor is my CPO and he bought you these clothes because I asked him"

"We'll discuss your CPO and him buying me underwear another time" She holds a white lace bra in the air and raises her eyebrow.

"We will discuss whatever you want, but will you please come down and meet my daughter?" Her eyes wander off to the balcony doors one more and I frown.

"Don't even think about leaving, Ana. Please"

She gives me a small smile and finally nods. "Okay, I'll be downstairs in five minutes," She says standing on her toes and giving me a soft kiss on my lips.

Downstairs my sister, my mother and my little girl are seated in the media room, discussing where they want to have lunch.

"Daddy!" My little girl squeals jumping off the couch and running into my arms.

"Hey Princess" I kiss her soft curls and hug her tiny body against mine "I missed you. Did you have fun with Aunt Mia?"

"Yes"

"Look what Auntie Mia gave me, daddy!" She pushes a stuffed bear in my face and giggles.

"That's nice of Auntie Mia" Fee nods her head and just stares at me expectantly. And suddenly I become a little nervous.

Good. Listen…" I set her down on the floor and grab her tiny hands in mine. "I have a friend that I want you to meet" Her huge, blue eyes stare into mine and there is something so familiar, but it's gone before I can even grasp it.

"You got me a puppy?" She asks hopefully bringing her hands to her chest.

"No, no puppy" I chuckle. "She is a lady friend and I really like her"

"Okay," She nods her head making her curls bounce up and down. "What's her name"

I hear a clearing of a throat and I turn around. Well fuck. Ana is wearing the white button down I was wearing yesterday and the jeans that Taylor brought her. And I've never seen a woman rock a pair of jeans like she does. With no makeup, her hair pulled up on top of her head in a messy bun, she looks breathtaking.

I take a step to the side, but before I can say something, I see them both taking a step forward. They are both staring at each other, silently. Ana's hand slowly goes to her mouth and I am sure I see some tears in her eyes.

But they just keep staring at each other. Mesmerized. Like they have some kind of connection we aren't aware of.

Ana takes a few steps until she is standing in front of Phoebe. She crouches down until she is at her eye level and gives her the sweetest smile.

"Hi, I am Anastasia, but my friends call me Ana. What's your name?"

"You are pwretty" My daughter whispers completely in awe. "And we have the same crazy hair," She says pointing at her curls.

"Thank you. And you are very pretty too! And we do!" Ana laughs softly pointing at her hair. "Makes me crazy sometimes!" She adds. Ana slowly reaches out and takes Phoebe's hand in hers. With her thumbs, she slowly starts brushing over my daughter's little hand.

"But you still haven't told me your name," Ana says cocking her head to the side. "I bet a pretty girl like you must have a very pretty name"

"My name is Phoebe Grace Treve – Trevewlyan Gwrey, but my daddy says that Gwrey is enough." Fee's eyes dart to mine briefly.

"But my daddy calls me Pwrincess or Fee…and my uncle calls me Lil Bee" Fee continues.

Ana is silent for a few seconds and she slowly rises to her feet. Her face looks ashen and the smile that was just on her face vanishes.

"What…what's is her name?" She says looking at me.

"Phoebe…her name is Phoebe Grace Trevelyan Grey, but I always tell her to just say it's Phoebe Grey since it's easier and not so long. We always call her Fee of Princess." I haven't even finished my sentence when I see her swaying on her feet and I am just on time to wrap my arms around her waist before her head hits the floor.

 **Anastasia**

I feel something wet pressing against my forehead and when I manage to open my eyes I am staring into beautiful gray, but very worried eyes. I move my hand to remove the cloth from over my forehead when I feel the bed shifting and strong arms are engulfing my body.

"Thank fuck!" He chants over and over again.

"What happened, Ana?" He releases me and gently lays me back into the pillows. "One moment you were fine and then your face, you turned completely white. Was it something I said?" I can't bear the worry and anguish in his eyes. I close my eyes briefly and hate myself for the fact that I am going to lie to him.

"I don't know…I…" I close my eyes but then I'm distracted by a sound at the door. A woman enters the room and gracefully walks towards Christian's bed and smiles at me. She is wearing a cream colored dress and her hair is pulled up in a beautiful chignon. Her eyes are soft and smiling as she approaches me.

"Good afternoon" She smiles. "I am glad you're awake."

"Hello," I extend my hand. "I am Anastasia Steele." She shocks the hell out of me when she ignores my hand and pulls me into a hug.

"I am Grace Grey, Christian's mother, and Fee's grandmother, but please call me Grace." Okay…

I look at Christian, hoping that he is willing to tell me what his mother is doing here.

"You fainted and my mom is a doctor." He shrugs and smiles sheepishly.

"Does this happen to you often?" I look back at Christian's mother who is now seated on the side of the bed.

"No," I say shaking my head. "I remember Christian talking to me but his voice started to fade, and then everything went black"

"Maybe you fainted due to low blood sugar, Christian told me the last time you ate was yesterday."

I just stare at her hoping that my eyes aren't giving anything away because I know that the fact that I fainted wasn't caused due to low blood pressure.

Lovingly she pats my hand. "If it happens often you should contact your doctor." She rises from the bed and looks at me and then to Christian.

"Fee wanted to stay home for lunch and watch a movie instead of going out for lunch and Mia just started on the soup"

"Who's Mia?"

"My annoying sister" Christian growls.

His mother rolls her eyes and looks lovingly down at her son. "We would love if you would join us, Anastasia. I will leave you two alone."

The silence is awkward when she closes the door behind her, leaving Christian and me alone.

"I can't believe I slept this late, I never sleep in and I promised to make you breakfast. We completely skipped breakfast" He rambles and starts running his hands through his hair. "I would love if you stayed for lunch."

"No…I…I already have a lunch appointment" I ramble and crawl out of his bed "I completely forgot about it…you are good at distracting me" I try to make a joke but he isn't buying it.

"You should stay here and have lunch with us, Ana…" I ignore him and start picking my clothes from the floor. God, I could die right now. What is his mother going to think? There is a complete trail of clothes from the door to his bed.

"Fuck you are trembling. Ana, what the fuck happened?" He rips the clothes from my hands and throws them on the bed.

"I don't know, okay? I just need to get home. Kate hates tardiness…I'll call you later, okay?" I feel awful brushing him off like this, but I can't handle it. His daughter's name is Phoebe. My daughter's name is Phoebe. But the only difference is that he gets to hold her every day and I can't. Irrational, yes, but I can't help it. I need to process all of this and I know I can't-do it while having him around me, asking me questions and looking at me like that.

"So this is it? You are going to bolt out of here without an explanation?"

"I gave you an explanation, didn't I?" My reply comes out sharper than I intended, but I need to get away. I take a deep breath and fist my dress in my hand.

"I'm sorry" I breathe "I don't know what happened, but I really need to go. I'll call you later, I promise." I hesitate before I walk to him and kiss his cheek. He doesn't kiss me back, he doesn't even hold me or tries to stop me again. He is just standing there, motionless and expressionless.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

 **Christian**

She left. She fucking left and it has been two hours and I haven't heard anything from her. Why did she leave?

"Don't you think there is something familiar about Anastasia?" I am sitting on the patio with my mother while Mia is playing with Fee in the meadow.

"She is a supermodel, mom. I am sure she looks familiar because you've seen her face on the cover of a magazine."

"Oh, she is?" I nod my head while rising from my seat and make my way to my study. Taking the stack of magazines from my desk I bring them to my mother.

My mother looks long at the photo's and shakes her head. "She is gorgeous in these photographs Christian, however, I think she is even more gorgeous without all these make-up." She taps her nail against the cover and slowly turns her head to look at me.

"But it's not that. It's something else. There is something familiar about that girl." She stares into the distance where Fee is playing catch with Mia. Her giggles sound so carefree and happy. For a few seconds, I forget about Anastasia Steele and her bizarre behavior as I focus on my precious girl.

"Will you stop bouncing your leg up and down, Christian?" My mother places her hand on my knee and raises her eyebrow. I take a deep breath and force myself not to roll my eyes or bark at her. My eyes dart to my phone laying in the table and then back to Fee. _Why hasn't she called? I mean what the fuck? She has finished lunch by now, no?_

"Well, something is clearly bothering you, Christian. Might as well talk about it, because that pout doesn't suit you." I want to yell at her that no, I don't want to talk about anything. I just want to be left alone with my depressing thoughts.

"She promised she would call me and she hasn't" I finally give in after a few minutes of silence.

Slowly, without taking her eyes of Fee my mom nods her head. "Well, entering a relationship when there is a child involved is a lot of responsibility"

I sigh and slump further into the chair, my eyes darting once again to the stupid phone. "We are not in a relationship, I don't even know what it is we have. We barely know each other…I just thought she was different that's all." I mutter. I fucking hate the feelings I am developing for her. I hate that even though I am fucking mad at her, I still worry about her. Something happened. Something provoked that reaction.

"Who is different?" My sister sits down on the chair facing me. My eyes dart to Fee who is now playing in the playhouse Elliot built for her for her second birthday.

"Anastasia" My mother chirps. This time I do roll my eyes. Why can't they just drop the fucking topic? _Oh right, because they are women and telling them to drop a subject is like talking to a brick wall._

"There is something sad about her, don't you think?" Mia reaches for her glass of ice-tea and slowly brings it to her lips.

I shrug, not wanting to be part of this conversation. Where is my dad when I need him?

Mia turns around when Fee calls her to show her something. Enthusiastically my sister gives Fee a thumbs up and turns around again.

"Well, I would love if she would come for dinner next week." My mother says.

"We will see" I mutter.

 **Anastasia**

When I finally enter my home I close the door behind me and slide to the floor. Pulling up my knees I wrap my arms around them and hug them tight against my chest.

I have no clue how long I've been sitting here, but I know that I need someone to talk to. With a trembling hand, I open my clutch and pick out my phone and dial Kate's number.

"Ana! Hey, I was just talking about you and…"

"Can you please come over?"

"Ana, what's wrong? Sweetie, please tell me what happened? Are you hurt?"

"No…no, I'm not hurt, but please."

"Are you home?"

"Yes"

"On my way" the line goes dead and I close my eyes as I remember Christian's face when I stormed out of his room. I didn't even say goodbye to his mother and sister or Fee. _Phoebe._

Precious little Phoebe with her adorable curls, her big blue eyes, and her cute dimples. And her voice, my heart literally skipped a few beats when I heard her sweet voice for the first time. And then I saw her, and I think I must be going crazy because I felt his strong connection. It was so strong and I was pulled towards her. I had to touch her, I had to talk to her. And I can say with absolute certainty that I've never felt this way before. I have been around children on different occasions. A lot of my model-friends have children and somehow, sometimes I just couldn't get out of going to their birthday parties, but I never felt a connection or the urge to hold them or talk to them. But with Phoebe, I had to refrain from hugging her and holding her close to me.

Slowly I feel the anger and frustration building in my body. My clutch that is lying in my lap goes flying through the hallway until it bounces off the wall and falls with a dull thud on the floor. Letting out a blood-curdling scream I throw my phone against the marble floor. The noise of the breaking phone doesn't do anything to ease my anger, it only makes it worse. So I scream until my throat hurts.

The adrenaline and the anger I felt only seconds ago disappear as fast as they came and are quickly replaced by shame and guilt. Leaning my head against my knees I start to cry. I feel like a horrible person. I don't want to feel this way, but there is nothing I can do. I want to push this horrible set of emotions aside and feel happy for him. He has a lovely daughter. Her name is Phoebe. But it's not fair. It's just not fucking fair.

* * *

"How long are you going to lay there?" I sniff and stare into my best friends eyes. Kate smiles at me and brushes her thumb against my cheek wiping a tear away.

"You mean on this cold, hard marble floor? For as long as I have to" Kate smiles and takes my hand in hers.

"Thank you for coming right away"

She nods and brushes a strand of hair out of my face. "Are you ready to talk about it? And will you please explain to me what you are doing wearing a man's shirt?"

I shrug and shift on the floor so that I am facing the ceiling. "It's a long story" I place my hands over my eyes and force the tears back.

"I'm in no hurry. Talk to me, Ana." She coaxes gently.

"I met someone when we were at the Maldives. To make a long story short, I slept with him, and it was amazing, he was amazing. When I woke up that night I decided to fly back to Seattle…I was missing Phoebe. But you already know why I left." I turn my head to look at her to see if she is still listening and for the first time since I left Christian's house I smile. She looks shell-shocked.

"I'm glad I can still shock you"

She rolls her eyes and punches me lightly on my arm. "We will get to that sleeping part later, I want to know why you are so sad, Ana"

"Right. Fast forward a month and we meet again at John's birthday party. I ended up going to his house with him. I woke up this afternoon to the sound of women's voices. I freaked out at first thinking that he was a cheater. I was wrong because that wasn't his wife or girlfriend. It was his mother and sister, and his daughter and his daughter's name is …Phoebe."

"Oh shit, Ana" Her voice breaks and she slides closer to me and pulls me towards her. "I'm so sorry"

"She is beautiful and adorable. She has a head full of brown curls and the sweetest voice." I murmur against her shoulder.

"I feel horrible, Kate. I am so angry with him and he doesn't deserve any of that anger, but I just can't rationalize with the injustice of it all and it makes me want to scream and cry in frustration. It feels like I am turning into a bitter person and I'm jealous."

"You have every right to be angry, Ana."

"But it has been three years, Kate. I should be able to move one and be able to deal with situations like this differently. While I stared into this little girls eyes the only thing I could think was how my daughter would have looked like today. How her voice would have sounded if she would have blue eyes or gray and if she would have looked at me the same way this little girl looks at her father"

"Everyone grieves differently, Ana. You are expected by society to move on and get over it and that will never happen. The pain will probably wane but it will always be there. You moved on with your life, but no one expects you to forget about Phoebe. Phoebe is a part of you" She takes a shuddering breath. "I am so sorry you had to go through this, Ana. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Just stay here with me for a little while longer, okay?" I whisper.

"As long as you want, but can we please move to the living room? My back is killing me"

Kate pulls me up to a standing position and surveys the chaos in the hallway. "You need a new phone," She says staring at the pieces on the floor.

"I'll call Hannah."

"Why don't you take a shower and let me call her. In the meantime, I am going to make us something to eat."

I eye her wearily. She snorts and rolls her eyes. "Did they install the new stove yet?" She says wincing.

"No! They are coming this week. But maybe we can order a pizza"

"I can manage a sandwich, you know! Besides, that little accident was a great opportunity to remodel the kitchen"

* * *

I would be lying if I said the shower made me feel any better, but having Kate here with me means the world. She understands. She has been, next to my father and Hannah the most supportive person. And I don't know what I would do without her. Kate was the one who encouraged me to seek help. She even put her work on hold for six months and moved with me to LA. She was the one who faithfully drove me to my sessions with my psychiatrist twice a week because I wasn't even able to get out of bed most mornings. Without Kate, I wouldn't have had the courage to go to the support group, an organization solely dedicated to providing support for those who have lost children, grandchildren or siblings. Not once did she get mad at me or yelled at me when I was being unreasonable and pushing her away. Instead, she cried with me, but most importantly she was there when I needed her the most. She has always been there for me even when most people, stopped calling after the shock wore off. Sometimes she would just stay with me and not say anything, but the fact that she was there with me, didn't make me feel alone.

"Earth to Ana" Kate sing songs and waves her hand in front of my face.

I smile and she rolls her eyes. "Don't need to pretend, Steele. I know you feel like shit"

"What were you doing when I called you"

"I was hanging out with Elliot, I was telling him that I wanted him to meet you"

"You never told me his last name" I take another bite of the peanut butter sandwich and lean my head against the couch.

"His last name is Grey, he owns a construction company here in Seattle"

"Grey?" I shriek.

"Well officially he is Elliot Trevelyan Grey, but somehow he never uses his middle name. Too long, he explained."

I groan and cover my face with my hand.

"What? Oh god, please don't tell me you know him and he is a total douche bag, because I really, really like him"

"Kate, the guy I've been telling you about? The one I met at the Maldives? His name is Christian Grey."

"No! Oh my god, Ana! But that's great! We can double date! Wait a minute…Christian Grey, the billionaire?"

"Kate! Christian and I aren't dating and after the way, I left his house today, it would surprise me if he didn't even want to see me anymore. And yes he is the Christian Grey."

She snorts. "That's ridiculous. He should be grateful to have you. Besides the moment you explain why you left the way you did, he'll understand, and if he doesn't, well then he isn't worthy of you and we will file him under the assholes section"

"He is a good guy" I whisper wistfully. I swallow past the lump building in my throat as images of his face spring to mind before I ran away.

"Do you want me to drive you to his house so you can talk to him?" She offers.

"You don't need to drive me, he is my neighbor" Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline and then she smiles wickedly.

"Even better then, you can walk up there and talk to him, explain"

I shake my head. "His mom and sister are there, they were staying for lunch, besides he is with his daughter. Furthermore, I am not ready to tell him about Phoebe just yet."

"Why not?" She whispers.

I shrug and finger the hem of my shirt. "I guess I'm afraid of his reaction. He is pretty perfect, Kate and I don't want to take the risk in telling him and seeing the pity in his eyes. I don't want pity. And I certainly don't want to hear anything along the lines as everything happens for a reason, or I know how you feel, I want to get to know him a little better before I share Phoebe with him."

"I understand and it's up to you," She says.

 **Christian**

"Uncwle Lelliot! There you are" Fee bounces from the couch and runs directly into my brother's arms. He lifts her up in the air and starts spinning around. I close my eyes in frustration. Fuck I was just going to take her to bed, but now he has her all pumped up and excited.

"Lil Bee! I missed you!" He covers her face with sloppy kisses what makes my daughter squeal in delight.

"Hey bro!" Elliot slumps down on the couch with my daughter still in his arms and places her on his lap so that she is facing him.

"So tell me, Ms. Bee, what did I miss?"

"Well, I was with Auntie Mia and granny and Poppy because daddy had to go to a birthday and then Auntie Mia painted my nails, look" She shows Elliot her orange painted nails proudly.

"Well, that is a very interesting color" He takes her little fingers in his and kisses them.

"Approved, I love the color"

Fee nods approvingly. "In the morning I woke up really early because my eyes weren't sleepy anymore and Poppy took me to IHOP" She whispers the last part and I see my brother stifling a smile.

"He did?" He whispers back.

"Hmm hmm, but don't tell granny because it's a secret"

"My lips are sealed, Lil Bee"

"Good, because we don't want granny to get mad," She says solemnly.

"Nope, we certainly don't want that! Okay, and then what happened?"

"Then granny and Mia took me back to daddy and he told me he had a surprise and then I thought he had bought me a puppy, but it wasn't a puppy…"

"Well fu…darn" Fee nods and looks at me and then back at her uncle.

"Because I really, really want a puppy, Uncle Lelliot"

"Yes, yes, I know you do" Elliot mutters.

"But if it wasn't a puppy what was it then?"

"A lady friend and her name is Anastasia but she said I can call her Ana, because her friends call her Ana, and daddy calls her Ana too…"

"A lady friend?" Elliot raises his eyebrow and leans back against the couch, his hands firmly holding onto Fee's hands.

"Was she pretty?"

"Yes! Really, really pretty and she has crazy hair too! Oh and she was wearing daddy's clothes"

"Okay, time for bed" I announce before this conversation goes completely out of hand.

"Aw, man!" Elliot wines. "This conversation was just getting interesting. Besides, it has been two days since I saw Ms. Fee and I missed her."

"Give uncle Elliot a kiss, Fee," I say completely ignoring my brother.

"But I really missed uncle Elliot, daddy" She looks up at me, her blue eyes pleading. Stay strong, Grey!

"It's already a half hour past your bedtime, Fee" She pouts and her little shoulders drop.

"You know what, your dad is right, Lil Bee. Sleep is very important. I am going to call you tomorrow and we will talk more, okay?"

"Okay," She wraps her arms around my brothers neck and hugs him tightly.

* * *

"So Ana?"

"Want a beer, Elliot?" I breeze past him to the kitchen and open the refrigerator in the hope he will let this go.

"Yeah sure." He takes a seat in one of the barstools and props his elbows on the counter wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ana, crazy hair, really, really pretty and wearing your clothes. This I have to know. Spill the beans man"

"What do you want me to say? I met her a month ago at the Maldives, we fucked, she left." I shrug and take a long sip of my beer. "We met again at John's birthday party, I brought her home, we fucked again and then she left this afternoon."

Elliot rubs his hand over his stubble and squints his eyes at me. "Okay, so this was a casual fuck, right?" He leans his head to the right awaiting my answer.

"Yep"

"Right"

"What was her last name again?" He takes his phone from his pocket and opens the browser.

"I never told you her last name, asshole. Besides why do you need her last name?"

He shrugs. "I need to check her out,"

"Elliot…"

"What? You make it sound as if she was a casual fuck. So what's the big deal? Come one, man, give me her last name! I want to see if I can tap her."

"No"

"What do you mean, no?"

"Because... just…no"

"No in you don't want to give me her last name, or no, you don't want me to tap her?"

"She is a brunette and she is way out of your league" _And I want her all to myself. That is if she ever calls me back._

He snorts. "I don't care about the color of their hair, man. I do love screamers though. Is she a screamer?" My thoughts drift off to last night when I had her moaning and screaming my name when she came for the third time. My eyes gaze towards my phone and I close my eyes in frustration. Why hasn't she called me yet? She said she was going to call me, she promised me she wasn't running away! I even introduced her to Fee, and I have never done that before. What the fuck was I thinking?

"Waiting for a call, bro?"

"Yes, work" I lie.

"Right" He murmurs.

"So, her last name?"

"Steele" I give in. "You know you are worse than mom sometimes" My brother flips me off, his eyes glued to the screen of his phone.

It takes less than a few seconds when images of Ana pop up on his screen. "Mother of fuck! Is she a model? A Victoria Secret's Model?" He brings the phone closer to his face.

"Christ! Look at those legs and those tits"

"Enough!" I yank the phone from his hands and put it in my back pocket.

"What the fuck! Give me back my phone, Christian!"

"No! And stop looking at her like that…she is not a piece of meat!"

"Says the guy who just told me she was a casual fuck! Give me back my phone! I'm sure the Internet is filled with video's of her" He wiggles his eyebrows in a real Elliot fashion and I resist the urge to hit that grin off his face. But he is right, there are a lot of videos. I just watched them this afternoon and I really don't want to see my brother looking at Ana. Because I didn't know whether to be proud of her or extremely pissed. The thought of calling Barney crossed my mind more than once, maybe he can find a way to pull all those images and videos from the Internet? There has to be a way, right?

"You like her. Just admit that you like her" His tone is changed from whiney and playful to serious.

I start to shake my head and tell him no when he starts speaking again.

"I know you, Christian. The way you are constantly looking at your phone? I'm sure she told you she was going to call you and you are waiting to hear from her. And do you really think I am stupid enough to think she was just a casual fuck to you when you had her in your home and introduced her to Lil Bee? I mean how many times did you have casual sex with that Gabrielle chick? I never heard Lil Bee mentioning her. This Ana girl is more than that."

"She is" I admit after a short silence. "But I don't think she is as invested as I am in this…whatever it is we have, Ell"

"What makes you think that?"

I start telling him from the moment I met her at the Maldives until the moment she ran out this afternoon. She was battling with something and I just can't figure out what.

"It was weird though because at first she seemed enthralled with Fee. She started talking to her and I could see there was this weird, instant connection, but then everything went to shit. She fainted and five minutes after she had woken up she was gone. She promised to call…"

"Call her," Her says. "Or better yet, drive to her house and ask her face to face. I'll stay here with Fee."

"I don't know, Ell…"

"Call her" He insists.

Deep down, I know I shouldn't. I just shouldn't call her. My brother shoves my phone closer to me. "Do it. Call her"

Before I know it, I have the phone pressed against my ear and then I get her fucking voice mail. Red. I see fucking red. _How dare she?_

"Anastasia, it's me, Christian! Where the fuck are you? And why the fuck haven't you called? You promised you would call me and it has been fucking hours since you left! You know what? Fuck it!" Angrily I press the end button and stare at my brother's shocked expression.

He starts clapping slowly and shaking his head. "Well, that went well. And you didn't even use the word fuck…not one time. She is going to be impressed with your vocabulary, dude."

"What the hell was I supposed to do, Elliot! Apparently, she doesn't want to talk to me or she would have picked up the phone!" I bellow.

"Or she is taking a shower or doing something else"

I brace my hands against the kitchen counter and hang my head in defeat. "I fucked up"

"Yep, because that was not smooth, man."

"Well thank you for making me feel better, dickhead! This is all your fault!"

He rolls his eyes and flips me off. "Ask Taylor to drive you to her house. You know where she lives right? Because you've probably asked Welch to do several background checks?"

"I haven't and I don't need to ask Taylor to drive me, she lives next door."

"Next door you say?"

I roll my eyes. "She is my neighbor"

"Then what the hell are you waiting for man! Go! Grovel or do whatever you have to do! Get that girl back!"

I am almost outside of the door when I turn around and pin him with a stare. "Don't wake up Fee" His grin doesn't make me feel better, but I decide to go and talk to Ana anyway.

 **Anastasia**

"Don't you just love it when he climbs up that fire escape, holding those flowers and they meet in the middle?" I roll my eyes at Kate's dramatic sigh. She has seen Pretty Woman so many times that I don't know how she is even affected by it anymore.

"Lovely," I say dryly earning me a glare from my best friend.

"Just admit it, Ana. They are so perfect together." With a dorky smile on her face, she rises from the couch and stretches.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?" She says and walks towards the window that overlooks the front yard and the driveway.

"I would love to"

She nods but her eyes are pinned on something outside. "Shit. Tell me I am dreaming, Ana! Give me my glasses!" She extends her arm, opening and closing her hand, but her eyes never leave my front yard.

"Why do you need your glasses?"

"Just stop asking questions, Ana and give me my glasses" She hisses and presses her face against the window. "Did you hire a gardener or something?"

"What? No! My dad…"

"Look! Oh my god. Who's that?" A weird feeling settles into my stomach as I approach the window.

"That's Christian" I whisper.

"Damn, Steele! He is even hotter in person! And look how that shirt is stretching against his body!"

"He looks mad"

"He does" She admits while she bites her thumbnail.

"Do you want me to open the door?" She turns around her hands on my shoulders.

"No, he won't hurt me, he is probably pissed because I told him I was going to call him"

She turns around to the window and turns back to look at me. "You've got this, Steele"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

 **Anastasia**

"I'll be in the shower. Holler if you need me" Kate walks away after squeezing my shoulders and I take a deep breath when I see Christian stomping over the driveway towards my front door.

Slowly I make my way to the hallway and swing the door open. With an irritated gesture, he takes off his sunglasses, and I see different emotions passing through his eyes, anger, hurt and embarrassment when his eyes lock with mine. Wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, he looks amazingly hot.

"Hi"

His eyes rake over my body briefly until his gaze meets mine. His hands are crossed in front of his chest and he opens and closes his mouth several times before he finally starts talking.

"You were going to call and you didn't, why haven't you called, Anastasia?" His voice sounds cold and accusatory. "I thought we agreed that we had something…special, a connection. But this is the second time you've run out on me."

"I told you…"

"I even let you meet my daughter and I've never done that before." He says pinning me down with those intense eyes.

"She couldn't stop talking about you" He continues. I feel a small smile forming on my lips. "But I want to make one thing perfectly clear. We are a package deal. My daughter and I come as a package deal, and if you think you can't deal with that…" The unspoken words hang heavy in the air as he keeps looking at me.

"She is the most important person in my life and her happiness comes before mine. Always"

I nod and wait to see if he has more to say to me. "Are you finished?" I ask slowly.

He furrows his brow and sighs. "One thing, I called you about twenty minutes ago and I want to ask you not to listen to the voicemail. It was…" He closes his eyes and shifts on his feet. "Let's say I reacted very primarily. Not one of my best moments." He mutters the last part.

"Okay"

"I'm done now"

"Please come in then" I take a step back and open the door further and I see his eyes immediately looking down at my broken phone and my bag that are still on the floor.

"I wasn't able to call you, my phone…It slipped from my fingers and it fell and it broke as you can see…I've already called my assistant and I'm waiting for a new phone to be delivered. It can be here any minute now. But I was going to call you" I ramble as I pick up the phone and place it on the table in the hallway.

He nods stiffly and follows me to the kitchen where he looks around. He has his hands still in his pockets.

"Please have a seat" I point to the barstool. "Would you like some wine or maybe something else?"

"Wine is good."

I nod stiffly and try to smile but it falters when I see the blank expression on his face. He's hurt, and angry and disappointed, and rightfully so.

"Would you like red or white wine? Normally I would offer you something to eat, but my stove isn't working yet. Kate and I decided to order some pizza, you can stay if you want." I have my back turned towards him and even from this distance, I can hear the sharp intake of his breath.

"I didn't come here for the wine or the fucking food, Anastasia. So stop stalling and tell me why the fuck you ran away like you did"

I stay frozen holding the refrigerator door in my hands and mindlessly decide to grab the white bottle of wine. Robotically I take two glasses from the cupboard and turn around to face him.

"Is it about Fee? Did it scare you that I have a daughter? Because she is the most precious and sweetest girl you will ever meet. She is caring and funny and loves to have tea parties with her bears and me and everyone who is willing." I swallow when I see the love radiating from his eyes and I don't know whether to cry or smile. "She is smart too, she loves books and she can even write her own name" He continues proudly, his eyes never leaving mine, gauging every expression. I try to keep my face emotionless because I feel the jealousy flaring up again, but decide that I shouldn't blame him for the fact that he has a daughter, and I don't. It does hurt, though.

"She is easy to love," He says now and I see his face softening with every word he says about his little girl. "And I am sure you would love her too if you just gave her the chance"

"It wasn't about her." I feel my voice wavering at the end and finally meet his eyes. "She is lovely and just precious. And I am sure she is easy to love."

"But?" He says leaning his head to one side.

"There are no buts, I…" I take the wine glass to my lips and take a small sip. The whole time I am trying to find a way to tell him how I feel exactly. But there is no way to tell him without disclosing everything I am not ready to.

"You caught me off guard when you told me you had a daughter and I am…" I take a deep breath and look away not wanting to add more lies to this already fucked up mess. "I have trust issues, someone hurt me, badly" I force myself to look back at him and inwardly sigh with relief when I see his features softening, but then there is confusion.

"But that has nothing to do with Fee. You fainted after you met her, and…"

"I know," I say sharply. "But it has nothing to do with Phoebe, but it had everything to do with me. Perhaps a delayed reaction, I don't know. What I do know is that I don't want to discuss this right now, I'm not ready."

"Very well," He says slowly. "And her name is Fee, we barely call her Phoebe" He shrugs and stares at the wine. "We only call her Phoebe when she is in trouble"

"I love the name Phoebe," I say softly. "It's a beautiful name. May I ask why you decided to call her Fee instead of Phoebe?"

"It's a long story and something I don't want to discuss right now." There is this edge in his voice that has the hairs on the back of my neck raising. "I decided to call her Fee because that makes her more mine…" He avoids my eyes and stares at the glass of wine.

 _He calls her Fee because that makes her more his? But that doesn't make sense? Why would he do that?_

"Where is her mother?"

He clenches his jaw. "Gone. Out of the picture. Fee doesn't have a mother, she only has me and my family." His answer is short and clipped with a lot of anger in it, and brooks no argument what so ever. Feeling that discussing Fee's mother is a sensitive topic I decide to drop it.

"So tell me about Phoebe, I mean Fee"

"She makes my days brighter and better. The way she looks at the world with her innocence and open-mindedness Is astounding and I have to admit that I've learned a few things from her these past few years. For example, her imagination is mind-blowing and isn't limited by logic. She doesn't care what's real and if it's in her mind it's possible."

"That so sweet" I whisper. "I mean we adults tend to think things true in order for them to make sense"

Christian nods. "She can ask millions of questions at the same time and run around for hours. I realized that she made me look into the world through fresh eyes. She helps me to notice the small things that make life meaningful, but that we so often overlook or take for granted." He slowly takes a sip of his wine while his eyes are boring into mine. "She is stubborn too, God she is so stubborn" He brushes his hand over his face and chuckles. "She has me wrapped around her little finger and it takes a lot of determination as not to get lost in her cuteness. She is too adorable and I somehow can't be mad at her" As he stares at my marble countertop his eyes change from happy to troubled again.

 **Christian**

"I need to know where we stand, Ana." I slowly lift my head and stare into those sad blue eyes. "I'm not saying we should label this…" I wave my finger between us "Whatever it is we have, but I don't trust easily either. I've been hurt in the past too, but I need to be sure that you are not running out on me again."

"I wasn't running and I was going to call you, but I didn't have a phone and I didn't want to intrude while you were spending time with your family"

She looks so sad. So heartbroken. And I don't know who put the hurt in those beautiful eyes, but when I find out, and I will find out, who did this to her, I will make his or her life impossible.

"Are we good, Ana?"

She nods her head, her bottom lip trembling and I can't take seeing her like this anymore.

"Come here" Turning in the barstool I widen my legs and without hesitation, she walks into my arms and rests her head against my chest.

"Why are you so sad, Ana?" I wrap my arms around her small body and kiss the top of her head.

She shrugs. "Are you hurting? Are you sick?"

She shakes her head no and tightens her hold around my waist. "It hurts here…" detangling herself from me she brings her hand to her heart. "And it's not what you think it is. My heart is just a little bit broken, but I'm working on it and I hope you have the patience to wait until I am ready to tell you"

"Is it another man?"

"No!" She says vehemently.

"Okay, good" I murmur and sigh with relief.

"Are you still mad at me?" With her eyes filled with tears, she looks up at me and again there is something familiar about those eyes, but it is gone before I can grasp it.

"I'm not. Not anymore. But I was, so I really, really need you to promise me that you won't listen to the voicemail I left you"

Her smile is small but still fucking adorable, and I can't help but lean down and kiss the tip of her nose.

"Promise?"

"I promise. I won't listen to your voicemail"

"Perfect" I pull her against my body and just when I'm about to lean down and kiss her, I feel my phone buzzing in my pants. Reluctantly I let her go and panic when I see my brother's name.

"What's wrong?" I bark and tense when I hear Fee crying in the background.

"Nothing is wrong. She had a nightmare and nothing works, I tried everything, I'm sorry man" He sounds defeated and I actually feel bad for him.

"I'm on my way. Be there in 5 minutes" I put the phone back in my pocket.

"Is something wrong?" Ana asks clearly worried.

"That was my brother. Fee, she woke up from a nightmare and my brother can't get her back to sleep"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Poor little girl. Nightmares are awful. But you need to go. She needs her daddy" That sad look is back on her face and I hate it, absolutely hate that I don't know what caused it. An unsettling and unfamiliar feeling nestles in the pit of my stomach and then spreads to my chest. I look down at her and wonder what she has done to me to have such an effect on me. She has me under her spell since the first moment I laid eyes on her. Since the first moment, I locked eyes with her. Just like with Fee, the first moment I saw her lying in that wicker baby basket, I knew she belonged to me. I felt protective and wanted to hurt the person who left her there, abandoned her. I knew Fee was meant for me, it was a connection I couldn't explain. And the same happened with Ana. And to be frank it scares me a little bit because no women have ever made me feel this way. Not even Jessica with who I wanted a baby with.

"Hey, are you all right? It seems like you are miles away" I shake my head and follow her to the front door. She opens the door and takes a step back suddenly looking nervous.

"Can we continue to see each other, Ana?" I take her cold hand in mine and squeeze it gently.

The nerves seem to disappear from her face and the smile I love so much is back on her face.

"Yes. I would love to" Her eyes dart to my mouth and then she surprises me when her arms wrap around the back of my neck and pulls me forward for a kiss. A very sweet, amazing kiss.

"Have lunch with us tomorrow" I whisper against her mouth.

"Okay," She breathes and reluctantly takes a step back.

"Go, your daughter is waiting"

I nod and since I can't resist I lean down and kiss her one more time. "See you tomorrow, beautiful"

The last thing I see when I turn around I a goofy smile on her face while her fingers are brushing over her lips.

* * *

"Daddy! Daddy!" Fee is screaming when I run into the living room. She throws her Sippy cup away, jumps out of Elliot's lap and comes running towards me. I catch her and she immediately wraps her arms around my neck, her warm tiny body pressed against my chest and I feel like shit for leaving her with my brother. I bury my face in her hair and feel myself getting calmer when her heartbeat slows down.

"I'm here, daddy is here, Princess"

She nods against my neck but she continues crying softly. When I shift her in my arms to look at my brother she tightens her hold on my neck.

"I woke up and you were gone" She sniffs. "I couldn't find you, daddy" My heart constricts in my chest and the guilt flares up again. In response, I hold her tighter and kiss her wet cheek.

"I'm not letting you go, Fee. Daddy isn't going anywhere, okay?" I keep talking to her in a soft voice while rubbing her back.

Elliot makes his way towards us and places his big hand on Fee's head. "Are you still mad at me, Lil Fee?"

"No" She squeaks and shakes her head. Slowly she lifts her head and my heart breaks a little when I see her tear stained face and her pouty trembling lips. "I'm sorry I was mean to you, Uncle Lelliot, but I really needed my daddy" She leans in to give him a kiss but immediately wraps her arms around my neck again.

"It's okay, Princess Fee…can I call you tomorrow?" Fee nods her head but remains silent.

"Go and take her to bed, Christian. Call me when she's asleep, okay"

"Thanks, Lelliot" He snorts and lazily saunters away.

"Can I sleep in your bed daddy." Fee's voice is tiny and sweet and it doesn't matter how bad I feel for her right now or how guilty about leaving her while I went away to talk to Ana, I can't give in on this.

"You know what?" I say rubbing her little back soothingly while walking upstairs to her room. "Why don't I come and lay down with you in your princess' bed?"

"Okay," She sighs.

"Do you want me to get Mr. Elephant for you?" I lay her down on her bed and reach for Mr. Elephant that is on the end of her bed.

"Mr. Elephant snores" She mutters but takes him from me and holds the stuffed elephant against her chest. I toe of my shoes and lay beside her.

"Want to talk about your dream, Princes?" I move her crazy hair, as she calls it, out of her face and take her tiny hand in mine.

"No" I don't know if it's because she doesn't remember or that she is overwhelmed by the emotion. Or maybe she simply doesn't want the dream rehashed. I know I didn't.

"You don't remember?" Instead of answering me she moves closer until her head is laying on my chest.

"Okay, why don't we replace that bad dream with happy thoughts?" I whisper and slowly start rubbing her back.

"Okay"

"Remember when we were at the beach and we dug that big hole and told Uncle Elliot to lay in it?"

She giggles softly. "Uh huh and he couldn't get out and then Auntie Mia threw that bucket of water over his head?" We keep talking about that day at the beach and finally, she falls asleep.

* * *

"One more bite, Fee" I point to her plate and purposely avoid her face. I know she is pouting.

"My tummy is really full, daddy" She whines.

"Your tummy can't be full" I mutter, my eyes trained on the newspaper in front of me. "And don't roll your eyes at me, because I know you are" _She is spending too much time with Mia._

"And it is very rude to read at the table" She mutters hard enough for me to hear.

"And it is very rude to disrespect your father like this, Phoebe Grace Grey" Her blue eyes widen in shock because I rarely raise my voice at her, but then she straightens those little shoulders, raises her chin and squeezes Mr. Elephant against her chest.

"Grandma says it's rude to read at the table" Her sweet voice is quivering and the tears are building in her eyes. "And it is not nice to yell" She adds quickly.

I throw the newspaper on the counter and brush my hands through my hair. I count to ten in my head and since this little technique isn't proving helpful is count back from twenty to zero in French. It is in moments like this that I miss a partner and the role she should play. I have never ever regretted adopting Fee, but in moments like this, it feels lonely.

"Three minutes time out, Fee" I lift her out of the chair and it takes everything in me not to hug her and apologize for yelling at her.

I hear her little sniffs as I set her down in the blue chair in the corner of the kitchen. Taking her little chin in my hand I force her to look at me.

"Daddy doesn't approve of your disrespectful behavior, Fee" I take a deep breath when I see the tears falling on her cheeks.

"You have a three minute time out and in that time I want you to think about your behavior. Do you understand?"

She shakes her head. "No"

"What is it that you don't understand?" My patience is wearing thin this morning. First, we had a discussion about her dress. I wanted her to wear jeans and she wanted to wear a dress because it matched with her nails. _She won._

"I don't know what disferectful means" Glad that she has her eyes downcast, I smile.

"Disrespectful means impolite or rude. You were rude to daddy"

"Okay," She whispers.

Those three minutes are somehow the longest minutes of my life. I watch Fee from the breakfast bar, sitting on that wooden blue chair. She is clutching Mr. Elephant against her chest and crying softly.

When the three minutes have finally passed I walk to the naughty chair and crouch in front of her.

"Have you thought about being disrespectful to daddy, Fee?"

My heart breaks when she looks at me with those teary blue eyes and a trembling lip.

"I'm sorry I was disferectful, daddy." She throws herself into my arms and buries her face in my neck.

"I'm sorry too, Fee. It was rude from daddy to read the newspaper while we were having breakfast, and it was rude of me to yell."

I feel her nodding her head against my neck. I walk back to the breakfast bar and place her in her high chair.

"Two more bites and you are finished, okay?"

"My tummy is really full, daddy" She pouts.

"Look if you eat two more bites, I will let you in on a little secret"

"I like secrets" She stuffs a forkful of pancake in her mouth and chews slowly all the time looking up at me expectantly.

"Is it a puppy, daddy? I know the perfect name for a puppy. And I would take really good care of him too"

"It's not a puppy, Fee. Remember the lady friend who was here yesterday?"

"Ana?"

"Yes, Ana. Well, she is coming over this afternoon to have lunch with us. Would you like that?"

"Can we have a pizza-picnic then?" _What the fuck is a pizza-picnic?_

"Because I really don't want to eat broccoli" She pulls a weird face and shudders.

"We are not having broccoli for lunch, Fee"

"Good, because it looks like a tree and it is mushy and green." She crinkles her nose and gives me a big grin.

"Explain to me then. What is a pizza-picnic?"

She claps her hands and squeals. "We need mini pizza's daddy. And I know exactly how to make them!" And why do I have the feeling that this is going to turn out into a huge disaster?

* * *

The moment Ana steps in the room Fee immediately falls silent. Her eyes move to Ana and on the package she is holding in her hands. The air is filled with a weird tension as they just stare at each other. I look at Ana's while she takes a few steps closer to where Fee is standing and different emotions cross her face, but when she finally reaches Fee she crouches down and gives her a bright smile.

"Hi Fee"

"Hi" Fee's answer is raspy and her eyes can't seem to look away.

"I brought you something, I didn't know what your favorite color is, but if you don't like it I can always buy you another one" Ana is rambling and her hands are shaking when she gives Fee the pink wrapped package.

"My favorite color is wellow" Fee says shyly.

"Oh" Ana shoulders slump and Fee seems to notice because she places her little hand on Ana's arm and shrugs. "But I like all the colors of the rainbow…"

"Aren't you going to open it?" I ask curiously as what Ana brought Fee.

Slowly as not to rip the shiny paper Fee opens the gift and frowns. "Thank you, but I don't know what it is"

Ana giggles and takes the gift from her. "It a dream catcher with little lights." Ana holds it up for Fee to see it. "Your daddy told me you had a bad dream yesterday and if you like it you can hang it over your bed and it will chase the bad dreams away." Fee is staring at the dream catcher with the pink and white feathers.

"Do you have one too?" Fee cocks her head to the side.

"Yes, I actually do. Mine is white and my best friend bought it for me."

"Do you have nightmares too?"

Ana hesitates for a moment. "Yes, I do" She whispers.

"I don't like bad dreams" Fee continues and takes the dream catcher from Ana and starts to inspect it closely. "But my daddy always replaces the bad dreams with happy thoughts and I always fall back to sleep and I also have Mr. Elephant who protects me" Ana smiles and nods her head.

"I like your nails" Fee continues and points at Ana's maroon-colored nails.

"Thank you. I like your nails too. I love the color it is bright and happy and it matches your dress perfectly."

"I know," Fee says wisely and briefly looks over her shoulder at me and raises her little eyebrow as if she is silently telling me, I told you so.

"Do you have a Mr. Elephant, Ana?"

Ana laughs throwing her head back. "I don't have a Mr. Elephant, but I have a bear who my dad gave me when I was a little girl."

"What his name?"

"Bear, his name is just bear" I take a step closer to Ana and Fee and focus my eyes on Ana. She is looking at Fee with such an intenseness in her eyes, that it seems as if I am not even in the room. It seems as if she wants to absorb every little detail. She is smiling too, a genuine smile. It reaches her eyes and it makes her even more beautiful than she already is.

"My Auntie Mia painted my nails" Fee continues changing topic. She stares down at her pudgy hands and holds one hand out for Ana to look at. "Auntie Mia is my daddy's little sister. Do you have a sister?"

"No, I don't have any siblings" Ana is still looking at Fee's hand and then slowly takes Fee's hand in hers and starts slowly rubbing her thumb over her knuckles. The gesture is so natural that Fee doesn't even seem to mind.

"Neither do I…" Fee pouts. "But I do have a daddy, do you have a daddy, Ana?"

"Yes," Ana's smile is back. "My daddy's name is Ray and he is the best daddy ever"

"My daddy's name is Christian and he is the bestest daddy in the whole world. I don't have a mommy…do you have a mommy?"

"Okay, lunch is ready" Ana and Fee both snap their heads at me, their curls bouncing on their heads, their eyes, annoyed, as they look at me.

"Come one, Fee," I say pointing at the open doors leading to the backyard. Her annoyance completely forgotten she grabs Ana's hand and leads her towards the door.

 **Anastasia**

The moment I stepped into the room and felt Fee's eyes on me I felt as the walls were closing in on me. Christian was standing close to her, watching the interaction go down. But all the time I needed to remind myself to keep breathing. She is an adorable little girl. And then she smiled and I felt something stir inside of me. It was like as if she glued back a little piece of my heart because of her beautiful and genuine smile

The thought of her smile causing me so much peace is unnerving and blissful at the same time. I have never felt this peaceful since my dad told me about Phoebe's passing. That moment was devastating, heartbreaking, and utterly painful. It was as my breath was taken away from me and could never catch it again. It felt like a panic attack that just didn't want to go away and it felt like my heart was dying as my soul was screaming for her. And it didn't matter what I tried to do, it was like I had completely lost my mind.

No matter how much time passes there will forever be a unfillable void. That hollow place deep inside me that throbs for my little girl is still there. I mean, the intensity of my feelings about her loss have lessened, because I learned to sooth or distract myself. But I am never going to get over losing my Phoebe because that's impossible.

But Fee, a little girl, with not a care in the world, who chatters non-stop, asking me hundreds of questions at the same time, she stirs something inside me that gives me mixed feelings. I feel guilty and terrible being able to find a little piece of comfort and peace just by looking into her amazing eyes and holding her hand and listening to her sweet voice.

The moment Fee states that she doesn't have a mother, Christian rudely interrupts our conversation and ushers us to the backyard.

Fee's annoyance completely disappears when Christian announces that lunch is ready. She squeals, takes hold of my hand and guides me to the backyard.

I'm stunned at the flowers and the roses growing in their garden. We pass a small patio but since I am being pulled further into the yard I need to focus on where I am walking.

"Look! We are having a pizza-picnic!" Fee let's go of my hand and points to a beautiful picnic setting under a huge magnolia tree.

"Oh my God, that's beautiful" I smile when I look down at Fee who is bouncing up and down and clapping her hands.

"I told you, daddy! I told you she would like it!"

"Did you help your daddy?"

"Yes!" She says proudly.

"And there is so much food! Did you help daddy making that?" Her little eyes widen and she looks up at Christian who seems uncomfortable.

"Daddy can only make pancakes and peanut butter sandwiches." She says very matter of fact with a little shake of her head. "We went to the store and bought everything, but that's okay because we have Gail who cooks for us" Her eyes dart to Christian again and then back to me.

"We tried making the pizza's, but it was a disaster!" I giggle at the naughty gleam in her eyes.

"There was flour everywhere!" She waves her hands in the air and giggles.

"Oh, and there is no broccoli," She says now looking serious. "Daddy promised we didn't have to eat broccoli today! But I picked out dessert. Look that's my favorite!" On her knees, she crawls to the plate with desserts and sticks her finger in a chocolate cake.

"Chocolate is my favorite dessert too!"

"Can I sit next to you, Ana? Can I, daddy? Please?"

It is adorable to see Christian interact with his daughter. From the things I've read on the internet, the business world knows him as ruthless, cold and aloof. But what I am witnessing here is completely the opposite.

I force myself to keep watching when Christian drops on his knees and opens his arms. Fee doesn't hesitate one second and runs giggling into his arms and kisses him several times on his cheek. Then she takes his face in her hands and whispers something to him. It hurts to witness the strong bond and the unconditional love between them. But when I force myself to keep looking at them, the hurt is slowly replaced by a peaceful feeling and I can't help the smile forming on my face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**

 **Christian**

"When is Ana coming back?" Fee's breath tickles against my face as she applies some green goo to my face. According to my three-year-old daughter, a face mask is mandatory when we are playing "Spa". Lucky me.

"She will be back in a bit" I answer and open one eye to look at my daughter. I have never seen her acting so carefree and happy with another person that isn't part of my family. But it seems as if Fee has accepted Ana in her heart immediately, and vice versa. Because the ease in which Ana responded to all of Fee's non-stop questions, the way she lovingly filled Fee's plate with food, the way how she helped Fee drink from a grown-ups glass and the way she held her hand while Fee showed her the playhouse, tells me that Ana has also accepted my little girl. For a moment, watching them together, it knocked me completely off balance. Everything I've ever thought and believed about women and myself, my life and Fee's and what I wanted and needed.

She pouts and brushes her curls from her face. "It is taking really long, daddy"

I know. "It was an important phone call" I raise an eyebrow and stare at her.

"But she has gone for so long now" She whines. True. I agree wholeheartedly. I look at my watch and see that she has been gone for 43 whole minutes. Who is she talking to anyway?

"Are you sure she knows where we are sitting, daddy?" Fee keeps glancing at the door while smearing the green face mask over my face.

"I think she can find her way back to the great room don't you think?"

"Uh huh" I see her glancing at the door and then gazes down at me.

"Okay, daddy, you can't talk right now"

"Why?"

She rolls her eyes. "Boys don't understand. Just don't talk until I tell you otherwise"

"I am going to paint your nails now, daddy. I think fuchsia goes well with your t-shirt"

"Is that really necessary, Fee? I have a meeting tomorrow and…"

"Ssssh, daddy!" She admonishes me. "I said no talking!"

 **Anastasia**

The sight that greets me when I enter the great room is something I would have never imagined Christian Grey doing. He is sitting on the couch, while Fee is seated on his lap telling him to be quiet.

Watching Christian I start to think when the last time was I really talked to a man about something meaningful. I can't remember either when was the last time I had fun with a man either. I mean I talk to men, at work. And then there is that guy in LA that works at Starbucks, he always smiles and is friendly and we chat about the weather, but that's it. I don't want to hold his hand and the moment I leave Starbucks I've forgotten about him. But with Christian, it's different. He makes me feel different.

Hesitantly, I take a step into the room. I should leave. I should leave and not break up their perfect bubble they are in right now. Fee is humming something and Christian is still sitting in the same position and he hasn't said one word. However, the idea of going back to my house, where I am greeted with silence is not appealing at all. Can I do this? Can I be what is expected of me? But what does Christian want out of this? What are we? Are we friends, friends with benefits, lovers maybe? Is it fair to drag him into my world? Am I capable of loving this little girl? Yes, the answer is yes, without a doubt. So in a moment of selfishness and weakness, I take a few more steps into the room. Fee's little head pops up, her mouth stretching into a beautiful smile.

"Ana! You're back!" I wince when she jumps on Christian's lap and I hear his disapproving grunt.

"Fee! God-damn-it!"

"Sorry, daddy!" She turns around, climbs on the couch, and pats him on the head.

"Can I paint your nails too, Ana?"

"Fee, it's bedtime" Christian grunts.

"Then I want Ana to read the bedtime story!" She looks up pleadingly at her dad and then she whips her head around and looks at me. Her big blue eyes pleading, my chest tightens and I push back the tears. I nod my head and give her my best smile.

"I would love to read you a story!"

"You don't have to do this, Ana" Rising from the couch Christian turns around and faces me and I can't help but burst out in laughter.

"We are playing Spa" Fee announces and takes Christian's hand and shows me his nails. "Look! Don't you think it's pretty?"

"It is very…pretty" I look from his pink colored nails to his green face and he grins, making the face mask crack.

"You will mess up your nails, daddy! Ana needs to read the story!"

I shrug and give Christian a little smile. "Why don't I read her a bedtime story and you…" I point to his face.

"Are you sure…"

"Positive. But I've never read a little girl a bedtime story before, so you need to teach me." I say giving Fee a smile.

"Yay! I'll teach you, Ana!"

"One story, Fee!" Christian says sternly.

"Okay!" I smile when I see her giving me a little smirk. Does he really think she is going to take him seriously while looking like that?

* * *

I smile when I step into Fee's bedroom. It is huge and girly and decorated in soft pink and gray accents. It's beautiful.

She darts to her nightstand and picks up a book and crawls into her bed. She takes Mr. Elephant in her arms and smiles widely. Something shifts inside of me the moment we lock eyes. He curls, her round face, the wide smile and her big blue eyes, she is simply adorable and sweet.

Toeing of my shoes I lean against the headboard and Fee surprises me when she crawls close against me and places her head on my arm.

I open the book and take a deep breath fighting the emotions.

"Black fish, blue fish, old fish, new fish. This one has a little star. This one has a little car! Say! What a lot of fish there are. Yes. Some are red. And some are blue. Some are old. And some are new. Some are sad. And some are glad."

"Why do you think he is sad?" Fee asks and points at the blue, sad looking fish. She holds Mr. Elephant closer to her chest and sighs.

"I don't know," I say truthfully and stare at the picture of the sad looking fish.

"Are you ever sad?" She asks now.

"I am" I frown. "But I think everyone is sad once in a while don't you think?"

"Yes, I always get sad when daddy makes me eat broccoli" She bites her bottom lip and settles closer to be.

"Do you like broccoli?" Hell no. I don't. It's disgusting. But I sense that it wouldn't be a good idea in telling her that.

"It is very healthy, so that's why your daddy wants you to eat it because he wants you to get big and strong just like he is" She seems to think about this for a moment but end ups crunching her nose and a little shudder leaves her body.

Settling her head against my arm she points at the book.

"Do you want me to continue reading?" I can't help myself and lean down to kiss the top of her head. It is still a little damp from her shower and she smells amazing.

"Yes, please" She shifts again until her head is laying on my chest and her little legs are resting on my thighs. A feeling that I can't even explain into words settles in my chest.

"Ana?"

"Yes, Fee?" I lean down one more time and press my lips against her forehead.

"Do you want to wrap your arm around me and brush your fingers over my back? My daddy always does that?"

"Of course" I place the book next to me and shift so I can wrap my arm around her.

"Like this?" I ask her and I feel a surprising need to impress her.

She nods her head and sighs contently. "You smell like flowers" She whispers.

I smile against her curls and whisper. "And you smell like sunshine"

Lying with Fee in her beautiful Princess bed, surrounded by her stuffed animals and her warm body pressed against mine, I expect to be overwhelmed with feelings of anger, sadness and maybe even guilt. But there is nothing. It is just a beautiful, innocent little girl, who seems to trust me. And I feel nothing but contentment and the overpowering need to keep her safe and happy.

When I am sure she has fallen asleep I manage to unwrap myself from her and slip out of her bed. I put Mr. Elephant next to her and tuck her in. Unable to resist, I brush her curls from her face and kiss her forehead. "Sweet dreams, little Fee"

After making sure she is tucked in and warm for the second time, and that she isn't going to fall off her bed, I make my way downstairs and almost trip when I see the view when I reach the kitchen. Christian has his back to me, his jeans covered ass pushed towards me as he is leaning on his elbows on the kitchen counter. Damn.

"Mom, you know I don't like…" I see his muscles on his back moving against his shirt when he glides a hand through his hair

"Yes…I know…but…" He leans his head down in defeat and sighs. "Mom, I don't like celebrating my birthday" He whines.

There is a very long silence. "Fine, you win." He mutters.

"Yes…I will tell her…I will, mom." I smile when I see Christian looking at the ceiling.

"Yes, Ana is here….no I haven't talked to her yet…well because Fee was here with us, mom," He says sounding annoyed.

"Hmm hmmm." He hums. "Look, mom, tell dad I said hi…yes, love you too. Bye mom"

"For the love of God!" He mutters. "Women!" He throws his phone back on the counter and turns on his heels. His eyebrows disappear into his hairline when he sees me standing there.

"Fuck! You heard that didn't you" He tucks his hands in his pockets and gives me a crooked grin when I slowly nod my head.

"You see, that wasn't meant for women in general, only for my mom"

I slowly cross my hands over my chest and try not to smile at his uneasiness. With a slow shake of his head, he narrows his eyes and strides over to where I'm standing. Before I have the change to know what's happening he crushes his mouth against mine while he steadies me holding my upper arms.

My hands find his hair and I pull him towards me and he deepens the kiss. It feels like this every time he kisses me, every time we touch it gets more passionate and there is an undeniable need to get closer.

"God, I have been wanting to do this since you walked in this afternoon" He leans his forehead against mine and wraps his arms around my body.

"You are beautiful, Ana. Your hair, your skin…it makes the vibrant of your blue eyes stand out. And when you smile..." He shakes his head and smiles. "Every time you smile, I am in serious danger of losing my heart in a way I didn't even think was possible"

He cradles the back of my head with one hand while the other roams over the curve of my ass and continues until his hand is covering my breast. I gasp when he squeezes my now hard nipple. Rubbing his thumb over my nipple he breaks off the kiss and then I feel his teeth lightly scraping down the column of my throat.

"Why don't you like your birthday?" He stills for a moment but ignores my question and he continues kissing my throat and leaves a trail of little kisses across my jaw until he reaches my earlobe and gently bites in it.

We both jump up when my phone starts ringing. "Ignore it" Christian pleads.

"I can't…that's Hannah, I really need to take that. I won't take long" Standing on my toes I kiss his cheek and retrieve my phone from my back pocket.

"Hey Hannah"

"Hey, so the date for this year's Victoria Secret show has been set for November 10, however, they still need to confirm where it is going to take place. Rumors say that it is going to be in China this year." I groan to myself and start pacing around the room. I can feel Christian's eyes on me while he is rummaging through some cabinets in the kitchen.

"Okay what else do you have for me"

"Well, this you aren't going to like…" I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Tell me, Hannah"

"You have been voted number 1 as the "Most Desirable Woman" by readers of a men's lifestyle magazine and you are receiving an award." I can hear in Hannah's voice that there is more and I hold my breath when she continues talking.

"This award show is going to be held in the first week of July at Sony Pictures Studio in LA and it is hosted by Thomas, I am so sorry, Ana"

Nausea is building in my stomach after hearing his name. There is no way I can go up on a stage and take that award from him.

"I want you to do everything in your power to get me out of going to that award show, Hannah. I don't care what you have to do, please. I am not going.

"I know, I'm working on it," She says quietly. "But you know how this works, you are under contract and…"

"I know!" I snap and immediately regret it.

"I'm sorry, Hannah, but I can't go. Please fix it."

"What are the details for next week. You emailed me about that video recording, where is it going to take place?" I change the topic in the hope to forget about that stupid award show.

"It's in LA. There are several recordings. You are still planning on coming this way Wednesday, right?"

"Yes, I will fly to LA this Wednesday. Please arrange the flight and everything else necessary" I look over at Christian and think about the little girl sleeping upstairs. "And I want to be back in Seattle by the weekend." Preferably sooner, but I know that's impossible.

"I don't know, Ana. You and a few other girls are scheduled to record three music videos."

"Three?" Jesus.

"Yes, three performers for this year's Victoria Secrets Show, Ed Sheeran, Niall Horan and Adam Levine want to record the lip sync with some of the models."

"But I'm not even cast for the show yet"

"But you will, and you know it. Ana, I'm sorry, but you have contractual obligations. I know this isn't the right time to discuss this, but your contract ends in six months, you've mentioned retiring before. You have had various offers, maybe it's time to think about what you want to do."

"Email me the flight details" I sigh. "And thank you, Hannah"

"You're welcome, Ana. See you Wednesday."

I don't know how long I've been standing staring at the phone in my hand when I feel Christian's hand on my chin.

"Hey, are you all right?"

"I will be," I say looking at him and forcing a smile. He cocks his head and narrows his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about work" I place my hands on his shoulders and pull him towards me. "I'd rather make out" I try to sound as seductive as possible and even bite my lip in the hope he forgets about the stupid conversation he just overhead. When his eyes darken, I know I've succeeded. Who knew?

I take a step closer and angle my head so that my lips are just beneath his. "Kiss me, Christian"

The warmth of his lips sends little bolts of lightning straight to my stomach.

Slowly, I move my hand to the back of his neck and open my lips further. He begins to move his mouth over mine in a tender way. His hand moves to my hip and he pulls me closer to him until our bodies are flushed against each other.

God, how long had it been since I'd felt this way after a simple kiss?

He breaks off the kiss and his eyes are serious and concerned.

"Ana, we should talk, there is a lot we don't know about each other" True. I think to myself. But at this point, I have no desire to talk.

I put my finger on his lips. "I don't want to talk, I want you to kiss me again because I can't remember when I felt this way after being kissed."

He smiles and lowers his head again and brushes his lips against mine. I taste his lips with my tongue and I am rewarded with a low moan from the back of his throat. I feel myself shaking. I want him so bad.

"You like my kisses?" The pride in his voice is unmistakable. But I am only capable of nodding my head dumbly.

"Bedroom now" He lifts me up effortlessly and carries me to his bedroom, all the way placing little kisses on my face.

"I've been thinking about this all day" He mutters against my throat when we reach his bedroom. Once inside he closes the door with his foot, moves towards his bed and gently lowers me onto my back.

Christian reaches for a remote control that is laying on his nightstand and pushes a few buttons. A few moments later music softly pulses from the hidden speakers. With his eyes focused on me he carelessly drops the remote back on the nightstand and in a fluid motion he takes off his shirt and carelessly drops it to the floor.

 _You make it look like it's magic_

 _'Cause I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you_

 _I'm never confused_

 _Hey, hey_

 _I'm so used to being used_

"Come"

Crawling up to my knees, I move to the edge of the bed. Christian cradles my face in his hands and kisses the tip of my nose. "You smell amazing, Ana" he whispers.

"What about Fee, will we hear her if she wakes up. What if she has another nightmare" I say suddenly remembering Free who is sleeping a few doors down the hallway.

He stills and stares at me for a few moments. "You are amazing, you know that? But I have a baby monitor in each room, and I locked the door."

"Okay" I smile up at him and in that moment we lock eyes something shifts inside of me. This man with those gray eyes, the long eyelashes, and his perfect features is doing something to me. Something I have never felt before.

"You are so fucking beautiful" He whispers bending down and rubs his lips on my throat.

He takes the hem of my shirt in his hands and pulls it off and throws it on the floor. Tenderly he brushes my hair from my face. "I love your hair"

Lowering his mouth to my shoulder he reaches behind me and deftly removes my bra. Both naked from the waist up, Christian wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, our bare chests pressed together.

"I love the way your body feels against mine"

I nod dumbly, speechless as of how his touch makes me feel. I shiver when he moves one hand to my stomach and up to my breast and slowly he starts brushing his thumb across my nipple. It sends tingles all over my body and I arch my back, desperate for more.

"Fuck, Ana…your body is perfection" He murmurs and moves his lips over my skin until he reaches the swell of my breast. He circles my nipple with his tongue before taking it in his mouth and sucks gently. I moan softly and press his head against my body.

I run my hand down the front of his jeans and feel his erection straining against his pants. I need him inside me. I reach for the button of his jeans, but before I can open it, Christian wraps an arm around my back and lays me down on his bed. His arms bracing at my sides and his hips over mine. Then he kisses me again. Automatically I widen my knees and slide my hands down his lower back and bury my face in his neck. Christian slowly starts rocking his hips right where I need it. I dig my heels into the back of his ass and try to get as much friction as possible through the layers of fabric.

"Ana" Christian takes my wrists and pins them next to my head. "If you keep doing that, I am not going to last very long." I blink a few times and look up at his handsome face, my heart starts to beat faster when I take in his full lips.

"I want to take this slow" He places a kiss on my nose. "I want to make love to you" He doesn't wait for my response and kisses his way down until he reaches my belly button. Skillfully he unbuttons my jeans and kisses me just above the lace of my underwear. Slowly he peels my jeans and underwear all the way off and I feel his eyes raking over my body.

Sliding my legs apart, he plants a kiss on my inner thigh and then I feel the tip of his tongue tracing the seam of my sex. My fingers clutch the duvet as he takes slow, deliberate strokes.

He hand finds mine he entwines his fingers and I have never felt more cherished than in this moment.

He keeps swirling the tip of his tongue around my clit and I feel my muscles tightening.

"Christian, please" I moan. And then I feel him sliding one finger inside me and starts moving it in a way that makes my entire body tingle. He slides a second finger in and continues kissing and licking that sensitive spot.

My hand finds his hair and I automatically lift my hips to meet his thrusting fingers and tongue. I feel every muscle in my body tensing when I feel my orgasm building. He keeps moving his fingers in a steady rhythm until I'm hit with one of the most intense orgasms I've ever head, leaving me numb and like a quivering mess.

When I open my eyes again, Christian is hovering over me. "That was…" I am lost for words so I grab his face in my hands and pull him towards me for a kiss. He pulls off his jeans and boxers and stretches out beside me. I run my fingers over his chest, my eyes briefly lingering on the tiny scars.

"Christian, are these…" I am silenced with a kiss on my lips as he cradles the back of my head.

Ending the kiss I look at him and his smile is small and doesn't reach his eyes and then he shakes his head making it clear that he doesn't want to talk about it.

"You said no talking, remember?"

Reaching for the condom, he tears the package open with his teeth and rolls it one, all the time his eyes never leave mine.

In a swift movement he rolls on top of me, I spread my legs and he settles in between them. I love the way the hairs on his legs brush against my skin and I love the feeling of his erection against my stomach. Bending his head, Christian brushing his lips against mine. He starts rotating his hips slowly and I slowly feel him pressing into me. He starts thrusting against me gently, pushing in and out in short, slow movements. The feeling is extraordinary.

"Christ, Ana" He groans. "This feels perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect!"

"Perfect" I whisper. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me.

Christian looks down at me and with a sharp punch of his hips, he slams all the way in.

 _Oh my God!_

Christian stays completely still inside of me. His breathing is heavy and I watch him close his eyes for a moment. When he opens them up, I am surprised to see him grinning.

"Give me a second here, I don't want to embarrass myself."

I can't help but giggle at the sheepish expression on his face, but Christian immediately silences me by kissing me deeply and passionately. He slowly pulls out of me and slowly starts to circle his hip.

"Fuck!" He leans his forehead against mine. "Not going to last long, Ana. Forget slow, this is going to be fast" He locks his jaw, his eyes turn a shade darker, and he pushes off me. His hands grab the back of my thighs, pushes my legs up and spreads them wide. Pulling back he slams forward again.

I'm amazed at the pleasure on his handsome face. He starts to move fast and I don't think I've ever been more turned on in my entire life. He is moaning with every thrust, his eyes shut.

"Touch yourself, Ana!"

I do as I am told and I get even more turned on when I see Christian's body visibly shuddering, the muscles in his neck tightening, and then he throws his head back with a long groan, and it is without a doubt the most sensual thing I've ever seen.

…..

"I want to continue seeing you" Christian brushes his finger over my lips slides it over my chin until he reaches my collarbone.

"I like that too" I whisper surprised at the sudden change of topic.

"You see, Ana. I am a very jealous man and since we've ended up naked together a few times, I want to insist that from now on I'm the only one you are doing that with. I don't share." He says possessively.

"Neither do I"

He shifts his legs and brushes a hand through his hair. I have noticed he does that when he is irritated or nervous. Why is he nervous?

"What I'm asking you…" He frowns and I smile.

"Are you going to make me say it?"

I laugh at his discomfort and slowly nod my head.

"I want you all to myself, I…I…" He lets himself fall back in his pillow and covers his eyes with his hands.

"I know we said we wouldn't label this, that we would wait until we had figured things out, get to know each other better, but I've figured it out. I like you, Ana…a lot. And I want to be able to properly introduce you to my parents this Saturday, on my birthday, which my mother insists on celebrating, as my girlfriend." His face is still covered by his hands and it makes me warm inside that a strong powerful and handsome man such as Christian, is uncomfortable.

"I have figured it out too" I slowly pull his hands from his face and force him to look at me.

"You have?" He says hoarsely, his eyes questioning as he looks at me.

"I would love that because it happens that I like you too, a lot."

"Might as well put that into that Instagram account of yours, spread the word, you are off limits, you are mine." I squeal when he moves and straddles my hips and starts placing little kisses all over my face.

"So your birthday is this Saturday?"

"Yes, so what do you say, you want to meet the rest of the Grey's?"

"I need to go to LA, Christian, but I told Hannah that I wanted to be back by Saturday"

His smile is blinding and I feel my stomach doing these funny flip flops.

"Good, you can use my yet and Sawyer will accompany you. He can drive you to my parent's house the moment you land back in Seattle." I am too stunned to react when he reaches for his phone on his nightstand.

"What time do you have to be in LA?"

"Who is Sawyer?"

"He is a CPO" He looks annoyed. "What time do you have to be in LA, Ana?"

"I don't know, Hannah was going to email me the details. She always makes my travel arrangements too and I don't need a CPO"

His face changes from blissfully happy to outright pissed. With the flick of his wrist, he throws the phone back to his back and brushes both hands through his hair.

I scramble to my knees until I am straddling him, and place my hands on his shoulders.

"You don't understand" He breathes.

"I do, I really do understand, Christian"

"You don't," He says and places his hands on my waist. "When word gets out that we are together, the paps are going to haunt you…I don't want you to get harmed. I want to protect you, Ana"

"I have been dealing with the media for a long time now, Christian. I can handle them, I promise"

"Will you at least take the jet?"

I open my mouth to protest, but he quickly places his finger on my lips. "It would really mean a lot to me" Cradling my face in his hands he brushes his lips over mine. "Please"

"Okay" I give in with a sigh.

He smiles and throws me back on the bed. "You have made me a very happy man, Ana"

"Why?" I brush my hands through his hair and pull his face towards me.

"Because I can get to call you my girlfriend" He winks and kisses me long and deep.

"I want to warn you, though" Giving me one last kiss he shifts until he is laying next to me, leaning his head on his hand.

"You see, I am bound to fuck up. I am stubborn and possessive and I am not really all that great with women" _Say what?_

I cock my eyebrow. "I think you are pretty awesome with women, Grey"

"I am really not," He says looking sheepish. "I've only had one real serious relationship, and later I found out that it wasn't all that serious and definitely not special because I didn't have any qualms about leaving her. And since then…well let's say I don't have a lot of experience"

"I'm sorry, Christian, but what we did in this bed indicates that you have a lot of experience"

"I've been told that a few times" He grins at me and it makes me roll my eyes. I don't like the surge of jealousy that flows through me.

He chuckles and I see the blush creeping from his neck to his face. "I am talking about relationships Ana. The caring for someone part." He shrugs.

"That real relationship you mentioned, is she that one that hurt you?"

"Yes. But the relationship was doomed from the start." He clenches his jaw and I see hurt in his eyes. Deep hurt. What did she do to him?

"I don't want to talk about that, it's in the past" He places his hand on my hips and brushes his nose against mine. "I'd rather focus on you. I don't want to fuck this up, Ana."

"I am not an expert in relationships either" I admit softly and hope that he doesn't press for more.

"I tend to shy away from confrontations and I have difficulty with opening up to people. I am a huge over-thinker, according to my dad I am tremendously stubborn and I've been told I talk in my sleep"

"I can live with that"

"How many serious relationships have you been in, Ana?" _Well shit._

"Two. Like I said, I am not a one-night stand kinda girl. But like you just mentioned, those are in the past"

"I don't like it though," He says staring down at me with furrowed brows. I just raise my eyebrows at him.

"Okay, message received," He says sullenly. "Moving on" Thank God. "For now" He mutters the last part and I ignore him. No need to tread those muddy waters at this point.

"So, tell me, what is it about Fee wanting a puppy?" He groans and moves to lay his head on my stomach, his face looking in my direction.

"Ross, my second in command, had the wonderful idea to bring her puppy to work. Fee was there because sometimes I take her with me. She seems to love it and I do too. I love having her with me, even though I don't get much work done when she is there. Anyway, Ross had just adopted the cute little shit of a dog and she showed Fee." He rolls his eyes and sighs.

"I hoped she would forget eventually, but that girl has the memory of an elephant!"

"And why don't you give her that puppy? I have really fond memories of my dog."

"You had a dog?"

"Yes, when my parents were still together and we lived in Montesano we had a dog, a Labrador named Comet. A pet also instills a sense of responsibility to kids, kids feel comforted"

" I agree, but I don't think Fee is old enough to be a responsible dog owner. She only sees the cuteness. I see the challenge. A puppy needs to be litter trained, dogs lose hair, often come in with wet and muddy paws. I also travel a lot, meaning that I would have to leave the dog in the care of my housekeeper. I want Fee to understand the responsibilities of really taking care of a puppy."

"You sound like a very responsible dad" I try to keep a straight face and not to roll my eyes.

"But?" He says raising his eyebrow.

I shrug. "But a puppy would make her so happy. Just imagine her little face, Christian"

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Like what?" I laugh when he shakes his head and slowly moves to lay on top of me. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

"Baby, the way you just looked at me? With those huge, pleading blue eyes…"

"Just think about it." I kiss him again. "Please" I whisper.

"Okay, okay. I will think about it" I hug him tightly and plant a little kiss in his neck. And because he is the reason for the collywobbles in my stomach, I am going to show him exactly how happy that makes me.

* * *

 **Song in this chapter - Earned it by The Weeknd**


	8. Chapter 8

**Anastasia**

"Mr. Grey," A beautiful brunette flight attendant greets us as we enter Christian's jet.

"Ms. Hammond" Christian greets her with a slight nod of his head and pulls me towards him so that I am standing directly in front of the broad smiling flight attendant

"This is my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele," His eyes are on me as he introduces me and that feeling in my stomach comes back in full force. I am falling and I am falling hard for this man.

"Welcome on board, Ms. Steele. The flight leaves in 15 minutes" She says with a little nod of her head.

Christian drags me to the back of the plane where he opens a door and shows me a bedroom.

"The next time we are on this plane we are going to join the Mile High Club" He winks and chuckles when he looks at my probably stunned expression.

"Have you never…" I point at the bed and back at him.

"Joined the Mile High Club? No never. You are the first girl to set foot on this plane, well except for Fee, my mom and Mia, of course," He says casually looking around in the luxurious bedroom.

This plane. He said on this plane. Surely he's had sex on a plane before. I mean he was in a relationship.

"What is going on in that beautiful head, Anastasia?" Tenderly he brushes my hair behind my ear and smiles.

"You said this plane" I put the emphasis on this and gauge his expression.

Understanding dawns on his face. "I bought this plane 5 years ago, and to clarify your answer…I never had sex on a plane before, Ana. That relationship I told you about, was different. She was too busy building her career and I was…" He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a few calming breaths. "Look, I was with Jessica for one year and she never stayed to spend the night, she didn't particularly care about my family, my business and ultimately I found out she didn't even care about me. I never texted her in the middle of the night, I never had a pizza-picnic with her, I never made her breakfast and if Fee had been in my life back then, I would have never introduced her to her after knowing each other so shortly." He cocks his head to the side and raises his eyebrows.

 _Jessica. The bitch has a name._

"But you on the other hand" He smiles and brushes his thumb across my cheek. "You flipped my world upside down since the moment you shared those mints with me"

I laugh and wrap my arms around his waist. "And then you purposely brushed your fingers against mine" I state.

"Fuck yeah, I did. I was desperate to have a peek at your face and you just wouldn't look at me. And then I just had to touch you."

"Oh, but I had spotted you, all right" I admit.

"You did?"

"Yes. Why do you think I chose the table next to you? I saw you sitting, hunched over those papers and I wanted to run my hands through your hair. You were wearing faded jeans and a dark blue polo and I could see the veins in your arms moving while you were scribbling things down. You were wearing leather flip flops." I sigh "You have amazing feet, Christian. Has anyone told you that before?"

His grin is almost splitting his face in two. "You like my arms huh? And my feet?" He looks down at his expensive shoes and shrugs. "I guess I have sexy feet" We both laugh and I feel that unfamiliar feeling again. I feel tingles all over my body, goose bumps spreading over my arms. He makes me so happy. He makes me forget about my pain. Slowly Christian is mending my heart, and even though there is a spot in my heart that only belongs to Phoebe, I feel my walls crumbling.

His smile slowly fades from his face and before I know what's happening he has me pinned against the wall.

"Have you?"

"Have I what?" I blink my eyes at his sudden change of behavior.

"Are you a member of the Mile High Club?"

I almost snort at the ridiculousness of his question. "No, that would be a first for me too"

"Good" As fast as he had me pinned against the wall he lets go of me.

"Now just to be sure, that Adam Levine is dating one of your model friends, right?"

"Yes"

"And those other two?"

"Well, I have never met Niall Horan before." I shrug. "And as for Ed Sheeran, he is not really my type, Christian" I keep my eyes on him, hoping that he can see I am telling the truth. I don't care about those performers. It's my job.

"Who is your type then?"

"You" I blurt out. "You are definitely my type"

He nods slowly. "But you will only be wearing lingerie…" His eyes dart to the floor and I immediately grasp his chin and force him to look at me.

"I understand how you feel about this, but it's my job. It's like when you go to the office…"

"Only I'm wearing my clothes" He states simply. "And now I will be thousands of miles away from you with the knowledge that you are prancing around in your underwear and there is nothing I can do about it"

"I know," I say letting go of his face. "I am thinking about retiring" I blurt out, suddenly ashamed of my profession. "I'm writing a book, I've actually finished it" I ramble.

I jump up when there is a sharp knock on the door. "Five minutes before take-off, Mr. Grey"

"Make it ten!" Christian yells without moving his eyes from me.

"Christian…"

"It's my plane, my rules. I don't give a shit." He takes a step closer until his body is flush with mine and he cradles my face.

"Don't even think you have to feel ashamed of what you do, Ana. Am I jealous, fuck yes! But that doesn't mean I don't trust you. Granted, after watching some of the videos of the Victoria Secret Show, I didn't know whether to punch the screen or re-watch them again"

"You watched those?" I whisper.

"Yes, multiple times. And my favorite thus far? Is the show in Paris, you were absolutely stunning, glowing, even…"

My breath catches in my throat and I have the feeling as if my heart is going to jump out of my chest.

"Which one? There have been several shows in Paris"

"You were wearing white wings…"

"That's my favorite show too," I say and don't let him finish his sentence.

"Fuck, Ana…you can rock those wings like no other"

"Thank you" I nod my head slowly. And I don't agree with him because of the fact that I opened a segment that year, or because I was allowed to wear those big white wings. It was because during that show I was three and a half months pregnant with Phoebe. And even though it wasn't planned and I hadn't told Thomas at that time, I felt the happiest I ever felt before. To say Thomas didn't share my happiness would be the understatement of the year. I ended up with a bruised face and a broken heart.

"And that same year you wore butterfly wings too, with colored boots and over the knee socks. You took my breath away" He kisses me slowly, our tongues entwining and I feel my heart beat slowing down. I should tell him. I should tell him about Phoebe. I should tell him about Thomas and his despicable reaction to the pregnancy…but this isn't the right time. When will be the right time, though?

"As for that book you have written, will you tell me about it when you get back this Saturday?"

"Okay"

"Good. And as for retiring, that is your decision to make, and yours only. You are smart and strong and you didn't make it this far without a good head on your shoulders. I will support you, no matter what you decide. If you want to continue your modeling career I will accommodate my schedule to yours. Fee and I will be sitting in the front row of every show. If you decide on becoming a writer, I'll help you find the best publishing house in The States."

"But what about Fee? She needs to go to school at some point"

"Fee is still very young, Ana. I will hire her a tutor if I have to. But we will cross that bridge when we get to it."

"Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me. No one has ever done that for me…"

"I'm in this for real, Ana. Besides you deserve only the best."

"Call me the moment you land in LA?"

"I will, I promise,"

"Be careful and don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. I already notified Andrea to put your calls through."

"I gave you Hannah's number, right? If you can't reach me, you can always call her, she is always nearby"

He turns around to walk away and I quickly grab his hand. "Wait! You never told me what you wanted for your birthday"

He smiles shyly down at me. "You want to buy me a present?"

"Of course, it's your birthday"

"I know one thing. I want you to get back home safe."

"See you Saturday, beautiful" After another quick kiss he is gone.

The entire flight to LA I keep thinking about what he said to me. Is he really telling me the truth? Can he really handle his girlfriend being a supermodel? Would he really accommodate his schedule to mine? Drag Free all around to world to be with me? But most importantly, how is he going to react when I tell him about my Phoebe?

* * *

The moment the plane lands in LA I put my phone back on and see three missed phone calls from my mother. There is one from my dad, six from Kate and one text message from Christian. Ignoring the phone calls I open Christian's text message. I give the flight attendant a small smile when she opens the door. I stop on top of the stairs when I see that Christian has attached a video to the message.

Holding tightly on to the phone I sit down on the plane stairs when I see that he send me a video of him and Fee.

"What do I say, daddy? I forgot" Fee whisper-yells.

I hear Christian chuckle "Just say, hi Ana"

"Hi, Ana" She is silent when I see Christian leaning down and whispering something in her ear.

"Oh yes! Now I remember!" Fee grins and I feel myself grinning along with her. God, she is so gorgeous and sweet.

"Ana, daddy says that there is no need to get mad…because…" A little V appears on her forehead and she turns her head to look at Christian. He leans in again and whispers something in her ear again.

"Because he means well…" She smiles again brightly and holds Mr. Elephant up.

"Look Mr. Elephant and I are helping daddy in the office today…and when daddy is finished we are going to eat ice-cream. Do you like ice-cream, Ana?" She stares at the camera and I see her little brows furrowing and she nervously starts chewing her lip.

"This is a video-message Fee. We will send this to Ana and she is able to see it when the jet lands…"

"Oh…okay" She says softly.

"Um, Ana…are you going to be at daddy's birthday? Because Grandma Grace is throwing a really big party, and there are going to be balloons. Oh, and do you want to have a tea party with me when you are back?"

"Okay, I think Ana needs to get to work. Why don't we say goodbye, together?"

"But I want to talk to her, daddy!" She pushes him away and smiles showing me her straight white teeth.

"I know a really cool name for my puppy, Ana… I am going to call her Peaches!" I giggle when I see the annoyed expression on Christian's face when she mentions the puppy.

"Fee, we really need to say goodbye to Ana now. We will call her later, okay?"

"Okay!" I feel the tears building in my eyes and I brush my fingertips across the screen.

They both come into view, both with huge smiles on their faces and looking happy. "Bye Ana!" They both say in unison.

There is a little wink from Christian. "Don't be mad, Ana…daddy means well" The last thing I hear before the screen goes black is Christian's laughter.

I stay seated for a few minutes trying to process what just happened. And what is it that I don't need to get mad about? Deciding to call my mother, dad and Kate when I get home, I lift my head and see Hannah standing next to a black Audi. She is waving her hands in the air while she looks up to a blond, tall guy. He doesn't look affected at all at Hannah's tantrum. He is just looking down at her, with a little smile playing on his lips. This obviously is pissing Hannah off even more because she starts stomping her foot.

And where the hell is my car? Who is that guy? And what is he doing here? Slowly I make my way down the stairs, my eyes pinned on the blonde giant. He is dressed in a black suit, with a crisp white shirt. His hands are clasped behind his back and the moment his eyes meet mine he nods his head. "Ms. Steele"

And then it dawns on me. Christian didn't keep his end of the bargain. This is probably security. I nod my head once, not knowing exactly what to do. It wouldn't be fair for Sawyer to get mad since he is only following his boss orders. And even though I feel a little bit of annoyance towards Christian, I don't think I can get mad at him either. He means well.

"Hey, Hannah" I wrap my arms around my assistant and pull her into a big hug.

"Hey, Ana! You look good. Gosh look at you, you are glowing!" I smile and words get stuck in my throat when I want to tell her that I haven't felt this good in a long time.

"Where is my car, Hannah?"

"You won't believe this! This big buffoon over here…he was waiting when I arrived…someone came and they towed your car, Ana…he muttered something about Mr. Grey, but shit…I'm sorry…" She takes a deep breath her face getting an unhealthy red color.

"I assume Mr. Grey is the tall handsome guy you are dating?" He voice has softened considerately, but I am stunned. How the hell does she know?

"It's all over the internet, Ana. There are pictures of you and Mr. Hottie getting out of his car at the Airport, pinning you against said car and kissing the bejesus out of you"

"Oh God" I groan.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I tried to shut this down, but there is nothing I can do at this point."

"It's okay, Hannah. We will discuss this later." I place my hand on her arm and turn to look at the big buffoon as Hannah addressed him.

"You must be Sawyer, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. I will be your driver for the next few days."

"Where is my car, Sawyer?"

"They brought your car back to your house, Ms. Steele." I pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger and take a deep breath.

"Very well"

"Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey asked to contact him the moment you touched down" _Of course he did._

"How does my schedule looks like?" I look at Hannah who is typing away on her phone while giving Sawyer the evil eye. She is great at multitasking.

Dropping the phone in her bag she looks at me. Every trace of anger has disappeared and she settles into "assistant" mode.

In the meanwhile, I text Christian that I've landed safely and that I will call him when I get home.

His response is immediate.

\- Are you mad?

\- Let me just say we need to have a serious discussion. Ana X

* * *

"It's about time you called me back" My mother sneers through the phone. I lay back on the lounger and stare at the ocean. My thought immediately wanders off to Fee and Christian. I am sure they would love it here. Fee would, I'm sure.

"I just got home, mom. I needed to go through my schedule and…"

"I hope that assistant of yours is working on slamming this ridiculous rumors down, Anastasia. What in the world were you thinking anyway?"

"This isn't a rumor, mom…Christian and I are in a relationship and we knew this could happen, we took a risk and…"

"He has a daughter, Anastasia!" She says cutting me off. "A child! How do you think that is going to help your career! And where is that child's mother? And what is going to be your role in that child's life? Is that mogul expecting you to drop everything and take care of his child?"

"He isn't … he is an amazing father, and you should meet this little girl, mom, she is adorable, gorgeous and the sweetest girl in the world."

There is a short silence and for a moment I think I got through to her and that she is actually listening to me. But then she starts coughing uncontrollably.

"Mom, are you all right? Did you catch a cold? That cough sounds horrible."

There is another pregnant pause and I am almost stunned at the gentle tone of her voice. "It's nothing for you to worry about. I have everything under control"

"Are you sure, because that sounded awful"

"I didn't call you to discuss my health!" I close my eyes and feel the headache building. Tears prickle in my eyes. Why is it always like this? Why can't she be happy for me? Why does she always makes me feel like a total failure, a disappointment?

I swallow a few times and tune out my mother's voice. I can't bear to listen to her anymore.

"Mom, I need to go."

"Don't you dare hang up the phone on me, young lady. I want you to listen to me and listen to me carefully. A child is a liability, Ana. A burden. There is no way you can thrive in your career when you are being held back by a child. Remember that you are nearing the end of your career. In two years you will be 30 years old, do you think that they will want you then?"

"Listen, mom, there was a time when I actually cared about your opinion," I reply gathering all the strength I can muster. "But not anymore. I happen to like Christian very much. He makes me feel safe, he makes me feel wanted, he makes me feel cherished, he makes me feel beautiful. Things that in all these 28 years, you never achieved. As for his daughter. She isn't a nuisance or a burden. She is the most beautiful child I've ever seen. She is sweet and caring and unbelievably funny. Her sweet voice calms me, mom. So I am not letting them go."

"He has got you all tied up in knots, I hear. Well let me tell you something, he is just like any other man, maybe worse…he will love you up and when is tired of you he will drop you and what will happen then, Anastasia?"

I take a deep breath. "I am sick and tired of having to hear your insults and displeasure. I just figured out that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work and no matter what I achieve, it is never going to be good enough for you. So if you decide to call me again, please only do so when you have something nice to say. Bye mom, take care of yourself." I hear her sharp intake of breath but quickly slide my thumb over the end button.

I have no idea how much time has passed but I feel myself getting calmer while looking at pictures of Fee and Christian that I took these last few days I spend with them.

It's weird that even though I have known them for such a short time, I feel a deep connection. I have only been away from them for hours, but I miss them. I can't wait to jump back on the plane and get back in Seattle.

"Ana?"

"Yeah?" I say not looking up from the photo I am staring at. It is a picture from Fee, she is smiling broadly at the camera.

"Mikael has arrived" I nod my head but I can't tear my eyes away from the photo. I don't care that my personal trainer has arrived, I am really not looking forward to that work out he has planned for me and I am definitely not interested in going through my diet for the next months. Nope, I'd rather look at Fee's pictures.

"I'll be there in five minutes" I mutter.

"Are you all right, Ana?" I feel her getting closer and squatting down next to me and then there is a sharp intake of breath. I turn my head to see what she is gasping about, but her eyes are pinned on the phone in my hand.

"That's Fee," I say proudly. "She is Christian's daughter. She is a little ball of sunshine. She is absolutely gorgeous and caring. I hope you can meet her soon. "

"Ana…" Hannah's voice sounds wobbly and when I lower my phone and turn around to look at my assistant I am shocked to see tears in her eyes. Her face is pale and she has her hand in front of her mouth. Her eyes are darting from the phone to me.

"Hannah, are you all right. It looks as if you have seen a ghost."

Her hand that was covering her mouth falls limp on her lap and she frowns. "Ana, that little girl…she looks exactly like you."

"Don't be ridiculous, we only share the same hair…" I lift the phone up and slide to the other picture. It's a photo of Christian and Fee. Christian is blowing little kisses into Fee's neck and even though she has her eyes shut tightly, her smile is contagious.

"Ana, I don't mean to hurt you, sweetie, but just look at her. It's not only her hair…look at her eyes, her smile…"

"Stop it, Hannah! Stop it!" I climb out of the lounger and bring my hands to my head.

"Ana.."

"Hannah. We both know Phoebe is dead. She is dead and not coming back. My mother had her cremated…please…"

"Ana…" I am wrapped in Hannah's embrace and that pain, that horrible, gut-wrenching pain is back in full force.

"I'm sorry" She whispers.

"How old is Fee, Ana?"

"I don't know!" I snap.

"Ana…"

"STOP!" Please, Hannah, stop" I push her away from me and wipe the tears from my face with the back of my hand. _What the hell is she talking about?_

"No more, Hannah. No fucking more." I warn her. She nods her head slowly, her eyes filled with pity. I hate pity!

"Take the rest of the day off, Hannah, I will see you tomorrow morning in the studio and cancel Mikael, I am not in the mood to deal with him right now."

I start pacing the patio and stare at the ocean again. It normally calms me, but now, it's just pissing me off. The ocean and this house remind me of the fact of how lonely I actually feel. How quiet it is. How much I miss Christian and Fee.

My eyes dart to my phone and without giving it another thought I search Christian's name in my contacts and call him.

"Ana?"

"Hi, is this a good time? If you are in a meeting I can call later." I ramble, but immediately feel the anxiety, the hurt, and the shame fall away the moment I hear his voice.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" I lie quickly.

"You sound different," He says slowly.

"Can we Skype? I really missed looking at your beautiful face"

"Um…well I look like shit…my hair is crazy and…"

"I happen to love your crazy hair" The line goes dead and while I am figuring out what the hell happened I hear the familiar Skype tune.

I wipe my hands over my eyes and hope to God that my eyes don't look puffy and red. I accept the call and smile.

"Hi" I bite my lip and stretch out on the lounger.

"Have you been crying?"

"Yes," I, admit slowly.

"What happened?"

"My mom…she saw our pictures and to say she is exceptionally disappointed would be an understatement" I feel sick about lying to him when I see the worry and anger in his eyes.

"I have my PR working on it, Ana…I'm sorry…"

"Why are you sorry?"

He cocks his head to the side. "Because I should have thought about the fucking paps before pushing you against my car and…"

"But I liked it. Or are you ashamed of me?"

He laughs and I can't help but smile at the carefree expression on his handsome face. "Me ashamed of you? Baby, I am the proudest fucker. If it were for me I would release a statement saying that you are mine and only mine" My smile broadens and I feel like an idiot. The butterflies in my stomach are back in full force.

"Do it" I whisper. "Have your PR release a statement that we are in a relationship and I will do the same. They won't stop until we acknowledge it."

"You are willing to tell the world you are with me?" He asks incredulously.

"Of course…why wouldn't I?"

He shrugs and looks down, a lock of hair falls on his forehead and my hands are itching to brush it back.

"Christian? Are you having second thoughts about us?" His head snaps up, his eyes widening.

"No! Fuck no! Jesus, Ana! You have only been away for a few hours and I am already missing you. Hell, I was missing you the moment I stepped out of my plane."

"I miss you too" I shrug. "I miss both of you. It's quiet here…I used to enjoy being by myself, but now…I just want to go home"

"Home? You told me not so long ago "home" was nowhere."

"I know" I admit and feel my heart beating against my rib cage, remembering that moment as if it were yesterday. "And I meant that in that moment… "home" was nowhere, but now…when I am in Seattle and mostly when I am with you there is a sense of peace and belonging." I feel the tears building in my eyes and before I have the change to wipe them away they are falling on my cheeks.

"Ana, please don't cry…please. I…I can't bear to see you like this."

"I'm sorry…it's just been a shitty day" Sniffing I wipe the tears from my face and smile at the phone.

He shakes his head slowly. "That smile probably works on the runway or on other people, but I know you are putting up a brave front. What made you feel like you didn't belong somewhere, Ana?"

The tears are falling again. _Damn him and his sweet words._

"I…I lost someone I loved deeply…" The words get stuck in the back of my throat when I see the expressions on his face. Sympathy, concern, and understanding. I breathe relieved when I don't see pity.

"Who did you lose, Ana. Baby talk to me…" I want to tell him everything. I want to tell him how much I miss my little girl, and that I didn't even get a chance to see her or say goodbye to her. I want to show him the ultrasound pictures. I want to tell him everything, share my pain with him, but something is stopping me.

"That's not a conversation to have while we are miles apart." I look at him begging him with my eyes to drop this and not to push me.

He looks annoyed for a moment and he brushes both hands through his hair. "I don't like it that you are there all by yourself…I can be there in four hours. Do you want me to come?"

"I would love for you to come, but Fee has that neighbors birthday party tomorrow, and she was really excited about it. Besides my schedule is pretty packed."

"I can ask Mia or my mother to take her…"

"You could, but this is her first birthday party she is invited to, and you should be there with her. She needs her daddy"

He nods slowly.

"So how was the ice-cream?"

He groans and slams his head against his desk. "She made me eat blue ice-cream, Ana!"

I laugh throwing my head back. "Was it good?"

Slowly lifting his head he narrows his eyes at me. "It was cookie monster ice-cream, Ana, what do you think?"

I start snorting and giggling and it only gets worse when Christian starts pouting.

"Don't laugh at me, woman"

"I can picture the both of you, eating that ice-cream" He rolls his eyes, but smiles.

"She is so sharp. I was going to order strawberry and vanilla ice-cream and she told me that those were boring and that I really needed to taste the Cookie monster ice-cream. I told her that I didn't like blue ice." He shrugs and grins.

"What did she say?"

"She said: Daddy, you can't say you don't like something when you haven't tasted it." He mimics Fee's voice and I can't stop laughing.

"Well she was right"

"Why doesn't it surprise me that you agree with her?"

"It's only fair, Christian. You make her eat broccoli for god's sake!"

"Broccoli is healthy!" He exclaims.

"Broccoli is disgusting. I hate it."

"You don't like broccoli? Fee hates is."

"I know" I laugh. "She made that very clear. However, I blame my mother for not liking broccoli. She is a horrible cook."

I jump up when I hear a woman's voice coming through Christian's intercom.

"Mr. Grey, your four o'clock appointment is here"

"I need to go, Ana." He says apologetically. "Can I call you later?"

"Yeah, I would love that" I practically melt against my lounger when he blows me a kiss goodbye.

"Oh, and Christian?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Thank you for making me smile" I bring my fingers to my mouth, place a kiss on them and brush them over the screen.

"Anytime, beautiful"

 **Christian**

"Let me get this straight, Christian. You told her yesterday that you are willing to uproot your business, your life, to be with her?"

"Yes, I did, John. Besides, I don't need to uproot my business to be with her. I can work from everywhere." I kick my feet on the table and take a small sip of my wine. I smile when I recognize it as Ana's favorite wine.

"You don't sound very convinced"

I shrug not able to put my feelings into words. "Do you think we are moving too fast, John?"

"You are asking me?" He laughs. "You are the only one who can determine that"

"Let me ask you a question. How do you feel when you are with her?"

"Fantastic. Happy. I can't stop thinking about her when she is here, and I am already thinking about the next time I will see her"

He nods his head thoughtfully. "How is she around Fee"

I snort. "She is kind, loving, caring, funny. Fee adores her. Can't stop talking about her. She even made Gail mark the calendar on the day Ana is coming back."

John smiles.

"She has me tied up in knots, John. I never felt this way before. Ever. I never longed for a woman, I never missed a woman. So yeah, I told her that I would support her whatever her decision was, and I don't regret it."

After checking my phone and seeing I don't have any messages, I relax back on the couch.

"I think I'm falling for her" I check my best friends reaction, but there is none. His face is blank and I don't know what to make of it.

"But I think it's too soon to be falling for her. I mean, I have known her for a short amount of time and I told myself, after she ran away from me the second time, that I would approach this cautiously. And even though in my head it sounds like the right thing to do, it doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I don't seem to have any control over my emotions were Anastasia is concerned." _Fuck! I am not making any fucking sense!_

"But I've never felt this way before. I can't stand the fact that I have no control over my emotions, I mean I was able to turn it off with Jessica."

"Falling in love is extraordinarily powerful, and impossible to resist. You don't have the ability to turn that off. Not even you" John says with a little shrug of his shoulders.

"You didn't feel that way with Jessica because the feelings weren't there. Simple. It's not that you were able to turn those feelings down, they just weren't there."

He crosses his arms over his chest and stares at me pointedly.

"You need to let go of the notion you can actually exercise control over your feelings for Ana. That theory, my friend, is a myth. It is something you concocted in your head. Because let me tell you something, there are studies that show that it takes people three to seven dates to fall in love. I know you didn't ask for my advice, but I am going to give it to you nonetheless, as a friend. Explore this relationship, talk to her, tell her how you feel. Life is too short to hold back."

"We talked today." My mind drifts us to our Skype session and I shift on the couch when I feel my heart beating faster when I saw the tears spilling on her cheeks. She is hurt. She is deeply and irrevocably hurt, and I feel helpless knowing that there is nothing I can do for her.

"When I met her at the Maldives, I asked her where she lived, she replied that home was nowhere. At that time I didn't give it too much thought, I was thinking she was avoiding my questions. Today she admitted that she feels at home here in Seattle, with us, with me.

"How so?"

"Something happened to her, that much I know. Something that had a huge impact on her life, something that hurt her deeply, but she refuses to share it with me. How can I help her, when she isn't letting me in, John?"

"She said…" I clear my throat to push back the lump building in my throat. "She admitted she had lost someone she cared deeply for."

"Give her time" John's face is a blank mask as he stares right back at me.

"You know what happened to her, don't you?"

He nods.

"But you won't tell me?"

He shakes his head. "It's not for me to tell that story. You need to hear it from her."

"Do you at least have any advice for me?"

"You are a smart man, Christian. You will know exactly what to do"

Even though John's words don't do anything too easy the worry, I know that I will take her any way I can. Maybe she will let me in and maybe I can help mend her heart back together.

My phone pings with an incoming message, and my face breaks out into a huge smile when I see I have a text from Ana.

\- Hey handsome. Just wanted to share this with you. Ana XOX

Enclosed there is a picture of us on her Instagram account. It's a selfie Ana took when we were playing with Fee the other day in the meadow.

#Feesdaddy #Mine #Happy #MissingYou


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8**

 **Christian**

Fee is still sniffing when she finally falls asleep and I softly brush my thumb against her cheek to wipe away the tears. Fucking Tommy Birkenhead. I have half a mind to stomp back to their house and kick that snotty brat's ass. Then I am going to kick Mr. Birkenhead's ass too! _Motherfucker!_

Mr. and Mrs. Birkenhead are without a doubt, the phoniest couple I've ever seen. Because while Mrs. Birkenhead spends her time and his money on plastic surgery and fucking their gardener,

Mr. Birkenhead, who is almost 20 years her senior, spends his time playing golf and fucking everything with a hole. Hence why they organized the huge party where they invited everyone in their social circle. The food was ostentatious, not something a four-year-old would like. There were pony rides, clowns, three bouncy houses and a gazillion presents. But that wasn't really for Tommy. That was all for show.

And now this little, neglected brat has hurt my little girl.

The moment I felt her clammy hand in mine and looked down and saw the tears pooling in those baby blue's I knew someone had hurt her.

 _Flashback_

" _What's wrong?" I squat down and take her other hand in mine too and squeeze it gently._

" _My tummy hurts." She says and her bottom lip is trembling. "I think I want to go home"_

 _She has Mr. Elephant pressed tightly against her chest and staring at her shoes._

" _But I don't understand, Fee. You were looking forward to this party, and you were looking forward in wearing this beautiful Cinderella dress" I look back at the group of kids she was just playing with and then back at my daughter._

" _I just want to go home, please daddy"_

" _Did they say something to you? Did they hurt you, Fee" I scan her body for bruises but can find anything, but the moment she holds back a sob, I lift her up in my arms, cradle the back of her head and get the fuck out of there._

 _She holds on to me the drive home, refuses to sit in her car seat, and refuses to tell me what happened._

 _When we enter the hallway her body tenses and she starts crying uncontrollably. Rubbing her back soothingly I walk to the refrigerator and pull out a bottle of water, place my daughter on the counter and try to make her drink. She pushes the bottle away with an angry little growl and pushes her face into my chest. Her little hands gripping tightly onto the lapels of my jacket._

" _Fee, will you please tell me what happened or I won't be able to fix this, please don't cry"_

" _You…can't…fix…it…" She sobs. "You…c-can't"_

" _I am a daddy, remember? Daddy's can fix everything!" Holding on to her little shoulders, I carefully pull her body away from me and place my hand under her trembling chin. Her tear stained face is breaking my heart._

" _Talk to daddy, Fee" I urge her gently._

 _While the sobs are raking her body she wipes the tears away with the back of her hand and looks up at me._

" _They…they…were mean…" Her eyes dart away while she stares at Mr. Elephant on the counter._

" _They said…I was…weird because…I didn't have a…mommy" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

" _And then I told them…I told them I had the bestest…daddy in the whole world, but they said it wasn't the same…because everyone has a mommy…"_

" _How did this came up? Why did they do this?"_

" _They asked me where my mommy and daddy were and I said I didn't have a mommy"_

" _Fee…"_

" _Why don't I have a mommy, daddy?" Her whisper is barely audible, but it is like she just screamed it out. I don't want to see my daughter this sad and this heartbroken. I want to protect her from all the bad Tommy's in the world. But I come up blank, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this for her. Because she is right. I. can't. fix. this._

 _I can't tell her that she has a poor excuse for a mother either. I can't tell her that her mother didn't want her. I can't tell her that her mother abandoned her and gave her away. I can't tell her that her mother didn't fight for her. I can't. tell. Her. She is too small, she won't understand. No matter how loved she is, she will always doubt herself. She won't feel worthy. She won't feel loved, because if your birthmother doesn't love you…who does?_

 _I will protect my daughter from the truth as long as I can._

 _End flashback_

Entering my study I slam the door behind me and stride towards the wet bar and grab the bottle of whiskey. Not even bothering with a glass I drink it straight from the bottle. My phone in my pocket starts buzzing, but I ignore it. I'd rather concentrate on my loss of control and the hurt I am feeling this moment.

I have no idea how long I have been sitting here, but what I do know is that the world seems different. I feel a lot calmer…

"Christian?" Slowly turning around in my chair, I blink my eyes twice. Is that Ana? She can't be can she? Wasn't she still in LA? She is smiling, and she looks extraordinarily beautiful in a very short white summer dress that accentuates her perfect body. With her sunglasses perched on top of her curls, she looks as if she just walked out of the runway. I furrow my brow and jealousy shoots through me like toxic. _Who has seen her like that?_

"Surprise!" She sing-songs and smiles brightly. Normally that smile does it to me, but now I can only think about my sweet three-year-old daughter, whose heart was broken by a four-year-old little brat.

"Is it Saturday yet?" I look at my watch and I have to blink my eyes a few times to actually see the time. _Shit, how long have I been sitting here?_

"No, it's Friday, but one of the recordings was canceled and I decided to come back early, to surprise you"

The smile on her face fades the moment her eyes shoot to the bottle in my hands.

"What's wrong?" She asks taking a step forward and places her bag on my desk.

I snort and swivel around in my chair, turning away from her, suddenly feeling ashamed and vulnerable. Because this is not how I want my girlfriend to see me.

"Christian, you are scaring me what's wrong?" I hear her coming closer and I let my hand hang down in shame when I feel her hand on my shoulder.

"Everything is wrong" I mutter.

"Where is Fee?" Her voice sounds alarmed and her eyes search the room for the baby monitor.

"She is asleep"

Relieved she nods her head once and comes to stand in front of me. With her eyes pinned on mine, she pries the bottle off my hands and places it on my desk. Then she does the sweetest thing. She cradles my face and places a kiss on my forehead.

"Talk to me" The last thing I want to do right now is talking to her, even though despite my drunken haze, I realize I should talk to her.

"You look pretty"

"You look drunk" In a swift movement she straddles me and loosely wraps her hands around my neck. My hands automatically move around her waist. Her proximity relaxes me somewhat, but there is still that out of control feeling. The feeling to lash out, to hurt, but it wouldn't be fair to her. So I take a deep calming breath and erase fucking Tommy from my mind and concentrate on the beauty sitting on my lap.

"I'm not drunk," I say.

"Okay, but something is clearly bothering you. Want to talk about it? I've heard I'm a good listener." She looks hopeful and her eyes are begging me to tell her what's bothering me.

"I'm glad your home" The moment the words come out of my mouth, I can clearly see the disappointment in her eyes.

"I'm glad to be home" She shifts and places her head in the crook of my neck. In that moment I feel the stress of the last few hours slipping away.

"I missed you, Anastasia. And I decided that the next time you have to go to LA, New York or wherever you have to go, we are going with you."

"I would love that, and I missed you too." She places a little kiss on my neck and sighs. "I was hoping to see, Fee."

"She had a rough day" I squeeze my eyes shut when the image of my hurt girl slams into me.

"Oh," Ana leans back and looks at me. "How was the party? Did she have a good time? And did she wear the Cinderella dress?"

"Yes, she did. She looked so cute."

"Do you have a picture? I can't believe you didn't send me a picture, Christian"

I sigh. "She wanted to show you herself"

"Okay, but why do I sense that she didn't have a good time at the party"

"She didn't. Those kids were mean to her, they hurt her. They fucking hurt her, Ana, and there is not a damn thing I can do about it"

"Maybe I can help," She says softly.

I let out a humorless laugh. "So, you think you can help her? You have known her for what, two weeks? I am her father, Ana! I know her better than anyone, I should be the one to comfort her, not you, not anybody else. No one can ever take my place, and no one is ever going to take her away from me. Fee is mine, and the first moment I held her in my arms, I vowed to love her and protect her from all the fucking bad in the world, and that is what I intend to do until the day I die. You have no fucking clue what it is to be a single parent. Not one fucking clue!" The moment the words have left my mouth I know I've fucked up. _Badly._

It's not the tensing of her body or the fact that her arms that were just hanging loosely over my shoulders are now limb along her body. It's not the fact that she jumps out of my lap leaving me bereft and cold. It is the tears that are brimming in her eyes, and the shock and pain written on her face that makes me realize I hurt her.

"I…I never said I had the solution…"

"Ana…I…should not have..." She cuts me off with a single shake of her head.

"It wasn't my intention to take your place. I know I've only known Fee for a short time, but like you said, she is very easy to love and the fact that someone hurt her, hurts me too. I am not saying to the same extent as it is hurting you because you are right…" She takes a deep shuddering breath and angrily she wipes the tears that are falling from her eyes. "Fee is not mine, she is yours. I have no idea what it is to be a mother…" Words get stuck in her throat as she stares at me while the tears are flowing down her cheeks.

"Ana, please…" Rising from my chair I take two steps and reach my hand out to her.

She doesn't take my hand, she merely looks at me, full of pain. "You are doing an amazing job, Christian. You have no idea how much I respect you for having the courage to raise her alone, your strength to never give up and the love to put Fee's needs before your own is extraordinary. Fee will never have to wonder where to go for a hug, love, and support, because she knows in her heart…she knows that you will be there for her, no matter how old she is. No one is going to take her away from you…" I feel a bit of hope when she reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers.

"But you don't have to do this by yourself. Fee knows you are her father, and asking for help is a sign of strength."

I nod my head, for the first time in my life, I am completely lost for words. "Can I hold you?"

She sighs and pulls me towards her. She wraps her hands around my waist and rests her head on my chest.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have said that, but you should have seen her, Ana. She was inconsolable" I mutter against her hair.

"You are forgiven," She says softly.

"One thing, though" She takes a step back and wraps her hands around her waist. "We just met each other, I am aware of that, but if you want me involved in Fee's life…"

"But I do…I want you involved! Fuck, Ana! I want you involved in our lives!"

She rolls her eyes and huffs. "Will you just let me finish?"

"Yeah, sorry" I look down at my shoes and wait for her to continue.

"I have seen this with my parents. Ray, he isn't my biological father, he is my stepfather. He was and still is the best father I could have wished for. I don't think my mother ever really loved him and looking back at things, I don't think he really loved her either. He was very involved in everything that concerned me, but he couldn't have any say, in the decisions that were made and ultimately affected him too. He was supposed to do everything that my mother told him to do. My dad's love and actions were selfless when it came to me, however, it was never appreciated or noticed by my mother."

"I am not your mother, I am not like that!" I argue even though a little voice inside my head is telling me that that is exactly how I acted when I lashed out just a few minutes ago.

"No, you are not my mother, but if you want me involved…" She shakes her head. "This is sounding wrong because I don't want to take your place or her mother's place."

"She doesn't have a fucking mother!" I say through gritted teeth.

"Then where the fuck is she?" I am taken aback by the tone of her voice. I take a deep breath, brush my hands through my hair and face her.

"Fee has a fucking excuse for a mother. Fee was abandoned, Ana! Like I said, Fee doesn't have a mother. To me, that woman is the lowest of the low. Scum." I snarl.

"Fee was abandoned?" She whispers.

"Ana, Fee she isn't…"

"Daddy! Daddy!" Fee's voice comes over the intercom and we both stiffen.

"Go and see what she wants. We will finish this conversation later" She says quietly.

 **Anastasia**

I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my body when I hear the soft cries. She is crying again. I try to look around and even try to angle my head to the sound of her cries, but it is dark and I can't move. My legs don't seem to cooperate and my voice is stuck in my throat. I want to tell her that I am coming for her, that I will protect her and love her, but I can't. The cries intensify and I try to scream, I try to cry for help, but I cannot move.

My eyes fly open and I kick the covers away from me. It was a dream, I was just a dream. I take a deep breath and look at Christian's sleeping form lying next to me. Thank God he didn't wake up.

Silently I step out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, closing the door behind me I lean against the wall and let myself slide down to the cold floor.

I feel the pain burning in my throat and the tears brimming in my eyes. I try to swallow them down, push it away, but it is futile. I grab my stomach and hold my breath to keep quiet. I can't wake Christian.

The truth is that I want to scream! I want to scream at the world for taking my little girl away from me.

I quickly wipe the tears away when I hear a sound coming from the bedroom. Oh, God! It wasn't a dream! It is Fee! She is crying.

I scramble back to my feet and to the cabinet and disconnect the baby monitor so it won't wake Christian. Then I rush to Fee's room.

My heart breaks when I see her sitting on that big bed crying softly.

"Daddy?"

"No, it is me, Ana. Daddy is sleeping, Fee, do you want me to get him?"

"He didn't go away?" She sniffs.

"No, Fee, Daddy is sleeping, I promise." I take a few steps closer until I've reached her bed and look into sleepy, teary blue eyes. Her little cheeks are wet with tears, and I want nothing more than to wipe her tears away and hold her against my chest. But suddenly I remember Christian's angry words from the night before, and I don't know what to do. Does he want me to comfort her? Does he want me to wake him?

"Did you have a bad dream, Fee?" I take another step until my knees are touching the edge of her bed. And still, I don't know what to do. My instincts tell me to hold her and comfort her, but there is that little voice in the back of my head that prevents me from doing it.

"Is it morning yet?" She asks and uses Mr. Elephant to wipe the tears from her face.

"It is morning, but it is still very early to get up."

"But I'm really awake now!" She says and starts moving her legs up and down. Her mischievous grin makes me grin too.

"How was Tommy's birthday party?" I ask carefully. I sit on the edge of the bed and tuck her back in.

She tenses and furrows her brow. "I didn't like it," She says stubbornly. "And I don't like Tommy either, he isn't my friend anymore" She adds.

"Did something happen, Fee?" I shouldn't be asking her this. I know that if Christian would have wanted me to know what happened, he would have told me.

"Do you have a mommy, Ana?" _Yes, I have, but she is worthless and a poor excuse for a mother. She doesn't even deserve that title._

"Yes, I do…"

"I don't have a mommy" She shakes her head slowly and her sad eyes meet mine.

"But you have a wonderful daddy, and I know that your Uncle Elliot loves you very much. And then there is Aunt Mia…"

"Uh huh…"

"I didn't grow in daddy's tummy," She says now very matter of fact. I smile at her and grab her little hand. "Daddy told me I was …um…dopted…" She starts fidgeting with Mr. Elephant and looks up at me through her long lashes. _Dopted?_

"I'm sorry, Fee…but I don't understand what you are saying."

"Yes, dopted!" She says pulling her hand away from me. She seems frustrated as she clenches her little hands into fists.

My heart starts beating furiously against my chest the moment I have figured out what she is trying to tell me.

"You are adopted?"

"Yes…and I can't find my mommy. She is gone" I can only stare at her. Now everything Christian said to me yesterday makes sense. _"Fee has a fucking excuse for a mother. Fee was abandoned, Ana! Like I said, Fee doesn't have a mother. To me, that woman is the lowest of the low. Scum."_

"But I don't know what um…doption means," She adds softly. She surprises me when she kicks the sheets from her feet and crawls into my lap.

"Have you asked daddy?" I brush her hair from her face and wrap my arms around her warm little body.

"It's daddy's birthday!" She says suddenly and the sadness is replaced by complete and utter joy.

"It is!"

"What do you think if we made daddy breakfast?"

"And a chocolate cake! He loves chocolate cake!" She says clapping her hands. Before I know what's happening she has bounced off my lap and is running towards the door.

 **Christian**

I stop in the doorway when I see Ana and Fee sitting at the kitchen table. My eyes wander over the kitchen counter and I can say with absolute certainty that in the three years that I have lived here, I have never seen such a mess in the kitchen. Hell, I'm sure I've never made a mess like this before while attempting to cook, and that's saying something _. Christ! Mrs. Jones is going to have a coronary!_

"We made an agreement, Fee. One more bite and we can taste the frosting" Ana points at Fee's plate with her spoon and gives her a smile.

I watch my daughter biting her lip. Her eyes never looking away. Not even when Ana takes a spoonful of yogurt to her mouth. Fee cocks her head to the side and I watch as her bottom lip pops out in the most adorable and very rehearsed pout.

"But my tummy is really full, Ana" She wines and starts rocking her legs back and forth.

"I am sure you have room for one more bite," Ana says not giving in and completely ignoring the cute pout. "Because if you want to practice ballet with me tomorrow you have to be strong. We can't practice on an empty stomach." She winks, leans down and places a soft kiss on my daughter's forehead.

"But that's tomorrow" Fee sighs. "And I really want to bring breakfast to daddy, I am sure his tummy is hungry" _She is good, I will give her that._

"One more bite!" Ana says gently, yet stern. I stifle a smile when I see Fee's little frown. Fee is good, but Ana is better!

Without taking her eyes of Ana, Fee deliberately slow brings her fork with a little piece of pancake to her mouth, and then she cocks that little eyebrow. In return Ana raises her eyebrow too, challenging her. With a sigh Fee finally puts the pancake in her mouth and starts chewing slowly.

"I am finished," Fee says and places her fork in next to her plate.

"I am so proud of you!" Ana says smiling. "So what would you like to do first, taste the chocolate fondant or wake daddy?"

"Daddy is already awake," I say entering the kitchen. "And ready to taste the fondant!"

Xxx

"At what time did she wake?" I point at Fee who is sprawled out on the couch, snoring softly.

"Five am…"

"Five!" I hiss. Ana brings her finger to her mouth and telling me to be quiet.

"I heard her through the baby monitor, she was crying, and you were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you." Ana rambles. "I asked her if I needed to wake you, but…"

"It's okay, Ana. It's just…shit five am is fucking early. What have you been doing with her all this time?"

She raises a delicate eyebrow and points towards the kitchen. "The chocolate cake you ate, and the drawing she made you" _Ah yes, the cake. Perfect._

I smirk and lean over to kiss her. "Thank you, it was the best chocolate cake I had in a very long time"

She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. Alarm bells are going off in the back of my head. Is she tired of us already? She's been acting differently this morning and I can't figure out what is wrong with her. Of course, I couldn't ask since Fee hasn't left our side for one moment.

"What's wrong?" I brush my finger over her chocolate stained cheek.

"We need to talk, Christian" She looks at Fee laying between us and tenderly brushes her hand over her hair.

"Do you want me to take her to bed?" She asks.

I shake my head automatically. I am freaking the fuck out. This is it. She wants to tell me that she can't deal with a demanding toddler. I need to postpone this conversation because nothing good ever came of the words "we need to talk"

"I am putting her in bed and I will take a shower, we can talk after that, okay?"

"No, it's not okay. We should have talked yesterday and we got sidetracked too. I really need to talk to you…please"

"Are you breaking up…is that what you want to tell me, Ana?" Because if she thinks for one minute I am letting her go without a fight, she is fucking wrong.

"What? No!" She shakes her head and trails her hand over my shoulder to my hair. "No, Fee told me a few things this morning and I wanted to discuss that with you. No breaking up." She lets out the cutest snort and blushes. Her hand tightens around my neck and she pulls me closer to her until our lips are almost touching.

"You have no idea how much I care about you, Christian. When I am with you, I act differently. In a good way, different." She smiles. "I smile more and laugh more. I don't feel hurt and alone when I am with you. Instead, I feel safe. You are easy to talk to, and you actually really listen to me. I really appreciate every minute I spend with you. Because you make me feel happy." She kisses me and smiles genuinely.

"So no, no breaking up, but we really need to talk"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9**

 **Christian**

Walking back to the living room, after putting Fee in her bed, I feel physically sick. The only time I felt like this was after I had found Fee and Taylor politely informed me that we had to inform the police.

I cannot even remember how often I threatened Taylor with dismissal since he started working for me, but at that moment he was fucking close to joining the unemployment line.

Needless to say that I never handed Fee over to the police or the state Department of Family and Child Services. My influence and money took care of that. And even though I never looked back and never regretted how I handled things, I am not sure how Ana is going to react to all of this.

By the time I get back in the living room Ana is gone. There is a brief moment of panic, thinking she has left, until I hear her talking. Taking a deep breath, I follow the sound of her voice to the kitchen. She is talking on the phone while cleaning the mess they made this morning.

"God, Hannah, there has to be a way to get out of going to this Award show…" Annoyed she throws the kitchen towel on the counter and rubs her fingers over her forehead.

"I don't know if Christian is going to join me…no…yes, I already told you, he is a very private person. Besides, I am certain that he doesn't have the time to accompany me to a meaningless award show…" She is silent for a minute and the clenching of her fist tells me that she isn't very happy with how this conversation is progressing.

"What? Did they bring the recording up by one week? But why? Jesus, Hannah, I had already planned to…yeah…" She takes a deep breath and tugs at the bun on top of her head.

"Yes, I understand that you can't control it, but it doesn't mean I am happy about it." Her body tenses and I get momentarily distracted when she leans on the counter and sticks her perfect ass out. She even manages to make flannel pajamas sexy.

"Well, I guess that's a positive development, yeah…okay. Make an appointment with the stylist, please and have them send me a few dresses to Seattle." She is silent for a few seconds.

"No, I am not flying to LA to try on some gowns, let them send me a few gowns to Seattle."

"Good. So is the safety fence installed?" Shifting positions she leans her hip against the counter and starts biting her lip.

"And the alarm?"

"Wonderful news, Hannah. Thank you." She ends the call and I laugh out loud when she throws her arms in the air and squeals softly. The moment she hears my voice she turns around and brings her hand to her chest. "Shit, I didn't know you were standing here."

"Just enjoying the view" I saunter to where she is standing and lift her up until she is sitting on the counter. I bring my hand up to her bun and tug at the tie until her hair is falling down around her shoulders.

"I fucking love your hair, Anastasia"

She smiles and swings her arms over my shoulder. "How do you do that?" She asks incredulously.

"Do what"

"Make me feel like some high school girl with a crush on the cutest boy in the class and he just looked at her and made her go all silly inside" She replies.

"Silly inside?" I ask playing dumb and cock my head to the side. I can't help the smile on my face, though. Christ, I am falling so hard for her. _No wait, I already did._

"Yeah, you know…" She shrugs and blushes. "Collywobbles"

"Collywobbles?" I chuckle.

She sighs. "Collywobbles. Butterflies in your stomach. That's what Kate and I call it."

"It has to be contagious then, because I am suffering from collywobbles too" And it is not only collywobbles, it is so much more. Ana was made for me.

She gives me a blinding smile. The smile that I love so much. The smile in which she isn't hiding her sorrow. It's my favorite smile.

"I couldn't help but hear a part of your phone conversation with Hannah." I lift her up, her legs immediately wrap around my waist and that giggle resonating from her chest is the best sound ever. I walk with her to the couch and with her still in my arms I manage to lie down. I shift so that we are facing each other. Her head is now resting on my arm. With the cutest sigh, she places her other hand on my stomach.

"Yeah. I need to be at an award show next week. It's stupid, really."

"What kind of award show?"

"Somehow I have been voted number one as the "Most Desirable Woman" by a men's lifestyle magazine and now I have to show up and act grateful"

"I'm going with you" I kiss her forehead and relish on her scent. Granted, it's mixed with the smell of pancakes and chocolate cake, but to me it is perfect. She is fucking perfect.

"I understand if you are busy…"

"Were you even planning on telling me this?"

She frowns looking up at me. "I really didn't see the big deal, Christian…"

"Ana, you have been voted "Most Desirable Woman", I believe that's a pretty big deal! Everything you do is a big deal to me. Don't you get that?"

She snorts. Her hand that was just rubbing lazy circles on my stomach is now covering her eyes.

"It's not as if I am going to be awarded for finding out a cure for cancer…it's a silly award show. It is a reason to get celebrities together in a room and throw a big party"

"Are you ashamed? Is that what you are telling me?" I pull her hand from her eyes and bring it down to my stomach.

"Yes. These shows make me feel uncomfortable" she whispers without looking at me.

"But you are beautiful, you are desirable"

Her blue eyes flicker with annoyance when she looks up at me. "Beauty has nothing to do with looks. It's how you are as a person and how you make others feel about themselves. These guys who voted, know nothing about the real me. They don't know my flaws or shortcomings. They only saw a photoshopped picture in a magazine. And I really don't want to talk about it anymore" She says determinedly. I am momentarily stunned when I look at the stubborn set of her jaw, her slightly narrowed eyes and a V between her furrowed brows. At this exact moment, the resemblance between her and Fee is so similar that it sends chills down my spine.

"To me, you are beautiful inside and out," I say when I've gathered my wits. "And I am going with you. I want to be sitting in the front row when they hand you over that award. Do you understand what I am saying, Anastasia?"

"Yes," She says rolling her eyes. "I also need to attend the after party," She says in a hurry, her eyes flickering up to mine.

"Then I will be there with you too. I will call Andrea first thing in the morning and ask her to get in contact with Hannah for the details."

"Okay," The tenseness leaves her body. She snuggles closer to me and I don't think I've ever felt happier in my life. This cuddling, these feelings are so uncommon.

"And what was it about the alarm? Something happened that you forgot to tell me?"

She lifts her head to look at me and shakes her head. "Nothing happened. I hope you don't think this is presumptuous, but I asked Hannah to call a company that specializes in pool safety fences…you know, for when Fee comes to visit in LA." She says slowly.

"The fence meets all the requirements and has a self-closing, self-latching, child resistance gate. I also let them install a safety cover and it's really secure because if she would happen to get through the fence and to the pool she can walk over the cover. Oh, and they are also installing an alarm. It is like an invisible fence and when a child or a small animal penetrates the field, the alarm will sound"

"A small animal?" I capture her face between my fingers, forcing her to look at me.

"Yeah, you know…for Fee's puppy, Peaches" She grins back.

"But I never agreed on the puppy," I say raising my eyebrow at her.

Shaking her head slowly she rolls her eyes and then she softly taps my cheek with her finger. "So smart, yet so clueless." Her mouth twitches fighting a smile and when I laugh, throwing my head back and she does the same, I am hit with a feeling of peace and happiness. This, this is what I want with her. In this short amount of time I have known her she has been able to penetrate her way to my heart. It is now that I realize I will never want to be apart from her. I want to hold on to this feeling for the rest of my life. I am certain that Ana has cast some sort of spell on me. It is like a lock and key. There is something about her that seems to unlock something inside of me. My mind goes back to the first moment I looked into her eyes, and I knew, I just knew she was different. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but as I lay here now looking at her smiling face, I am becoming consciously aware that she has my heart in her hands and it is growing so fast and so big that it feels as if my heart is going to burst out of my chest. Is this love? Am I in love with this wonderful, caring and beautiful woman? I have no fucking clue. How can I know when I haven't been in love before? I've never experienced it yet. I always thought that falling in love was not about one moment, but about a thousand moments that slowly unfold. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe my theory is crap because what do I know about love anyway?

It is like when I first held Fee. It was the moment that my life changed so that every decision I made would have to have her interest at heart. It is like a fucking epiphany. Spending time with Ana is effortless. She is the most beautiful and kind person I have ever met and yet she is so disarming that I am never uncomfortable with her company. We can laugh together, we never struggle with conversation and she loves my daughter. Unlike other women I have been with, she doesn't irritate me. These other women, were a means to an end, a way to get what I wanted. I accepted these women into my life, purely out of selfish reasons. But this woman here in my arms, she is different, and I know exactly why…It is because I love her. I love Anastasia Steele.

"Jesus, Christian…your heart is beating like crazy" Lifting her head she looks at me and I realize that this is the face I want to be looking at for the rest of my life.

Cupping one side of her face I smile down at her. "I'm in love with you, Anastasia" I don't know if the widening of her eyes and the tightening of her hand on my t-shirt is a good sign or not, but I push myself to tell her what I just realized. _Carpe diem, Grey._

"You are it for me. I just realized that I want you involved in every aspect of my life. Every decision I made these past couples of weeks, I had you in the back of my mind. You are the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of when I go to sleep. I want you involved in my life, in our lives. From where we live, to where Fee will be going to school…" I brush my thumb over her face when a tear starts trickling down her cheek. I still have no fucking clue if she is happy or not, but I am too selfish, and whether she loves me or not, I can be a patient man. And I am not letting her go.

"I am even willing to include you in the flavor ice-cream I order next time unless you want blue cookie monster ice-cream"

She smiles a brilliant smile and shifts so that she is now laying on top of me.

"Christian…I…" I place my finger on her lips, silencing her. I sense she is completely stunned by my revelation and I don't want her to reciprocate if she isn't feeling the same way. I feel vulnerable as fuck, but I don't regret it. She needed to know.

"I never told a woman I loved her before. I trust you with my daughter and that's a pretty big thing"

"Christian…"

"Just don't hurt me, okay?"

"Are you finished talking?"

"I believe I am, yes" I mutter.

"Good," She leans down and starts tracing her finger over my forehead sliding it over my nose until she has reached my lips.

"You are a fascinating man, Christian. Intense, caring, thoughtful and very easy on the eyes." She smiles and brushes her lips against mine. "Everything about you turns me on" She whispers against my lips. "You make me feel complete. You make me feel happy, and I absolutely love that little girl sleeping upstairs." I feel her tensing for a moment while she takes a deep breath. "Fee lodged her way into my heart in a way I never thought was possible." She kisses my cheeks, the tip of my nose and then she places her lips over mine and brushes her tongue over my lips. The way she is kissing me, the way her hands are holding my face is this her way to declare her love for me?

I break up the kiss when I taste the saltiness of her tears. "Ana, don't cry. Fuck, I was just…"

"Shhh…" She silences me by placing her finger on my lips. I kiss the pad of her finger until she starts smiling through her tears.

"These last four years have been the hardest of my life. I don't trust easily and I've learned through the years to guard my heart because the fact is that every time I opened my heart to someone, they ended up leaving me. And every time that happened they took a little piece of my heart with them."

"Ana…"

"Ssssh" She silences me again, but this time more forcefully.

"I love you too, Christian Grey, but I am scared. Not because love is an essentially scary aspect of life, but because I know you can break me. I am asking for your patience and understanding, I don't want pity. Please don't break my heart, because if you left me, it would destroy me." Her entire body is trembling and there isn't much I can do, but wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me.

"I won't hurt you, I promise," I whisper.

"Oh, and so you know," She says lifting her head up. "The next time I intend to order blue cookie-monster ice-cream"

* * *

I stare in horror as Ana starts packing her bag. I mean, I know I am going to pick her up later to go to my parent's house, but I still wish she would stay here with me.

"Will you please take that look off your face?" She says glancing up.

"What's wrong with my look?" I huff and sit down on the edge of my bed.

"Christian we will see each other in a few hours, but I do need to be home at some point"

"Why? You can get dressed here."

She sighs and slowly walks in my direction. "I love spending time with you too, but I need to work out, The Victoria's Secret show is in a few months and I have been slacking. Besides, I love my home."

"You can work out here" She wriggles herself between my legs and wraps her arms around my neck.

"You look cute when you pout" She presses her finger against my lips. _Cute? She thinks I'm cute?_

She sighs. "My gym is designed for my workouts…and I…"

"Then I will redesign my gym for you."

"Christian…" Her tone is warning and somehow I feel like I seriously need to drop this subject. I will…for now. But I want her with me, she travels enough as it is, and even though I intend to accompany her as much as possible, I still want to spend every minute she is in Seattle, with her.

"What does your training program consist of?"

"Mostly boxing, but I also jump rope, lift weights, take workout classes," She takes a deep breath. "Oh I also practice Kundalini, it's a form a yoga and I do ballet."

"Shit, Ana…that's a lot of exercise."

"It's necessary" She kisses the tip of my nose.

I nod. Grabbing her waist I lift her up and throw her on the bed. She giggles and shakes her head.

"You are trying to distract me and it won't work," She says brushing her hand through my hair.

"Christian, I need to get ready and I have laundry…"

"How long do I have before you have to leave?" I glide my hand under her shirt until my thumb is brushing over her nipple.

She moans softly. "Christian, we need to talk…oh God…" she moans again. I smirk ... mission accomplished. She is distracted.

"I could make you come like this" I lift her shirt up leaving her breasts exposed.

"Christian…" She grabs my head in her hands and pushes me away. "We need to talk." Well, fuck me.

"Now?" I mutter in disbelief. _I mean, fucking now?_

"Yes, now" Scrambling to a sitting position she pulls her shirt down. She brushes the hairs from her face and gives me the cutes scowl.

"Jesus, you are good at distracting me. But we need to talk" She takes a deep breath. "Fee, when she woke up this morning she was crying and upset. She told me she was adopted…"

The silence is deafening. "She was visibly upset, and she even mentioned that she didn't know what adopted means…Is it true, Christian? Is Fee adopted?"

"She is…" I quickly get off the bed and start pacing the room.

"I was immediately attached to her," I say, not knowing where to begin. She is going to hate me. Maybe not right away, but she will start questioning the way I handled things.

"And from the first moment I looked into her blue eyes, I knew she was meant for me." I look at Ana and her face is blank, no emotion whatsoever. She nods slowly after a while and urges me on to continue with a slight nod of her head.

"You have to promise me not to hate me, Ana" She gets an alarmed look on her face which is immediately replaced by confusion.

"Why would I hate you?"

"Just promise me"

"Christian, I can't promise you something that… "

"Just fucking promise me!" I say totally exasperated. "I don't want you to judge me, I need you to listen and not to hate me. Try to understand…"

"Okay…I promise" She says hesitantly. It's not perfect, but it will have to do. She promised.

"Before Fee, I knew I wanted to become a father. Don't ask me why, though" Shoving my hands in my pockets I take a deep breath.

"I met Jessica at a fundraiser" I brush my hands over my face. I take a few calming breaths because just thinking about Jessica makes me fucking sick.

"I thought she was the perfect candidate to mother my children. I didn't love her like she didn't love me. Obviously, we weren't on the same page where it concerned children. Jessica was very focused on her job as an architect, but it started taking off when she met me and I introduced her to the right people. You see, this relationship was toxic." I look away when I see Ana wince.

"One day she came home from what she said was a seminar, but she was sick. She had a fever, she brushed it off, but then I found her in the bathroom in a puddle of blood…" I shut my eyes trying to get that image out of my head.

"Oh my god, Christian, I am so sorry, did she have a miscarriage?"

My head snaps to the bed where Ana is sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees. And then I realize that she isn't to blame.

"No, she lied to me. She never went to a seminar. At the hospital, the gynecologist told me that the severe blood loss and the fever were caused by an infection due to an abortion."

"Oh God…"

"I ended our relationship on the spot and left her there, and it was when I closed the door to her room, that I decided that I didn't need a woman to have a child. I was going to adopt. And then one day later, I found Fee."

"You…you found her through an adoption agency?"

"No, Ana. Fee was abandoned. I found her lying in a wicker bassinet next to my car in GEH's underground garage…"

She swallows and her eyes dart around the room. "Fee is a foundling?"

"Yes"

"But I don't understand, I mean you called the police right…and…gosh, I don't even know how this works but did she had to spend time at a foster home while you filed for adoption?"

"No…you see, I always get what I want, Ana. Always. Without exceptions."

"What do you mean…you are confusing me, Christian"

"The right thing to do was call the authorities. Taylor told me. But then the state's Department of Family and Child Services would take custody of Fee and try to find any relatives. If none were found I could try and apply to adopt her. I didn't want to wait to see if there were any relatives. That could take months…"

"So you never reported it and just…took her?" She says incredulously.

"No, I called the police, but you see…my father is best friends with the Chief of police and a few judges. I also have connections…a lot of connections and money…" I take a shuddering breath and keep my eyes pinned on the floor. "Money talks Ana…"

"So, you just took her? Without trying to find relatives…Christian, that's a felony…"

"She was fucking abandoned, Ana!"

"But maybe…maybe someone took her. Maybe…" She takes a deep shuddering breath and I don't like the look on her face right now. She is panicking. She is doubting me.

"Maybe the mother gave her up, but somewhere perhaps her father or other relatives are still looking for her." She shakes her head and she looks horrified. Completely and utterly horrified.

"Someone may be looking for her…Christian…this is wrong, you shouldn't…"

"Listen to me, please, listen to me" In two steps I am crawling on the bed and lifting her on my lap. I need the physical connection with her and the reassurance she won't walk away. I love her. She can't leave. I will have to make her understand why I did what I did.

"I …I am adopted too…my brother and my sister, we are all adopted. I was born in Detroit…my birth mother was a drug addict, I was abused by her pimp." I quickly pull my shirt over my head and place her hands on my chest. "These are cigarette burns…"

"Christian…" Her face crumples and she spreads her fingers over my chest, her eyes darting from the scars to my eyes.

"I don't want you to cry for me, it was a long time ago, don't cry." I kiss the tears that are now falling on her cheeks and pull her head against my chest.

"What I am trying to say, is that when the police found me with my birthmother's dead body and they took me to the hospital, Grace was my doctor…she once told me that the first moment she laid eyes on me, she knew I belonged to them. And that's how I felt when I saw Fee…when I lifted her from that bassinet she opened her eyes and stared at me. The connection was instant, and I knew she belonged to me. I knew someone left her there for me to find her."

The only thing that reassures me is that she hasn't run away. Her warm, soft hand is still pressed against my chest, while I make sure I keep my arms tightly wrapped around her waist. However, I have no idea what to make of the expression on her face. Her eyes are darting around the room, her breathing seems ragged and the tears are still flowing down her cheeks.

"Please, please tell me you understand, Ana." I plead with her while cupping her face. Her eyes slowly move mine and she gives me a tiny nod.

"I do…" She breathes. "I understand your decision…" Her eyes dart away again, and for once I wished I could crawl into her head and see what she is thinking.

"Where you hurt badly?" She sniffs. Her hand is still lying on my chest. Her tears flowing rapidly.

"Ana…please don't cry…"

"But that pimp burned you…and Fee…was Fee hurt? Was she…"

"No…she wasn't hurt, but she was only a few hours old…"

"Hours?" She whispers. I nod and debate whether I should tell her that there was a note.

"We believe it was her mother who left her…there is footage from the underground garage camera's, but we were never able to track the woman down."

"You think it was her mother? Who does that?"

"Fee was a mistake, Ana…"

"Babies are never a mistake, Christian! A surprise sometimes, but never ever a mistake!" She says in a forceful whisper.

"I didn't mean it that way…I would never think of a baby as a mistake." I sigh.

She gives me a tiny nod again and this time her hand falls on her lap. She starts fidgeting with her hands, something she seems to do when she feels uncomfortable or nervous.

"So you took her with you?"

"Not exactly. I called my mother and we drove Fee to the hospital where she went through a thorough examination. At some point, she started to get a little drowsy and she started crying softly…she was hungry…"

"Oh god" Ana covers her mouth with her hands.

"I don't think they even washed her properly…" I clear my throat while I try to swallow the lump that is building in my throat.

"Fee had to stay in the hospital for 48 hours. After she was discharged I took her to my parent's house and that's where we lived for three months. They made me take a parenting class. It took place a few times a week and lasted about two months. The instructor taught me everything from how to discipline, to details as child's hair care. In the meantime, I bought this house. I underwent home visits from adoption officials, they checked if the house was safe for Fee…well and the rest is history" I take hold of Ana's cold hands because I need the contact.

"Even though the adoption was a fact I had to participate in everything they asked me. I was asked invasive questions about past relationships, my childhood, drug, and alcohol use. But I did it all for her because I knew that by some kind of miracle she was brought to me, we belonged together."

"You are doing an amazing job" She gives me a smile. "Fee is happy and healthy"

"I couldn't have done it without my family. My mom knew Fee would benefit if we gave her breast milk, so she reached out to a good friend of her who was part of a moms' circle here in Seattle. There was a woman who was willing to pump milk for Fee. Taylor would show up at her house with a cooler and they would give him the breast milk."

"The first few months were surreal. I stepped out from GEH and only attended the most important meetings, but I always took her with me. I remember the first day she came home, she slept in my room and I was really nervous. She was so tiny, so fragile, that I kept checking if she was breathing."

"Was she sweet, did she cry a lot?"

"She was perfect. She only cried when she was hungry or needed to be changed, but she was always a happy baby."

"How was that…holding this newborn baby in your arms?" She stares at me and the look that passes her eyes is one of absolute pain.

"Ana, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," She whispers shaking her head. She gives me a dreamy smile and gets this faraway look in her eyes. "I am sure she was soft and tiny. Her smell sweet and delicious. That smell has to be one of the most wonderful scents in the world."

"It was," I whisper. "She was so tiny and fragile. Even as a newborn her eyelashes were so long and her eyes were curious and big as she looked at me. I couldn't stop staring at her and study every feature of her. It was like instant love and happiness."

"I can imagine the feeling," She says softly staring into space. "It has to be an overwhelming feeling of love, holding your baby in your arms for the first time. After dreaming and wondering what she would look like as she grew in your belly, it has to be the most surreal experience to actually see her and hold her for that first time. Promising her you will love her unconditionally and keep her safe. I envision time standing still every time you look at your precious, innocent baby, and the world has to get just a little bit brighter." A little tear leaks from her eyes which she quickly brushes away.

"Baby, are you all right?"

She blinks a few times and smiles. "Yeah, I am fine. I was lost in thought." She moves to her knees and kisses me.

"I love you, Christian Grey, and I think you are the most wonderful, selfless person I've ever met." She stares at me and I can still see a tinge of sadness in her eyes.

"Let's stay here," I say pushing her down on the bed.

"We can't. You need to wake up your daughter and you need to get her dressed plus you have to get dressed too. Fee is so looking forward to this party and so is your mother." Her fingers are lazily brushing over my shoulders and I relish that feeling and the happiness surging through my body. _She doesn't hate me._

It is when I am taking a shower and Ana has already left that I sense that I missed something. There was such sadness in her eyes when she was talking about holding a baby for the first time. It was different from what I have seen before.

But this afternoon, after she told me she loved me, she asked for my patience. And no matter how hard it is, I will give her all the time she needs.

 **A/N:**

 **Hi ladies! Hope you liked this chapter. Each week I am blown away by your response to this story! Thank you! It is very much appreciated.**

 **I also want to say a big thank you to my friend. Because how amazing is it to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head? Thank you! You know who you are…**

 **XOX**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10**

 **Anastasia**

"Just stop calling me" I glare at the phone in my hands when I reject another phone call from Carla. Checking my phone, I see that my mother has been calling me nonstop. The last thing I want to do now is to talk to her.

My mind keeps going back to the conversation I just had with Christian. And now everything makes sense. His protectiveness of Fee and his fear that someone will take her away from him. The undeniable urge to prove that he is capable of raising her and his harsh words towards me.

Alarm bells were going off in the back of my head when he admitted that he took Fee without alerting the authorities. I believe without a doubt that he fell in love with her the moment he looked into her blue eyes, I also believe him when he admitted that he felt a strong connection. He wanted to save her, just like Grace saved him from a world of pain. She took him in and loved him unconditionally.

Nevertheless, there isn't a reset button. He can't undo what he did, all of his actions will have consequences because I can't stop thinking about Fee and how she is going to react to all of this when she is old enough to understand. This, I am sure, will have a lasting impact on her life. She will always wonder why and she will always wonder if there isn't a relative out there. I hope Christian is prepared for this.

I trust his decision, simply because I love him. And even though I have known him for a very short time, I know that every decision he makes, both in business and personal life, are very carefully and consciously thought out.

I get a tiny smile on my face as I think back at the moment he told me he loved me. He accepts me for me and loves me the way I am. Granted, he doesn't really know the real me yet. He doesn't know how utterly broken I am still inside. But I plan to tell him as soon as possible. It isn't fair to him to keep this away from him. Besides, Phoebe is a part of me and she should be part of him too.

I feel selfish because I should have told him at that moment, only for the reason that I have this fear deep inside me that tells me that one day he is going to discover that I am not as great as he thinks I am. In some way, I can't seem to get those words past my lips. How do you tell the man you love that you lost the one thing you loved most? At this point in our relationship, it is easier to pretend as if I am not irrevocably broken.

Pain, that is what I felt when he shared how it was when he looked at Fee for the first time. Unbearable deep-rooted pain. Then there is this deep-rooted guilt too. No matter what everyone told me, I feel as losing Phoebe was my responsibility. I have thought back at that moment when I slipped from the stairs a million times. Maybe I should have worn shoes, maybe I should have held on to the banister more tightly. Maybe…maybe…maybe. Because I am her mother, I was supposed to protect her, and I failed.

I growl when I hear my phone buzzing again. Curiosity wins and I actually squeal when I see that it is my dad calling.

"Dad!"

"Annie!" He chuckles. "You sound happy!"

I smile while sitting on the edge of my bed. "I am happy, dad. But tell me how was Florida?"

"Hands-down the best saltwater fly-fishing destination in the States! But I don't want to discuss my trip, I want to know who that guy is who had my daughter pressed against his fancy car, and was almost swallowing her face!" I wince at the harshness of his voice and I hope he won't give me the same reaction as my mother did. Deep down inside, I know he won't. He is probably worried and he has always been fiercely protective.

"That's Christian. I am sorry dad, no I am actually not sorry, I love him and he is great. I am sorry about not telling you, though."

"Tell me more about him," He says gruffly.

"Well, like I said, his name is Christian Grey, he is 32 years old. He is the founder of Grey Enterprise Holdings and he has a daughter." I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes tightly.

"Does he treat you well?"

"Yes, he does. He is so sweet dad, and I really wish you could meet him and his daughter. Her name is Fee, and I promise you are going to love her the minute you see her."

"He has a daughter?"

"Yes! And she is the most beautiful girl you've ever seen! It's funny because she has a head full of brown crazy curls! And she is so smart dad!"

"And you love him?"

"Yes, I do. Dad, please he is pretty amazing. Just give him a chance"

He huffs. "You are my little girl. No man is ever going to be pretty amazing in my eyes, with that said, I trust you." Thank God.

"So, when will you be able to come down here and meet him?"

We talk a little while longer and we agree that my dad is coming to visit next week. I can't wait to introduce him to Christian and Fee.

* * *

What do wear? What to fucking wear when you are going to meet your boyfriend's parents for the first time? We are talking about Carrick and Grace Grey. I can only imagine what Grace must think of me, so this is my second and last chance to make a good impression. Only dressed in black lace lingerie, I slump on the chair surveying the chaos in my walk-in closet.

My phone starts buzzing on my bed and I quickly jump to my feet and take the call without even looking at the caller-ID.

"Hello"

"Ana?"

"Christian, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, but I need you to open the door"

"Wh..what?"

"I said open the door."

"You are standing in front of my door? But you are too early" I whine.

"Baby, open the door" Baby. Every time he calls me baby, this silly collywobbles take residence in my stomach and I get this goofy grin on my face. Squealing I make my way downstairs and run towards the front door still holding the phone tightly against my ear. I feel like an idiot because I haven't even been home for one hour.

"Ana! Don't run" He yells. I roll my eyes and giggle. When I finally reach the hallway I disconnect the call, open the door and for just a few seconds I am speechless when I look into Christian's smiling face. My eyes rake over his body and I have to admit that even though I know what's underneath those clothes, there is something even more enticing about a hot, sexy Christian in a beautifully tailored suit, sunglasses and one day worth of stubble covering his face. He is perfection.

I look behind him searching for Fee and then he wiggles his eyebrows and shakes his head.

"My sister picked Fee up. You probably missed her by seconds. Something about picking out the perfect dress or some girly shit like that"

Squealing, I jump into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist. "I'm glad you're here" I whisper in his ear.

"Fuck, Ana!" He breathes against my neck. "I fucking missed you"

I nod while tightening my hold on his neck. "I missed you too"

"You did?" I nod again and then I feel him walking into the hallway and closing the door.

"Don't want to give Taylor a show" He growls as he looks down at my body. I let him go, reluctantly, when he places me back on the floor. Gently he takes my face in his hands and stares into my eyes.

Taking a deep breath he lowers his face until his lips are brushing against mine. "I love you, Ana."

It is only brief, but I do feel a pang of guilt for not being completely honest with him. Somehow it never seems to be the right time.

"I love you too, Christian" His smile is blinding.

"Okay, so I forgot to tell you that this is a Sparkle themed party" His brow furrows. Say what?

"And you forgot to mention me that little detail?"

"It seems my sister told me, but I tend to filter a lot of stuff she tells me. You see she chatters non-stop, and at some point, I just give up"

"And why aren't you wearing sparkles?"

He grins. "Because it's my party"

"Okay, help me pick out an outfit then? Because I have no clue what to wear."

"If you promise to keep this one on" He brushes his finger over the lace of my black bra. "I want to peel this off tonight"

Entwining my fingers with his I guide him through the house. "You never gave me a tour" He mutters looking up the stairs.

"You've only been here once," I say and tug his hand. "I'll give you a tour another day, okay? I hate to keep your parents waiting"

Christian hums something unintelligible but continues to tag along with me.

"So this is the first floor," I say, waving my hand around with a flourish. "Nothing exciting here, my bedroom is at the end of the hall and the rest are guestrooms"

I tense slightly when we pass Phoebe's bedroom with the heart ornaments hanging from her door. He doesn't comment on it and before I know it we have reached my bedroom.

"What happened here?" He says when we enter my bedroom.

"I told you" I sigh raising my arms in the air. "I didn't know what to wear. What is your sister wearing?" His brow furrows in confusion. Cocking his head to the side he looks at me as if I have grown three heads.

"A green dress? Fuck, Ana, I don't know"

"A green dress….could you be more specific, maybe?"

Chuckling he walks to where I am standing. "My parents are going to love you, Anastasia. It doesn't matter what you wear" He kisses my forehead, turns around on his heels and walks to my bed where he graciously sits down.

"I love your bedroom" He mutters. "It is very elegant, very you," He says locking his eyes with mine.

"Thank you."

"Do you have something to wear with sparkles?" He says spitting out the last word.

"Yes, I believe I have two dresses," I say disappearing into the walk-in closet.

"Okay, I have actually three dresses that I could wear." Walking back from the walk-in closet, I hold them all up and watch Christian's face morph into something I have never seen before.

"That one doesn't have arms" He huffs.

I giggle and look at the strapless dress. "It is called strapless, Christian"

"Not funny and no." He waves his hand in the air dismissing the strapless gown. "Next"

"Okay, then we only have these two"

"They are short" He mutters. "And the black one, they forgot the fabric on the back…wear that silver one"

"Sir," I say rolling my eyes.

* * *

"What's this?" Walking towards a chest of drawers her picks up a gift Kate gave me three years ago.

"Every beautiful thing is damaged," I whisper, while I stare at the object in Christian's hands. "Kate gave it to me" I force myself to smile up at him.

"Can you help me with my zipper?" I briskly turn around and I hear Christian placing the heart back on the chest of drawers.

"You don't have to talk about it, Ana. I can see that it makes you sad" He closes my zipper, brushes my hair to the side and kisses the side of my neck. It sends pleasurable shivers down my spine.

"It's called Kintsugi. The Japanese mend a broken object with gold or silver lacquer. They believe that when something suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful" I still have my back turned towards him and I sigh with relief when I feel his arms wrapping around my waist.

"I'm here for you" Turning me around, I press my head against his chest and focus on the steady beating of his heart. "And I am not going anywhere" God, I really hope not, I think and tighten my hold on him. Kissing the top of my head he lets go of me and gives me that perfect, shy smile. Secretly I hope that's the one he keeps reserved for me.

Christian is patiently waiting for me to finish dressing. His eyes scanning my bedroom.

"What's that?" He points to a framed photograph that is half hidden behind the chest of drawers.

"A photograph"

"Can I look?"

"Of course" I shrug and try to get my hair to cooperate.

"Fuck Ana! This is beautiful" He holds the photograph in front of him. His eyes darting from me to picture.

"Why is it here? Why isn't it hanging on one of your walls?"

I snort. "I don't like looking at myself"

"Can I have it?"

"Why?"

His eyes briefly dart to mine before returning to the frame in his hands. "Because I love looking at you. I am going to hang it in my office" Looking at Christian I can't help the smile on my face. So this is how it feels to be truly happy. It is the best feeling ever. To love, and to be loved in return.

* * *

"So tell me about your best friend, Kate"

I take a deep breath thinking about the best way to describe my best friend. "Kate is loyal, sweet and caring. People judge her differently, though." He looks at me shortly before returning his eyes back on the road.

"Kate can come across as aloof and cold, but she truly is the opposite."

"I can talk about anything and everything with her. She can look at my facial expression and know exactly what I am thinking. Kate has been with me through thick and thin. She is the best friend I could ever wish for" My eyes linger on his hands gripping the steering wheel.

"I think I should warn you, though. She is probably going to threaten you with cutting off your balls if you hurt me. But she means well."

"I think I can deal with her," He says very matter of fact. Looking out of the window I try to concentrate on the passing scenery, trying to suppress the nerves fluttering around in my belly.

"Don't be nervous," He says placing his hand on my knee. "I promise, my parents are going to love you, Ana" My phone starts buzzing in my hands and I let out a soft groan when I see my mother's name on the screen.

"Shouldn't you pick that up? She has called you…"

"Twenty times," I say rudely cutting him off, desperation clinging to my voice.

"Maybe there is something wrong with her." I roll my eyes and huff. Without answering the phone I put it back in my clutch and lean my head against the leather seat.

"My mother isn't a very pleasant person, Christian. And the last time I spoke to her the conversation was horrible. She is always trying to manipulate me."

"That was when you were in LA, right?"

Closing my eyes tightly I nod. "She told me it was a mistake to date you, she had seen those pictures on the internet. She told me I was being crazy and that I shouldn't get involved with a man who already had a daughter. She told me Fee was a nuisance, that I should focus on my career because it would be over before I knew it."

"You know, I'm amazed she kept me. I've always felt like a burden to her, I just wish that when she married that horrible Morton guy, she would have left me with Ray."

"You were still living with Ray when she hooked up with Morton? They were divorced?"

I snort but feel enormously embarrassed. "No they weren't divorced, my mother cheated on my dad…more than once. He threw her out when he found out about Morton, and the only reason she took me with her was to probably spite my dad. I believe she was always jealous of the close bond we shared."

"Jesus Christ"

I place my hand on Christian's and entwine my fingers with his. "I remember sitting on that plane to Vegas and hoping that maybe being apart from Ray would bring my mother and me closer together, but it only got worse. Every time I did something that I thought would make her proud, she would dismiss it. My mother is very controlling, but that doesn't mean she acknowledged me. When I started modeling she would micromanage everything. She refused to acknowledge my choices, which through the years created a sense of insecurity and helplessness. I believed her for the longest time because she always said that she was doing it for my "own good" because I was simply to inadequate, couldn't be trusted on my judgment and ultimately would fail without her guidance. And I believed her."

When I open my eyes again, I see that Christian has stopped the car. Stepping out he closes the door behind him, rounds the car and opens my door. Unbuckling my seatbelt he lifts me out of the car and holds me against his body, cradling my head.

"You know, I stayed in a relationship because she loved him. She thought he was the perfect guy, even though I knew he was toxic, I basically wanted to make her proud. For once I wanted her to tell me how proud she was of me. The funny thing was, she never did. She gave him attention, loved him…even when he…" I shake my head and take a deep sigh.

"Even when he what, Ana…" Christian's voice sounds terse and hoarse. Slowly I lift my head from his chest to see if he is mad at me.

"Thomas, he was an alcoholic, and he only used me for his career. He had started his modeling career when I met him, but he wanted to become a singer for the longest time, however, he didn't know the right people…" I'm rambling. Why the hell am I thinking telling Christian this?

"Did he hit you, Ana?" His hands are gripping onto my arms and he only let's go when I wince.

"Fuck! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, but tell me, did that fucker hit you"

"He did" I whisper.

"Goddamnit!" He grits his teeth and rakes his hands through his hair.

"Please tell me you went to the police, please…"

I silence him by placing my fingers on his lips. "My dad found out and paid him a visit…I never heard from him again. It only happened once…"

"And you think that makes it less important?"

"No, I know that now, but please, it is in the past…"

"What's his name last name?"

"No"

"What's this fucker's last name, Anastasia? Because if you don't tell me I can find out, I will find out…"

"No, please. I don't want to see him, I don't even want to be reminded of him. I don't want to talk about him. I want you and Fee and to focus on our future. I want to go to this party, meet your parents and your siblings. I want you to meet my best friend. And when we get home tonight I want to give you your birthday gift. Please. Promise me you won't contact him, even if you find out his name."

His jaw is still ticking and his eyes are searching my face. The only comforting thing and the fact I know he isn't mad at me is because he is soothingly rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles.

"Please, Christian." Brushing my hand against his cheek he smiles and leans his head into my touch.

"Our future?" He says softly. Swiftly the tension has left his face and replaced by that shy smile.

"Yeah, our future."

"Come let's get this over with then, so I can get my present" He winks playfully.

* * *

"Relax" He squeezes my hand softly while we are waiting at his parent's front door. I can see he is suppressing a smile. Yeah, let's see how much he smiles when he gets to meet my dad.

"Hello, darling congratulations" Christian's mother greets us at the door, he eyes filled with love and warmth as she hugs Christian. She really loves him. He is incredibly lucky to have a mother like Grace.

"Welcome, Anastasia." She engulfs me in a warm embrace and kisses my cheek. "You look absolutely beautiful"

"Thank you, Mrs. Grey"

"It's Grace and wait until you see Fee," Her eyes linger on my hair and she takes a strand between her fingers, a small frown on her face. "I love your hair"

A tall, distinguished and very handsome looking gentleman joins us in the hallway.

"Congratulations, Christian" He shakes Christian's hand, claps him playfully on his shoulder and pulls him in for a hug.

"Thank you. Dad, this is Anastasia Steele, my girlfriend. Ana, this is my father Carrick Grey"

"Mr. Grey, it is a pleasure to meet you"

"Anastasia, a beautiful name for a beautiful girl," He says taking my hand in his and kissing my knuckles. He winks at me. "And please call me Carrick"

 **Christian**

Ana immediately relaxes when she hears Fee. "Daddy! Ana! Look what I got!"

"Wow, that's a big octopus" Ana sits down on her haunches as she takes Fee's hand in hers.

"Yes! Her name is Ms. Ink and Grandpa bought it for me!"

"I think Ms. Ink is a very appropriate name for an octopus." Fee nods her head, but then her eyes fall on Ana's dress.

"Look at your dress! We look like twins!" Running around the octopus she stands before Ana and lifts her dress.

"Your dress is absolutely amazing! Ana says. "You look so pretty, Fee"

"I have lots and lots of things to tell you" Fee places her hands on Ana's face, forcing her to look at her.

"I can't wait to hear everything you have to tell me" Ana kisses Fee's cheek and tugs a wayward curl behind her ear.

"Where is my idiot brother?" I whisper to my mother who can't keep her eyes off Ana and Fee.

"He is showing Kate the grounds," She says her eyes still strained on Ana. I am barely able to suppress a snort. Showing her the grounds, yeah sure, he is probably 'showing' her the boathouse. As if on cue there is a commotion coming from the living room. I roll my eyes. There is only one person who is able to make that much noise and get away with it. My brother.

"Oh my god! A giant octopus invaded this house! Oh no!" He yells and pulls Fee to his chest and starts jumping around with her in his arms.

Fee is bouncing up and down and her smile and laughter are infectious as she clings on to my brother.

Elliot suddenly stops and stares at Ana. His eyes grow wide and then a mischievous grin forms on his face. With Fee still in his arms, he pulls Ana into an embrace. "I'm Elliot" he winks when he finally lets her go. "And you must be the very lovely Ana. I've heard so much about you."

"It is lovely to meet you, Elliot" Ana giggles which make me roll my eyes. I pull her towards me and kiss the top of her head.

"I have so many stories to tell you about my idiot brother here growing up. You know what, I think now is the best time to tell you about the litter box…"

"No!" Elliot behave!" My mother says firmly.

"Yes, mother" He kisses my mother's cheek.

"I'll tell you later, it is hilarious" With that, he turns around and starts screaming about giant octopuses invading the house.

* * *

After all the introductions have been done and I see Ana talking with my brother and dad, with Fee holding tightly on her hands, my mouth automatically pulls into a smile. They love her like I knew they would.

I watch as Kate makes her way towards me. Smiling she raises her champagne glass to me. "Happy birthday"

"Thank you, Kate"

"Ana is not a very open person," She says pinning me down with her green eyes. "She is usually quiet and doesn't like attention, and that's weird considering her job." She takes a slow sip of her champagne, her eyes never leaving mine. It is in that moment I realize that I like Kate, simply because she has Ana's best interest at heart. She is a true friend. "So if she likes you enough to show you the real her, open her heart to you, you must be pretty special. And that makes me like you. But don't make me not like you" Her eyes dart off to Ana and Fee.

"I love her," I say looking down at the champagne glass in my hand. "I want to make her happy. What I have with Anastasia is real." I don't know why I feel the need to impress this woman, but I do. Normally I could give two fucks about what she thinks of me, or what anyone else thinks of me, but knowing that Kate is a very important aspect in Ana's life, makes her important to me too.

"Good, because if you hurt her, I promise you will be eating through a straw for the rest of your life."

"Duly noted, but I have no itentiont to hurt her" I tell her firmly.

 **Anastasia**

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" The moment I nod my head, Kate is pulling me away to the backyard. We pass a huge kitchen where a girl with blonde hair and pigtails is stirring into a pan.

"What's wrong?"

"Ana…did you take a good look at Fee?"

"Of course I have…" Her hold on the champagne glass tightens.

"Kate, what's wrong?"

"Ana, Fee looks exactly like you" She breathes. She eyes me carefully, probably afraid that I will lose my shit.

"How much have you been drinking, Kate," I say playfully and point with my chin to the glass in her hand.

Rolling her eyes, she empties her glass. "This is my first one" Carefully she places the now empty glass on a table and takes a deep breath. Oh shit. This is not good.

"You have to listen to me, sweetie. Because I don't want to hurt you, but the moment I saw Fee, Ana it was if I was looking into your eyes." I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this moment. But this all-consuming pain has taken hold of my chest. As I look into my best friends eyes, I feel like all the air is leaving my longs, as if someone is pressing me against my throat and slowly sucking the life out of me.

"Kate, please…"

"Ana, I have been looking at her, her facial expression, the way she crinkles her nose, her eyes…Jesus Ana, the way her eyes lit up when she smiles…"

"Shut up…"

"Ana…"

"I said shut the fuck up, Kate. My Phoebe is dead. She is gone. She is never, ever coming back again."

She takes a step forward and I see the tears pooling in her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you, Ana…"

"But you are. Kate, you were there, Phoebe is dead."

"But I wasn't there, Ana. And you were unconscious…where is her birth certificate, where is her death certificate…"

"SHUT UP!" I yell. I push her away when she steps closer and shake my head. "Don't come closer. Do not speak about Phoebe again. Fee is Christian's…"

"Fee is adopted" She rushes to say. "Elliot told me. Elliot also told me that she was a foundling. Ana, your mother…"

"I know that Carla isn't the best mother in the world, but she wouldn't do something so cruel…"

"Carla is the most toxic person I've ever met. Everything she does…"

"I don't want to discuss my mother, and I don't want to talk about Phoebe. And you know why, Kate?"

She nods her head, the tears freely falling over her cheeks. "Because it hurts. It hurts to think about the fact that I will never be able to hold her. I will never be able to kiss her soft cheeks. I will never be able to count all her little fingers and toes and tell her how much she is loved. It fucking hurts, Kate"

"I know. God Ana, I know…but can't you see the resemblance. Your dad…he has that huge picture in the living room…Ana, when I walked in this afternoon and she saw Elliot and gave him that big bright smile, it was if I was looking at that pictures at your dad's…"

"I want you to fucking stop talking, Kate. For once in three years, I can truly say that I am happy. Christian makes me so happy. Being around Fee makes me happy too."

"Call your mother, ask her what happened. Ask her why there aren't any pictures of your little girl…" The anger, the hurt, and the pain are indescribable and before I know what I am doing my hand is stinging. I did what I never imagined doing. I slapped my best friend across her face.

Shocked we both look into each other's eyes. Seconds turn into minutes and I watch how she slowly raises her hand to her cheek.

"Kate..."

She silences me with a single shake of her head. "I…I deserved that…It was never my intention to hurt you." She sobs and wipes the tears from her face. "I love you, Ana…you are like the sister I never had, and that is the reason why I needed to tell you."

"I'm sorry, Kate" I look down in shame.

"I'm happy you are happy. You deserve to be happy" She says silently. When I look back up Kate has taken a few steps back and is looking into the house.

"Please, tell Elliot I got a call from work. Tell him I had to leave." She turns around on her heels and I watch my best friend walking away. Somehow I am incapable of doing anything. It feels like my body has shut down. I keep staring into the distance and I can say with complete honesty that I hate this feeling. I feel so empty. I am not happy, I am not sad. My mind is spinning, but I am unable to feel anything. I am numb.

* * *

 **Author's note: I can't thank you enough for the positive feedback on this story. You have no idea what that means to me.**

 **I know you are very eager for Ana to tell Christian about her Phoebe, but I am asking you to have patience.**

 **There probably won't be an update next week since I will be out of town. **

**Thank you all for reading!**

 **XOX**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11**

 **Anastasia**

 _I just slapped my best friend…_

Taking deep breaths, I step into the kitchen and smile to the blonde girl with the pigtails. Robotically I make my way back into the living room and spot Christian on the other side of the room. He is surrounded by his family looking happy and carefree. He is holding Fee in his arms. She has her little arm affectionately draped over his shoulder and she is giggling at something Elliot is saying to her. She is so precious.

"… _I don't want to hurt you, but the moment I saw Fee, it was if I was looking into your eyes"_

Fee can't possibly be mine. _Deep breath._

I watch Elliot doing a silly dance and they all disrupt in laughter. I smile and feel like I am an outsider, not really belonging here with this perfect family. Anger runs through me as I think of my mother and how cold and distant she has always been.

"… _where is her birth certificate, where is her death certificate…"_

Truth is, I never asked for those certificates. I was dealing with the loss of my baby girl. I was trying to survive the all-consuming pain. _Where are her certificates?_

"… _Elliot also told me that she was a foundling. Ana, your mother…"_

How old is Fee? Shit! How old is she?

" _Carla is the most toxic person I've ever met. Everything she does…"_

Kate is right, my mother is toxic. And what's more it is even worse, didn't my psychiatrist once tell me that my mother ticked all the boxes of a narcissist? _Jesus._

Carla always violates my boundaries, she is undermining, demeaning, and judgmental. Yes, she is all of those things, but I don't believe my mother would do something so cruel as what Kate was trying to tell me. Not my mother.

I feel him before I see him. Trying to shake off that gut-wrenching feeling that settled in my stomach since I stepped back into the living room, I turn around and try to smile as naturally as possible. His smile falters a little when those beautiful gray eyes scan my face.

"Hey, you were gone." With one hand on my waist and the other one on my face, he cocks his head to the side.

"Yeah…I…I was outside with Kate for a moment." I clear my throat and wrap my arms around his waist. "She got a call…she had to leave…it was work related…" I let my eyes drop to his chest, unable to look at him. What am I doing? I am piling up the lies. I love him, I need to tell him the truth. He deserves the truth!

"Ana?"

I shake my head and let my arms drop to my side. "We had words, it got pretty bad and she left."

"What happened?"

"It was my fault," I say quickly. "And I should be the one to apologize. And I will, tomorrow. We are both too hurt right now to talk about this."

"If you'd rather leave to talk to her," He asks. His thumb now rubbing my jaw.

"And miss the cake? I don't think so." It's amazing how having him near me dispels all the feelings of anxiety and hurt. Christian, somehow has the ability to calm me. He is like a balm I need to soothe my broken soul.

He laughs throwing his head back and again I am amazed by his handsomeness.

"Come, I need to show you something"

"Wait, I need to tell Elliot that Kate left" He looks confused for a moment, but nods his head and takes me to his brother.

"Hey dickhead, Anastasia needs to tell you something" Christian grins at his brother then turns to look at me. Elliot rolls his eyes and after checking if anyone is watching he flips Christian off. Silently he murmurs asshole to Christian before turning his attention to me.

"Going to check up on Fee. Be right back."

"What's up pretty girl." He grins and shoves his hands in his pockets, his eyes shining with mischief. I can't help but grin back at him. I can see why Kate is so in love with him. Unlike the other dead beats she dated, Elliot is a good guy.

"Kate had to leave…" I say looking down. Suddenly my shoes are very interesting.

"Why?" Gone is the playfulness in his voice.

I take a deep breath. "We had a discussion and she left, it was my fault. She asked me to tell you she got a call from work…" I am rambling and still unable to look at him. The shame I am feeling right now is something I have never felt before.

"But I think you should go after her…" When the silence is too much to take I slowly lift my head until I am staring into blue worried eyes.

"I'm sorry, Elliot…I just…"

"You know, I don't know what happened and I am not going to ask, that's something between the both of you." He takes a deep breath and pins those blue eyes on mine. He opens his mouth and closes it again. I grasp his arm when he wants to pass me.

"Tell her I'm sorry, truly sorry and that I will call her tomorrow" He nods his head once before walking away.

"Are you all right?" I turn around to face Christian.

 _No_ "Yes, Elliot left."

He nods his head slowly and looks in the direction his brother just disappeared into. "If you want to go and talk to Kate…"

"No, I want to see what you wanted to show me."

"Okay. Come" He says grabbing my hand.

"Fee?" I ask turning around to see where she is.

"Fee is driving my dad crazy. Let's go, because I really want to show you something"

"Slow down, Christian…" I giggle when he rushes up the stairs. He turns around briskly and before I have the chance to know what's happening, I am thrown over his shoulder.

"Oh my god, what are you doing!"

He slaps my butt playfully and groans. "You have been driving me crazy with that little sparkly dress…"

"Where are we," I ask the moment he sets me down.

"This is my old bedroom" He shrugs and looks unsure all of a sudden.

"Wow…this is very you. Oh! You had a telescope?"

"Yeah" He replies softly. After locking the door behind him he takes a few steps into the room and stares at the window.

"Spying on the neighbor girl?" I tease. However, deep down, I hope there wasn't a girl living next door. I don't care how long ago that was, the idea of Christian with another girl doesn't sit well with me.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "No, believe it or not, but even if there would have been a girl living next door, which there wasn't, she wouldn't have been interested in me. I was also a little shit who drove his parents crazy. I spend a lot of time in this room."

"Why?" I walk to the telescope and brush my fingers over the shiny object.

"I was grounded a lot. You see I was constantly getting in trouble in school, fighting…" He shrugs again, but I can see that it affects him more than he wants to show me.

"Fighting?"

"Due to the burns on my chest and back, I couldn't be touched. I was an outcast at school and incredibly angry at myself, my parents, my birthmother" He takes a deep breath and takes another step towards me until we are standing face to face.

"I was so fucked up, Ana. I craved touch, but I couldn't bear to be touched…" Taking a shuddering breath, he guides me to his bed, my hand tightly clasped in his.

"But I can touch you, and so does Fee and your parents"

"I know and I am glad you are able to touch me, I love it when you brush your fingers over my chest." He kisses me and tenderly brushes a few hairs from my face.

"But I didn't drag you up here to talk about my fucked-up-ness."

 **Christian**

Her blue eyes widen and understanding dawns on them. Fuck. She is so beautiful. So perfect, inside and out, that she takes my breath away.

"Why did you drag me up here then, Mr. Grey" Coyly she drags her finger over the buttons of my shirt and gazes up at me through her lashes.

"You have been driving me crazy in this tiny dress" I give her a tiny push and while holding her she falls back on my bed with a tiny squeal. So fucking adorably cute.

"You have to be really quiet, Anastasia. Do you think you can do that?"

"But we can't…" She hesitates, looks at the closed door and back at me.

"We can't what?" Her face turns red and she blinks a few times.

"Christian…there is a party going on downstairs…your party…" Her breathing falters and her eyes are wide and surprised when I start brushing my fingers over the silk material of her panties.

"It's my party…" I shrug. I lift her dress until leaving her exposed. Her black panties begging to be ripped off that delicious body.

"I am going to fuck you, Ana. Do you think you can handle that?" Her pupils dilate and she licks her lips and nods. Her voice quavers, but her words come out confident enough.

"I can handle it"

"Let's test it out" I kiss her flat stomach. "I am going to make you feel so good, Ana."

I feel her body trembling and a little moan escapes her lips as I graze my fingers over her now wet panties.

"Open your legs form me" I whisper. She does immediately. "And now I want you to touch yourself"

"Christian…" She swallows, her head turns to look at the closed door.

"Focus on me, Ana. The door is closed, no one can get in…" Giving me a tiny nod she relaxes again but doesn't do as I asked her.

"Touch yourself, Ana," I tell her calmly, even though I don't feel calm at all. In the meantime, I get rid of my jacket and stare down at her. With her eyes pinned on mine, she slowly lowers her hand over her stomach. I gulp when I see her fingers disappear under the silk and she unhurriedly starts touching herself.

"You are so fucking sexy, Ana." Her response is a soft moan that almost has me coming in my pants. Shit! I am not going to last long is she keeps making these noises.

I pull her hand out from between her legs and watch as her eyes pop open, that little V on her forehead.

I slip my fingers into the waistband of her thongs and slowly pull them down her long legs. She looks at me, her blue eyes now dark with desire as I pull her underwear off and throw them over my shoulder.

I settle myself in between her legs and push her legs wider apart. Kissing the inside of her thighs I make my way until my nose is rubbing against her clit. She bucks slightly and her hand immediately finds my hair.

"You like that?" I ask looking back up at her.

"God yes, but don't stop…do it again…" I smile against and place the back of her thighs over my shoulders.

I bring my mouth back to her and every time it seems as if she tastes better. She smells divine and I could eat her for days and not get tired.

Slowly I move my tongue in slow circles, barely touching the place she longs to be touched. Ana is so damn responsive that her hips start to move slowly. But instead of giving her what she wants, I tease her.

I keep teasing her, building her up, but keeping her orgasm just out of reach, until she pulls at my hair roughly "Christian…just…do…it"

"As you wish" I murmur.

Pushing a finger into her, I watch fascinated as her eyes roll into the back of her head and her moans get louder. Her hips start moving again and it is so fucking sexy that I almost come, just watching her move like that. So fucking sexy.

Pushing the second finger into her, I start pumping them in and out and bring my mouth to that little bundle of nerves. It only takes a few strokes of my tongue on her clit and she lets out the most beautiful moan of release. It's like music to my ears. Her hips shoot off the bed, her back arches, and I bury my face in her inhaling her scent.

Kissing my way up to her face I smile when I see the lazy smile on her face. "That was amazing" She murmurs.

"I agree," I say kissing those amazing lips. "And it is going to get even more amazing"

* * *

"So, you bought the house, you had it … and then you left for LA and returned last month?" I ask as Ana guides me through her house. I have to admit that I really love the Mediterranean style. It is a mix of rustic and modern and I fucking love the high ceilings with the beams, arches and the amount of light. It's classy and elegant. It has written Ana all over it.

"Yes," She looks uncomfortable all of a sudden. Not the happy, laughing woman I left the party with thirty minutes ago.

"The memories…" She looks down and stares at her now bare feet. "I couldn't…so I left…Kate lived here. I stayed with my dad in Montesano and then I went back to LA."

Her shoulders sag and my heart breaks when I see the devastation and hurt in her eyes. There is a sliver of annoyance too, because why doesn't she want to confide in me. Why doesn't she tell me this big guarded secret she is carrying with her. Is it because she doesn't trust me? Doesn't she love me as much as she claims she does? Closing my eyes for a second I banish those thoughts from my mind. She loves me, I am sure of that. Besides this is not the moment to focus on my feelings, this is about her. Something, someone hurt her badly. And despite the disappointment and the rejection I am feeling right now, I won't push her. I know firsthand how hard is it to talk about my time with the crack-whore. It made, and sometimes still makes me feel inadequate, unwanted and I hate the feelings it evokes. Talking about her always made me feel worse. Rehashing bad memories could even transfer me back to that filthy apartment. Those memories carry a lot of hurt, and if she feels the same way, I definitely won't push her.

Blinking a few times, I place my hand on her shoulder. She is shaking like a leaf as she stares down at the staircase.

"Ana?"

"You deserve the truth, Christian…" A tear slides down her face as she looks up at me. She looks utterly broken.

"Tell me when you are ready…" She nods once.

"I will tell you tomorrow. There are some things I want you to see…" She whispers while the tears keep falling from her eyes.

"Just tell me when you're ready. I'll wait as long as I have to" I take her cold hand in mine and kiss her temple. "Everything will be just fine. It's you and me, Ana."

"You and me" She whispers. "I like that"

We pass the door with the little heart ornaments and I feel her body tensing slightly.

"I trust you" She whispers. "And I love you, and I have been wanting to tell you for a long time now, but it hurts…and I can't even explain why…"

"It's okay" I whisper back.

"I don't know which pain is worse. The shock of what happened or the ache of what never will" She says sadly. I squeeze her hand, telling her that it is really okay.

Silently we walk to her bedroom where we strip out of our clothes. We take turns using the bathroom and when I step back into her bedroom she is sitting Indian style in the middle of her bed. In front of her are a few small wrapped packages.

"I am a horrible girlfriend" She whispers as I sit opposite of her. I frown. _What is she talking about?_

"It's already past midnight," She says glancing towards the clock. She takes a deep breath and her hands linger over the presents. "I didn't know what to buy for you…" She shrugs. "Because what do you buy a guy who has everything he wants?" She bites her lip while staring at her fidgeting hands.

"When I bought this, it seemed like a good idea, but I am not so sure right now…" She taps the package with her nail.

"Can you let me be the judge of that?" I say playfully. I place my finger under her chin and force her to look at me. There is a tiny smile, but I still can see the doubt lingering.

"This is for you" With bated breath she hands me the gift. Something inside the box rattles. Ripping open the paper I stare at a brown cardboard box. It takes me less than a minute to open it and I laugh out loud when I see the little mint packages falling on the bed.

"The same mints you gave me when we first met," I say looking at her. Shyly she nods. Reaching behind her she pulls something from under her pillow and gives me a bottle of champagne. A very expensive bottle of champagne, that is. A bottle of "Krug 1996 Clos D'Ambonnay" - a $ 2300 bottle.

"Ana…"

"We need the strawberries, too but I will get you those when we get to the house I rented in Bainbridge. I wanted to recreate that day we met…I should have handled things differently…but I ran…against all instincts I ran…and you didn't deserve that" She is rambling again and drawing little circles with her nails on her duvet.

"Ana, this is a very expensive bottle…"

"It's the same champagne we drank that night…you told me it was your favorite" She whispers.

I don't know what to say. I barely get presents and when I do, it is a tie from Mia or one of Fee's adorable drawings, but I don't believe anyone ever went to this much trouble for me.

"You remembered?"

She lets out a tiny laugh and then her eyebrows shoot up. "I remember everything you told me, Christian…"

"You rented a house in Bainbridge?"

She nods hesitantly. "I know that Bainbridge Island can't be compared to the Maldives, but I made sure that the house is secluded and it even has a private beach…it is also child-friendly …it has a gate and Fee won't be able to get to the beach…" I cut her off by pressing my lips against hers.

"Thank you. I love it, I love it, I fucking love it" I murmur against her lips.

"Really?" She whispers. "Because Jesus Christian…your face…"

"I'm not used to getting presents. I'm not used…" I shake my head. "Normally it is the other way around, people want to be with me because of my wealth."

"I love you, Christian. And I would love you if you were dirt poor" She leans back while taking a deep breath. "There is more…this afternoon you liked that photograph…" She looks at her chest of drawers where her stunning photograph is leaning against.

"That photograph is part of a series…" She shrugs uncomfortably.

"I want them. I want them all. I am going to hang them in my offices" She crinkles her nose and makes a silly face.

"You remind me of Fee when you do that" I whisper as I brush my finger over her nose. Shock passes her eyes but it is gone before I can actually grasp it.

"When are we going to Bainbridge?"

"Whenever you want, I rented the house for a few months…"

"Months?"

"Well yeah, it is so lovely and I think Fee will love it there. I have very fond memories of Bainbridge Island. My dad used to take me there during holidays."

"It's perfect" I place the bottle of champagne on her nightstand and pin her down on the bed. "I can work from there…and we can fly up there with Charlie Tango… "

She frowns and I can't help but kiss that adorable V that appears on her forehead. "Charlie Tango is my helicopter and ever since you mentioned how lovely it would be to be able to fly, I have wanted to take you flying in Charlie Tango or soaring"

"You can fly a helicopter"

I nod and gauge her expression. Her smile is blinding and it makes my heart swell with pride. That smile is reserved only for me. And I am somehow able to make her smile like that. _Un-fucking-believable._

"You are a very talented man, Christian" She looks up at me in awe. "And I am crazy in love with you"

"Is that so?" I kiss her neck what makes her squirm her little and giggle.

She nods again and those blue sparkling eyes are my undoing. Fuck she is perfect. She's mine, and I love her.

"It happens that I am crazy in love with you too." With a shy smile, she crawls into my arms and places her head on my chest.

"At what time are your parents bringing Fee tomorrow?"

"Probably after lunch"

I feel her nodding against my chest. "I can't wait to see her again. You and Fee make the world a lot brighter"

Those are her last words whispered in the dark before we both drift off to sleep.

 **Anastasia**

"Next stop is the grocery store" Christian grumbles as we step into a little coffee shop. I roll my eyes and huff. When does he want me to go grocery shopping?

The girl standing at the hostess stand perks up at the sight of my boyfriend.

"Good morning Mr. Grey" She breaths and suggestively sticks her breasts out. Really? He has his arm possessively wrapped around my shoulders and she doesn't even notice me. She is too busy eye fucking my boyfriend.

"Table for two" He grunts. It's only when Christian leans down to kiss my forehead that she notices me. Her eyes gaze up and down my body, but she still doesn't acknowledge me.

"I have the perfect table for you, Mr. Grey" She licks her lips seductively and flicks her blond hair over her shoulder. _God, could she be even more obvious?_

Grabbing my hand Christian follows the waitress towards the back of the restaurant. He gives her a terse nod and pulls out a chair for me.

"I can't believe you didn't have any food at home, Anastasia" Graciously he sits across from me. I bite my lip as not to laugh. He looks cute when he's scowling. However, I don't think this is the moment to point this little fact out to him.

"Are you seriously laughing?" His long fingers rake through his hair making his muscles tense.

"I'm sorry, it's just…you look cute when you scowl…and as for the food" I shrug and brush my foot against his leg. "I only stopped at home for five minutes when I got back from LA. I spend the entire time with you." I remind him.

"Good point" He is still scowling though. Slowly I raise my foot until it is pressing slightly against his crotch. He swallows visibly and stares at me with a heated gaze.

"Don't start what you can't finish, Anastasia…" What the hell is wrong with me? I never did something like this before.

I want to open my mouth but shut it quickly when I am hit with the scent of perfume.

"Christian! I thought it was you" Christian's head snaps up, his eyes turning wide and nervous? Slowly I turn my head and stare at the stunning brunette leaning down to kiss Christian on his cheek. Her hand rests on his shoulder and her thumb slowly brushes over his shirt. Well shit. They know each other on a very personal level. Christian stands up abruptly almost sending the chair to fall on the floor.

"Gabrielle" He kisses her cheek and his eyes dart to mine nervously. Fuck! The bitch even has a lovely name.

I grit my teeth and regret the simple t-shirt and shorts I am wearing because she looks stunning in a silver dress with 5-inch heels.

"What are you doing here?" Christian takes a step back creating some distance between them. I clutch my knife in my hand, not sure who to stab first, her for completely ignoring me or him for not introducing me to her.

She laughs a very annoying laugh and places her perfectly manicured hand on her chest. "Killing time in between appointments." She smiles, takes one step forward and puts her hand on his arm. Yep. The decision is made. I am going to stab her first.

Christian gives her a polite smile. Graciously he walks to where I am sitting, takes my hand in his and pulls me up.

"Gabrielle this is my girlfriend, Anastasia." At least he is looking at me while he is doing the introductions. He leans down kisses my cheek and I turn around and blow the bitch away with my smile. _See, I can be nice._

Her smile doesn't falter. Her brown eyes flick up to Christian. "Not your usual style, Christian" _Say what?_

"You really don't know my style, Gabrielle," The stiffening of his body tells me that she just stepped over some invisible line.

Slowly she cocks her head to the side and gives me a sugar sweet smile. "You told me repeatedly you didn't date, that's all."

Christian pulls me closer to his side. "That was before I met, Anastasia. Now if you'll excuse us" Shock flickers through her eyes. Mumbling something under her breath she turns around on her heels and walks away.

"Have you decided what you want to order?" He looks at his watch, clearly annoyed, before concentrating on the menu in his hand.

"Are we going to pretend that didn't happen?" I ask incredulously.

"What do you want me to say, Ana? She is in the past, you are in my future"

"You didn't want to date her?"

"No"

"But you have been with her"

"Yes," He replies through clenched teeth.

"What does she do for a living?"

"What does it matter?" _A lot!_

I stare at him. Finally, he sighs. "She's a lawyer" _Well shit. She has beauty and brains._

"Where did you meet?"

"Ana for the love of God…" Annoyed he throws the menu back on the table and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"You aren't going to drop this, are you?"

"Nope"

"Fine. I met her at one of my parent's charity events. My dad introduced me to her and we found out we had a few things in common. She is very intelligent, uncomplicated and very easy to talk to "

 _Uncomplicated, intelligent and very easy to talk to. Everything you're not, Ana._

"What kind of lawyer?"

"She specializes in adoption cases…my dad hired her when I wanted to adopt Fee." My eyes widen in shock and pain clenches in my chest.

"So, instead of paying the attorney's fee for compensation of her legal services, you decided to fuck her" I hiss.

"Jesus Christ, Ana!" He hisses.

"You know! I'm not even hungry anymore" Grabbing my bag from the floor I bolt out of the little café. Christian is hot on my heels.

"You're jealous" I roll my eyes but continue walking. _Jesus, what an idiot. Of course, I am jealous._ Here comes Ms. Little Perfect Lawyer, with her perfect dress, and her perfect smile, who happens to have helped my boyfriend adopt the most precious thing in his life. And then, of course, Ms. Little Perfect Lawyer is uncomplicated, intelligent and very easy to talk to. I feel the tears stinging behind my eyes. Shit! This day started off so perfect. Falling asleep in Christian's warm embrace and waking up to his sweet kisses. And then everything went to shit when I started calling Kate and she kept ignoring my calls. And the cherry on the fucking cake is Gabrielle.

"You're jealous," He says this time stopping in front of me blocking my path. The twitching of his lips doesn't go unnoticed, though.

"Yes, Captain Obvious, I am jealous." I spit out.

"But why?" _Really?_

"You said it yourself, Christian. She is uncomplicated, intelligent, easy to talk to and she is beautiful. And I am… me. I didn't go to college, I don't have a fancy degree and I am complicated…"

He cuts me off by grabbing my face and kissing me harshly. "You are a gorgeous woman, Ana. And I love you. I don't love her, I love you…"

I just stare at him. _Why does he have to be so sweet?_

"Besides, I don't have a fancy degree either. I am a dropout, remember?"

"Christian stop…"

"No, I won't stop until you realize how much I love you"

"Perhaps we should finish this conversation someplace else" I mutter. "People are gawking"

"Fuck them. Do you want to know what I love about you, Ana?"

His hands fall to my waist and he pulls me closer to his body. "I love the way you crinkle your nose before you start laughing. I love your tiny snorts when you laugh. I love the way you look at me funny when I say something stupid. I love how you tell me I look cute. I love how you lay next to me and tell me it's perfect. I love how you love my daughter. I love how I feel more comfortable with you than I do with anyone else. I love how I get distracted and have to stop what I am doing to call you. I love how you make me happy. I love when we talk about 'forever'. I am absolutely in love with your bright smile. Anastasia Steele, I love everything about you."

"How can you be so sweet when not only 5 minutes ago I behaved like a bitch"

"Because I understand you better than you think. And because I love you"

"I love you too, Christian. So much" Turning his wrist I look at his watch.

"Fee will be home soon. Let's go back home…we can grab something to eat on our way home."

"You miss her?"

"Yeah. So much"

"I know, I miss her too. Since I adopted her, I tried to minimize my traveling. Once I spend 5 days without her, and I thought I was going crazy. So I made a new rule. Every time I needed to go away for business for longer than 5 days, she would go with me."

"Did you hire a nanny?"

He snorts. "I went through the interviews but…" He stops talking and looks uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"But they were more interested in you than in Fee"

"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, Gail offered to babysit her."

"I never met her…"

"You will soon. Now let's go"

Xxx

"Can I keep this, Ana?" Fee is sitting on the floor, wearing the cutest pink tights and pink tutu.

"Of course you can" Grinning she lays back on the floor and grins widely at me. God, she is so cute, I could squeeze her and hug her all day long,

"Are you tired?" I lay next to her on the floor and lean my head closer to hers. Her eyes widen immediately as if she suddenly remembered that Christian told her it was almost time for her nap.

"No. I'm not tired"

"Okay. Five more minutes" I concede. "What is it that you want to do?"

"I don't like the stretches," She says crinkling her cute little nose.

"I don't like it either, but stretching is very important. But we don't need to do that again today."

"I want to do the flower garden!" She squeals in delight, jumps up and runs to the ballet bar in front of the mirror.

"Okay." I stand behind her. I can't help but smile back at the happy grin on her face.

"We are going to pretend that we are a flower that is about to grow and bloom in the garden. When the sun appears, your petals open and your stem grows toward the sky."

"My arms are the leaves, right Ana?"

"Yes. You remembered that really well, Fee. You are really smart" I praise her while she stretches her little arms and stands on her toes like she is reaching towards the sun.

She repeats it several times before slumping down on the floor.

"I am really smart. And when I turn this old…" She holds up four little fingers up with her little tongue peeking out of her mouth.

" When you turn four…" I ask. And sit down next to her.

"Then I will be smarter!" She squeals and wraps her arms around my neck.

We turn around and stare into the mirror. Fee is giggling and making silly faces. I look at her face. Her eyes are big, almost too big for her little face. And the color of her eyes matches mine.

"We look like twins, Ana!" We do…we really do. But this has to be a coincidence.

"Fee, when is your birthday?" Her brow crinkles in confusion. I brush my finger over the little V on her forehead, lean down and place a little kiss.

"Fee, when is your birthday" I press and shake her a little. We both turn around when the door to my gym opens and Christian comes walking in.

"Christian, when is Fee's birthday?"

"April 9. Why?"

"April 9?" My legs feel numb. My heart is racing.

"Are you sure" I have no idea how I get to my feet and walk to Christian, but I do. I grab his hands and squeeze them.

"Ana, yes…I'm sure." He looks at Fee who completely forgot my question. Instead, she is making silly faces at the mirror again.

"But you found her…"I squeeze his hand harder, forcing him to look at me. _This can't be true. Was Fee born on the same day as Phoebe?_

"There was a note…there was a note that said: This is Phoebe and she is just a few hours old. I can't and don't want to raise her. Don't try to find me. I don't want to be found."

I don't know what to say, I just stand there, my hands grasping on to Christian. The blood is pounding in my ears and I feel the tears prickling behind my eyes. I can't form one single sentence. The words get stuck in the back of my throat.

"Ana…Ana! What the fuck is happening!" Is the last thing I hear and then everything turns black.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 12**

 **Christian**

"Thank Fuck!" I wince when I realize Fee is in the room, however it doesn't seem as if she has heard me. She is curled up against a now sleeping Ana, holding one of her hands. Every now and then she leans up, kisses Ana's cheek and whispers for her to wake up.

"I am going to step out for a minute, Fee. I need to talk to grandma, okay?" I hold up my phone to show her I have an incoming phone call.

"Okay," She whispers. I kiss both of their foreheads and make my way out of Ana's bedroom.

My fingers are trembling when I slide my thumb over the screen. "Mom"

"Christian, honey! I saw your missed calls. Is something wrong with Fee." She sounds frantic.

"No…it's Ana…mom she fainted again and I don't know what to do…"

"Carry turn the car back around" I hear some sounds and then my mother is back on the phone.

"How long has she been unconscious?"

"That was very brief…probably 20 seconds or so…but she was acting weird when she woke up like she didn't know what had happened or what she had been doing. I checked her pulse and that seemed to be all right." I ramble.

Making my way to Ana's kitchen I start rummaging through her fridge and take a bottle of water out of it.

"So she regained consciousness?"

"Yes…and she looked at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen…she murmured something about needing to talk to her mother…"

"Is her speaking slurred, Christian?" I don't like the hint of panic in my mom's voice at all.

"N-no…"

"How about her face? Has it fallen to one side?"

"Mom what are you talking about?"

"Christian focus. Her mouth her eyes were they drooped to one side…" _Oh, God. No._

"She looks fine mom"

"You said she talked. How did that sound?"

"Incoherent…"

"I laid her down…like you did the other time. I propped up her feet and I opened the window."

"You did good, Christian" I relax marginally when I hear the calm in my mom's voice.

"But she fell right back to sleep. Is that normal?"

"Do you think she was in pain, Christian?"

"N-no…I…she was doing some ballet exercises with Fee and everything was fine. They were laughing and having fun. I got a call and stepped out for a few minutes and when I came back she started asking me about Fee's birth date…she had absolutely no color in her face and there was a sheen of sweat on her forehead. Before she passed out her eyes rolled back…mom…what if she's had a stroke."

"She was asking about Fee's birth date?"

"Yes. I don't know what brought this on, mom…but I don't know what to do. Should I wake her? Is it normal she fell asleep?"

"Yes…yes, it's normal…" A tinge of annoyance curses through me when I hear the distraction in my mom's voice.

"Mom!"

"Christian, it is normal to feel sleepy after you've fainted. Go and wake her and give her something to drink, water preferably. If she feels fine and doesn't have any dizziness, chest pain, belly pain or a headache there isn't any cause for concern"

"Okay…okay…I can do that. Wake her, give her water and ask if she is in pain"

"Son…haven't you noticed the similarities between Ana and Fee. Your sister pointed it out yesterday when you left…but Fee is a carbon copy of Ana…what do you know about this girl?"

"Mom, what the fuck are you saying?"

She sighs. "Did you do a background check on her? What do you really know about her, except that she is a model?"

"Mother, I don't like what you are implying? Ana is …"

"I am not implying anything, Christian. I see the sadness and longing in her eyes when she looks at your daughter. I see the love in your eyes when you look at her, and even though I am absolutely thrilled that you found something so special. What is am saying is that sometimes we can get overwhelmed by these feelings and this may affect our judgment"

"There is absolutely nothing fucking wrong with my judgment, mother. Ana is the best thing that happened to me, after Fee. She makes everything better. Yes, I am madly in love with her and even though I've never been in love before, I know it does stupid things to your brain. But I am not ready to lose her mom. And I refuse to go behind her back and do a background check on the woman I love and intend to spend the rest of my life with"

"Christian, isn't it a little soon to be having feelings like that? Marriage is a serious commitment."

"When you know you know."

"We will talk later," She says in that motherly voice that makes my hackles rise.

"We will be there in approximately twenty minutes. We'll take Fee with us and you can talk to Ana. I love you Christian. See you soon." She ends the call. Even though I know that Ana and I should sit down and have a serious talk, I am not eager to do so.

I'm about to call Taylor when I see a car stopping in Ana's driveway. I walk closer to the windows and am surprised to see Kate Kavanagh stepping out. She doesn't look as well put together as yesterday. It is completely the opposite. She's wearing black yoga pants and a gray sweatshirt, that I recognize as my brother's.

She seems to be in a hurry when she runs up the stairs to Ana's door. Making my way to the door I am stunned when I see her already standing in the hallway.

"Oh hi" Awkwardly she brushes her blond her that has fallen from her ponytail from her eyes and pushes her glasses up her nose.

"Kate, good afternoon"

"I didn't know you would be here" She glances over my shoulder in the direction of the living room.

"Surprise," I say without a trace of humor. Because that phone call with my mother still has me reeling.

"I came looking for Ana. I really need to talk to her"

"She tried to call you several times this morning, but you didn't pick up the phone"

"I know" She looks down at her feet and starts fumbling with her hands. "I was in my car…I was on my way to…" She stops suddenly, her green eyes wide and alarmed.

"I really need to talk to Ana, is she here?"

Her phone starts ringing and clumsily she pulls it out of the pocket of my brother's hoodie. "Dad? Is the jet ready?" _The jet? Where the fuck is she going?_

"One hour? Yes…yes, we can make it in forty-five minutes. Thanks, dad, I love you" Ending the call she looks at me for a brief moment. Her face doesn't give anything away, though.

"Ana?" She asks, cocking her head to the side.

"She's upstairs, probably sleeping. She fainted. I was going to check up on her, but then you showed up" I raise the water bottle to show her what I was about to do when her eyes widen.

"What? Fuck!" She bolts passed me.

Why do I have the feeling that something life changing is about to happen?

 **Anastasia**

"Ana are you awake? Ana…wake up…" I feel soft little kisses on my cheek and little finger gently poking against my eyelids.

"I'm awake…" I slowly open my eyes and stare into bright blue, worried eyes.

"You were talking in your sleep" She giggles.

"Fee. Where's daddy?"

"Daddy was saying bad words and he left to call grandma. Grandma is a doctor and she will make you feel better." She says very matter of fact.

"And then we can go and eat ice-cream," She says hope filling her voice.

I give her a sad smile as the memories slowly come back to me. I can only stare at the beautiful little girl sitting in front of me. Is it possible she could be my daughter? It can't. It isn't possible. The fact that she was born the same day as Phoebe is probably a coincidence.

I need to talk to Christian. Then I am going to call my dad and leave for Georgia. I need to talk to my mother. Something is wrong and she is the only one with the answers.

Could it be possible that everything has been a bad dream? Is my mother capable of doing such a horrible thing? How can my mother do such a horrible thing? She saw with her own eyes the pain it caused me. She saw that I lost a little part of myself that day. Does she hate me so much?

Fee crawls on my lap when we hear someone stomping up the stairs. The door flies open and Kate comes barging in. She looks horrible.

"Kate?"

"Oh my God, Ana…" She breathes. She is followed by Christian who breezes passed her. He sits on the edge of the bed, places a water bottle on the nightstand and cups my face in his hands.

"Are you all right? Do you feel fine? Are you in pain? Do you feel dizzy, do you have chest pain, pain in your belly or a headache?" He is spewing out the questions while his eyes are darting over my face. The anguish and worry written on his face are unbearable to see. And tears start to prickle behind my eyelids.

"Daddy, Ana promised we could go and eat ice-cream"

"Fee! This is not the time to talk about ice-cream." She tenses and crawls closer to me wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Christian, it's okay. I feel fine." I wrap my arms around Fee's body and kiss the top of her head.

"Is it, Ana? Is it fine?"

"Fee. Go with Kate, I need to talk to Ana." He snaps angrily.

Kate clears her throat. I see her taking one step closer. "You don't have the time to talk…"

"Kate for the love of God…" Christian turns around growling. "I want five minutes with my girlfriend."

"Fine." She agrees, however her eyes are telling me something different. Something is going on and it has to be something bad.

"Fee, sweetie. Will you please go with Kate? Can you show her what you learned this afternoon in the gym? I'm sure Kate would love to see it."

"Okay," She sniffs. "Can we go for ice-cream later?" I smile down at her and wipe the tears from her face.

"I promise. Blue ice-cream" I say with all the enthusiasm I can muster. She gives me one of her huge grins but scowls when she turns around to look at Christian. Christian scowls back until I tug at his hand and slowly shake my head.

"How are you feeling?" He asks the moment Kate closes the door behind her.

"I'm fine…I promise." I entwine my fingers with his and smile.

"No dizziness?"

"No, I am fine. I promise"

"Thank fuck!" He crashes his mouth into mine and kisses me. The kiss is urgent and filled with love and passion.

"I love you so much," He says breaking up the kiss. "You scared me to death…"

"I'm sorry." I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. Burying my face in the crook of his neck I take in his scent. It is comforting, calming and I am sure that Christian is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

"What happened?"

"I …Fee…was she really born on April 9?"

"Yes…" He takes a shuddering breath. "I already told you, Ana, there was a note. It said she was born a few hours earlier…and that's what they told us in the hospital too. Fee was just a few hours old when they left her in the underground garage of GEH. From what her physician could establish, she was not even fed or washed properly. She was dressed in a hurry. Someone was eager to get rid of her. Her mother was eager to get rid of her…" Pain is clenching my chest.

"Can I see the note? And you also said there was footage…"

"Why do you want to see the note? You don't believe me?"

"No, I do believe you, it's just …Was it handwritten?"

"Yes, Ana. The note was handwritten. It is a woman's handwriting."

"Can you please show it to me?" If that note is written in my mother's handwriting…

"What is the sudden obsession with the note, Ana?" Rising from the bed he starts pacing my bedroom with his hands on his hips.

"What the fuck is going on? What is that big secret you are hiding? Because I've had enough. I understand pain, I understand not being able to talk about something traumatizing. I understand a fucking lot, Ana. But I have this feeling that this thing you are hiding is monumental. And I love you, Ana. I love you so fucking much, but if you don't tell me what is going on here, there is no way I can help you."

"You are right, you deserve the truth…" I'm afraid to look at him so I focus on Mr. Elephant that is laying in my bed.

"Four years ago…I found out that I was…"

"Ana!" The door flies open, Kate is standing there her eyes darting from me to Christian. "I'm sorry but we really need to go."

"Kate, what are you talking about? I am not going anywhere. I need to talk to Christian"

"You can call Christian on the plane. We need to go, Ana. My dad's jet is waiting and your dad is on his way from Montesano." She is out of breath and without giving me another glance she runs into my walk-in closet and starts shoving clothes into a bag.

"Kate…what is this? What is going on? First, you ignore my calls and then you come barging in here telling me to get ready to leave? I am not going anywhere"

Exasperated she throws my half-filled bag on the floor and stomps in my direction. "I wasn't ignoring your calls. Yesterday after I left the party I went home to change. After talking to Elliot I left for Montesano. I couldn't reach your dad, so I decided to drive up there. I needed to see that picture…"

"Kate you didn't…"

"I had to, Ana…I still believe…" She looks at Christian. "I will explain you everything in the plane. We are going to Georgia. This talk with your mother is long overdue."

"You can't be sure…" I whisper horrified.

"We need to leave. I took a picture. Please, Ana…I wouldn't do this to you if I weren't sure."

"But I need to get changed…"

"There is no time. We need to go…now" Before I know what's happening I am being dragged out of my room. I glance at Christian over my shoulder and I wish I hadn't. He looks lost, broken and defeated.

Fee is waiting for us at the end of the stairs. "Are we going to have ice-cream now? Can I go like this?" She grins at me and the excitement on her face is palpable.

Tugging my hand free from Kate's I sit on the stairs and pull her towards me. "I have to go, Fee, but I promise that when I come back we are going out for the biggest ice-cream you've ever had"

"No…no…I don't want you to go…I want ice-cream now."

"Phoebe…this is really important" Kate reaches out to her, but Fee rudely slaps her hand away.

"I'm Fee! I am not Phoebe!" She screams.

"I'm sorry Fee, I didn't mean to upset you. It's just…"

"Kate, go to the car. I will be right there." I snap.

"Ana…"

"Yes, I know…we don't have time. Two minutes, I promise, but now go."

"Fee. I promise I will be back real soon…"

"But I am going to miss you…"

"Oh sweetie, I am going to miss you too, so much. But you know what? Ms. Ink has a lot of arms, right?"

Sniffing she nods her head. "Okay. Well every time you miss me you can hug Ms. Ink and I will feel it all the way in Georgia"

"Ana where are you going? What the hell is going on?"

"Christian, I need to go…there is no time."

"Where are you going? And why the sudden rush! And why am I the only one being kept in the dark…" Brushing his hands through his hair he looks at me, his jaw clenching.

"I'm going with you. My parents are due to arrive any minute. I'm sure Fee can stay with them and I will go with you."

Does he want to come with me? "Okay…if you're sure"

"No! No!" Fee starts crying and clinging on to Christian's pants.

"Fee…daddy and Ana will be home in a few days…"

"NO! NO! I don't want you to go, daddy!"

"Christian…stay here with Fee. She needs you more than I do. I promise to fill you in the moment the plane lands…I promise."

"Ana. Please don't go…"

"Christian…I need to go…I…"

"Why do I have the feeling that you are saying goodbye?"

"No! No…I need to talk to my mom. I will call you the moment we land. Please, I will explain everything to you."

"You are not leaving me?"

"No. I promise. I love you so much, Christian."

"I love you too"

xxx

It breaks my heart to watch Fee standing in front of my window waving at me. I'd rather run back into the house and spend the day with Fee and Christian.

"Come on, Ana. We need to get moving." I give Kate a tiny nod and close the door. I crane my head looking at the house until Kate exits my driveway.

"You can call him when we land in Savannah," She says breaking the silence.

"I can't tell him that through the phone, Kate. I need to see his face. I should have never left. Maybe you should turn the car around, I mean the possibility of Fee being mine is nil. He has a right to know, Kate"

"Ana, Fee is Phoebe, I am sure." She glances at me quickly before returning her eyes back to the road. "I know that you probably don't even want to entertain the idea, in case I am not right, but I thought about it since I left the party yesterday."

"I am sorry I hit you, Kate. I was completely out of line and you didn't deserve that" I try to turn around the topic because I am feeling as if my life is completely spinning out of control.

"I didn't…" She says after a while. "But I understand why you did it and it's okay Ana, I forgive you" I nod even though I still feel like I deserve the award for the shittiest best friend ever. Moreover, I don't have the energy to talk.

"So, after I left the party I went home to change. I called your dad and asked him to send me a picture of that photograph in his living room." She groans. "He didn't know how to send me the picture, so I decided to drive to Montesano"

"Kate, you know that some people who are not related by blood can look alike, right?" But who am I kidding? My little girl was born on the same day as Fee. Could it be true that my mother was the one who left her at the GEH underground garage?

"Fee was born on April 9th, Kate" I whisper. "I just found out this afternoon. She was left with a note…"

"I know, Ana, Elliot told me"

"What did Ray say?"

"He got mad at me first. He told me to leave it, and that even though Carla is a spiteful person, he couldn't see her doing something as awful, as giving away her own granddaughter. I showed him a picture of Fee…"

"What did he say?" I whisper through my tears.

"He said that it was like he was thrown back 25 years. He ripped my phone out of my hands and just stared at the picture for the longest time. He got very emotional, he started yelling and threatening to kill Carla if our suspicions were right." A lump forms in my throat by the idea of my dad being upset.

"Kate, I know my mother isn't your favorite person" I hear a snort and without looking at her, I know she is rolling her eyes.

"But she is my mother, I just can't believe that she would do such a horrible thing. I just don't think she would be capable of giving away her own granddaughter, seeing me suffer like that?"

"Ana!" She snaps but quickly takes a deep breath before continuing. I watch her tightening her hands on the steering wheel, making her knuckles turn white from the force.

"Your mother suffers from a severe, fixed personality disorder. She is capable of doing horrible things. She has been manipulating you for years, always playing the martyr. How many times has your mother given you the cold shoulder, Ana? How many times did she end up crying because she felt unappreciated after everything she had sacrificed for you? When you didn't react to her tears or spitefulness she would accuse you of being cold-hearted and uncaring." She takes another deep breath. "And she never cared about you, Ana. She never called after you send her packing. Not once!"

"But she is still my mother, Kate."

"She's toxic, Ana! I don't know how you've put up with her behavior for so long…"

"You have no idea what you are talking about. You grew up with perfect parents…I just want her to be proud of me, Kate…I just want to hear her say once she is proud of me."

I look up and see that we have reached our destination. "For what's worth it, Ana, I am proud of you. I am proud of having you as my friend. Ray is extremely proud of you too" She leans over the console of the car and hugs me.

"Who's that big guy standing there?" Pulling away from Kate I turn around and find Sawyer standing next to Mr. Kavanagh's jet.

"That's Sawyer, he is a CPO" I sigh. "He's cool. Don't give him a hard time, okay?"

"A CPO?"

I shrug, not really wanting to go into this discussion right now. "It makes Christian feel better, and I don't even notice he's there."

"Ms. Steele" Sawyer nods as he opens my door.

"Hi Sawyer, good to see you."

"Mr. Grey asked me to tell you not to forget to call him as soon as you land in Savannah"

"Thank you, Sawyer"

* * *

These last six and a half hours are one of the longest of my life. The captain just announced that we were landing in Savannah shortly.

"Who knew Katie could snore" My dad chuckles while bumping his shoulder against mine. I give him a half smile and rest my head on his broad shoulder.

"You okay, kiddo?"

"Dad, why was I never able to make mom proud?"

He is silent for a long time and when I am sure he is not going to answer me he sighs. "The only way to know for sure is to ask her. However, knowing your mother, she would lie anyway. My thoughts about your mother are not pretty, Ana, but I believe that she has always been envious of you. She wants to feel better than you. And even though she pushed you to your modeling job, your success made her even more envious. Your mother missed out on the special moments and ignored them because she was too busy indulging her own selfish desires and fantasies"

He kisses the top of my head. "I know I don't say this enough, but I am proud of you, Annie. I don't want you to ever feel insecure or unworthy. Because you are the best thing that ever happened to me. There is nothing I'd rather see than your smile and nothing I'd rather hear than your laughter. I'm incredibly proud of the woman you have become."

"I know you do, you don't have to say it, dad. I can feel it. And you never skip one of my shows" I say teasingly trying to lighten the mood.

"I would never miss one of your shows. No matter how much I dislike to wear those monkey suits" He chuckles softly and turns his head to look at my sleeping best friend.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want us to go with you?" My dad asks and scowls when he glances at the door.

"I'm sure, I need to do this by myself." Because I'm sure it will only be worse if my mom sees Ray and Kate.

"We will be waiting just outside this door, okay sweetie?"

"Thank you, Kate"

I take a deep breath as I look at my mother's bedroom door. Apparently, my mother is sick, very sick. Actually, she is so very sick that she only has a matter of days, maybe one week to live.

Arriving at her house we were greeted by a very surprised Bob. He told us that my mother had been in the hospital for the last several weeks due to a severe heart condition. She was just released yesterday since she refused any more treatment.

Before entering I pull my phone out of my back pocket to check if Christian has answered my text. I frown in confusion when I actually see that he has read my text, but he hasn't replied yet. This is very unlike him. I brush the worry away. He is most likely preoccupied with Fee.

 **At my mom's house right now. Will call you as soon as possible. Love you. XOX Ana.**

I stare at the phone, hoping to hear something from him, but there is absolutely nothing.

"I miss you" I whisper softly. And God, I really do miss him, them. I have been gone less than eight hours and I am already yearning to get back to Christian and Fee.

Squaring my shoulders, I take another deep breath and march into my mother's bedroom. First I need to make sure she is not as sick as Bob claims she is. We need to figure out a way to get her back on her feet, and then I need answers who only she can answer.

"Anastasia? What are you doing here?" Not the greeting I was hoping for, however, how can I expect anything else from her.

"Mom…" The words stay stuck in the back of my throat as I see the woman lying in bed. That is not my mother. She looks gaunt, her face pale with dark circles surrounding her eyes. Her normally, shiny brown hair looks lifeless as it falls over her bony shoulders.

"Anastasia…I asked you a question…"

"Do I need an invitation to come and see my mother?" I cringe when I hear myself saying those words. Because to be honest, I have no idea when was the last time I actually saw my mother.

Gathering all the strength and courage I can muster I step further into the room and sit down on the chair next to her bed.

"What is wrong. Bob told me it is your heart…"

"I'm dying, Anastasia. That's all there is to it" She says coldly.

"But there must be something we can do. Did you ask for a second opinion? If it is the money, I will pay for everything, but you can't give up…"

"It doesn't matter what I have been diagnosed with, Ana. There is no cure for this, only a heart transplant…"

"But there has to be something…what about medication…I am going to call Christian's mother, she can probably refer the best heart surgeon in the States…"

"No! I have been taking medication for three years now…"

"You've known this for three years and it never occurred to you to tell me?"

He brown, cold eyes gaze at me sending me shivers up my spine. "You threw me out. Cut me out of your life with a measly monthly allowance. It took you one year before you actually called me how I was doing…" I see her lips moving but I can't hear anything she is saying. Again, she is making it all about her.

"I never called you because I was grieving my daughter. I was barely holding it together…you are my mother. You should have called me." I say pointing at my chest. "You should have held my hand and told me you loved me and that you would do everything in your power to make me feel better. But the only thing you could talk about was getting me to that stupid show in Milan and on top of that, you mentioned that I should have never broken things up with Thomas. Thomas, the guy who hit me and tried to push me off the stairs when I told him I was pregnant!"

"Don't be so dramatic, Anastasia" Her breathing sound ragged, but at this point, I don't even care anymore.

"I did you a favor. You were never supposed to be a mother. You don't know how it is to be a single mother. To live from paycheck to paycheck, the sleepless nights. You saw everything through these rose colored glasses… I did you a favor…and you were never supposed to see her again. You were supposed to stay in LA and not go back to Seattle. But since you are a sentimental fool, you held on to that house!"

"What do you mean you did me a favor. What are you talking about. Are you saying what I think you are saying?" I whisper horrified.

"Anastasia…" She sneers.

"Is Christian Grey's daughter mine?"

There is a nod, the slightest, but I see it nonetheless. My heart is constricting in my chest and I feel as if I am going to collapse any moment now.

"No, mom. Please tell me I am seeing things. Please tell me you didn't give her away. Please tell me that you didn't take her from me and pretended she died."She just stares at me for the longest time, and I don't have a clue what she is thinking. Her face is blank. Emotionless.

Standing from the chair, I start pacing her room. "Hannah told me the first time she saw a picture of Fee that we looked so similar" I look at my mother and wrap my hands around my waist when I realize her expression hasn't changed.

"And I saw it too, but always pushed the thoughts away, because they were too painful. My beautiful little girl had died because you had told me that. You told me that you had her cremated…" I wipe the tears from my face with my sleeve and regain the pacing.

"Then yesterday, Kate pointed it out. But Kate is relentless….she knew, she felt that Fee is actually Phoebe. She drove to Montesano to compare Fee's picture with one of mine when I was as old as her. In the meantime, I found out that Fee was born on the same day as my Phoebe. Fee was a foundling, she was left, abandoned next to Christian's car and they left a note with her…"

"This is Phoebe and she is just a few hours old. I can't and don't want to raise her. Don't try to find me. I don't want to be found." My head snaps up when I hear my mother recite the note that Christian found in Fee's basket.

"No! No…No! You didn't…"

"Anastasia! Get over it!" She snaps. "It has been three years!"

The sound that comes out of my throat is something I have never heard before. "Stop it!" I yell stomping my hands on her blanket covered feet. "I was losing my mind! When I heard my baby had died it felt as if my heart was dying! The grief you feel after losing your child never goes away! It's something you carry within you for life! There is no closure! I have yearned for my baby girl for years! I've lost years with her! And you did that to me! YOU!" I keep stomping my hands at her feet until I feel someone pulling me away. I can feel it's Kate as she pulls me against her and starts rocking me back and forth.

"It's over, Ana. We are calling the police and then we are going back to Seattle…and…"

"Kate….she took…my baby from me…" I fall on the floor my hands covering my head.

"Oh my god…Fee…she thought her mommy was lost…what…what am I going to tell her, Kate…she is going to hate me…"

I push Kate away from me and scramble to my feet. I see my dad talking to my mother, but I push him away too.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! How could you do this to me? Do this to Phoebe? Do you know how many times she has cried for her mommy?" I grab a pillow from the bed and start hitting her over and over again until I feel my legs collapse.

* * *

As the reality of what my mother did begins to sink in, I get hysterical. I am unable to stop sobbing. I am feeling sick to my stomach and I have the feeling I am about to faint.

"Where is my dad?"

"He is outside with Bob….he almost killed your mother, Ana…if Bob hadn't pulled him away."

"Christian is never going to believe me" I mutter gazing into my best friends. The tears start falling again and I can't help but feel there is something terribly wrong in Seattle. Christian hasn't replied to any single one of my messages.

"He will"

"But what if he doesn't Kate?"

"We will do a DNA test. Your mother admitted it, she told your father she had help, but it was her idea."

Over the next several hours, I alternate between feeling completely numb and enraged. I keep thinking about how she left Phoebe all alone in that underground garage. She didn't feed her, she didn't wash her. She simply discarded her as if she were a piece of trash. I feel the anger rising and lock eyes with my dad who enters the living room.

"Is she awake yet?" I ask.

"Bob is checking up on her."

"Good, because as soon as she wakes up, I want her to tell me everything and then I want to go home to my daughter"

* * *

 **Author's note: Next update will be on January 5!**

 **Happy Holidays!**

 **Alner XOX**


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors note - Happy New Year!**

 **Chapter 13**

 **Anastasia**

As I am looking at my mother's pale face I can only feel hatred. Deep indescribable hatred. My mother is actually dying and all I can feel is loathing.

"You hate me she whispers" And there is it again…that soft voice, the one that always made me think that everything was my fault.

"Stop with the dramatics, Carla. Start talking" My dad growls.

"The opportunity presented itself when you invited me to Seattle to show me your new home. You were so unbelievably happy…you couldn't stop talking about Phoebe and how you longed to hold her in your arms. You were even playing with the idea to retire…" She takes a long deep breath and focuses her eyes on me. "And I just couldn't let that happen. I sacrificed too much to let that happen"

"This is your last fucking warning, Carla" My dad is towering over her, his fists clenched, his jaw ticking with anger. "We didn't stay here to discuss your fucking feelings. So this is how it is going to be; you are going to tell us every little detail of your sordid plan. You won't discuss your feelings because let's be honest, we don't care."

"I did it for her…for her happiness"

"I told you to fucking stop preaching!" My dad leans closer to my mother, their faces practically touching. "You are pretending to have morals and values, but you don't even possess them. You insult, criticize, lie, disrespect and abuse. You are nothing but a narcissist, a psychopath. A vile toxic parasite. Start talking, Carla or so help me God, I am going to kill you."

"Who helped you?" Kate asks coldly. She hasn't let go of my hand since we entered my mother's room, and for that I am grateful.

"Joanne was a nurse at the hospital. I knew her from the time I was working as a nurse. I knew she was struggling financially since her husband had died and left her with a huge amount of debts. I met up with her under the pretense to catch up on old times." A wicked malicious smile, forms on her gaunt face and I force myself to look away.

"Persuading her to help me was the easiest part since she was desperate for money. The problem was that I wasn't entirely sure how to execute the plan, so I met with her in the hospital cafeteria. It was empty except for a young man and a woman. He was angry and crying…I remember him shouting. The woman with him was comforting him. I asked Joanne who he was and she told me he was a billionaire. I overheard their entire conversation and that's when I made the decision to give Phoebe to him. To Christian Grey"

"So when I fell off the stairs you …"

"I guess fate was on my side when you slid and fell."

"I drugged you. I couldn't possibly take the risk for you to wake up and see Phoebe alive." While the tears are falling from my eyes I see my dad burying his head in his hands.

"You said a doctor checked up on, Ana. Was that a lie too?"

"Yes. It was only Joanne and me who knew about this. After Phoebe was born I called her. She came down to the house and we dressed her a quickly as possible. I wrote the note, put her in a whisker bassinet Joanne brought with her…" Her eyes dart to mine. "She was crying. She cried the entire time I was dressing her." She takes a deep breath and settles deeper into her pillows.

"She was crying…I could hear her cry, but I couldn't open my eyes…" the dream that I've been having since that day comes back. The crying, the inability to move and open my eyes and comfort my daughter. But now it seems it wasn't a dream after all.

"I knew I had made the right decision by choosing Christian Grey when the news about Phoebe didn't break out. He was selfish, knew what he wanted and I just knew I had picked the best person to raise her."

"Where is Joanne now and what is her last name?"

"Joanne contacted me the next day. She wanted to turn herself in. She wanted to contact you and I couldn't let that happen."

"I offered her more money." Her brow furrows and she looks annoyed. "But she declined." She sneers. "Suddenly she was remorseful, that dumb cow even refused the money I offered her" I see her rolling her eyes and I just can't believe this is my mother. My feelings alternate from hate, to sorrow, to unbearable pain.

"What happened to her?" I whisper. "Why didn't she come to me? Why didn't she go to Christian?"

She turns her face and stares at Bob's pale face. The poor guy has been repeatedly apologizing to me, promising me, that he wasn't aware of what my mother had done. And I believe him. I stare back at my mother and I am again astonished by the cold look on her face. There isn't one ounce of remorse.

My mother's trembling weakened hands go to a wooden box next to her. With great difficulty, she lifts the box on her lap and opens it. It is now that I recognize the box. My dad made it for her. It is a beautiful hand carved wooden box. My mother has had that thing forever.

After a few seconds she hands me a newspaper article:

 _ **Woman found dead in home; Police investigating.**_

 _ **Authorities have identified a 48-year old woman whose body was found after co-workers reported her missing when the woman hadn't shown up for her work obligations.**_

 _ **The woman, a nurse working at Seattle's Northwest Hospital, was found with different bottles of pills. According to a close friend the woman suffered from depression since her husband died several years ago.**_

 _ **She was last seen at work.**_

I glance up from the newspaper article and just stare at my mother's blank face.

"She killed herself" I mutter.

"She was weak…she was…"

"I want to go…" Still clutching Kate's hand I rise from my chair. "Kate, dad, please I want to go. Take me away from here."

Stumbling, with the newspaper article still clutched in my hands, I work my way to the door.

When I look back at my mother, I feel like I just had an out of body experience and am watching this entire scene from above. Everything that I've been told today seems to be something out of a horror movie. A never-ending nightmare. I turn my face and look at the shocked faces of Kate, my dad, and Bob and I don't think I can take any more of this. Layer after layer of years of betrayal and hurt have been exposed. My mother is not only responsible for kidnapping my baby, but she is also responsible for the death of a 48-year old woman.

A woman who maybe felt like she had no choice. A woman who was desperate. A woman who most probably was manipulated by my narcissist mother.

"I hate you…" I whisper. "I hate you so much…how could you?" I crumple the piece of paper in my hand and throw it at my mother.

"Why? I just want to know why…"

"I didn't want to be burdened by this child," She spits. "Don't you understand, Anastasia? I was already forced to keep you…and then your father died…he left me…"

"It's always about you, isn't it? How can a mother express that she never wanted her child," I whisper horrified.

"You still don't see what I did for you? What I sacrificed for you?" She sneers.

"The only thing you do is criticize, manipulate. You never cared about my feelings…"

"Feelings are for the weak, Ana."

I shake my head, still not believing that this is really my mother. The person who should love me unconditionally. The person who should have cared loved me and protected me from harm, caused me the most pain.

"I hate you and I hope that you suffer, alone. I just spoke with Bob and we made arrangements for you to be transferred to a hospice. There you will die alone."

* * *

"Doesn't he pick up the phone?" I shake my head sadly as I stare at my phone. _Please, Christian, pick up the phone._

"Do you think he's mad, Kate?" I look at my dad who hasn't said a word since we left my mother's house. He is clutching the wooden box in his hands while he stares out of the window waiting for the plane to take off.

"Maybe he is busy. I know Elliot told me that he sometimes forgets he is working, ignores his phone and his family."

"That doesn't make sense, Kate. That's not the Christian I know. He was spending time with Fee and me. Fee is his number one priority and he asked me to call him and I did, but he hasn't responded and he has seen my messages…"

"Maybe he went out with Fee and he forgot his phone…" I know that it isn't the case. Christian has read all of my messages and he still hasn't reacted. My calls are going straight to his voicemail. I just know something is wrong.

Before boarding the plane, I send him one last message:

 **We just boarded the plane and are on our way back home. I miss you and I love you. XOX Ana.**

After a restless dream, I wake up with a strange feeling. I feel that something is terribly wrong in Seattle. And when I realize that Sawyer wasn't at my mom's house when we left for the airport I know that Christian is avoiding me.

 **Christian**

"Daddy…is Ana going to come back real soon?" My heart breaks when I watch Fee running towards the window. She presses her nose against the glass and waves goodbye to Ana. Ana waves back and blows her a kiss before stepping into Kate's Audi.

"Yes, she will be back real soon" I lift her up and pull her away from the window.

"What do you say if we go back home?"

"I like it here" She shrugs.

I smile at her and pull her close to me. "What do you say if we had a picnic?"

"Okay. But Mr. Elephant is still upstairs"

"Wait here for me and let me get Mr. Elephant for you" As I walk away from my daughter I can't help but notice the uncomfortable feeling that can't seem to leave my body. Ana fainted again. Is she sick? Is that what she is hiding? What was she trying to tell me before Kate interrupted us? Does it have anything to do with that poor excuse of her ex-boyfriend?

As I walk up the stairs I feel my phone vibrating in my back pocket. And even though I know it can't be Ana, I still check. Gabrielle? What the fuck does she want? Annoyed I decline the call and thrust my phone back in my pocket.

I ignore the door with the little heart ornaments and walk straight to Ana's bedroom. I grab Mr. Elephant and just when I am about to leave the room, my phone starts vibrating again. Hoping it is Ana I look at the incoming call and see that it is fucking Gabrielle again. Wasn't I clear enough the other day? What the fuck does she want? We had an agreement, sex…that was all. I was pretty clear from the start that I wasn't willing or able to give more. She wasn't either. So, what the hell does she want?

I glare at my phone until it stops ringing, and make my way to the doorway. I haven't even closed the door from Ana's bedroom when it starts ringing again. Gabrielle. It is time to put a stop to this.

"What the fuck do you want, Gabrielle!" I growl.

"Well that's not the way to greet a friend, Christian"

"Cut the crap, Gabrielle. I didn't know you were the clingy type. I introduced you to my girlfriend the other day…"

"Ah yes, your girlfriend…" She says sarcasm filling her voice. "What do you actually know about your girlfriend…Anastasia Steele isn't it?"

"Yes, her name is Anastasia Steele…" I reply with a roll of my eyes.

"Yes, I thought I recognized her face from somewhere and then I remembered she is a Victoria Secret's Model…"

"Look, Gabrielle, I don't know what kind of game you are playing, but what we had is fucking history. So if you don't mind, I am going to spend the rest of the afternoon with my daughter."

"You haven't answered my question, Christian. What do you actually know about your girlfriend?"

Why the fuck does everyone keep asking me this? Okay, this was the first time since I started GEH that I haven't run a background check, but I trusted Ana from the start. The idea of running a background check didn't even cross my mind.

"Gabrielle, I am sure that I know everything there is to know about Anastasia" I hope it sounds as convincing as intended, because at this point and seeing what happened this afternoon, I am not so sure.

"Anastasia Rose Steele was admitted to a mental health facility on May fifteen, three years ago." _What the fuck?_

"There is more, Christian. I just sent you the link. The link will give you access to an extended background check and her medical records"

"What the fuck, Gabrielle, that's a federal crime!"

She snorts, what irritates me immediately. It's not the sweet giggly snorting thing Ana does.

"I have connections, Christian, just like you do. I pulled some strings to help a friend." There is a short silence when I hear Fee calling.

"I don't think you want a woman who has been taking antidepressants since her teenage years to be around your daughter, Christian. There has to be a reason for her to be admitted to a mental care facility…she spent four months there. Something is seriously wrong with her and I am amazed she never told you anything. Don't you think she is deliberately hiding things from you?" I grit my teeth in annoyance when I hear the smugness in her voice.

"Just read the link I sent you," The line goes dead before I can tell her to go fuck herself. I have half a mind to call her and tell her just that when I hear Fee calling again.

"Daddy! Grandma and granddad are here! Hurry!"

"I'm coming!" Still reeling from the conversation with Gabrielle I pass the door with the little heart ornaments. I stop and linger in front of the door. I hear my parents entering and Fee's happy chattering. I hesitate, but my hand automatically seems to go to the doorknob. I expect the door to be locked for some reason, but before I know it I am standing halfway into the room.

The first thing I notice is the crème colored rug on the floor. When I slowly lift my head my chest constricts painfully when I read the name PHOEBE on the wall. The letters are pink and white with little bows around it. What the fuck!

I jerk my head back and that's when I see a little plaque that says "A little Princess is on her way"

"No. No. No…" I back away from the room and close the door. Leaning against the wall I feel my heart furiously pounding in my chest.

This can't be true. I am surely imagining things. What the hell is Ana doing with a room like this? And why the hell does Gabrielle feel the need to sent me a background check and her medical records?

I love Ana. I really fucking love her. There is no way Ana is a crazy bitch who is after my daughter. There is no fucking way. I intend to marry her, grow old with her and start a family when we are ready.

I can't seem to push away what Gabrielle said to me, though. _"Something is seriously wrong with her…don't you think she is deliberately hiding things from you?"_

I close my eyes tightly but retrieve my phone from my pocket with trembling hands. I immediately spot Gabrielle's email and with a shake of my head, I open it. I quickly skim the content of her background.

"No…God…no! God, please let this be a mistake" I mutter. I have to blink my eyes a few times to make sure the tears don't spill. But fuck, Gabrielle was right. Anastasia has been hiding things from me. A pregnancy to be exact.

Scrambling back on my feet, I quickly make my way downstairs. My mother immediately stops talking to Fee and her brows knit in confusion when she sees me.

"Christian, son…what's wrong? Are you sick?"

"Mom…" I choke. "I need…five minutes…"

"Son, what is going on?" My dad approaches me as if I were a wild animal, but somehow I am unable to tell them what I just saw.

What the fuck was that? A shrine? A room for Fee? Didn't she mention at the beginning that she loved the name Phoebe? Was everything a setup? Did she betray me like every other woman I've had in my life?

Pregnant. Ana was pregnant. She has been hiding a monumental fact from me. Why hide something like that from me?

Numbly I make my way to Ana's kitchen, trying to get as far away as possible from my parents, and slump down on one of the chairs. What the fuck is going on here? Resigned I let my head fall into my hands.

Where is her baby now?

"Christian…where is Ana?" I feel my mother's hand on my shoulder and I tense. What the fuck doesn't she understand that I need five fucking minutes?

"Fee told me she left? That Kate was also here? Fee told me that Ana was crying…and that…"

"Yes, mother! That's true!" I grit.

"Christian, why did she go? And where did she go? I mean, we could have been here sooner, but we hit a traffic jam, but it was only one hour ago that you called me telling me she had fainted."

"She went to her mother who lives in Georgia!"

"But why?" _Why? Why? Why?_ I don't fucking know! Like I probably don't know half of who Anastasia Steele really is?

"Are you and Ana all right, Christian? Did you have a fight?" And there it is. The question of all mother fucking questions. Are Ana and I all right? After what I just saw? Far from it.

"No, mom…Ana and I aren't all right."

I hear her gasp but decide to ignore it. I need to get my shit together. First thing is to get Fee out of here as soon as possible. If Gabrielle was telling me the truth and Ana has been institutionalized, I need to get my daughter as far from her as possible.

"Mom, I need a favor" I spin around making her jump a little.

She nods her head while her eyes are wide and teary. " Something has come up…something I can't explain right now, because I am not sure I even understand it, but I need you to get Fee as far away from Seattle as you can." She opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off by holding up my hand.

"Please, mom…please"

"I'll see what I can do but Christian this is very short notice and …"

"It's only for a few days. I promise"

"Okay, we will take her to Montana" She breathes. "Let me talk to your father"

I nod my head and see her hesitate. "Is this about Ana? Is Fee in any danger?"

"I don't know" I whisper. "I just found out a few things and …I need to call Welch…"

"Daddy! Daddy! Where is Mr. Elephant?"

"Hey princess" I squat down until I am eye level with my beautiful little girl and kiss her little button nose. Her smiling grin makes me smile too and at this moment I am even more determined to protect her.

"Do you want to hear something fun?"

She nods her head eagerly and she clasps her little hands in front of her chest. Her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Grandma and grandpa are going to take you on a little adventure to Montana!"

"Really?" She says excitedly.

"Are you coming too, daddy?"

"Daddy needs to work, but I promise to come in a few days, okay?"

"Okay. Then I need to call Ana and tell her I am going on a little vacation because she promised me we could go out for ice-cream, but we can't if she can't find me. Do you think she can find me in Montana?"

Not really knowing how to answer her question, I lift her up and hold her little body against mine. It is in that moment that I vow to myself that no one will ever take her away from me.

* * *

Sixteen hours later everything has been set in motion. Fee and my parents arrived in Montana a few hours ago. The moment my parents left I gave Taylor instructions to let Sawyer know he was no longer Ana's CPO and to get on the first flight back to Seattle. As far as I am concerned Anastasia doesn't need protection anymore.

The file with Anastasia's background check and the medical report that Gabrielle sent me chilled me to the bone. Anastasia Rose Steele had indeed been institutionalized in a mental health facility in New York. She had been there for four months.

Her obstetric history shows one pregnancy. It also stated that the child was deceased. However, Welch hasn't been able to find proof that her child was born or deceased. It is like the child never existed.

Her medical record reveals Anastasia's impressive use of antidepressants. She has been using them since she was 19 years old.

From the little information that Welch could find out, it seems that Anastasia did give birth to a child, however, we suspect that she gave birth to her daughter in some private clinic. Then someone helped her to get rid of her child, correction ... my child.

I grit my teeth when I see another incoming call from Ana. Her smiling face lights up the screen and I can't help but wonder how I could have been so fucking stupid. How could I have missed all the signs? They were there, just in front of me, and I was clueless. An idiot. From the first moment I saw her, I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She bewitched me with her sad eyes and enchanting smile. The smile I thought was reserved only for me. But I know better now. I know she is a worthless human being. A mother who gave her daughter away. A mother who left her daughter as a foundling in a cold, empty underground garage. She is worse than the crack whore.

I have no idea what drove her to give up Fee. What I do know is that I cannot muster any respect for someone who so carelessly left her child with a complete stranger.

* * *

I sigh and lean in my chair slowly taking a sip of the bourbon when I see there is another message from Ana.

 **I just landed in Seattle. We need to talk. Please, tell me where you are, I know you have been reading my messages. Please. I love you.**

This time I do reply.

 **I am at my house. And yes, we do need to talk.**

Taking another deep breath I call Taylor and let him know to let Ana in the minutes she arrives and to bring her directly to my study. I also instructed him to stay close. I don't intend on spending much time with her. I don't think I can even manage to look at her face, let alone engage in a conversation for longer than 5 minutes. I also have no intention whatsoever to listen to her lies, I am merely tolerating her because I want her to be aware how I truly feel about her and that she is delusional if she thinks she can have Fee back.

Exactly thirty minutes later I hear footsteps approaching. I know it is Taylor with Anastasia, but I stay seated, focused on the spreadsheet in front of me.

"Thank you, Taylor" I close my eyes briefly after hearing her soft, trembling voice, but my mind immediately goes back to everything I've read in her medical record. Anastasia Steele is nothing but a deceiving, toxic, cold-hearted human being.

"Christian?" She lingers in the doorway and I wish I hadn't looked up. She looks exhausted. Her normally beautiful blue eyes are clouded with something I can decipher. Tears are slowly falling from her eyes and her face crumbles, even more, when I don't acknowledge her right away.

"Christian…we need to talk…I should have told you sooner…" Apprehensively she takes a few steps towards my desk and places her hand on the edge.

"What is it that you wanted to tell me, Anastasia?" She looks shocked and hurt when I lift my face fully to look at her.

"Christian, what's wrong? Where is…Fee…Phoebe?"

The mentioning of the name Phoebe has me bolting from my chair. "Her name is Fee. Phoebe was the name her worthless piece of shit mother gave to her."

"H-her mother wasn't…I'm her mother, Christian. I am Phoebe's mother." She breathes.

"You call yourself her mother?" I spit out, taking one step closer until we are standing toe to toe. Despite the fact that she is a super-model, I still tower over her.

A sob escapes her and she covers her mouth with her hands. "What are you talking about…I…please let me explain…I…Kate…my mother…it was her who…"

"Stop with the lies, Anastasia! I am sick and tired of being lied to!" I bellow.

"After everything, I found out about you, read about you, I can't even stand to look at you. You are worthless! How do you dare to call yourself a mother? A mother doesn't leave her child abandoned!"

"It wasn't me…you have to believe me!" She sobs. "P-please hear me out…" She reaches out to touch my hand and I flinch.

"Don't ever fucking touch me again. You and I are over. There is the door. Get out!"

"No! Phoebe is mine!" She is becoming frantic. Her eyes wide as saucers, her hands clenched into fists.

"You gave up your rights when you fucking abandoned her!"

"I didn't abandon her!" She yells back. "She told me my baby had died!" She is looking around the room searching for something.

"Where is she?" She whispers. "Where is Phoebe?"

"Far away from you and your crazy lies!" I take a few steps away from her. "Ana get out. Get the fuck out of my home and my life. I don't want you near my daughter, my family or me."

"No…no…I am not giving her up. I've lived three years with the notion that my daughter was dead… I am not giving her up…please let me see her, let me hold her, please I beg you…I missed so many years, so many milestones…please"

"Is that what you made yourself believe after you were institutionalized?" I say with a cold laugh. "That she was taken away from you?"

"No…" She whispers. Her body is trembling like a leaf and the tears can't seem to stop falling from her dull lifeless eyes.

"Or maybe your mind was screwed up from all those antidepressants you have been taking?"

"How..how do you know…" She sobs. "No one knows that I was in a mental health facility…only Kate and my dad…" Sobs are raking her body, but instead of wanting to hold her, comfort her and make everything go away, I want to get rid of her as soon as possible.

"You call it a mental health facility?" I say in a mocking tone. "I call it the crazy house! Now I don't like to repeat myself, get the fuck out of my home and my life."

She falls on her knees and wraps her hands around her waist. "I slid and fell from the stairs…"

"Taylor!" I bellow hard enough to drown out her voice.

Three seconds and the door opens. "Please escort Ms. Steele out of my home."

"Sir"

I turn around to face the window when I see Taylor crouching in front of her. "No…I don't want to leave…please, Taylor…you have to b-believe me…Phoebe is mine…she was taken f-from me…"

"Please, Ms. Steele…" I turn around when I hear Taylor's apologetic tone of voice. _What the fuck?_ Did he forget who he works for?

Ana is nodding while Taylor helps her up to her feet. Then she locks eyes with me, her eyes now full of life and her jaw set and determined.

"She is mine and I will move heaven and earth to prove that to you. And I won't stop until I am holding my girl in my arms. She is mine, Christian and you took her away from me"


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Bonus chapter! Next update, Saturday or Sunday.**

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

 **Anastasia**

I feel Taylor supporting me as he escorts me out of Christian's house. My legs buckle and I feel pathetic clenching on to his arm for support. It has started to rain adding even more grief to this already awful day. I expected Christian to hear me out, to stop me when Taylor was escorting me out of his study.

"Taylor…Phoebe is mine…t-the footage…please look at the footage…h-her name was Joanne…"

"Ms. Steele, please cooperate with me." Even though I am not looking at him, I know exactly the way he is looking right now. Pitiful. I can hear it in his voice. The realization is sobering, he probably thinks I am a crazy person too.

Somehow I find the strength to shrug free from Taylor and wiping the tears from my eyes I straighten my back.

"Please tell me where she is. Where is m-my little girl, Taylor" I cry. He lowers his eyes and the short shake of his head tells me that he will never betray his boss, he is too loyal for that. I feel myself starting to sway on my feet and Taylor automatically reaches out to keep me from falling.

"Please, don't touch me anymore" I whisper. "I'll let myself out" I stare ahead of me and I really doubt if I will be able to reach the end of Christian's driveway. _Deep breaths Ana. Focus on Phoebe._

I have absolutely no idea how I reach the end of the driveway. My vision is blurry and I keep tripping and falling. Feeling Taylor's presence behind me I turn around slowly and shake my head.

"Leave me be."

Finally, I reach the guarded gate and a young man with a blond buzz-cut, gives me a curt apologetic nod and opens the gate. I look around one more time at Christian's house and vow to myself to do everything in my power to break him. _I will get my daughter back._

Less than three seconds after I have taken a step outside the gate, I hear the solid metal clicking sound from the gate. The sound is deafening and final in my head. I force myself to distance myself from his house ... one step, another step ... think of Phoebe, Ana.

Another step. Again someone who doesn't believe me.

Another step. _"I call it the crazy house!"_ His mocking tone hurt more than the coldness in his eyes.

Another step. Focus on Phoebe, Ana. You must be strong.

Another step. _"Or maybe your mind was screwed up from all those antidepressants you have been taking"_ No! No! I'm not crazy.

My body begins to tremble incessantly with every step I take. My teeth are chattering and I can't seem to focus anymore. My brain isn't able to process what just happened. Looking ahead of me I see the Magnolia trees that border on my house. Focus on the trees, Ana. Focus on Phoebe.

The last thing I see before my legs give in and I collapse on the ground is Phoebe's sweet smile.

* * *

"Ana, Ana! Please wake up!" The sharp sting against my cheek along with Kate's frantic voice makes me open my eyes. I reach with my hand to my stinging cheek and look at my surroundings. Am I at the hospital? How did I get here? Kate is hovering over me while my dad is pacing the small room with his phone clutched against his ear.

"Ana…" She breathes and wraps her arms around me. "We have been so worried" She mutters against my shoulder.

"Kate, how did I get here?"

"Your dad found you, when you didn't pick up the phone and you didn't come back, he went out to look for you. You were lying on the side of the road…he couldn't wake you…he called the ambulance."

I wince when I feel something pulling against my left arm. "Kate, what is this?" Horrified, I look at the needle inserted in my arm. _Shit._

"You were severely dehydrated, sweetie. Your blood pressure was extremely high, at first they thought you had a heart attack" I nod my head but panic engulfs me and I start kicking the sheets from my legs.

"I need to go home…we need to find Phoebe…Christian, he is so angry, Kate…he doesn't believe me…"

"So that's why he isn't picking up the phone, that piece of shit…" She mutters silently.

I grab her arm when she starts crawling from the bed. "What do you mean he didn't pick up the phone?"

"I called him when you were admitted…and I send him several messages…we didn't know what had happened." She points at my dad. "Ray has been trying to get a hold of him for the last few hours too. Jesus, I don't think I've ever seen him that angry before." I look at my dad. The strong set of his jaw and the clenching of his fist takes me straight back to the time when Thomas pushed me off the stairs.

I nod but my mind is racing. "I need to go home, Kate. I need to get Phoebe back"

"Tell me what happened"

And so I do. I tell Kate and my dad everything that occurred at Christian's home. And the further I get into my story the angrier they both get.

"He has access to your medical report?" Kate screeches. She locks eyes with my father and I watch a silent conversation going on between those two.

"Let's get you out of here," Kate says determinedly. "Ray you talk to the doctor while I make a few phone calls" She reaches inside of her bag, her face contorted in irritation.

"Kate…"

"Ana, you need a lawyer. I am going to call Ethan and my dad."

It takes a while before I can persuade the doctor to release me from the hospital. It seems that he would have preferred to see me stay at least for one more day, but in times like this, I am thankful for my dad, who can be extremely intimidating, as well as my best friend, who can be quiet charming when she wants to. After promising him to drink plenty of fluids I am sitting in my dad's rental car on my way home.

I have no clue what to make out of my dad's silence. I don't know whether he is angry with me or with this whole fucked up situation.

"I wish I had known…" He says taking a deep breath. "I knew your mother was a difficult person to be with, but …"

"But you didn't know she would turn out to be that evil?" I finish his sentence softly.

"Annie, I should have seen the signs… I…"

"Dad" I place my hand over his and squeeze it gently. "Let's not discuss Carla right now. Let's focus on the future, on Phoebe"

"Yeah" He nods a few times, his eyes on the road. "I can't wait to meet her. Tell me about her, tell me about my granddaughter" I turn my head slightly when I see the tear rolling down his cheek. This is the first time that I've seen my dad cry.

"She is beautiful," I say smiling. "She has the sweetest giggle and when she laughs…God, dad, when she laughs it is the most amazing sound in the whole world. She loves to have tea parties with her bears and Mr. Elephant. She chatters non-stop and even though she is only three years old her speech development is above average." The tears start falling and the anger starts coursing through my body as I realize that everything was taken away from me. Her first word. Her first steps. The first time she said dada or mama.

"I am going to get her back, dad. Even if it leaves me penniless. I will have my girl back"

"And I will be there with you every step of the way, Annie."

* * *

So, my brother and one of his partners are on the way" Kate declares while unpacking a bag of groceries. She pulls a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and hands it to me.

"Drink," She says sternly. I just nod and take the bottle of water from her.

"Everything will be okay, Ana." _Is it though?_

"Why don't you take a shower?" Kate wipes the tears from my cheek and engulfs me in a hug.

"I need to step out for a while," She says suddenly avoiding my eyes. Clearing her throat she gives me a fake smile.

"What are you up to, Kate?"

She shrugs and flips her hair over her shoulder. "I promised Christian that if he'd hurt you, I would make sure he would have to eat through a straw for the rest of his life" She winks and points at a baseball bat that is laying proudly on my dinner table.

"A bat?" I raise my eyebrow at her. "Where did you find a baseball bat?"

She smiles. "A girl always needs to be prepared."

"Kate…this is probably not a good idea…he is very angry and he probably won't even give you access…"

"I happen to know that Elliot is there with him right now." She says cutting me off. "I am going to get into his house, Ana, whether I am granted access or not. And then I am going to tell him exactly how I feel about him."

Confidently she makes her way to the table and picks up the baseball bat with a flourish.

" I won't hurt him…well not really…" She blows me a kiss.

"Trust me, okay Steele?"

 **Christian**

"Yes…the sooner the better. Thank you, Ms. Kelly…" Ending the call I lean back in my chair and let out a growl.

Fuck, Ana! What have you done? I feel the irritation bubbling up in me. I can't seem to get Anastasia Steele out of my head. Unlike with Jess, I can't seem to turn my feelings off. The moment I found out Jess betrayed me by aborting our child, I was done with her. But Ana…Ana is entirely different because since the moment Taylor escorted her out of my study, I feel like something is missing like I made a huge mistake. Every time I close my eyes, I see the tears and the hurt I caused her, but I need time, I try to convince myself. I needed to do what was right, even if that meant hurting her. _But why does it feel so wrong?_

I compose myself by taking a deep breath. I am allowed to terminate a relationship with a toxic person. I am allowed to walk away from her because she fucking hurt me, betrayed me. I am allowed to be angry and selfish, and unforgiving. And I certainly don't owe anyone an explanation for taking care of my daughter.

"Was that Olga Kelly? The real estate agent you were just talking to?" I jump up from the sound of my brother's voice. _Fuck! I really don't need him right now._

"Yeah" I shrug casually and slide my chair closer to the desk. I pretend as I am engrossed in something on my laptop. Hopefully, he'll get bored soon and leave me the fuck alone. The last person I need right now is my nosy as fuck brother.

"Right. Are you looking for another house?"

"Yes."

"Why?" He takes a seat in the chair across my desk and places his feet on my desk as if he owns the fucking place.

"What are you doing here, Elliot?" I still haven't looked at him, but I see him shrugging from the corner of my eye.

"Just wanted to hang out with my ugly brother" He states smugly.

"So, moving?" He presses.

"Look, Elliot, I'm working"

He snorts and starts shuffling in his chair. "Working?"

"Yeah, are you deaf?"

"No, it's interesting, since your laptop's screen is black" I close my eyes and slowly lift my head to look at him. I expect him to be smiling, but actually, very unlike my brother, he looks pretty angry. He points at the window and shrugs again. "The reflection in the window gave you away. For someone who claims to be smart, you sure are an idiot sometimes little brother"

"What are you doing here Elliot?"

"I called mom"

I groan and slam my head against the desk. "What did she say?"

"Well, she was all over the place and you know what a shitty liar she is" I just nod against the table. _He's right, Grace is a terrible liar._

"What did you do this time, Christian?"

"Why do you think it's me, Elliot!" I yell and get up from my chair.

He sighs. "I know you, Christian. You are pretty quick in jumping to conclusions," I open my mouth to protest but he quickly shuts me up by raising his hand.

"Mom didn't tell me anything because she didn't know. The only thing she knows is that it had to do with Ana and that things aren't going well for you. So that got me thinking…"

I dismiss him with the flick of my wrist. "Ana and I are over" I turn around when I feel the sharp pain in my chest that it causes every time I think about her.

"I found out she is a manipulating, lying bitch"

There is a deafening silence and I turn around to see if my brother is still in the room. Unfortunately, he is.

"A manipulating, lying bitch…" He repeats slowly. His face is a mask of confusion. "Are we talking about the same Ana? Because the Ana I know is a sweetheart" He says it very matter of fact and it pisses me off.

"I found out she lied to me. She has been keeping a monumental secret from me …and as you know I don't like being lied to"

"Okay. What is this big secret we are talking about, dude."

"Ana had a baby. I found a room in her house the other day…the name Phoebe one the wall. I found out through a friend that she was institutionalized for four months…" I brace my hands behind my neck and start pacing my office.

"Elliot I am positively sure that Fee is Ana's daughter. Ana gave her away…she discarded a precious, harmless little baby…" His face is still confused and he rises to his feet too.

"She told you this? Or did you have one of your morons looking into it? You did one of your beloved background checks and you jumped to conclusions?"

I hang my head down in shame. I know deep down that the way in which I got the information is wrong. Very wrong. I would be livid if someone were to breach my medical records. But at this point, I am glad Gabrielle send them to me.

"I can't hear you, Christian. Did Ana admit she abandoned her baby? Did you even talk to her?" He says, his voice rising with every word.

"No…I never felt the need to do a background check on her…I trusted her… I loved her…" _I still love her._

My thoughts drift back to that exact moment I knew I had fallen in love with her, but immediately I shake my head. Anastasia is toxic.

"Then how did you find out? I mean, the fact that she had a nursery…"

"Gabrielle sent them to me. Her medical records and an extended background check…it was there in black and white. Anastasia had been pregnant. She had given birth to a baby girl on April 9. According to the background check and her medical records, the baby girl passed away…

I am about to explaining to him what happened between Ana and me when the door of my study opens. Kate Kavanagh.

"Katie? Hey babe, w-what are you doing here?" I see my brother looking at the baseball bat she is carrying in her hand.

"Hi hotshot," She says smiling brightly. She waves the bat over her shoulder and stands on her toes to give my brother a kiss.

"I need to talk to your idiotic brother, do you mind?" My brother's eyes linger on the baseball bat and slowly turns around to look at me. I don't like the smile on his face…at all.

"Maybe you should give that bat to me, babe…" She spins on her heels and stares at my brother as if he just sprouted another head.

"I'm not giving you this bat," She says determinedly. "You see…" Slowly she turns around and focuses on me. "I made a promise to you brother. I told him that if he hurt Ana, he would be eating through a straw for the rest of his life. And that's why I am here, with a bat, simply to follow through on my promise." She takes a deep breath, her eyes turning into little slits. _Fuck she is terrifying._

"You hurt my best friend" The trembling of her voice gives away the anger she is feeling right now. My eyes dart from the bat to the door. _Where the fuck is Taylor? And how did she get in here?_

She composes herself by taking a deep breath and squares her shoulders. Fluidly she jumps on my desk and sits there, her legs dangling from the side, that fucking bat, on her lap, like some precious trophy.

"Let me ask you a question first, Christian. Do you know the difference between 'institutionalized' and 'hospitalized'?" She turns her head to the side lightly awaiting my answer. But if she thinks I am going to play along, she has another thing coming.

After a dramatic sigh, she shrugs. "I thought so. You have no idea. You see, I don't know who put the idea in your head that Ana was institutionalized, because she wasn't. Ana stayed in a mental care facility to recover in a safe and stable environment. This allowed her to take a break from everything that contributed to her depression."

Surprisingly, my glare doesn't affect her and she continues.

"Another question," She says it casually, but the tension and anger in her eyes are evident.

"Antidepressants…do you have any idea why people take those?" I clench my jaw in annoyance. _Who the fuck does she think she is? Barging into my home like this?_

"Again, you have no fucking clue. Well, you see…being depressed can distort your perception of your problems. It will drain a person's energy to address difficult issues. Meaning, that taking those antidepressants made Ana feel more like herself and she was able to return to her previous level of functioning"

"Questions, this far, Grey?" She says mockingly.

"Katherine, it's time for you to go. You overstayed your welcome…"

"But I'm not finished yet," She says in a sing-song voice. "We haven't even reached the fun part yet!" She holds the bat up for me to see.

"Do you realize that you were in violation of the law when you decided not to alert the authorities when you found that sweet little baby? Do you realize that not one judge is going to give you custody of Phoebe when it becomes clear that you circumvented the law? This time though, Grey, your money or contacts won't help you."

"Fee is mine!" I bellow. "Ana abandoned her!"

"Her name is Phoebe Katherine Steele!" She yells back. She jumps from the desk and pushes the bat against my chest.

"You proclaimed that you loved Ana. You wanted to protect her from harm…" She pushes the bat further against my chest and clenches her jaw.

"If you would have loved her like you said you did, you would have given her the chance to explain. You would have held her in your arms and comforted her." I see the tears building in her eyes, but she quickly blinks them away.

"But instead, you let one of your goons escort her out like a piece of filth. Just so you know, she collapsed just outside of your gate…she was severely dehydrated…initially the paramedics thought that she had a heart attack, but I think she was suffering from a broken heart." She clears her throat and blinks her eyes a few times.

"You see, the thing she wants the most, holding her baby…you took that away from her!"

The movement is so fast that I don't even see it coming. Skillfully she waves the bat in the air and smashes it against my laptop.

"God, that felt good" She breathes looking at the destruction on my desk. "But it would have felt better if it would have been your head"

"Katie, babe…"

"I'm almost finished…" She whispers.

"Where is Phoebe?" She asks while her hands clench around the bat.

"My daughter is safe, she is…"

"We've already established that she is NOT your daughter! So you taking Phoebe away from Ana makes it abduction, Grey. Give Phoebe back to her mother."

"Never!"

"Washington state kidnapping charges are broad and serious. All kidnapping charges," She says emphasizing all', "…are felonies and includes significant penalties" She drops the bat on my desk carelessly and looks at me with disdain.

"I guess I will see you in court, Grey"

* * *

 **Pinterest board will be updated later this week.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 15**

 **Christian**

We watch her walking away confidently locking the door behind her. My brother is just standing there, looking like an idiot.

"Can you fucking believe this?"

"What?" He says. He lifts his head, his brow flinching with confusion.

"I'm sorry man, what were you saying?"

"Were you even here when your girlfriend came in here threatening me?" I ask him incredulously.

"I was…and sorry, man, but when this shit is all over I am going to run to the Cartier store and buy her a big ass diamond. I was also thinking to never piss her off; I mean she is hot when she is pissed off…but…"

 _Is he fucking serious?_ "Are you seriously talking about banging your girlfriend after what just transpired here?" I point at my destroyed laptop and throw my hands in the air in frustration.

"You got yourself in some serious trouble, Christian. She is right…"

"Be very careful about how you are going to finish that sentence, Elliot…" I growl and pour myself a bit more scotch.

"And this is what I mean, Christian! You just jump to conclusions! You think so freaking fast that the words are out of your mouth before you are able to think this through! Just let me fucking finish!"

"Fine! Finish then!" I yell back frustrated. In the course of less than one day, my life has taken a turn for the worse. Twenty-four hours ago I was happy. I was happy with the woman I loved and my daughter. And now, every ounce of control, every shred of happiness I was holding on to is slipping through my fingers. I might lose my daughter. The person I love most in the world. I might lose her because of a deranged person. _Fuck!_

"Why don't you call Ana and talk to her, it might not be too late, Christian…"

"Whose side are you on, Elliot?"

He sighs. "This is not about taking sides. First, you are my brother and even though you are the most stubborn, ugliest mother fucker on this planet, you are still my little brother."

"I can't risk losing Fee; Elliot…the idea is indescribable." I look at my brother, pleading him to believe me, to see this from my point of view.

"Okay. Put your feelings for Ana aside for one minute and listen to me." I give him a curt nod, hoping that he won't see the fear in my eyes.

"You told me that Gabrielle sent you Ana's background check and her medical records, right?"

"Yes"

"You asked her for that information or did she give it willingly?"

"She called…" I shrug. "Ana and I were having breakfast the other day and Gabrielle walked in. I introduced her to Ana and when she got a little catty I sent her on her way."

"Right. So before you met Ana you were fucking Gabrielle, right?"

"Yes, but…"

"And did you end this relationship with Gabrielle?" He says cutting me off.

"No. Why would I…we didn't have a relationship, Elliot. It was purely physical. No emotions. We agreed on that and she was fine with it." He rolls his eyes and it makes me want to punch him in the face.

"Hmm, right. Okay and how long were you in this non-relationship with Gabrielle?"

"A few months after I adopted Fee." I look at my brother who is expectantly staring back at me.

"What, Ell? Christ! Just tell me what your point is to of all these questions!"

"You still don't get it, do you? Women are wired differently than men. Gabrielle probably told you she was fine with the whole non-relationship, but maybe she was secretly hoping for more…"

"Gabrielle is a professional. She wouldn't…"

"I am just going to spell it out for you, asshole." He cuts me off, takes the glass from my desk and empties it in one go. "Gabrielle is a woman scorned! And you know what they say about a woman scorned right?"

"Elliot…"

"No, Christian. Think! For fucks sakes man, think! What would she have to gain by sending you those files? YOU!" He brushes his hands through his hair and starts pacing the room.

"You believed an ex-fuck over your girlfriend…"

"Elliot, Gabrielle has no reason to be jealous…"

He snorts. "Look, Gabrielle is hot, but she is way out of Ana's league. Ana is gorgeous but has also this sweetness surrounding her. You just like Ana, whether you want to or not. Now Gabrielle…she is a cunning, calculating, cold businesswoman, who would go to great lengths to get what she wants."

"Okay, try to think of this as an acquisition. What would you do to your opponent to get what you want? You find their weakness, Christian. And Fee is your weakness and Gabrielle fucking Morgan knows that."

He sighs and hangs down his head. "You rejected her in front of Ana. A woman, rejected and in love can be very dangerous, and I think you made the biggest mistake by trusting her."

I stare blankly at my brother and feel as if my whole world is falling apart. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. The words repeat in my head over and over again. In this moment I feel like I am trapped in a black void of a mess that I can't seem to get out of.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Elliot."

"Christian, do you love Ana?" His questions caught me off guard. It hurts. It rips me open from the inside out, leaving me breathless and out of control.

"Of course I love her," I reply hoarsely the moment I get my breathing back under control.

"Then fight for her. Fight for them, man…and every time you start to doubt her, think about that moment you knew she was the one…"

"Fuck," He mutters bringing his hands back to his neck. "I'm turning into a chick"

Despite the circumstances, I feel my lips quirk into a tiny smile. Only my brother is able to make a joke while in a shitty situation.

"There has to be more about Ana's story. I just can't believe she would be capable of leaving Fee behind. Have you seen how much they love each other? How Ana treats Fee?"

I hang my head down in shame. _What the fuck have I done? What have I done?_

"Find out what happened in that garage. You have the footage, but you refused to look at it more than once. You just didn't want to know, and I understand that I really do…but find out what happened Christian, because…"

"Ana is strong" I blurt out not even knowing where that comment came from.

"From the little that Kate told me, I think she is, but even strong women break at some point, Christian and I think that especially strong woman are capable of walking away and not look back"

I sink back into my chair desperation washing over me. Was I wrong? Did I wrongly accuse Ana? It can't be…the proof was there in black and white. Even the note was clear. _Do not try to find me._

* * *

My brother is long gone, muttering something about an appointment when I make a decision.

"Taylor!" I bellow. I don't know how he does it, but it only takes him seconds before he is standing in my office. I believe I even see a ghost of a smile when he notices the destruction on my desk.

"Sir" I stare at his face for a long time and see a glint of annoyance in his eyes. At this point I am past caring about what he thinks, he works for me, and so he will have to keep his feelings aside.

"I want the footage from when I found Fee. I want to see it from every angle. I want the face of the person zoomed in. I want you to find out everything there is to know about this person. I also want the note that was found on Fee investigated for fingerprints. I don't care what you have to do, but I want them by eight tomorrow morning"

Despite the little seed of doubt, my brother has planted in my head; I've always relied on my gut instinct. I am not paranoid. If something deep inside of me tells me something is not right about a person or situation, I've always followed my intuition blindly. And I hate it that I am questioning myself.

But then I remember the first time I looked into Ana's eyes. Those amazing blue eyes that sparkle when she laughs, and darken when we are making love. But it was those same eyes I saw dulling and blurring when I kicked her out of my home.

 _Fuck!_

 **Anastasia**

"Ana, you do realize that everything will be all right, don't you?" I shrug and look at Ethan, who hasn't changed one bit since I saw him for the last time one year ago. With his blonde hair combed casually to one side, his glasses, and the one-day worth of stubble on his face, he looks as if he just walked out of a magazine. In the meantime, I keep fidgeting with the label on my water bottle.

Gavin Shaw, Ethan's partner, who specializes in family law, gives me an encouraging smile from behind his laptop. He has been talking with one the other partners on the phone for a while now. From what they have told me this woman is a medical privacy lawyer.

"He's a billionaire…he took care of her for the last three years and what if he can convince the judge that it was me who abandoned her? Besides, Phoebe loves him."

"But he won't be able to convince any judge. From the little information we have so far he circumvented the law and for that, he needs to be punished." My dad says while rising from the couch. His face is stone cold as he joins us at the dinner table.

The door flies open and a very excited Kate comes barging in. Ethan rolls his eyes and mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like 'dramatic'. Everyone ignores it though and my eyes are drawn to the little piece of paper, Kate is holding between her thumb and index finger.

"What is that?" I ask.

"Taylor gave it to me when I walked out of Grey's office." I don't like the waver in her voice, but I don't want to ask her what transpired in Christian's office either. Just thinking about him makes me feel as if someone is twisting a knife in my stomach.

"Is it for me?" I say looking at the neatly folded paper and then back to Kate.

"I think so… I haven't read it."

Taking a deep breath I place my water bottle on the table and take the paper from between Kate's fingers. I unfold the paper and my breath catches in my throat when I read the name... Gabrielle Morgan.

"This is Christian's lawyer" I give Ethan the paper and lower my eyes. _What an idiot I have been. What a complete idiot!_

"Gabrielle Morgan is Christian's lawyer?" Ethan asks disgust filling his voice.

"Yes," I clear my throat. "She helped him with Phoebe's adoption…"

Ethan and Gavin look at each other, brows furrowed.

"Well, we went to law school with her. Ms. Morgan is…let's say she is the classic gold-digger. "

"She's very beautiful" I whisper. "And intelligent" _And let's not forget, uncomplicated._

Ethan snorts. "She's a slut, Ana. She works at Davis & O'Neil's law firm where she started as an intern. And the only reason she isn't a partner yet is probably due to the fact that she has been busy with Grey" He raises his eyebrows at me, silently asking me a question. When I lower my eyes, too embarrassed to answer his question, he leans closer to me.

"Did Grey and Morgan have an affair, Ana?"

I nod, too embarrassed to speak or even look at him. "I met her last week" I explain focusing on my hands. "She made it pretty clear that I wasn't Christian's type" I shrug. "Christian was pretty harsh with her" I admit.

"Do you know if he was seeing her while you were dating him?" My head snaps up.

"Christian may be a lot of things" I grit out. "But he isn't a cheater"

"If you say so…" Ethan mutters.

"Look we are getting off track," Gavin says giving Ethan a death stare.

"Why did Grey's CPO give Kate that paper? That's what we need to focus on."

"You are such idiots," Kate says waving her hands in the air. "Gabrielle Morgan is a woman scorned. She is probably the one who had access to Ana's medical records."

I stand up from the table needing time and space from everyone in the room. What the hell has my life turned into? I don't want to discuss that bitch; I don't want to discuss Christian's relationship with her! I just want my daughter.

As I make my way upstairs I hear them talking about calling my insurer to ask for a copy of my medical records and patient activities.

I slip into Phoebe's room and close the door behind me. I walk directly to the rocking chair my dad made and sink into it. It gives me a perfect view of the Sound. I close my eyes and try to forget about the mayhem downstairs. I try to forget what my mother did to me. I try to banish Christian's cold stare away and I focus on my daughter's sweet smile.

Anger surfaces quickly when I think of all the things they took away from me. The pain everything caused me. But then as quickly as it comes it fades away and in place anxiety and fear takes over.

What if she hates me? What is she thinks I gave her away? What if Christian tells her that? What if Christian gets out of the country and takes her with him?

"Hey Kiddo" I quickly wipe the tears away when I hear the door closing. _God, I just want a few minutes by myself._

"Hi dad"

He kneels in front of me and covers my hands with his gruff ones.

"Talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours."

"I don't even know where to start…"

"I have all the time in the world," He says giving me a small smile.

"I'm so angry, dad. It feels as if I am not even myself anymore…you know what my biggest fear is?" I pause and stare at the water.

"I'm afraid she will hate me…she thinks she lost her mommy...how can I ever tell her what happened without traumatizing her for life?"

"Kids are very resilient, sweetheart, but she is still very small and it would probably do her more harm than good in knowing how she ended up with Grey"

"But I want to tell her!" I yell frustrated. "I want to tell her that I am her mother! I want to tell the whole world she is mine! Do you know that some shitty kid bullied her because she didn't have a mother? Do you know how devastated she was, dad? Well, I want to go to that little shit's house and tell him that Phoebe does have a mother! But I can't!"

Sobs are raking through my body when I am pressed against my dad's broad chest. "But _you_ will know, Annie. You _are_ her mother…"

"But they took it away from me, dad…and now…now he took her away from me again because he thinks I am a lunatic who wants to harm a little girl, but I would never hurt her…because I love her. I loved her from the first moment I saw her."

My dad rocks me back and forth.

"I was supposed to be the first one to hold her in my arms, to go with her to her first doctor's appointment. I was the one supposed to feed her in the middle of the night, sooth her, kiss her and whisper that everything was going to be all right because I would never let anything happen to her…"

"What kind of a mother does that make me, dad?" I shove him away from me.

"I should have been awake…I heard her crying…" I'm pacing the room.

"She drugged you, Annie!"

"Then I should have been stronger! I should have fought it…what if…"

"Stop it right now, young lady! You are getting yourself worked up. Blaming yourself for things that were completely out of your control. You need to focus on the future. Yes, you missed out on many things, but try to look ahead….there are so many beautiful things ahead of you, kiddo." He takes my face into his hands and leans down to kiss my forehead.

"You will be there for her when she goes to Kindergarten for the first time, and when she learns to ride a bike…" He chuckles. "If she is anything like you, you will be simultaneously overjoyed and freaked out. Believe me, it's unsettling to see your child going faster than you can follow. Then she is going to start to lose her teeth and the tooth fairy comes to visit. Maybe she is like you and becomes upset, but you are the one who is going to be there to convince her that she will get brand new teeth." I smile a little because I was really upset when I lost my first tooth.

"Fast forward a few years and you will be out shopping with Phoebe for her prom. You will overanalyze the little prick who escorts her, but you will be there for her. From now on, Annie…you aren't going to miss out on anything anymore."

* * *

The day progresses in a blur and I feel as everyone has taken over my life.

I hear things as jail time, law circumvention, and disbarment.

"Under the federal law known as HIPAA, it's illegal for health care providers to share patient's treatment information without their permission. Gabrielle Morgan was driven by personal reasons, jealousy or maybe a desire for retribution, and therefore she can be disbarred" Ethan says very matter of fact.

"Getting her disbarred will be pretty easy, so we won't have to worry about that. We've already contacted HHS. Normally this takes longer, but given the nature of the case we made a special request through a judge and we are expecting a call from HHS at any moment now. Usually, they warn or discipline the person responsible for the disclosure, but we are aiming for prosecution."

"Do you have any questions so far, Ana?" Gavin asks gently.

"No"

"Very well. Ethan searches through a few pages and he slowly looks at me. We have proof that your mother actually paid Joanne de Wit for the kidnapping of Phoebe." He takes a slow breath his eyes never leaving mine. "This is thanks to your mother's husband who gave us access to her accounts"

"Okay," I whisper.

"We have already requested for a DNA test."

"What if he refuses?"

"If Grey refuses he may face legal consequences such as being held in contempt of court, meaning that criminal charges could be filed or he could be fined."

"How long does it take to get the results back?" My dad asks.

"One or two days" Gavin replies.

"As for Grey, you can sue him for abduction. Cases like this are rare but tragic. He will be arrested on kidnapping charges and custodial interference."

I nod my head not really knowing what to say or do at this point. Preferably I don't want his name mentioned, but even I know that it is impossible.

Everything Christian did, was premeditated. He knew that he should have alerted the police but chose not to, purely out of selfish reasons. He should have given the police the opportunity to search for the birth mother or at least relatives. But what Christian Grey wants, Christian Grey gets, right? Well, at this point Christian Grey is facing jail time.

"Since his parents were also involved in speeding up the adoption and hiding the fact that Phoebe was a foundling, they are seen as complicit."

Kate sucks in a deep breath and I wonder what this is going to do to her relationship with Elliot.

"It is pretty late," Gavin says looking at his watch. "We can start tomorrow morning with filing the lawsuit. Once we have filed the lawsuit we will proceed in notifying him and deliver a copy of the summons and complaint."

* * *

A Japanese legend says that if you can't sleep at night it means that you are awake in someone else's dream. I sigh and turn around for the umpteenth time. I am probably in Christian's dream telling him everything I should have told him yesterday.

Staring at the ceiling I can't help but think if Christian is also experiencing a restless night. I want desperately to know if he is as hurt as I am. I want to know if I am not the only one hurting by this. And I really want to know if I meant something to him at all.

After thirty minutes of tossing and turning, I give up. My thoughts are eating me alive. I can't seem to shut them out. Mindful not to wake Kate I throw the covers away and slowly make my way downstairs.

"Hey"

"Shit, Ethan! You scared me to death! What are you doing here?"

He chuckles. "You look cute with your hair like that?"

"Oh, shut it" I grumble in annoyance.

"My sister woke you with her snoring?"

"No. I can't seem to shut my brain off…I can't stop thinking"

He nods and starts heating up milk in the microwave. "Are you even allowed to drink milk?" He asks looking at me with his brows furrowed.

"It's non-fattening milk, Ethan" I reply in annoyance. "Besides my trainer can't see me right now"

"You look skinny anyway." He huffs. "You haven't eaten today, have you?"

"I ate…my dad forced me to" He hands me the milk and slowly we make our way to the couch. We sit next to each other and are silent for a moment.

"You love him, don't you?"

"He is the only man I've been with and thought that I could easily spend the rest of my life with him"

"Ouch," He says grinning and brings his free hand to his heart.

I snort and bump my elbow against his. "What we had was different, Ethan…it was…"

"The Plan," We say simultaneously.

"Yeah, the plan" I whisper.

"Did you ever regret what we did?" He cocks his head to the side and briefly while looking into his green eyes and the boyish grin, I am transported at the time when we made The Plan. I don't even remember how it came up. In one way or another, we began making a plan for us to have sex. However, Ethan even planned out where and when it would happen, to what we would do afterward and who would buy the condoms.

There might have been some pressure from my side to go through with The Plan. Most of my friends were already having sex for a long time, but I was starting to become curious. I wondered if sex was really as amazing as everyone said it would be. Losing my virginity to Ethan didn't seem such a bad idea either. I had known him since we were kids. I knew he cared for me and I was sure he wouldn't make me feel used and disposable, like the horror stories I've heard from my friends who lost their virginity to a stranger.

Ethan continued meticulously planning our first time, which was hilarious and totally stupid at the same time, and then it happened. There were no fireworks or sparks, but it was good. I felt cared for, safe and happy.

"No, I don't. You?"

He chuckles. "No never" He softly presses his lips against my forehead, a gesture that he has done many times, but something so sweet and caring that I burst out into tears.

"Don't cry, Ana" He wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer towards him. My face is pressed against his t-shirt. His scent and the slow beating of his heart make me cry even harder. This should be Christian. He should be the one holding me, not Ethan.

"He was right to call me unstable, I'm a disaster" I casually shrug myself out of his hold and start wiping the moisture from my face.

"You are incredibly strong, Ana. You are badass, you are the awesomest" He is quiet for a moment and I can't help but smile at his 'awesomest' comment.

"Aren't you are little too old for that, Ethan?"

"I am never too old to make my friend laugh." He gives me a playful wink and settles back into the couch.

"I already told you, Ana, everything is going to be just fine. Grey doesn't stand a chance" I turn around when I feel a pang of hurt in my heart. _Grey doesn't stand a chance. Grey can face up to 20 years in jail._

But do I want that? Do I want Christian to go to jail?

"Can I ask you something, Ethan?" I take a deep breath and pause.

"Assuming that Christian would have alerted the authorities when he found Phoebe, do you think the police would have started an investigation to go in search of the birthmother and alert the media?"

He sighs and brushes his hands over his face. "Do you want me to answer you as a lawyer or as your friend?"

"Both."

He lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes. "The police would have probably never found you, Ana. If Grey would have called the authorities Phoebe would have been placed in a foster home. It would have taken him months to get the appropriate papers to file for adoption. Also, your mother never took you to the hospital. There were no records that you had recently given birth. The chance that you would have been found was practically non-existent"

"Meaning that alerting the media when a foundling is concerned isn't standard procedure?" I ask.

"Unfortunately not" He breathes. "Look, the police don't have the resources or the manpower to carry out a large-scale investigation. They would have probably looked at the footage and investigated the note that Phoebe was carrying with her. If they had hit a dead end, they would easily close the case and Grey would have been able to adopt Phoebe."

"But even though the police would have closed the case because they couldn't find the birthmother, the authorities would go in search for the next of kin, right?"

"Yes, but searching for a next of kin for a newborn baby is just about impossible"

"Thank you"

"By noon tomorrow Grey will receive the legal papers, Ana"

 **Christian**

Ever since I was little, I taught myself to be stone-cold and self-reliant. I learned quickly that I couldn't make any sound or the pimp would beat me and burn me. Then when I started GEH, I taught myself not to show any emotions, inside as well as outside of the boardroom. So through the years, I taught myself only to cry and show emotions behind closed doors, preferably without sound. I taught myself to break down without anyone knowing because when no one sees you suffer, you aren't weak. I always pretended that the crying and the breakdowns never happened, and I could always go back to a world where suffering didn't exist. Where I had the control of everyone and everything.

But now, in the clear light of the day, I know that I can't run away anymore. There is no more pretending. Because I am on the verge of losing it all. My daughter and the only woman I have ever loved.

This has to be the loneliest moment of my life. It is like I am watching my life falling apart and all I can do is stare blankly at the envelope on my desk.

The process server's words are still ringing in my head.

"Mr. Trevelyan-Grey, you have been served"

* * *

 **Authors note; Thank you all so much for reading! Next update will be Sunday.**

 **Alner X**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 16**

 **Anastasia**

I can't stop glancing at the clock. It is 4 PM and I know that Christian had the papers served exactly at noon. I was specifically told not to answer my phone if he would try to contact me.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious to know whether he reached out or not. But I can't even look even if I wanted to. Ethan, Gavin, and my dad went out for a run and my dad made sure to take my phone with him.

Since Kate is working upstairs I just try to relish in the calm. I close my eyes briefly and try to push time forward in my mind when this mess will be over with.

It is when I am about to start on dinner when I hear the doorbell ring. My body stiffens, my heartbeat quickens. What if he decided to come to talk to me in person instead of calling me? He wouldn't. He is probably too mad to talk to me. I am almost certain that he summoned his fancy lawyers and is plotting a way to make me look like the lunatic he thinks I am.

Numbly I make my way to the door.

"Ana…" I open the door and stare into Elliot's worried blue eyes. He looks uncharacteristically nervous.

His uneasiness makes me uneasy and the first thing that enters my mind is that something happened to Phoebe.

"Elliot, what's wrong?"

He just stares at me, shuffling his feet.

"Oh my God, Elliot. Did something happen to Phoebe?" His eyes widen and I see him swallow.

"No…No…fuck! I'm sorry…Fee…I mean Phoebe…she is fine. She is with …" He hangs his head down and lets out a long sigh.

"She is safe, Ana. I promise. I just talked to her, she is happy but she misses…"

"Look if you think you can come here and tell me how my daughter is feeling…she belongs to me, Elliot. I am her mother."

"I know…will you just please listen to me, please."

"What do you want, Elliot." I cross my arms in front of my chest and lean against the doorpost. "Because if you came here to tell me that Phoebe, my daughter, belongs to Christian, I am going to ask you to leave and never come back again. Besides, I don't even know if I am supposed to talk to you…"

"Five minutes, please. I only ask five minutes of your time."

"Why would I do that, Elliot? You are probably going to run back to your brother the moment you leave here…he will use everything to my disadvantage."

"Do you love him?"

"Elliot…"

"Please, Ana. Five minutes…my brother…he is not in a right state of mind to talk to you right now, hell he isn't …" I hate that I feel a pang of hurt and worry. Something in Elliot's eyes tells me that Christian isn't doing well. I bite my lip to hold myself back from asking. What's the point anyway? Christian made it perfectly clear we were over.

"Elliot, your brother threw me out of his house. He told me that we were over, he called me crazy…" I shrug casually but feel the anguish deep in my chest.

"Your brother and I are done."

"You don't mean that…please hear me out. I know that you are a good person, and I am not picking sides…I should have known that F-Phoebe was yours…the signs were there, but what were the chances?" He is rambling and holding out his hands in a pleading motion. I lower my eyes and take a step back from the door.

He looks stunned for a moment, his hands falling limb in front of him. "Come in."

"Thank fuck!" He mutters. He gives me an apologetic smile and carefully steps inside.

"Is there somewhere we can talk in private?"

"Yeah, sure. Follow me"

"You have a beautiful home, Ana" He looks around as I guide him towards my small sanctuary. The library.

"Thank you" I whisper.

"Oh wow" Standing in the doorway Elliot practically fills my small library with his presence.

"This is cute" He grins.

"Fee loves books" He blurts out. "Fuck! Shit! I mean Phoebe…Phoebe loves books. Christian built a library for her, you know."

Taking a deep breath I settle in one of the chairs and point to a vacant one. "You can call her Fee, Elliot. I believe she prefers Fee over Phoebe."

"She doesn't know any better." He shrugs and casually sits down.

I want to ask him a thousand questions about Phoebe, but somehow I am able to hold back.

"You wanted to talk"

He nods and suddenly that anxious expression is back on his face. "Christian was served this afternoon, but you probably already know that" He gives me a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Elliot, I don't think I should be talking to you about that"

"I didn't come here to excuse my brother's behavior, because I know that's impossible," He is silent for a moment.

"Taylor called me ten minutes after the process server left the premises. I have known Taylor for years and I've never seen him nervous. Anyway, it took me approximately twenty minutes to get there and by that time, there was nothing left of his office. The baseball bat…" He lowers his head and brushes his hands through his hair, an action that immediately reminds me of Christian.

"He used the bat that Katie left there yesterday and destroyed everything except Fee's and your pictures"

He clears his throat. "He was just sitting there, in the midst of all the destruction, the bat still in his hands. He had this song from Imagine Dragons on repeat…Demons."

 _Oh, my God._

"We couldn't reach him. He didn't react to anything we said. He just sat there…catatonic."

"Elliot, why are you telling me this? You need to call a doctor; I can't help you with this…"

"But you can!" He says raising his voice. "You are the only one who can, Ana"

"Elliot, that's not true. Call a doctor because I am the last person who Christian wants there and at this point, I don't want to see him either…Christian was pretty clear to me…"

"Fuck! I know! But he is an idiot! He is my brother and I love him and in moments like this I don't know whether to hug him or beat his ass and yes, he is an idiot! He acts before thinking, but I promise you he did that because he thought he was protecting Fee. He would give his life for her."

"I called Flynn…he is there now with him. My parents are on their way back from Montana with Fee."

 _So that is where they had taken her._

"Phoebe belongs to me…" I whisper

"She does. But you should have seen him in the hospital when the nurse had cleaned her up and gave Fee to him. I have never seen my brother look so happy…"

"Elliot, please!" My voice sounds desperate and I can feel the tears building behind my eyes.

"I know that you have every right to do what you did, but will you please reconsider? Will you please talk to him?"

"He doesn't want to talk to me, Elliot, he made that perfectly clear"

He hangs his head down. "Okay. I've brought you something" Shifting on his seat he pulls a USB flash drive from his pocket and hands it to me with a trembling hand.

"Promise me you will look at this"

"What is in there, Elliot?"

"It's nothing bad, I promise. There are different video sequences of Fee growing up. From the moment they gave her to Christian in the hospital until a few weeks ago when I took her to the Zoo. It's mostly me goofing around with her and Christian; sometimes our parents were there too. Just random moments from her life…"

"Promise you will watch them" He places his hand over mine while I hold on to the flash drive.

"I promise"

We both rise from our seats. I look down at the flash drive in my hands and feel the sadness creeping up at me.

"I'm going to head back to Christian's" He looks uncomfortable and is looking everywhere but at me. "Here is my business card" He pulls a little card with his company logo from his wallet and hands it to me. "You can call me day or night, if you have questions about …your daughter or if you need something, it doesn't matter…just call me, okay?"

I hesitate before taking the card from him and then thank him with a little nod of my head.

"Christian is lucky to have you" I whisper. "He doesn't deserve you." I am shocked when the words leave my mouth, but I don't mean them even though I want to. I want to start apologizing when he cuts me off.

"He's my brother" He shrugs. "He's had a rough life before my parents adopted him. He never talks about it, but I am not an idiot, I've seen the burns, I heard the nightmares. Then most of his life he believed he was undeserving of love, and I refuse to let him think that. He's my brother, and I will move heaven and earth to show that to him." With that, he turns around and walks away.

I walk up to my room, the flash drive almost burning a hole in my hand. Tiptoeing I pass one of the guest rooms where Kate is working. I peek my head through the door and see her furiously typing away on her laptop. I back away slowly, close the door and walk towards my bedroom. Once there I lock the door and settle myself on my bed with my laptop on my lap.

The first person coming into view is Elliot. He is grinning. "Hello little lady, I am your Uncle Lelliot, or you can call me your Uncle Awesome if you prefer…" I see the camera moving and a gasp escapes my lips.

Christian is sitting and holding a little bundle in his hands. His big hand is carefully supporting her head while he just gazes down at her. I move closer to the laptop, eager to see her face. Elliot walks closer to where Christian is sitting and then her perfect, sweet little face comes into view. Big, round eyes are staring back at Christian. I almost want to reach out and pull the little pink cap she is wearing to see her hair.

"Fuck man she is a beautiful baby…" Christian just nods, most likely incapable to tear his eyes away from her.

The next moment Phoebe is crunching her nose and the tiniest, most adorable cry comes out. This time Christian looks up.

"Mom, she is hungry…she needs to eat" I hear and see the panic coming from him in waves.

"The nurse will be here in a second Christian…" He nods his head and after giving his mother one of his scowls his gaze turns back to Phoebe. The scowl is replaced by a loving smile but when she starts fussing he awkwardly starts rocking her back and forth. He starts murmuring something to her that I can't understand, but then she stops crying. Ever so slowly he leans down and kisses her forehead. Tears are streaming from my eyes as I watch him with my daughter. Joy and sadness blend together.

The next shot I see is the nurse walking into the room holding a tiny bottle of milk in her hands. She starts explaining to Christian how to feed her and then I see a close-up. Phoebe's eyes are huge as she is drinking, her gaze focused on Christian.

The next video is of Christian lying on the couch. He is wearing a white shirt and gray sweatpants. Phoebe who is wearing an adorable pink pajama is lying on her tummy while Christian his hands protectively are holding on to her little body. He looks so peaceful…they both do. I feel my lips moving into a smile as I watch them both peacefully sleep.

* * *

"Can you do that again, little Fee? Can you smile for your Uncle Awesome?" Elliot is the one holding the camera. Phoebe is lying on her back on Christian's legs looking curiously at the phone. She isn't smiling though.

"What the fuck, man. Mom just called me and told me she smiled"

"And you came rushing here?" It's Christian's voice and I get this weird feeling in my stomach. Elliot angles the phone and I see the side of Christian's face. A lock of hair is falling on his forehead and my hands are itching to push it back. But then the camera slides back to Phoebe. Elliot keeps talking to her, pleading with her to smile. But she just looks at him. Wide blue eyes, pouty lips. _Perfect. She is absolutely perfect._

"Fee?" Her head immediately turns when she hears Christian's voice. "Can you smile for daddy?" It's adorable to see how her gaze wanders off to Elliot and then back to Christian.

"Come on, Princess" Christian gently coaxes her. "Show Uncle Idiot your heart stopping smile"

I gasp when I see her face lighting up as she smiles. I bring my hand to my mouth because I don't think I have seen anything sweeter.

* * *

"Elliot, for fuck's sake! Turn that phone off and look where you are walking!"

 _Oh, Jesus._ I see Christian and Phoebe outside. Christian is wearing a black leather jacket, white t-shirt and light wash jeans. But what makes my heart skip a beat is the fact that he is carrying Phoebe in a baby carrier. I giggle at the annoyance on Phoebe's face as she stares at the camera. But my heart melts when I see her reaching for Christian's hand.

But then my breath catches in my throat when I see an adorable pink birthday cake.

"This cake seems a bit small for so many people, no?" Elliot mutters and zooms in on Christian's face. He simply rolls his eyes and kisses Phoebe's cheek. She looks adorable in a pink tutu and the cutest crown on her head. I wipe the tears from my face and blink away the moisture from my eyes.

 _She is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen and she looks so happy._

The video continues showing bits and pieces of Phoebe's life just like Elliot told me. Mostly with Christian, but also with his parents and Mia.

I cry so hard during the video. It is painful to watch something so beautiful and intimate from the outside. I should have been there with my baby girl. Hopefully, I won't be the outsider any longer.

 **Christian**

"Christian, you need a lawyer" My dad waves the papers in front of my face, his face enraged. The vein on the side of his neck is pulsing and ready to burst. I roll my eyes at him and force myself not to scream at him.

"You need to call Ms. Morgan who is the one who helped you with Fee's adoption. Then I am going to call Stefan Williams, he is…"

I tune him out and walk towards the window. Stefan Williams is a fucking creep. I don't want him here and Ms. Morgan…well, I'll deal with her differently. But she definitely will not be helping me with this in any shape or form. In fact, the moment I am done with that fucking bitch, she'll be happy to get a job as a waitress.

"Christian, are you even listening to me? Do you understand the implications? You could be convicted to 20 years if not more. And what about GEH? If this goes public…"

"As surprising as this may sound, father, GEH is the last bit of my worries right now. My first concern is my three-year-old daughter."

"Nothing is going to happen to Fee! But you have to stay focused!" He is screaming and waving those fucking papers back and forth.

"That's exactly right!" I scream back at him, not able to hold back anymore. "Nothing is going to happen to Fee, because the moment I can get you all out of my home, I am sending her to spend time with her mother!" My father's jaw almost hits the floor.

"Come again?"

I shake my head at him and close my eyes briefly. "Fee belongs with her mother," I say with finality.

"So you are just going to give her away? Are you not going to fight this? You have been accused of abduction, Christian and she filed for full custody of your daughter!" He is back at screaming again and I hope to God someone walks in and drags him away before I kick him out.

"I am not giving my daughter away." I slump down on one of the chairs and bury my head in my hands.

"Ana is Fee's mother…"

"You don't know that! We need a DNA test because over my dead body you are handing your daughter over to that woman!"

"That woman, as you call her, is her mother! You have to be an idiot not to see it." I reply as calmly as possible.

"Where is the son I know? Where is that spirit? The need to win, to control?"

"This is not about winning or control. This is about doing the right thing. This is, about the fact that I hurt the woman I love…" I sigh and try to calm down. "We aren't talking about a fucking acquisition here dad."

"Goddammit, Christian!" He throws the papers on the floor and shoves his phone into my hands.

"Call Ms. Morgan" He demands, the authority dripping from his words.

"Ms. Morgan is fired." I throw the phone back at him and it falls with a thud on the floor. "She was the one who gave me Ana's medical records." I bite out. Bile rising in my throat as I think back to my phone conversation with that bitch. He is silent for a moment, stunned even as he processes what I just told him.

"Then we'll find someone else. Someone better…"

"I SAID NO!" I bellow clenching my hands into fists.

"I want you and mom to leave. I am going to handle this my way."

My dad starts shaking his head vehemently, his lips curling into a sneer. "You obviously don't know what you are doing, son! You are going to talk to John, who is still waiting for you in the living room, and hopefully, he will be able to knock some sense in that thick skull of yours. In the meantime, I am going to call the judge that helped us with the adoption in the first place, I will need to pull some strings, but nothing that can't be fixed…we need to spin things around…"

"Are you deaf?" I jump out of the chair and walk to where my father is standing. "Calling that judge, pulling some strings…that's what got us here in the first place. I am going to ask you to leave." I clear my throat and stare at the stunned expression on my father's face.

"I appreciate everything that you and mom have done for me. There is no way I will be able to repay that. But Fee belongs to her mother."

My mother is pacing in the hallway the moment I open the door. My heart breaks when I see the dark circles under her tear filled eyes.

"Oh Christian" She wraps her arms around my neck.

"Mom, please don't cry…"

"Is she going to take her away from us? What if she decides to take Fee with her to LA?"

"Mom…please"

"Listen to your dad, demand a DNA test…"

"We don't need that test, mom. You only have to take one look at her and know that Fee is Ana's daughter." I take a deep breath and kiss my mom's forehead.

"Then you need to talk to her. There has to be something we can do…"

"I will try and talk to her, but I am going to be brutally honest with you…I treated Ana in a despicable way." I close my eyes and see her crying face, how she was pleading with me to let her see Fee.

"Let me put it this way. If someone would treat my daughter that way…I would kill him."

She nods her head while the tears keep streaming down her face. "Let me look at your hands…" I look down at my knuckles and it's for the first time that I notice the swelling and the bruises.

"It will be fine. I'll ask Gail to prepare me an icepack…"

Sniffing she stands on her toes and sweetly kisses my cheek. "Let us know if there is anything we can do for you"

"I will. I promise" With my arm draped around my mother's shoulder, we walk back to the living room.

Fee is animatedly talking to Elliot. John is silently listening to the conversation with a small smile on his lips.

"Hey, Princess!" I scoop her up into my arms and bury my nose in her soft curls.

"Hi Daddy" She whispers. She lays her head on my shoulder while her little arms are tightly wrapped around my neck.

"Daddy missed you, Princess" Her response is a soft humming against my neck that warms me from the inside.

"Fee," I walk towards the couch and sit down with her on my lap. "Look, daddy needs to go away on a business trip." Her big blue eyes glance up at me filled with curiosity.

"Would you…" I take a deep breath and kiss her forehead a couple of times. "How would you like to spend a few days with Ana?"

"Okay," She says slowly. There are little wrinkles of confusion on her forehead. She senses something is off, and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that I have to lie to her, but I am doing this for her, for Ana.

"Are you coming too?" She asks after a few seconds of silence.

"I can't. Daddy needs to work, remember?"

From the corner of my eyes, I see John and Elliot walking out of the room. And for the next several minutes I just sit there, holding the most importing person in my life, in my arms, not knowing when the next time will be I'll be able to hold her.

* * *

"You knew and you didn't tell me, John. You are supposed to be my friend."

"I understand that you feel that way, but …"

"Look, don't talk to me as if I were one of your fucking patients, John. You are my friend, so spare me the fucking psychological bullshit."

"Okay," He says slowly, not even affected by my outburst. "From here on out I will address you as my friend"

"Good" I mutter.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" The harshness of his words and the fact that he is cursing, something very uncharacteristically John, has me lifting my head in shock.

"What in God's name were you thinking when you opened Ana's medical records!"

"It was there…Gabrielle got into my head. John, when I opened the nursery, I felt as if I was drowning…I didn't know what to do. At first, I thought Ana was some crazy baby snatcher, that she had planned this…" I stammer.

"I told you to have patience with her. I told you she was a good person! My word doesn't count? My word as your friend doesn't count?"

"I got scared…"

"But this is not about you, Christian."

"I know! Fuck! Don't you think I know! But I am doing the right thing now! I am giving my daughter back to her mother!" He completely disregards my comment and stares at me, disapproval apparent on his face.

"And what the fuck were you thinking in not alerting the authorities when you found Fee? We were always under the impression that you'd taken the right steps during Fee's adoption process."

"I didn't want more people involved…it is bad enough that I dragged my parents into this" I hang my head down in shame. _What the fuck have I done?_

"Exactly, Christian. You dragged your parents, a well-known, highly regarded lawyer, and a pediatrician with a wide reputation and a high position in Seattle's society, into this gigantic illegal mess." He pulls his glasses from his face and shakes his head.

"This could have been avoided." He says softly.

"I will take all the blame, I'll tell the judge it was all me," I feel the panic rising in me realizing what this might do to my parents. The idea of them being dragged through the mud is unbearable.

"That's a very noble thing to say, Christian. But do you realize that everyone involved in your scheme is going to be held accountable? The judge, the social worker, the nurses at the hospital, your parents, Taylor, they are all complicit"

"Then I will try and talk to Ana…"

He snorts. "You can hope and pray that Ana will ever want to talk to you after the way you have treated her"

"How could you possibly believe that Ana was capable of abandoning her child, Christian?"

I can't answer him that, simply because I don't have the answer. I stare at my bruised hands and relive the conversation I had with Ana before I threw her out. The same anguish is filling my veins, the same anguish I felt the moment I realized what I had done.

And then, when I received the papers, I knew the damage I had done was irrevocable. There was no turning back.

"I asked Taylor to look at the footage from the day I found Fee. He found out the name, Joanne de Wit. After further research, we found out that the woman passed away a few days after she left Fee. We hit a dead end when Taylor was trying to look into her bank accounts but he wasn't able to obtain information since we aren't legally entitled to it."

"Why did they take away Ana's baby, John? Did you know about this?"

"No, we didn't. Look, Christian, I can't and won't disclose any information regarding Ana. The only thing I will tell you is that Ana believed that her baby had died during childbirth. I know some of the details, but that's not my story to tell."

"Do you think that she will ever be able to forgive me, John?"

He brushes his hands over his face and when he lifts his head to look at me, he doesn't even have to answer my question. I can see it in his eyes.

The door opens and my brother sticks his head through the door. "Fee is getting restless…she wants to go to Ana's."

I nod, brush my hands over my jeans and rise from my seat. "I'll go with you…"

"No…no…no, man…"

"Relax, I won't leave the car. I just want to see her, please. She won't even know I am there, she won't be able to see me…"

"Just don't fuck this up man, don't fuck it up…" He warns.

"No more fuck ups, Lelliot"

* * *

The drive to Ana's house is short. Four minutes to be exact. In those four minutes, Fee can't stop talking about all the things she did in Montana and all the things she is planning on doing with Ana. She is talking about tea-parties, ballet, baking…the list goes on and on. I smile at her and hum in approval. She seems oblivious to my inner turmoil and for that I'm grateful.

Taylor parks the car and looks at me through the rearview mirror, and even though we share a glance that doesn't last longer than three seconds, I can clearly see the irritation on his features. It wouldn't surprise me if he would turn in his resignation.

"I am going to talk to Ana," My brother says opening the door. "Stay put"

I nod my head and turn around to focus on my daughter. Mr. Elephant on her lap and her face a picture of happiness.

"Fee, are you going to be a good girl for Ana?" I brush a few wayward curls out of her face and focus on her pouty lips and her sparkling blue eyes.

"Yep" Her brow furrows and that extraordinarily cute little V appears between her eyebrows. I lean down to kiss it and slowly brush my thumb over it.

"But not if she makes me eat broccoli…" I smile and then remember that Ana mentioned she didn't like broccoli either. _Like mother, like daughter._

I laugh and kiss her one more time. "I am sure that if you ask very nicely Ana won't cook broccoli."

I unbuckle her seatbelt and pull her onto my lap. "I will call you soon, okay?"

"Okay, daddy"

"And never forget that daddy loves you very, very much"

"To the moon and back?" She says looking up at me while absentmindedly she starts playing with my hair.

"Yeah, to the moon and back"

I hug her to my chest one more time and pepper her face with little kisses. "I love you, Fee"

"I love you too, daddy. To the moon and back"

I nod my head against her head and try to blink through the tears gathering in my eyes. I clear my throat when the door opens and Elliot sticks his head in it. His eyes dart to mine.

"You did the right thing, bro"

I look at the door and see Ana standing in the doorway her hands crossed in front of her chest. Behind her is an older man with short brown hair who I assume is Ray.

"Bye daddy!"

"Bye princess" I croak. The door closes and I watch how Ana's arm fall to the sides when she sees Fee getting out of the car. Her face that just looked fatigued a few seconds ago lights up with the most breathtaking smile. Her hand goes to her mouth and her eyes scrunch up in pain.

 _I'm so sorry baby, so fucking sorry._

The man behind her says something to her which makes Ana nod and then she starts running towards Fee. She sinks to her knees and wraps her arms tightly around her, burying her head in my little girl's neck.

It's like she can't believe she is actually holding her.

I keep my eyes glued to them. Ana is holding Fee's face between her hands and smiling at something Fee is saying.

My mind drifts off to the moment I signed the adoption papers. The possibility that Fee's birth mother would show up and claim her was something that crossed my mind at that point. I brushed that thought away as quickly as I could, convincing myself that I was doing the right thing.

Except now, I realize that that little fleeting thought I've had many times has become my reality.

* * *

 **Author's note: Thank you all so much for reading. Next update will be next weekend (Saturday or Sunday)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 17**

 **Anastasia**

"Go, Annie, go get your daughter" My dad's voice filters in through the blood pounding in my ears. I can't believe she's here. At first, I couldn't believe when Elliot told me he had Phoebe with him and I didn't believe it until I saw Elliot lifting her from the car. I thought it was a cruel joke.

The emotions I was feeling five minutes earlier completely disappeared the moment I saw my beautiful little girl in her beautiful dress smiling at me.

I don't even recall how I got to where she was standing; all I knew was that I needed to hold her. I needed to feel if she was real or only a figment of my imagination.

"Oh Fee…I missed you so much" I pull her in my arms and bury my face in her neck. She smells amazing. She feels amazing.

When I am finally able to pull away from her, I see her smile fall and tears gathering in her blue eyes.

"Why are you crying?" The way her lip starts to tremble makes me immediately brush my thumb over her bottom lip.

"I am just happy to see you…I missed you so much. These are happy tears" I add.

"Happy tears?" She asks. Her voice small, her eyes questioning while she cocks her head to the side.

Smiling through my tears I nod my head and pull her towards me one more time. I don't think I will be able to let her go ever again. I want to memorize everything about her. Her scent, her breathing against my neck, and the soft brushing of her curls against my face.

In the distance, I hear a car door closing. Fee and I both look but she pulls away and starts running towards the car as it slowly moves away.

"Daddy!" She yells her arms waving in the air. _Is Christian in the car?_

My heart stops momentarily and I think I am only able to keep standing on my buckling knees because my dad is holding on to my shoulders. He is talking to me, but I'm unable to hear anything he's saying because my eyes are focused on the scene unfolding in front of me. _She's running._

"Daddy wait!" Before the car has come to a complete stop the door opens and I see Christian stepping out. It takes him two steps to reach Fee and he immediately gathers her into his arms and pulls her against his chest.

Shrugging free from my dad's hold I manage to walk a few steps to where they are standing. Christian still has his face buried in Fee's hair. I immediately notice his bruised hands. My stomach clenches and instantly avert my eyes, not liking the way my body is responding to his injuries. Taking a deep shuddering breath, I close my eyes briefly.

"Fee?" I whisper. My voice is a trembling mess. My eyes are focused on my daughter, but I still see Christian slowly lift his head. Involuntarily my eyes dart to his and I gasp softly when I notice the haunted look on his face and his red-rimmed eyes. It is only a matter of seconds, but I can see the pleading in his eyes.

He is the one to break our connection, and when he looks down at Phoebe who is talking to him, her little hands holding on to his face, his lips slowly curl into a smile.

"Fee?" I say harder this time, not sure if she even heard me the first time.

"I forgot Mr. Elephant," She says looking over her shoulder. Oh God, it was only Mr. Elephant. Thank God, she wasn't running away from me.

Christian places her back on the ground, his brow furrowed, pain etched on his face. Don't look at him, Ana. He chose to believe someone else over you. He called you a liar, a pathetic mother, a lunatic. This was his choice, not mine. I've lived for too long in abusive relationships. First my mother, then Thomas and now Christian? I would have never thought he could switch off his feelings so easily, but then again, maybe he never loved me like he said he did.

Swiftly he leans down and retrieves the stuffed Elephant from the car and hands it to Phoebe.

He squats down until he is eye-level with Phoebe and I have to look away from the pained expression on his face.

"Remember what you promised Daddy?"

"Yes," Phoebe nods her head eagerly and wants to turn around when Christian pulls her against him one more time.

"Can Daddy have one last kiss, Princess?" She giggles which instantly makes Christian smile. I smile too and for just a few seconds I forget that there is absolutely no reason to smile.

"I love you…" Christian whispers.

"To the moon and back" Phoebe replies with a little nod of her head that makes her curls bounce up and down. Christian gives her one last kiss and rises to his feet. Our eyes lock again and I can't seem to look away.

"Ana…Ana…" I feel Phoebe impatiently tugging at my hand.

Putting a smile on my face I look down, but then my heart plummets when I hear the words leaving her mouth. "You forgot to give Daddy a kiss, Ana" Her eyes so youthful and beautiful look up at me.

"Um…I-I…think your daddy is in a hurry…"

"But you have to give him a kiss, that's a rule. Never say goodbye without a kiss." She says unwaveringly.

"I-I didn't know that rule existed" I reply lamely.

"It does." She says and pulls me closer to where Christian is standing. Oh, God. I don't want to kiss him; I don't even want to be standing so close to him. But I won't let Fee notice that. I can't.

Christian looks shocked from Fee to me and he closes his eyes when Fee has pulled me close enough to be standing toe to toe.

Slowly he leans down and I feel his nose touching my cheek. My body stiffens at the contact but when I feel his hand wrapping around my upper arm an involuntary low pained sound leaves my body.

"I'm sorry, Ana…I…"

"No…" My voice sounds foreign, even to my own ears. Shocked Christian steps away.

"No…" I whisper one more time when I feel his hand still wrapped around my arm. Avoiding his gaze I take a step back and smile brightly at Phoebe who is smiling brightly back at me. I breathe deeply when he too takes a step back, his arm falling limply to his side. I don't have to look at him to know the pleading look he is giving me right now, but he didn't seem to care when I was pleading with him, so why should I?

"Okay, are you ready to go inside?"

"Okay." She replies happily.

"Come." I lift her up and start walking away from Christian. I keep my eyes focused on my dad who is still standing at my front door. And I don't look back.

I can see the different emotions passing my dad's face as we approach him. When we stop in front of him I have to swallow a few times before I am able to talk.

"Fee, this is my daddy, Ray"

Hugging Mr. Elephant closer to her chest she gives my dad a shy smile. She buries her head in the crook of my neck and I watch my dad brushing his hand over his eyes.

"Let's go inside, okay?" I say softly.

Ethan, Kate, and Gavin are having a heated discussion about the benefits of coffee over tea. However, they all fall silent when we enter the living room.

"Guys, this is Fee," I say cheerfully. "Fee that is Ethan and that is Gavin, both of them are very good friends."

Slowly she lifts her head that was still buried in the crook of my neck. Her eyes widen when Ethan rises from the chair and slowly walks over to us.

"Hi beautiful girl"

"Hi" She croaks.

"I'm Ethan" He extends his hand but Fee just stares at it and then slowly she slides her little hand in his big one.

"I'm Phoebe Grace Grey, but my daddy calls me Fee and my Uncle Lelliot calls me Princess Bee"

"Okay…" Ethan draws in a huge breath his eyes briefly flickering to mine. "I think Phoebe is a beautiful name, but I'll call you Princess" Phoebe simply gives him a tight smile.

"And who is that?" He points to Mr. Elephant which makes Phoebe hug him closer to her chest.

"Mr. Elephant" She whispers. Ethan is clearly dismissed when she turns her back to him and leans her head against my shoulder.

 **Christian**

I shake my head at my brother when I enter the car. I can't even bring myself to look back at the house. Taylor starts driving the moment I close the door and we are enveloped in this stifling silence.

"Look, bro…"

"Not now, Ell…" I turn my face away from him closing my eyes tightly. The sound of her voice gave me the chills. It was so raw, so hurt, and so full of agony that I wanted to drop on my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

"She needs time…" He continues stubbornly. I sigh and try to tune him out. I know he means well, I really do, but at this point, I just want to be alone. I want to replay what just transpired again and again in my head. How good she felt despite the stiffening of her body. How fucking good she smelled…the way her hair brushed against my cheek.

"Elliot you need to promise me something"

"Anything, man. Tell me"

"You and I both know that there won't be a single judge who is going to believe I adopted Fee to give her a good home. They will only see that I used my influence, connections and my wealth to circumvent the law"

"Christian, I don't like where this conversation is heading," He says nervously.

I snort. That makes two of us, brother.

"I've been thinking," He says and nervously starts brushing his hands over his jeans. "You are going to hire a lawyer, a good family lawyer…he can contact…"

"Kavanagh is the best, Elliot" I reply.

"Look I don't know how this legal shit works" He is getting agitated. "But …fuck! I don't know how this all works! Call a fucking lawyer, there has to be a way to make Ana see that she is handling this the wrong way!"

"Is she, Elliot? Because if it weren't for you, I would still be walking around with my head up my ass and keeping Fee from her!"

"Fuck!" He shouts brushing his hands through his hair. "I need a drink"

He jumps out of the car and slams the door. I make eye contact with Taylor through the rearview mirror.

"I need you to find Ms. Morgan and bring her to me. I need to talk to her" I keep my eyes focused on his and see a flicker of annoyance pass through them.

"However, I do understand if you want to resign after what you had to witness yesterday with Miss Steele" I see the ticking of his jaw and the clenching of his hands around the steering wheel.

"I'm trying, Taylor" I admit breaking our eye contact, shame filling my body. "I am really fucking trying to fix the mess I created"

"I'll get Ms. Morgan" I am clearly dismissed when he turns his head back to the windshield. I chuckle when I notice that he doesn't even bother to open my door.

"I appreciate it, Taylor"

"Sir"

* * *

"He's fast man," Elliot mutters when Taylor announces Gabrielle's arrival exactly 30 minutes later. I nod my head and stifle a smile when my brother raises his beer at me and points at the bowl of popcorn on the table. "I am going to sit back and enjoy the show" _Motherfucker._

"Oh God, Christian" I am very pleased to see that Gabrielle doesn't look as well put together as she normally would. She stops when she notices my brother lazily taking a sip of his beer.

"Sup" He tilts his chin mockingly and shoves a handful of popcorn into his mouth. I would laugh if the situation weren't so incredibly fucked up.

She gives him a smile and takes a few steps to where he is sitting. "Elliot, it's so good to see you again"

"Can't say I feel the same" He shrugs. He points at me with his beer bottle. "He was the one who summoned you; I am only here to enjoy the show…oh and for the beer."

She looks taken aback at his blunt statement and I see her resolve start to weaken with every passing second. _Perfect._

"I'm glad you had Taylor pick me up, because…" He looks at my brother and then in the direction of my study.

"Is it possible to speak in private?" She says hesitantly.

"Sit" I point at the chair and make a mental note to ask Taylor to throw it away after she leaves. Surprisingly she sits down ever so slowly. I see her visibly swallow and then her perfectly manicured hand starts fumbling with her hair.

The silence stretches as I take her in. The only sound in the room is that of my brother shoving the popcorn in his mouth. I can't help but smirk at him.

"I don't understand why I'm here…" She starts uncertainly. "We've never met here before"

I am somehow able to produce a laugh. Dramatically I throw my head back.

"You thought I brought you here to fuck you?" I ask her incredulously.

"Well…" She bites her lip and I have no clue if she is trying to seduce me, but it's not working. Her eyes dart to my brother and then back to me.

"I…just. Your CPO didn't want to explain why I was needed…so I assumed…"

"Look, Gabrielle, I wouldn't even fuck you with a borrowed dick. Because I don't think you really understand our little arrangement. We only fucked. We met in a hotel of my choosing, we fucked, we left and that was it. No kissing, no lovemaking. Simply hard, meaningless fucking. At least that's what it was to me." Easing down in the chair opposite of hers I lean my elbows on my knees and stare at her for a very long time. _She repulses me._

"Gabrielle, to me you were a willing participant. A means to an end if you will. Disposable."

She opens her mouth to speak while her eyes are filling with tears. _Fuck. I hate tears._

"I'm not finished yet. I just started."

"I am not going to sit here and let myself be treated like this." Nervously she grabs her bag from the floor and rises.

"Sit. Back. Down." I hiss.

"I said I am not putting up with this!"

"SIT!" I yell. Shocked she sits back down.

"You know you can't hold me here against my will…" She tries again. "Because the moment I leave, I'll run to the press and explain how the real Christian Grey works…" She glares at me.

"Funny that you should mention that," I say coldly. "We will get to the newspaper part in a few minutes. But first I want you to sit back down and listen to what I have to say"

"What did you think you were achieving by sending me my girlfriend's medical records?"

"I already told you. I was trying to help you. It was clear that she is unfit to be near your daughter…"

"And since when do you care about my daughter? Tell me, except when I adopted her when was the last time you mentioned her?"

She blinks at me and that little gesture makes me want to grab her by her throat and strangle her.

"Exactly. Never! You don't give a shit about my daughter."

"That's not true…it's just that we always met in a hotel and…"

"Bingo! And that's the difference between you and Ana. When I met Ana, I pursued her. I couldn't stop thinking about her. The first night, I brought her here to my home. It was the morning after that when she met my daughter. And you know what? They instantly had this incredibly strong connection. I never thought about you, Gabrielle. I never felt the need to call you or sent you text messages…I never wanted more with you. Never."

"Why did you bring me here, Christian?"

"To tell you that you are fucking fired!" I yell leaning closer to her. Everything about this woman disgusts me. From her dull eyes to those flat bright red lips.

She chuckles and starts to rise from her seat.

"You don't understand, do you?

She really doesn't understand because that smile is still on her fucking face. "Look, I have more clients, Christian."

"You really are a fucking idiot" I whisper. "What you clearly don't seem to understand is that while Taylor was picking you up, I contacted Adam O'Neill, you know the partner in the firm you work for?"

Slowly she sinks back into the chair. At the same time, the color drains from her face as realization sets in.

"You finally connected the fucking dots?"

"But you can't…" She stammers.

"I not only can, I did, Ms. Morgan. My PA is filing a complaint as we speak and from what O'Neill told me, you will be hearing from the disciplinary boards very soon."

"You son of a bitch." _How fucking accurate she is_. "How could you…I'm a lawyer…do you know how hard I worked to get where I am?"

"You are not that great, at least that's what O'Neill told me," I smirk at her which only fuels her anger. "Well, and if you fuck the way you practice law…you're bad"

"Asshole!" She hisses. I dismiss her comment with a single flick of my wrist.

"I also know that getting disbarred is considered a great embarrassment and shame. I have also been told that depending on the jurisdiction, a lawyer may reapply to the bar immediately or after five to seven years, however, I have great influence in this country being one of the richest men, so I will personally make sure that you are banned for life. You, Ms. Morgan, will never practice law in your miserable life again"

Even though I just told her the most devastating news I am still not happy. I want her to suffer more. I want her to suffer like I am suffering like Ana suffered.

"If you even breathe one word about Anastasia to the press, I will fucking ruin you. Because if you think being permanently disbarred is bad, then you have no fucking clue what I have in store for you."

"Okay, as entertaining as this has been, I ran out of popcorn. It's time to take out the trash." My brother saunters to where she is sitting stunned, while the tears are streaming down her face.

"Boo-hoo…sucks hairy balls, doesn't it, Gabrielle?" He spits outs the words viciously. "But you just fucked with the wrong family."

 **Anastasia**

She is absolutely beautiful and adorable while she sleeps. She finally fell asleep with her head on my chest and her arms tightly wrapped around my waist. And I can't get enough of watching her sleep. I am trying to memorize every little detail. The way her long lashes rest against her cheeks, the way she purses her lips and makes sweet little noises, her sweet soft sighs. She has 9 freckles scattered around her button nose and the sweetest birthmark under her chin.

Softly I brush a wayward curl off of her forehead and kiss her one last time before sneaking out of the room.

"Is she asleep?" Ethan's voice startles me when I reach the kitchen. I thought he had left with Kate, but apparently, he has other plans.

"Yeah. She fell asleep an hour or so ago, but I…it's just that I have a feeling that this is a dream, that I am going to wake up in the morning and that she will be gone."

"She is a mini-Ana," He says smiling.

I can't help but smile along. "I guess she is…"

"How is it possible that you never saw the resemblances?"

I shrug. "I only knew what I was told. Phoebe had died…sure she looked like me…but I guess…God, Ethan, I don't know. "

"Are you going to tell Thomas?" _What?_

"Why should I?"

"He has a right to know, he's her father"

"And that's where you are wrong, Ethan. Thomas made it very clear that he didn't want her, he hit me and pushed me down the stairs when I told him I was pregnant." I turn on my heels and walk to the refrigerator.

"Jesus, Ethan! Why even bring this up? You were the one to file his termination of Parental Rights consent form!"

"I'm sorry…I don't know why I mentioned it."

"Just don't bring him up again." I take a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and turn around to look at one of my best friends. _What is he still doing here?_

"Shouldn't you be out? Having fun?"

"I thought I'd stay with you." He says sheepishly. "Since Kate left and your dad drove back to Montesano."

"My dad will be coming back tomorrow and so is Kate," I tell him. "Besides, I am big girl, I can take care of Phoebe you know"

"If you want me to, I can go"

"No, you don't have to go, but I was just wondering if you wouldn't rather go out with Mandy"

He smirks. "Her name is Maddy, and no…Maddy and I reached some kind of impasse in our relationship. I am ready to settle down and …well, she isn't."

"Really? So you are ready for the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids?" I ask surprised.

"I've been ready for a while, but I still haven't met the right woman, I guess."

"I'm sure you will meet her when the time is right," I say cheerfully.

"Who knows" He replies and rises from the couch. "Oh, Hannah called. Your phone just kept ringing and I picked up. I hope you don't mind."

"Do I need to call her back?"

"She wanted to tell you that the dresses for the award show are being delivered tomorrow?"

 _Oh. Fuck!_ The Award Show. Christian was going to be my date. There is this pang in my heart, but it's there every time he crosses my mind or every time Phoebe mentions him.

"Ana, are you all right?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" When I look up Ethan is standing beside me. He reaches for my hair and gently brushes it from my face.

"You look like you've seen a ghost. Tell me what the Award Show is about"

"It's stupid really." I sigh. "I have been voted "Most Desirable Woman" by a men's magazine" I rush to say. "Like I said, stupid."

"But you have contractual obligations and you are supposed to show up? Am I right?"

I nod and bite my lip contemplating if there is any way I can get out of going to that stupid show.

"And I assume Grey was going to accompany you?"

I clear my throat and keep staring at my hands on the counter. "Yeah"

"I can go with you. When is it?"

"This coming Saturday. But you don't have to come, Ethan. I know how busy you are"

"I'm not busy. Tell me where and when and I'll ask my PA to arrange a suit"

"I'll ask Hannah to send you the details" I whisper. I look up and give him a smile.

"Thank you, Ethan. You are awesome"

"The awesomest!" He winks and casually saunters back to the couch.

At the same moment, I hear a loud bang coming from upstairs and little feet running towards the stairs. Oh, my God. No!

"Stop! Phoebe! Stop!" I yell. She stops at the top of the stairs, looking startled and scared.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you" I whisper and walk towards her. "I was afraid you were going to fall. Promise me that you will never run down the stairs" I reach her and take her in my arms. _Oh, God. She could have fallen from the stairs._

"I woke up…and I couldn't find you…" She sniffs. "And then I remembered that we never called Daddy before I went to bed"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, but I would never leave you" With her still in my arms I make my way back to my bedroom and crawl on my bed.

"Can I call Daddy?"

"I could read you another story" I reply in the hope to distract her. "We can go to the library and you can choose a book"

"I really want to call Daddy. I need to tell him goodnight" When I look at her trembling chin and those sad eyes, my heart breaks for her. _She misses him._

"Okay" I clear my throat. "Let me get my phone and you can call Daddy, okay?"

"Is she okay?" Ethan is waiting outside of my bedroom.

"She wants to call Christian" I mutter and pass him. "Goodnight, Ethan. You can use one of the guestrooms."

"Ana…"

"Yeah?" I look over my shoulder into Ethan's worried eyes. "If you want, I'll stay with you."

"No, this is something I need to do myself. Goodnight"

* * *

Phoebe is sitting the same way I left her. My hands are shaking while I try to dial Christian's number and my legs feel like jelly.

"Do you want me to put him on speaker?"

"Yes, please" She whispers. It breaks my heart that she's afraid and that I can't seem to give her the comfort that she needs. But this is about her, not about me. Selfishly, though, I hope he is still on the plane and not able to pick up his phone.

A small smile forms on her face as she listens to the tone waiting for Christian to pick up the phone.

"I'll be in the bathroom, okay Fee?" She nods, her eyes fixated on my phone.

"Ana?" His voice is a mixture of hope and anguish.

"Daddy! It's me!"

"Fee? Are you all right? Shouldn't you be sleeping? Are you alone? Where's Ana?" _Oh boy._

Fee's face falls and the tears start building in her eyes.

"I just missed you, Daddy…I had a bad dream and I couldn't find Ana…"

"Where is Ana now?"

"She's in the bathroom" Fee's voice sounds so small and fragile that it breaks my heart.

In the bathroom with the door slightly ajar, I can see Fee and hear everything they are saying.

There is a small silence. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

"No…"

"Did you have fun today with Ana?" Christian asks carefully.

"Yes. She made macaroni and cheese and we got ice-cream for dessert. And there were a lot of people, but I have forgotten their names. And oh, Ana said we are going shopping soon because I need clothes to keep at her house and…and…she promised me never to cook broccoli." Christian chuckles softly when she mentions the broccoli.

"I told you Ana wouldn't make broccoli."

"I know. She says they look like trees and taste funny. Just like I say!" I can't help but smile.

"Are you feeling better now, Princess?"

"A little…but I miss you, Daddy. When are you coming back?"

Christian clears his throat. "I-I don't know yet, but you can call me whenever you want."

"Daddy, will you sing me a song until I fall asleep?"

"Of course. Are you laying down and do you have Mr. Elephant there with you?" I hear the rustling of the sheets and then Fee's sweet voice.

"Okay, I'm ready, Daddy. Will you sing me the sunshine song?"

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine;

You make me happy when skies are gray.

You'll never know dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away"

I cover my mouth with my hand to silence the sob and slide down the wall until I am sitting on the cold floor.

I feel so much pain, anger, and loneliness right now that I feel as if I am going to suffocate from the pressure building in my chest. It hurts that I can't be what she wants or needs. I am her mother; I should know what to do.

How can I keep Phoebe away from Christian? He has been with her every step of the way. What am I doing?

I have no idea how long I stay seated on the floor, but at some point, Christian stopped singing. Wiping away the tears, I scramble back to my feet and tiptoe back into the bedroom. With the phone clutched in her hand, she is sleeping peacefully.

Carefully as not to wake her, I take the phone from her and see that Christian is still on the line. Closing my eyes I end the call and place my phone on my nightstand.

I need to fix this, I think as I make my way to Ethan's room. I knock a few times on Ethan's door and fidget with my hands, hoping that he didn't fall asleep. After a while, I hear some movement and the door opens.

"Ana, what's wrong why have you been crying?"

"You said this morning that you were going to file the Summons and Complaint with the court tomorrow"

"Yes," He says slowly.

"I changed my mind," I say quickly not looking at him.

"What do you mean, you changed your mind?" He slowly steps away from the door and it is now that I notice that he is only wearing gray sweatpants.

"I think it's better if we arranged a meeting with Christian. Something informal" I mutter still staring at the floor.

"That still hasn't answered my question, Ana." There is this edge to his voice and I know he is angry.

I clear my throat and meet his eyes. "I said that I don't want you to file that complaint with the court. I think we need to find a way to resolve this without the interference of the court." I say slowly.

"But why?"

"You and Gavin said that Christian will be going to jail…"

He snorts. "Yes. Grey will be going to jail so fucking fast he won't know what hit him. He's a criminal, Ana. He took your daughter away from you. Like the fucking arrogant son of a bitch he is, he thought he was above the law and asked his parent's to pull some strings. By the time I am done with that son of a bitch his company will be gone and he won't have anything left but the orange suit on his body. So, yeah…Grey will be spending the next 20 years of his life behind bars and eventually, he'll become someone's bitch"

"Look, all I am saying is that, for now, I don't want you to file that complaint. I want to talk to him. There has to be a way to resolve this."

Ethan has stepped further away from me and is now staring out the window; his hands are clenched by his sides. His jaw is clenched tight. When he turns around to look at me his eyes are blazing with anger.

"It's not advisable to stop the proceedings, Ana."

"I didn't ask for your advice, Ethan" I reply calmly.

He shakes his head angrily and brushes his hands through his hair. "What is this? You talked to him and he told you how fucking sorry he is and you decided to forgive him? He told you that he loved you? Well newsflash, Steele…that son of a bitch only loves himself."

"I haven't …"

He cuts me off. "Have you already forgotten what he said to you? How easily he took Phoebe away from you? Didn't he call you crazy?"

"Stop it"

"Didn't he tell you that you were a sorry excuse for a mother?"

"Stop" I whisper.

"Didn't he ask his lackey to throw you out?"

"Ethan, stop!" I yell. "Fucking stop talking!"

"This is not about Christian and me, this is about Phoebe. Christian is the only parent she knows…what kind of person or mother would it make me if I send her father to jail? Yes, he circumvented the law, but I know she had a good life, she was loved and taken care of…"

"I can't fucking believe you. Phoebe is three years old, yes…she will struggle the moment Grey goes to jail, she will miss him, but eventually, she will forget him and you will be the only parent she knows…"

"Ethan, this is not up for discussion. I am telling you not to file that complaint."

"As your lawyer, I am telling you that it is not advisable to stop the proceedings."

"And as your client, I am telling you not to go against my wishes. You are my lawyer, I am your client. I didn't ask for your advice, Ethan."

I see the changes in his body immediately.

"Listen, Ana, we are both tired. You are emotional…I get that…these past two days have been a rollercoaster. We will talk about this in the morning"

Anger is coursing through my veins from his condescending tone.

"Don't talk to me as if I am an idiot. I know exactly what I am doing. I told you before and I am telling you again. To me being a mother is to put my child's well-being first. This is not whether I want to see Christian going to jail, this is about a little three-year-old girl who needed to hear her daddy's voice because she couldn't sleep. My decision has been made, counselor." I turn around on my heels and start walking towards the door.

"Ana, you are making a mistake"

"Goodnight, Ethan"

* * *

 **Author's note: next update next weekend. Pinterest will be updated tomorrow.**

 **Thank you all so much for the feedback! It is very much appreciated!**

 **Much love,**

 **Alner**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 18**

 **Anastasia**

"Ana…Ana…" Little fingers are poking against my cheek and I can't help the smile that forms on my face.

"I know you're awake" She giggles and tries to pry my eyes open with her fingers. "You are smiling!" She squeals. In a fluid movement, I wrap my arms around her and start giving her little kisses on her neck. _God, how I love her._

Her laughter is contagious and before I know it she is tickling me, her little fingers pinching at my sides. I start tickling her back and at some point, she starts laughing so hard that her limbs go slack and she lets her head fall against my chest.

"That was fun," She says after a while. "But now I'm hungry"

"Then I'll make you breakfast" I kiss her one more time, just because I can, and move her back on the bed.

"Let me use the bathroom real quick and in the meantime, you can decide what you want for breakfast"

"I want chocolate chip pancakes"

"Deal!"

* * *

Eight pairs of eyes stare apprehensively at us when we enter the kitchen. _What is Gavin doing here already?_

"Morning"

"Morning" They all mutter in unison. My eyes dart to Kate who is staring at the coffee in her hands. What is she doing here so early? Wasn't she spending the night with Elliot?

"Okay," I say slowly. "I am going to make Fee pancakes, who wants to join us?"

"I can make breakfast" Kate speaks up quickly. "You can relax in the living room with your dad"

"First you are not making Fee or anyone breakfast, the risk of food poisoning is too big," I say with a playful smirk. "Secondly, I just woke up, I don't need to relax" Kate just stares at me, her eyes blinking and filling with tears. _What the fuck is going on here?_

I stare at my dad who gives me a sad smile that doesn't reach his eyes. I shake my head and guiding Phoebe along with me I place her on one of the barstools.

"You're not going to fall, are you?" She just looks up at me, her big blue eyes blinking a few times. _Well shit. I need a high chair._

I lift her from the barstool and look around me. "Would you like to watch some TV, Fee?" Gavin asks.

"I have a daughter who is just as old as you and she loves to watch Nemo."

"Do you want that Fee? You can sit in the living room with Gavin and I will call you as soon as the pancakes are ready, okay?"

"Okay," She whispers.

All eyes are still on me, but I decide to ignore them while I start gathering the ingredients for the pancakes. Determined not to let them ruin my day I softly start to hum along with the song they are playing on the radio.

After five minutes the silence is stretching into something uncomfortable and when I look up they are still staring. _What the fuck?_

"Okay. Someone care to tell me what the hell is going on? Someone died that I am not aware of?" I lean my hands on the counter and stare at them.

"Annie…Bob called me this morning…your mother passed away last night."

I feel as if the breath is knocked out of me. My mother passed away and I didn't even know. I never felt anything. She is gone forever and I will never be able to ask her why she never wanted me, never loved me.

"Well," I say taking a deep breath. "Good riddance then" I plaster a smile on my face and put all the ingredients into the bowl.

"Ana, it's okay to be sad" Kate is somehow standing next to me, her hand on my shoulder.

"Look, Kate, I am going to teach you how to cook the perfect pancake," I say cheerfully.

"Ana…"

"When you cook the pancakes, all you need to remember is that when the upper side of the pancake is blistering and bubbling it's time to cook the second side." I hate that my voice breaks at the end though.

"And after you have turned the pancake you only need to cook it for about one minute or so" I continue, completely ignoring Kate.

"Ana, what are you doing?" Kate takes my hand in hers and squeezes it gently.

"What does it look like, Kate. I am cooking pancakes." I roll my eyes adding a dramatic sigh.

Turning off the stove she grabs my shoulders and forces me to look at her. "You can act like if Carla's death doesn't mean anything, but I know how you must feel."

"Actually, Kate, you have no idea how I feel because honestly, I don't even know how I feel." I push her away and turn the stove back on.

"I don't want to talk about her." I look up again. "I don't understand your reaction either" I wave the spatula in my dad's direction.

"Don't pretend that you are devastated, because I know you're not. You hated her, so did I, now she is gone…" I shrug casually. "Life goes on."

I flip the pancake and look back at the people sitting at the table.

"Since we are having this lovely gathering, I wanted you all to know that I told Ethan yesterday not to file the complaint with the court. I asked Ethan to arrange an informal meeting with Christian." I say everything in a rush and pour more batter on the grill.

"Annie, you can't be serious. Not after what he did to you" My father growls.

"Dad, I made up my mind. I am not letting him go to jail. Yesterday when I couldn't sleep I read about the difference between shared and joint custody. I don't think we need a judge to create a visitation schedule. I am sure we are able to agree without a judge's interference." I take a deep breath and take in the stunned expression on Kate's face. _Help me out here!_

"Also, I decided to file a petition to add Steele to her name," I add quickly.

The silence is eerie and when I look at my dad I can see by the clenching of his jaw and the murderous look he is throwing at me that he is seconds from exploding.

"Are you out of your goddamn mind?"

"No, I am actually not, dad. I know damn well what I am doing." I am surprised at how calm I am being, but I spent half the night thinking about this and I made up my mind.

"So you just made up your mind about this? Do you realize that you will have to work together with Grey and agree upon decisions, schedules and every other responsibility that comes with it?" Ethan rises from his chair and starts pacing the kitchen.

"He took Phoebe away from you, Annie"

I close my eyes and count to ten in my head. I am so tired, so dead tired of fighting and pretending. I just want this nightmare to be over and spend time with my daughter. I don't want trails or custody battles. I just want to start living.

"That depends on how you look at it…" I saw after I've gathered my thoughts.

"Annie…"

"Yes, he circumvented the law" I saw raising my voice and drowning out my dad's words. "But as Ethan pointed out the other day, there was no way that the police could have found me. I was never at the hospital, there are no records about me giving birth, there is absolutely nothing. So yeah, again, I know exactly what he did, but he took her in and loved her. He gave her a home and a family. And God knows where she would have ended if she was thrown into the system"

"As your lawyer, I urgently advise you to reconsider…"

"And as my friend?" I ask, cocking my head to the side.

"I am your lawyer now, Ana. I told you that he doesn't stand a chance in court. He will go to jail and you won't even have to file for joint custody"

I feel the fury coursing through my body. Angrily I throw the spatula away and slam my hands forcefully against the counter.

"You just don't get it do you!" I scream. "You all don't fucking get it." I take a deep breath and round the counter until I am standing next to my father.

"This is not about me. This is not about Christian. This is about our daughter!"

"Oh…so know she's that fucker's daughter too!" My dad snorts.

"Actually she is our daughter, or are you implying we should give Thomas the title?"

"Annie…"

"Don't fucking, "Annie" me!" I yell frustrated. "Do you know that Phoebe was only able to fall asleep yesterday when Christian sang her a song? Do you have any idea how devastated she was because she hadn't spoken to him before going to sleep?"

"She's small, Annie…we can give her all the love she needs…"

"No! We can't! She doesn't even know I am her mother! She calls me Ana!" I whisper the last part, feeling utterly heartbroken.

"I don't want her to grow up like I did. I want her to feel loved and wanted. Believe me, when I say that I want to hurt Christian, I want to hurt him just like he hurt me, but I don't want Phoebe to grow up feeling that this was all her fault."

"But it isn't, Ana" Kate wraps her arms around me and softly kisses my cheek.

"But she will never know. She will always wonder if it was her fault. She will grow up believing that this was due to her own inadequacies. She will blame herself, and I don't want that. I want her to be happy and feel loved."

"You are comparing Fee to your own circumstances, and there is no comparison whatsoever, you are not your mother, Ana," She says, her arms wrapping tighter around me.

"I will be the moment I continue with this lawsuit and take Christian away from Fee. She will hate me."

"Just think about it, you are tired and,…"

"This is not up for discussion" I shrug free from Kate's hold and wipe away the tears from my face. At this point, I really need your support" A shaky breath leaves my mouth as I look at the people who are supposed to be my support system. "So if you think you can't give me that support, then I am going to have to ask you to leave"

"We are here for you, Annie" My dad makes his way towards me and grabs me in a tight hug. "The first time I looked into your blue eyes when you were only two years old, I promised to take care of you, support you and keep you safe. And we might not agree all the time, but I trust you"

"Thank you, dad"

* * *

"Fee is down for her nap," I say walking into the living room. Ethan and Gavin are shuffling through some papers while my dad is taking a nap on the couch.

"I'm at the gym if you need me"

"Ana, can we talk for a minute?" Ethan pulls his glasses from his face and throws them on the table.

"I really need to work out" I whisper, swallowing past the lump that's been building in my throat since I called Bob this morning after breakfast. My mom's burial is in two days and I am considering flying to Georgia.

"We need to talk about this. Your decision seems rash…" Exasperated I throw my arms in the air, turn around and walk towards the kitchen counter to get the baby monitor.

I am halfway through my work out when I see the door from the gym opening and Ethan walking in. Well shit. I am not in the mood for another speech. I just want to throw my aggression out on the boxing bag in front of me. Sometimes I imagine I am punching my mother, other times its Christian face.

"Can we talk?"

"You can talk. I've already said what I wanted to say" I hit the bag one more time and I stifle a giggle when it's Ethan's face I imagine punching now.

"Is there any way I can change your mind about not filing the complaint?"

"What's your deal, Ethan?" I punch the bag harder and wince when I hurt my hand.

"My deal? My fucking deal, you ask? He hurt you, Ana! You are my friend! And I can't stand seeing you like this! Kate called me when you met him and she told me you were so happy, and that made me happy, but fuck, Ana! He is an arrogant son of a bitch and you have the power to break him!"

"But I don't want to break him" I growl out frustrated.

"He slept with his lawyer, Ana."

"And I slept with you, Ethan. Does that make me a bad person? Should I go to jail for that?"

"That's completely different! The rules set by the American Bar Association says that a lawyer shall not have sexual relations with a client unless a consensual sexual relationship existed between them when the client-lawyer relationship commenced." _What the fuck?_

"In other words, you can take your lover as a client, but you can't take your client as a lover." I reply disbelievingly. "That's the most hypocrite rule I've ever heard!" I yell.

"Ethan we are not lovers, it was just The Plan" I add quickly.

"She's not objective, Ana"

"And you are, Ethan? What do you think? Can you truly say that your advice is objective?"

"You still love him don't you?"

"This is not about me loving him"

"Why can't you just admit it? You love him and that's why you don't want to file that complaint…"

"Okay! I'll admit it!" I yell. "I love him! I love him so much it hurts!" I pound with my glove against my chest and this time I don't even fight the tears. "But at the same time, I hate him! Every time I look at Phoebe, I hate him for being so selfish. I hate him for the time he had with her. I hate him…but then Phoebe smiles or says something incredibly smart or funny and I am back to loving him…because he did an amazing job. But that's not the reason I don't want to file the complaint, I am doing this for Phoebe."

Stepping back from the punching bag I start pacing the room.

"You still haven't answered my question, Ethan" My voice sounds hoarse from the crying and lack of sleep.

"Can you truly say your advice is objective?"

"No, I can't" He whispers defeated. "I am going to discuss this with Gavin and I will withdraw from this case. From now on Gavin will be the one representing you"

"Okay" I have mixed feelings about this to be honest, because, on one hand, I trust Ethan completely, but on the other hand, I know deep down in my heart that he sees me as Ana and not Ms. Steele.

I don't know what possesses me, but before I know it I have my arms wrapped around his waist and is my head leaning against his chest. The first thing that enters my mind is that his body feels different than Christian's, but immediately I push that fact out of my head. Christian and I are done. Besides, at this point, I need the comfort of his body, I need my friend. I need to hear the words that I am doing the right thing.

"I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass" I mutter against his chest.

I hear the chuckle resonating through his chest what makes me smile. "You've always been a pain in the ass, Steele." He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pushes me against his body.

"I have another favor to ask you" I whisper, still clutching on to his waist.

"Anything"

"After talking to Bob this morning I have decided to go to my mother's burial" I hold my breath expecting another outburst.

"May I ask why?" He softly pulls at my ponytail forcing me to look up at him.

"Mostly because I don't want Bob to have to deal with everything on his own ."

He nods not taking his eyes from mine. "Try not to have any expectations, Ana. But I think you should go, you will regret not going. It will be painful, confusing and upsetting, though"

I nod. "Will you please go with me?"

"As if I would let you go alone." I feel so relieved that I put my arms tighter around him and try to suppress the restless feeling.

"Thank you"

Ethan is the first one to take a step back. "Okay let's get you out of those gloves and we can discuss our next step." With furrowed brows, he starts to pull off my gloves and unwrapping the protective tape from my fingers when he briefly looks at me. He gives me a quick smile before turning to look at the opening door.

"Hey, are you guys all right? Kate hesitantly steps inside the gym and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Of course we are," I say quickly.

"Good," She says slowly, her eyes darting to her brother and then back to me. "I just got a call from The Pottery Barn to inform you that Phoebe's furniture will be delivered tomorrow."

"Thank you, Kate." I glance up at Ethan whose eyes are intensely boring into mine. I can feel the atmosphere shifting somehow and a sense of calm washes over me.

Slowly he leans down and softly kisses my forehead. "I'll be in the living room with Gavin"

"Ana, what was that all about?" Closing the door behind her Kate steps into the room.

"What was what all about?"

"Don't play dumb, Ana. My brother kissing you on your forehead, that goofy smile on your face…"

"Jesus, nothing is going on…Ethan and I have always been close."

She snorts and rolls her eyes. "Yes, you've always been close, but it was like a brother-sister sort of thing. Normally he would playfully punch your arm and certainly not kiss your forehead like that"

Inwardly I smile at the brother-sister reference. Kate doesn't know about The Plan, and I'd like to keep it that way. Wouldn't want to be responsible for traumatizing her.

"It's not what you think it is, Kate"

"You could've fooled me, Steele"

"Look Kate, Ethan and I always had a strong bond. We care about each other, support each other and we can laugh. There is nothing romantically going on here…so please drop it"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"No one is getting hurt, Kate. Drop it"

"I am just saying, Ana, that your break-up with Christian is very recent and you might not be in a fit state to understand what you are doing."

"Geez, thank you for your confidence, Kate. Listen I am not in love with your brother. Nothing happened and nothing ever will happen. The fact that he just kissed my forehead doesn't mean anything, so don't go into journalist mode and make this bigger than it actually is. Also, I value the friendship I have with Ethan and I would never jeopardize that"

"Okay, fair enough," She says softly.

I take my towel from the little bench and use it to dry my face and arms. "How are things between you and Elliot? Did you have fun last night?"

"Things are…good. It's weird because there is this huge thing standing between us and even though we try very hard to avoid that certain topic it is still there." My hands freeze mid-air and I feel like shit that I am somehow the reason that Elliot and Kate are finding themselves in this situation.

"Elliot told me that Christian never left Seattle after he dropped Phoebe off" It's a soft whisper, but I hear it loud and clear.

"Please, don't mention Christian in my presence, Kate…"

"That's funny. I am not allowed to mention his name in your presence, yet you decided to drop the charges?"

"Stop it, Kate. That's different and you know it."

"Explain then, how is it different? You do understand that you will have to talk to him, maybe on a daily basis when it comes to your daughter?"

"It's different!" I say yelling.

"Talk to me, Ana. What's going on?" She reaches forward with her hand to touch me, but I immediately take a step back.

"Geez, I don't know what's going on with me, Kate. You tell me? Maybe it's the fact that my mother kidnapped my little girl and left her in an underground parking garage. Or maybe it's the fact that my ex-boyfriend decided to throw me out of his house, without even giving me a chance to explain. Or maybe…" I start punching the bag with my bare hands and even though it hurts like hell, I welcome the pain. Pain is better than to feel at this moment.

Trembling I take a few steps back when the pain in my hands becomes unbearable. "Or maybe it is the fact that my mother died and I don't feel an inch of sadness." I snort as I look at my best friends pitiful expression. _Jesus! I hate pity!_

"There are a lot of emotions, Kate, but sadness isn't one of them. I feel hurt, disappointed and even anger. But I don't feel sadness." The last part is barely a whisper.

"When I spoke with Bob on the phone this morning, I felt sadness for him. And my feelings are so mixed up because he feels sad, but I don't, and she was my mother."

"While I was taking a shower I was searching my memory for things about my mother that brought me happiness and joy, but there was nothing, Kate."

"Ana, everybody grieves differently...there isn't a set of rules you have to follow"

"Do you know what my first memory is of my mother criticizing me is?"

"Ana, you don't have to talk about it…"

"But I do, Kate…because I don't want to lose my mind like when I thought I had lost Phoebe…please, let me get this out…" I plead with her.

I have no idea how we both end on the floor. "One day, I remember being six years old and Ray had bought me this beautiful princess dress for my birthday, it was pink with glitters, and I felt extraordinarily beautiful. Anyway, I was playfully strutting in front of the mirror when she said, you are starting to get fat, Anastasia,"

"You never told me this, Ana" Kate is crying softly while clutching on to my hand. It hurts, every time she squeezes it hurts, but yet again, I welcome the pain. It's better than the deafening numbness.

"You and Ethan were the ones that made me realize she wasn't normal. Remember when she gave this huge party for my twentieth birthday? We were at that restaurant for 3 hours and my mother talked incessantly about herself. She ignored you and Ethan, you were appalled. And you have no idea how relieved I was that you confirmed her weird behavior." I wince when I slowly pull my hands from Kate's grasp and wipe away the tears from my face.

"But even then I couldn't stop trying to be the perfect daughter, God Kate, I needed her approval so badly. It was when I became pregnant that it really opened my eyes to how cruel she had been. I felt so much love for my unborn daughter. I wanted to wrap her up in love and protect her from the evil in this world. She was disgusted when I told her about my pregnancy, told me to get rid of it. I was so stupid, I kept forgiving her, thinking it would pass and so I dragged her to my first doctor's appointment, and even then after hearing Phoebe's heartbeat, she appeared disinterested."

Exhaustion hits me and I slump back against the wall. "I am so tired from trying to be stronger than I appear" I whisper.

"We are here for you, Ana. We all are. And you don't have to pretend to be strong, you don't have to do this on your own." When she tries to reach for my hand again, I pull it back instinctively.

"Oh fuck, Ana…what the hell…your hands…"

"Nothing that an ice pack won't solve."

Playfully I tap my foot against Kate's leg.

"Kate, I decided to go to my mother's burial the day after tomorrow. Maybe going there will help me resolve the question whether or not I can forgive her. Will you come with me?"

"As if I would let you go alone" She huffs indignantly.

We sit there in a very comfortable silence until Kate softly speaks up. "Phoebe promised me that I could join her tea-party"

"Really?"

"Yeah, so I went out and bought her a super cute tea set. It has little flowers and it's porcelain"

"Of course you went out and bought a three-year-old a porcelain tea set"

"Hey," She says poking my side playfully. "It's all about style"

"So very true" I murmur.

"Hey Steele, I hope we stay friends until we die," She says leaning her head against my shoulder.

I smile because I know what's coming, it's an ongoing joke between us since we became best friends.

"Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people," We say in unison giggling like little girls.

* * *

"Do you agree, Ana?" Gavin asks as I reread the meeting confirmation letter for the third time. It states that I am requesting a formal meeting. Christian is also informed where and at what time the meeting is being held. Gavin ends the letter with his phone number requesting confirmation. It's formal, cold and it sends shivers down my spine.

"Yeah"

"As you can see the meeting is held at our office here in Seattle at 10 AM tomorrow morning, this will give you enough time to be in Georgia for your mother's burial."

I give him a small smile and walk away and all I can think of is that I don't want to meet him. I don't want to sit across from him and discuss our daughter. I hate feeling like this. But then Phoebe comes running to me and wraps her arms around my legs. "I missed you, Ana!"

"And I missed you!" When I lift her up and lean down to kiss her little button nose, I stare at the sole reason to be happy. There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy, and my daughter is the most important one.

* * *

 **Author's note: The update is a little late since the fanfiction site didn't let me upload the document yesterday. Also guest reviewers; please sign in or I won't be able to reply.**

 **Next week is the talk you have all been waiting for. Update Saturday or Sunday.**

 **Thank you all so much for your amazing feedback!**

 **Much love**

 **X**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 19**

 **Christian**

"Do you know that the way in which you chew gum is pretty distasteful, Ell?" I whisper-yell. My eyes dart to Shaw's assistant who is angrily typing away, lips pressed together in displeasure. Every now and then she looks up and scowls.

"She makes me nervous, man" He points with his chin towards the angrily typing assistant and I suppress a chuckle. _He's right, she is pretty scary._

"How did Ana look when you picked Fee up this morning?"

He shifts in his chair and brushes his hands over his face. "Troubled, sad." He sighs. "She kept holding on to Fee and even though she was smiling and talking to Fee, I could clearly see the anguish in her eyes" He shakes his head and starts bouncing his leg up and down, a sign that he's nervous. "The moment I had placed Fee in the car and closed the door, she whispered to please not take her away from her again." Christ. Does she still think I would do that to her?

"Did you make any agreements on when she wants to see her again?"

"She said she is traveling most of the week and that she'll probably be back next Sunday or so. Asked me if she could call me."

"Was she alone?"

"Christian, sometimes it's better not to know everything"

"Was she alone, Elliot?" I grit out.

"No. Ethan was with her" _Mother fucking piece of shit, Kavanagh._

"I want to know everything. What was she wearing, was that fucker standing next to her? Was he touching her?"

"Christian…it probably means nothing…she was just so fucking distraught, man. When Taylor drove away she had her arms wrapped around her waist and crying. It was heartbreaking. The second time I looked, Ethan, was comforting her."

I've lost her. I fucking lost her and it was due to my own arrogance and stupidity.

"Like I said, man, it probably means nothing. From what Katie told me, Ethan is dating someone and the fact that he and Ana are so close is because they practically grew up together."

I nod but the image of Ana seeking comfort with Ethan is now rooted in my brain.

"Wait you said she's traveling? Where is she going?"

"I don't know, man"

The idea of having Sawyer or someone else following her springs into my head, however, I dismiss it immediately. I would only make things worse.

The scowling assistant jumps from her seat the moments the elevator door opens. My breath hitches when I see Ana stepping out of the elevator with Gavin Shaw. I'm surprised an also relieved that Ethan fucking Kavanagh isn't with her. She is wearing a black pantsuit, her hair hanging loose making her curls fall naturally over her shoulder and breasts. I've never seen her dressed so formal, but she is beautiful none the less. Holding tightly on to a black purse she steps into the small lobby. She is talking softly to Gavin and I see that she is smiling. When she lifts her head, her step falters when she sees me and the smile freezes on her face, also are her eyes covered by large sunglasses and for a moment I wish she would take them off so I could look into her eyes.

"Mr. Grey, thank you for joining us on such a short notice." Shaw shakes my hand and Elliot's.

"Of course" I mutter, but my eyes are strained on Ana, however, she is looking everywhere but at me. With one hand she is holding on to her black squared purse while she has her other hand casually tucked in her pants pocket.

She gives Elliot a small smile, but she completely ignores me, and it hurts. Doesn't she understand that we need to talk? She can't keep avoiding me.

"Please follow me" We all follow Shaw until we reach a little conference room. There is nothing spectacular or different about this conference room, however, the moment I step in my senses seem to kick in. The coldness of the room, the insignificant paintings on the wall and the cold white walls. However, it's Ana's perfume that somehow calms me.

Shaw opens a leather folder and pulls out a paper with the company logo.

"My client submitted the request for this meeting to establish a custody arrangement. However, before my client can apply for custody we must ensure that all avenues of the amicable agreement have been exhausted. My client is aware that a custody battle can be a long drawn out series of hearings. At this point, we believe that Phoebe is too small to put her through this since she will have to speak to the court welfare officer too. Thereby, she isn't aware that my client is her mother, which would only confuse her. My client's request for this meeting is purely for the well-being of the child."

"Any questions so far, Mr. Grey?"

I shake my head, my eyes still fixed on Ana. She hasn't moved one inch since she sat down. Her hands are on her lap, her head bowed preventing me to look into her eyes.

"Very well." He proceeds explaining to me the meaning of joint custody. In short; Fee's legal place of residence will be in both our homes and we both share decision-making rights for important decisions affecting Fee.

"After this meeting, and after you've agreed to my client's requests we will draft an informal custody agreement. This agreement ranges from casual agreements, about who will take care of the child on which days, to more formal written agreements. My client's wish is to turn the agreement into a formal one, which will happen as soon as the documents are filed with the court and approved by the judge." He takes a deep breath and pins his eyes on me.

"My client will file the formal agreement to correct the child's birth certificate as soon as the DNA tests results are back."

"Will there be more changes added to the birth certificate?" My brother asks, now speaking for the first time.

"Changes, Mr. Grey?" Shaw cocks his head to the side.

"The biological father…" _What the fuck, Elliot?_ Before I can even mutter a word Ana's head shoots up and her hands brace the table.

"The biological father signed his rights away before Phoebe was born." Fuck! She sounds heartbroken. Her voice is hoarse and now that I am finally able to look at her I see the dark circles under her eyes and her red-rimmed eyes. I did this to her and I will never be able to forgive myself.

My eyes roam her body until I reach her hands that are still lying on the table. It's like she feels I am watching and she tries to pull them away, but I am quicker and my hand is covering hers before she is able to pull them away.

"Ana, what the fuck happened to your hands" That current, I always feel when we touch is there, and I know she feels it too.

"Mr. Grey, we are here to discuss a settlement" I swallow and count to ten in my head when I feel her hands sliding from under mine and watch that fucker leaning towards her. He whispers something in her ear to which she responds with a single nod of her head. He seems to hesitate briefly but when she gives him a brief smile he straightens back into his chair and pulls out another fucking paper out of the huge stack.

"The next item on the agenda is Ms. Gabrielle Morgan. My client filed a disbarment proceeding since Ms. Morgan violated the professional code of ethics. A breach of confidentiality occurred when my client's private information was disclosed to a third party without her consent. And not only did she disclose that information to a third party, she obtained that information illegally."

"I spoke to Ms. Morgan two days ago." I clear my throat and my eyes dart to Ana whose shoulders visibly tense. I am not sure if it is due to the sound of my voice or because I mentioned the bitch' name. Whatever the reason may be, it bothers me immensely.

"I already had my lawyer sent a letter in which her conduct and my reasons supporting my decision to fire her have been documented. My lawyer also sent a carbon copy of my termination letter to the local bar association." Shaw hasn't even lifted his face to look at me but this makes me even more determined to make them see, to make Ana see that I know how wrong I was by opening that fucking file.

"My lawyers will make sure that Ms. Morgan will never practice law again" Unconsciously my hand reaches out to Ana. Her head is still bowed and she is shaking like a leaf. I want to touch her so fucking badly that it hurts.

"I would also like to offer my sincere apologies concerning my despicable behavior towards Ana."

"Mr. Grey, like I said before…"

"Ana, please listen to me…please…fuck, I am so sorry…I want to explain, but please give me the chance, I know I don't deserve it but please…I…"

"Mr. Grey!" Shaw bellows raising from his chair.

"I will not say this again. My client submitted the request for this meeting to establish a custody arrangement." Startled he looks down when Ana starts crying. Her shoulders are shaking and the tears are streaming down her cheeks. I clench my hands into fists when I see the fucker getting down on his knees and starts comforting her. He starts talking to her in a hushed tone and I want to rip his head off when he pulls her in his arms.

"Ana, please…it wasn't my intention to upset you. I am sorry, I am just so fucking sorry"

"Mr. Grey, I would like to ask you to give me a few moments with my client."

It's a fucking war zone in my head when I feel my brother rising from his chair. And I really want to do the right thing, but how are we ever going to fix this fucking mess when she isn't willing to listen.

"Mr. Grey, if you don't leave in three seconds, I will be forced to call security"

"Come on, Christian." Elliot forcefully pulls me up from the chair, but it seems as if my feet are rooted to the spot. Watching Ana crying uncontrollably like that is breaking my heart. I should be the one comforting her. I should be the one drying the tears from her face.

"Christian, you heard him and he is not playing games." He pulls me away further towards the door. "We will wait, okay man, but fucking cooperate." He grits out.

Outside in the waiting area, I start pacing. "What the fuck happened, Elliot? How am I supposed to fix things when she isn't willing to listen to me?"

"Calm down man,"

"Calm down? How am I supposed to calm down! Didn't you see what happened in there? She completely ignored me!" Out of sheer frustration, I forcefully push his shoulder. "Tell me, Elliot, how am I supposed to calm down. Fee and Ana are my life!"

"Then you should have fucking listened to her when you had the chance!" He yells. "I am not saying you deserve this, but give her space, man! Why would she even consider listening to you when you threw her out of your home and called her despicable things. How would you feel if some fucker would treat Fee that way?" _I would tear him to pieces and feed him to the dogs._

Elliot is about to tear me a new one when the door opens and a stone-faced Shaw steps outside.

"You can come back in, Mr. Grey" I don't need to be told twice and I almost trip over my own feet trying to get back into that fucking room. Back to Ana. But she isn't there!

The fucker takes him time closing the door and walking back to the table. Slowly and completely ignoring me, he unbuttons his jacket and eases down into his chair.

"Where is Ana?"

"We are continuing this meeting without my client, Mr. Grey" He points to the chair. "Please have a seat, there is only one more item on the agenda."

Reluctantly I sit down but my mind is racing. Where the hell did she go? I look around me and that's when I notice another door on the far end of the room.

"Your prosecution" Chills run down my spine. "Against our advice, our client decided not to file the complaint with the court, for now." _What?_

"Thank God!" Elliot mutters.

"Why?"

"I am not allowed to discuss my client's reasoning, Mr. Grey" He closes his folder, leans his elbows on the table and staples his hands in front of his face.

"Like I mentioned at the start of this meeting; at the end of this day, you will receive an official letter in which my client will indicate what she wants to include in the custody agreement. We request your feedback within 48 hours of receiving this letter, Mr. Grey"

"Do you have any more questions, Mr. Grey?"

"I would like to talk to Ana, please."

"A question regarding this meeting, Mr. Grey" He replies in a bored tone.

"No" I whisper. "Everything is clear, Mr. Shaw. You will have my reply within those 48 hours."

"Very well." Efficiently he closes his leather folder and rises from his chair. "Have a great day, gentleman"

"I've lost her, Ell"

He sighs and turns around in his chair, fidgeting with his tie. "Look at it from the bright side, Christian. She decided not to file the complaint."

I nod but ignore his rambling. My brain is spinning and it's like I am sitting in this weird, angry bubble and I can't quite figure out what the hell is happening or how to get out of it. Her silence makes me feel forgettable. Fuck this!

"Come on, Christian. Let's go back to Fee."

The moment we step out of the room I see Ana walking towards the elevator quietly talking to Ethan fucking Kavanagh. Where the fuck did he come from?

He has his hand possessively on her back as they pass the assistants desk.

I am almost certain that she feels my presence because when I walk closer, her shoulders stiffen.

"Ana, can I have a word with you, please?" I know I am pushing my luck and at this moment, I expect her to walk away, and she should, because I don't deserve one moment of her time. Like my brother just so eloquently pointed out, I treated her horribly and disrespectfully. She probably hates me.

She stops and I see Ethan leaning down and whispering something in her ear. His hand is still on the small of her back and I have to contain myself as not to rip that fucking hand from there. It should be me. It should be me comforting her, holding her, kissing her. But I am the reason we are all here today. I caused her this grief and hurt.

Her hand goes up to his arm and she gives him a small smile. I can't hear what she is saying to him but the glare he throws my way tells me enough.

I can see her hand flexing and Ethan smiling down at her. And then it hits me…they know each other, and not only because of the fact that they grew up together, but there is more, much more. They are ex-lovers.

I feel my anxiety rising when he leans down again and kisses her forehead. Ana closes her eyes and smiles, relishing on the feeling. It's too late, she doesn't need me anymore. I've lost her.

I avert my eyes, not really sure how I am going to react if he really kisses her. I breathe relieved when Ethan start walking away, joining that Shaw fucker and his sister.

"You have five minutes because I have a plane to catch" Instead of looking at me, she looks past me, over my shoulder.

"Five minutes is not enough, how do you think…"

"Four minutes it is then. You can take it or leave it, Christian. I am giving you more time than you gave me, remember? So start talking and be aware that the moment I hear the word sorry coming out of your mouth I will walk away."

"Please, don't be like this, Ana…I know I treated you horribly and for that I'm…Look, I panicked, when you left for Georgia and I entered that nursery my entire world came crashing down…I thought that you wanted to take Fee away from me, and then Gabrielle called and she told me…she told me things and I didn't want to believe her at first…"

"But you did, didn't you? However, I understand your reasoning, I mean you've said yourself that she was a very pleasant, intelligent and fun person to be around."

"This is not about her, Ana…this is about us, about Fee…"

"No, Christian. The moment you took her call and gave her 5 minutes of your time to listen to her lies, you chose her over me. Funny, that you'd love to repeat how much you loved me…" I am scared shitless as I stare down at the coldness radiating from her face. There are no tears, no hurt, no sadness. Her face is emotionless and blank.

"I don't love her, I never did." I hurry to say.

"You could have fooled me. But really, you are wasting my time in discussing that bitch and I really don't want to. She makes me sick to my stomach."

"It was only you, Ana. It has only been you. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you."

"Whatever…tell someone who cares. You have two minutes left"

"Why did you decide not to file the complaint,?" I hold my breath as I wait for her answer. Because that has to mean something right?

"If you think that it was because of you, forget it. I did it for my daughter. She loves you very much and I am not that heartless, crazy bitch that you accused me of being. Sending you to jail would mean I would cause her hurt and pain and that's the last thing I want for her. If it weren't for my daughter, I would love to see you go to jail and spend the next 20 years of your life there."

"I shouldn't have said that to you. You are not crazy and I panicked, fuck, Ana, I thought you were going to take her away from me." Without thinking, I place my hand on her arm. Her head shoots up and her eyes are shooting fire.

"Don't you ever touch me again" She whispers, this time I see the tears building in her eyes.

"Let me make this very clear, Christian. I am doing this for Phoebe, not for you. I couldn't care less how you feel or what you think." She shakes her head and quickly wipes the tears from her cheeks.

"If you ever thought that I was going to take her away from you, you never knew me as well as you claimed, because that thought never entered my mind. Yes, I was confused and I will admit that I made mistakes, but I was so incredibly happy, so overjoyed. The daughter I thought I'd lost was alive. The daughter I had mourned for three years was a happy, healthy and beautiful little girl…I was so happy…because we could've had it all, but you managed to ruin that."

"But we can have it all, don't you see it?" I plead with her and take a step closer. Immediately she takes a step back.

"It's too late, Christian. You called me a worthless piece of shit mother, a crazy person…I can't even begin to explain to you how I felt those first few months after I thought my little girl had passed away…I fought, I cried, I tried so hard…but everything came crashing down, it was eating away at me and I just didn't have the strength to fight anymore. I had no other option than to have myself hospitalized. I pleaded with you…" She swallows as she fights against her tears. "I pleaded with you to let me see her, and you told me I was delusional from the antidepressants that I had been taking…"

"Ana, please…"

"No more, Christian. I spent my entire life trying to please my mother, then I stepped into an emotionally abusive relationship, and it ended with him throwing me from the stairs…then there was you…and I really thought you were different, you made me feel different because for a moment I really thought you loved me."

"But I do love you…"

"No, you don't and that day, after you threw me out of your house I realized that you never had. But it is probably all my fault anyway because I always have this bad habit of letting my walls down around people and I believe them when they say they love me and they will never leave me, but I always end up alone…"

"I promise you, Ana, if I could rewind backward to any point in my life, I would go back to that moment you came back from Georgia…"

"You hurt me, Christian. I really thought you were different. And for my daughter's sake I will pretend to like you, but keep in mind, I am only doing this for her. Don't ever mistake a smile or a touch for something else than make-believe"

"Ana, we need to go" Ana turns around when she hears her name. "I'm coming, Ethan"

"Are you with him now?"

"That's actually none of your business because, from the moment you called me a crazy bitch and threw me out of your home, you lost every right to know anything about me."

"You don't love me anymore?"

"Whether I love you or not is irrelevant"

"Are you ready?" Ethan asks.

"Yeah, I am done here."

"Good, I would like to talk with Grey for a second. Why don't you go to the car and wait for me?"

"No. You don't need to talk to him, I've already said what I needed to say." Her eyes dart to mine for a moment and then she looks up at Ethan.

"Let's go" She pulls at his arms but he shakes his head and takes a step closer to me.

"You fucked up, Grey. And you know what? You broke her and she came to me, and I will make sure she will forget you ever existed."

"You mother fucking piece of shit" I growl. I want so badly to wipe that smug smile from his face that I'm trembling with fury.

"God, you're an ass, Ethan" Ana whispers. She shakes her head sadly and starts walking away. Suddenly she stops and looks over her shoulder at me. "Give Phoebe a kiss from me? Tell her I will call her and that she can always call me, doesn't matter what time it is"

Fuck! I want to hold her so badly, but the last thing she wants is my touch. "I will, I promise"

Ethan turns around and practically runs to her side and smoothly places his hand on the small of her back. She stops and shrugs free from his hand. "Just don't touch me, Ethan"

* * *

"Don't you like the movie, Daddy?" Fee's voice pulls me out of my thoughts and looks at the screen. Ah, her favorite scene, Frozen Olaf, and Sven.

"Of course I do like the movie! Look here comes your favorite scene" I point to the screen and she watches as Frozen Olaf sneezes and loses his nose. She giggles throughout the entire scene and soon I find my thoughts drifting off again to my meeting with Ana.

"Are you sad, Daddy?" I feel her climbing on my lap and she sweetly sandwiches my face between her small hands.

"I think you are a little sad, but that's okay," She says before I have the chance to reply.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Ana said so…"

"Did you have a good time with Ana?"

"Yes!" She says without any hesitation. "I have my own room now and her daddy said he is going to build me a super cool swing in the backyard."

"That sounds awesome!"

"Uh huh"

"Okay. Tell me about your new room"

"Um. It is really pretty and, and the walls are pink…but you can come and see it the next time" She says looking up at me, her eyes wide and full of hope.

"Do you like to spend time with Ana?"

"Yes. But I really missed you, Daddy. Lots and lots. But Ana told me that I should never get sad because I can always call you"

"That's right"

"And I slept in her bed…" She whispers with a little giggle.

"Really?" I say feigning surprise.

"Yes…and it was fun because I could snuggle up to Ana and then when I woke up I tickled her and she tickled me…and then she made me chocolate chip pancakes because they are my favorite…but then…she said I had to eat a whole pancake and half a banana…but my tummy was really full and then when she wasn't looking Ethan helped me…" She whispers the last part and casts her eyes down. Her arms fall limply on her lap.

"Are you mad at me, daddy?"

"No, Fee" _I am mad at that motherfucking piece of shit, though._

"But next time you need to talk to Ana, okay?"

"Okay, daddy. But are you sure you are not mad?"

"No I am not, but do you know what I would really love to do right now?"

"What?"

"I'd love to have a tea party with you"

"Yes! And with Mr. Elephant and Ms. Pig and maybe Ms. Ink can come too, but she can't sit in one of the chairs because she is too big and I need to wear my special picnic hat." She is talking a mile a minute while crawling off my lap.

"Can we have the tea party outside, please?"

Half an hour later I am enjoying an excellent cup of tea with my precious three-year-old. She is wearing her special tea-hat and sipping tea from her cup like a little lady. Every now and then she looks up and smiles shyly.

As I look into her eyes that light up with excitement for the joy of the moment, I realize how much joy, calmness, laughter, and inspiration my daughter brings me and against all odds, all logic, I slowly start to feel a little hope.

Because no matter what happens between Ana and me, we will always stay connected through our beautiful, witty and loving daughter, and at this point, I will take her any way I can. I am going to prove to her that I love her and that I made a huge mistake by cutting her out of my life…even if it takes me a lifetime, I will not give up.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **First of all, I want to thank you all for the amazing feedback on this story! I can't express how much I appreciate it.**

 **Unfortunately, I won't be able to update next week. Work is crazy, leaving me with little to no time to write.**

 **See you in two weeks!**

 **XOX**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 20**

 **Anastasia**

"How much longer are you going to continue to ignore me?" I glare at Ethan and at this point, I want to smack his glasses from his face and punch him. I try to quicken my steps, but unfortunately, his legs are longer than mine and he can easily keep up with me.

"For as long as I fucking want. Now go away and leave me alone" Clumsily I fumble with the keycard until I finally manage to open the door. Annoyed I throw my suitcase inside, and try to close the door in his face, but he prevents it by blocking it with his foot. _Asshole._

"Seriously, Ethan, I am this close in punching you in the face."

"He deserved that. No, actually he deserved much more of what I told him. He also deserves to have his pathetic ass thrown in jail."

"You had no right to interfere!" I say through gritted teeth.

"He needed to hear what I had to say, Ana! Jesus, why are you being so stubborn?"

"Because I never asked for your help! I had already told him what I wanted him to hear, there was no need for you to add your worthless two cents!"

"Worthless?"

"Yes worthless, insignificant, irrelevant …it didn't add anything of value! All you wanted to do was mark your stupid territory, but guess what Ethan Peter Kavanagh…there isn't anything to mark!"

"I was trying to help!" He says suddenly looking irritable.

"No, you were not! You just wanted to stir shit!" I yell.

Taking a deep breath I count to ten in my head and try to get Christian's face out of my head. I also try to push away the way he smelled or how much I wanted to fall into his arms. I couldn't bear to look at his sad gray eyes or the anguish clearly written on his face.

"Look, Ethan, I want to make this as smooth as possible for Phoebe. I don't want her to feel the hostility or the pain that I always felt when my parents were together. I want her to feel happy and safe and therefore I need to communicate with Christian. One way or another, Christian and I will always be connected to her. We are both responsible for that little girl, we are her parents and it doesn't help if you keep sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong!" I am yelling again, but when I look up at the stunned expression on Ethan's face, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. _Jesus, he's dense._

"Can you keep the yelling down, please" Kate stops in front of my door. "I could hear you guys down at the reception area"

"Tell your stupid brother to mind his own business," I tell Kate while I keep looking at Ethan.

"Tell your stubborn friend that I was only trying to help!"

Kate rolls her eyes and places her hands on her hips. _Well, shit._

"This friend and this sister" She looks from me to Ethan with a pointed stare. "Is dying to take a shower, if you are not done yelling in five minutes, I will come out and kick your ass." She says glaring at us.

"Am I making myself clear?"

"Chrystal" I mutter.

"Good. Now you…" She says pointing at Ethan. "Go call Mindy and well…talk about things that I don't even want to know"

"Her name is Maddy" He growls.

"Whatever…Mindy, Molly, Maddy, they are all blonde, long-legged, air heads." She says rolling her eyes.

"You," She says pointing at me, her eyes now a little softer. "Go and call Phoebe."

"We are not done talking about this" Ethan says, but this time I do close the door in his face.

* * *

With my phone pressed against my ear, waiting for my dad to pick up his phone, I stare at the view from my room. The Savannah River is simply magical at this time, but somehow it saddens me too. I've only been here a couple of times to visit my mother in the last three years, but everything seems to be tainted. It saddens me immensely that I have no pleasant memories of my mother, either.

"Annie?"

"Hey, dad. We just arrived a few minutes ago." I take a few steps back from the window and sit at the edge of the king size bed.

"Where are you staying?"

"The Bohemian" I roll my eyes not really knowing why he wants to know.

"Are you ready for tomorrow, kiddo?"

 _No._ "Yeah, sure. Bob is expecting us at 10 AM tomorrow. From there one we will be driving to the cemetery together. According to Bob, it is going to be a private burial with only us and a few close friends of Bob" I add.

"You don't have to do this, you know that don't you? Bob will understand, and if you want I can get on the first plane and I can be there in time for the funeral"

"That's not necessary dad. Kate and Ethan are here with me, besides, I'll be leaving for LA immediately after the funeral."

"Ethan is going with you to the Award Show, right?" I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes briefly.

"I was thinking of going alone," I say softly. "I need some time to myself and those few days in LA would be the perfect opportunity."

"You are not going to that Award Show alone, Annie. That son of a bitch will be there too…"

"I know, I know!" I say cutting him off. "Okay, I promise, I won't go alone." Now I still need to talk Ethan out of it. He is the last person I want there with me.

"Call me tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I will. I love you, dad"

"I love you too, Annie."

After I end the call I feel my heart hammering against my chest. With trembling fingers, I search for Christian's number through my list and take a deep breath when I push the call button.

"Grey"

"Christian, it's me…Ana. I was wondering if I could talk to Phoebe, I was hoping she's still awake" I rush out the words and it's a miracle he heard what I said.

"She's brushing her teeth at the moment" Jesus, he sounds so calm and aloof. So different than this morning. However, I can't help but close my eyes and imagine him while he watches Phoebe brushing her teeth. There is this deafening silence and I hate that things have become like this between us.

"Okay," I whisper. "I can call back later"

"Or you can talk to me," He says very matter of fact. However, there is something different about his voice, something I've never heard before.

"Christian, why are you doing this?"

"What am I doing, Anastasia? If we want this agreement to work we will have to talk, don't you agree? Besides, you made your point this morning. You don't want anything to do with me, I get that." _Shit, he's so calm. How can he be so calm?_

"Okay, I suppose you have a point" I admit.

"Perfect. Look I've received the letter from your lawyer and I need a few things added to it. One of them is that I want Fee to have protection when she's with you." _Protection?_

"A CPO," He adds as if he is reading my mind.

"Oh, right, yeah…of course…we can discuss the details later. Is Fee ready yet?"

"No, she isn't. There is something else I want to talk to you about. I asked Andrea, my assistant, to get in touch with your assistant, and to synchronize our schedules. I also want to add that I don't wish to spend longer than 5 days away from Free. If I have to leave for longer than five days, I'll take her with me."

"Meaning that I won't see her for longer than five days, right?" I snap.

"You can always join me on my business trip" He replies casually. _Yeah, Grey, don't think so._

"We'll discuss that point some other time. Let me think about it."

"Very well, this is going better than I hoped" _What the hell does that mean?_

"Oh, and before I forget, I don't want Fee to be exposed to your revolving-door relationships. You can introduce him as soon as you consider things to be getting serious. I don't want Fee to be damaged by having her emotionally involved to someone that won't be there for the long haul. That means no overnight stays or PDA's. If your potential partner can't respect that, then he isn't worthy. You are a parent first"

"My revolving-door relationships?" I whisper incredulously.

"Yes, Ana, do you need me to explain what that means?" He sounds almost bored when he adds a little sigh at the end of his sentence. _Who the fuck does he think he is?_

"No, Christian" I reply in the same bored tone. "You don't need to explain that to me, but for your information, I don't tend to have revolving-door relationships"

"Right. Well, good to know. You see, I found out that I actually didn't know you at all. I mean you kept bigger secrets, so who knows how many guys you have dating through all these years."

"You are completely out of line!"

"I am not trying to insult you, Ana. You are a free woman, you can do whatever you want…or maybe you are not a free woman, after all, considering Kavanagh claimed you this morning,"

"Christian…"

"But that's not the point, I couldn't care less about that stupid fucker. I do care about my daughter and I don't want her to get emotionally attached to some fucker who she may not be seeing again."

"Whatever, Christian…" I feel drained having this conversation with him. His coldness is something so foreign that I have no idea how to react. But the longer I talk to him, the stranger he sounds.

"Assuming Phoebe has finished brushing her teeth, can you please put her on the phone?"

"Ah, about that. You see I lied. She is already sleeping and you should have known, Ana. It is 8:30 PM here in Seattle."

"You asshole!"

"I didn't see any other way in talking to you since you are set on keeping this all business. I can do that, Anastasia, I can do business."

"You are not playing fair, Christian."

I hear his sharp intake of breath. "I am not playing fair? Do you really want to talk about being fair, Anastasia? Because you didn't even have the fucking courtesy to listen to me this morning…"

"Fuck you, Christian!"

"Don t you dare hang up on me!" He growls.

"You are keeping her away from me…" A sob catches in my throat and I cover my mouth with my hand.

"I will never keep her away from you, but you suddenly had to go away, for what, Ana, some special modeling gig that you can't keep away from? Well wake up and smell the fucking coffee! Having kids takes a lot of responsibility! It is really hard work, it places intense demands on your time and energy!"

"Do you think I wanted to leave her? You know what? I don't want to even talk to you anymore. Next time make sure I'll get her on the phone!"

 **Christian**

"Hello…hello?" I look at the phone and growl frustrated when I finally figure out that she ended the call. She fucking hung up on me, even when I told her not to!

"She fucking hung up on me" I mutter. Grabbing the bottle from my desk, I take a big swig straight from the bottle. The heat of the bourbon spikes the roof of my mouth and down into my throat.

"Who were you just talking to?" I jump up from my brother's voice and drop the bottle from my hands. _Well fuck!_

"Jesus! Don't you know how to knock?"

"Who was that, Christian?"

"Elliot, don't you have your own house? What the fuck are you doing here again?"

"I won't ask you a third time, asshole…who was that on the fucking phone?"

"Ana…"

"You have to be fucking kidding me?"

"Blame the bourbon!" I chuckle. I close my eyes, the room spinning slightly when I bend down to pick up the bottle.

"You know what, Christian. This morning I felt sorry for you…"

I snort. "I've lost her anyway…" I shrug

"You haven't lost her, Christian, you just have to give her some fucking space! You know the kind of space you demanded when you were this fucked up teenager with his broody mood swings!"

"Fuck you, Elliot. And when did you become Dr. Phil?" I growl in frustration when I notice that the bottle is empty.

"You know what? Go home and get a life, Elliot. I don't need you. I don't need anyone!"

"I am going home, but not until you have listened to what I've got to say to you. What you just said to Ana…"

"How much did you hear?" I mutter.

"Will you just shut the fuck up?" He leans with his hands on my desk until his face is seriously close to mine. He has this crazy look in his eyes that I've only seen a few times…and those times we both got into a brawl.

"I get that you are feeling out of control, but what you said to her was despicable and completely out of line. She didn't go to a fucking modeling gig, you son of a bitch!"

"Then where the fuck did she go to!"

"That's what I came here to tell you, but now that I think about it, you don't deserve to know. I've had your back since the moment you fucked up. I've put my work on hold and even my relationship with Kate is shaky at best, but then I find out that you still haven't learned from your mistakes."

"Where did she run off to, Ell!"

"You don't need me…right, Christian? Go and ask your fantastic, top-notch security team where she went…"

"And since we are talking about that bunch of idiots that you call your security. Have they finally found out who kidnapped Fee from Ana?"

"No…we hit a dead end…"

"Well, maybe you should hire better staff then…"

"What the fuck is your deal!" I bellow. I try to stand up, but he pushes me back down.

"My deal is that you called her neglectful again while you don't even know why she had to leave. You are the biggest hypocrite I know."

"I am here, aren't I? Haven't I been here for my daughter the last few years?"

"Yeah, you are here, man, but what happens if Fee wakes up and sees you drunk off your ass? Didn't you just tell her that having kids is a huge responsibility…well, maybe I am wrong, but I don't see you acting very responsible at the moment…"

"Fuck you, Elliot. You saw her with that Kavanagh fucker this morning, I have been replaced…just like that! You heard what he said."

"I can't believe you built a company from the ground up. Did you see how she reacted to what he said? Did _she_ tell you that she is in a relationship with Ethan?"

"No…"

"Then grow the fuck up and pull yourself together. If you want her back…"

"I do want her back, Elliot…I want her back so badly…but when I saw her name on the screen, I just lost it…and her voice…she has the sweetest voice."

I grab my phone from the desk, determined to call Ana and apologize to her, but before I am able to hit one key, my brother roughly pulls it from my grip.

"Hey…what…"

"You are not going to call her back while you are still drunk! Christian, give her space…she has been through hell and back. Did you stop for a second to think about what she's been through?"

Pathetically, I lean my head on my desk and close my eyes. "She won't tell me anything, Ell, she won't even listen to me…"

"Just get a shower, Christian, and go to sleep. I'll stay in the guest room in case Fee wakes up. In the morning I will take her to see mom and dad, and while I am there you will have all the time to call Ana and apologize to her."

 **Anastasia**

"I didn't know I was living with a monster, Ana" I gaze at the small group of people gathered outside Bob's backyard.

"If I had known what she did to you"

"It's okay Bob…"

"It's far from okay" He sighs and softly squeezes my hand. "Do you know that I found out by accident that she had a daughter?" I don't know why I am surprised by his admission, but I am. Also, the last thing I want to do right now is discussing my mother, but he needs this. He needs to get this off his chest.

"I was so captivated by her beauty that I dismissed her weird behavior. I thought her arrogance was a form of self-confidence."

"The first thing your mother asked me when I met her was if I had kids." He takes a deep breath and brushes his hand over his face. "I found it a little odd at the time, but it all makes sense now." His eyes dart to mine quickly and I have to look away when I see the deep hurt and betrayal flickering through his eyes.

"I was shocked when I found out you were her daughter and that she had somehow managed to keep something so huge hidden from me. When I confronted her she somehow managed to turn it around. She made me feel as if I had hurt her and I really started doubting myself. From that moment on I tried to do the right thing to please her and to keep the peace."

I nod squeezing his hand in return, knowing exactly what he means. In her eyes, my mother was flawless and every time I made her aware of one of her flaws, she took it out on me. And even though I knew how she was going to react beforehand, I was never prepared.

"It wasn't your fault, Bob," I say with a shaky voice. "She was insulting and blamed others for her own flaws and mistakes. She had a talent in saying the right things at the right time to confuse you, belittle and degrade you. She purposefully sought ways to make you feel worthless and subjugate you to her will."

I close my eyes tightly when I see Bob's shoulder shaking. "Bob, my mother used her charm and beauty to manipulate you and to pull you in. Then she would slowly manipulate the truth to create doubt and confusion. That was Carla and please, Bob, don't ever think it was your fault."

"I am selling the house," He says shifting in his chair. "I only bought it because she wanted it…" He sighs.

"There are still a few boxes with photographs and other keepsakes…do you want them?" It breaks my heart when I see his red-rimmed eyes looking up at me.

"Sure" I whisper. "And if there is anything I can do for you…anything…please don't hesitate to ask, Bob…"

"There is one thing" I relax slightly when I see the corners of his lips turning upwards.

"Anything"

"I would love to meet your daughter" Tears spring in my eyes when he mentions Phoebe and I nod my head eagerly.

"You can come and visit us anytime you want. Look…" I fumble with my phone, my fingers nervously unlocking my screen until I find a picture of Phoebe. She is grinning cheekily at the camera while her eyes are twinkling with joy.

"She looks just like her mother," He says smiling. "She looks happy"

"She is a very happy girl, witty and smart," I admit. "Christian did an amazing job" I ad softly.

My thumb accidentally touches the screen and the next picture is one of Christian, Phoebe and myself. We are lying in the grass, Phoebe in the middle, smiling brightly at the camera. Sadness settles in my chest. We were so happy that day. It was perfect. What the hell happened to us?

"Is that Christian?"

"Yes…" I whisper and quickly close the screen, not being able to look at that picture any longer.

"You look happy there, Ana."

"We are not together anymore" I blurt out. "Things …he…" Words get stuck in my throat and I mindlessly start to fumble with my phone.

"I know what he did," Bob says placing his warm hand on mine. "Your dad called me yesterday and told me what happened when you returned to Seattle," He stares at me for a long time, his soft eyes radiating wisdom and softness.

"I know that you haven't asked for my opinion and that you are a grown woman who is able to make her own decisions. Thereby, I am probably not the best person to give you advice in the love department, but…" He shakes his head and I giggle when I see the blush creeping on his face.

"Let me just ask you this. Do you love him?"

I nod. "But I don't think I am able to forgive him…he…we are broken beyond repair"

"Sometimes it's not about fixing what's broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better." He points at my phone. "Think about it, Ana, you are a sensible person. Think about that beautiful little girl"

"Ana, Bob," Hannah says softly. "It's time to leave"

We both nod at her and rise from our chair but before I turn around I feel Bob's hand on my arm. "Thank you for being here today, Ana. I know how hard this must be for you…" His eyes are darting around the living room and then he settles them back on me. "Let me say this to you; Carla doesn't deserve you being here."

* * *

I look at my surroundings when we get seated in the old and uncared burial chapel. My mother would have hated this place, I think.

"I am not looking in that casket, Ana" I know I shouldn't look at Kate, but I do. Her face is white as a ghost and she is clinging on to my hand to the point of pain.

"Are you going to sign that book?" Ethan whispers in my ear.

"Um. Definitely not."

"How long does this take!" Kate hisses, her hold on my hand growing tighter by the second. "And who is the creep in the suit and oh…are we going to have cake at the gathering later?" Her eyes go wide and a smile forms on her face.

"Cake? I don't think so, Kate…" I glance at the guy in the suit, hovering near my mother's casket. Kate's right, he is a creep.

"I think it's only fair, I mean what's a party without cake?" She shrugs casually and gives me a wink. "Sorry not sorry" She adds with a little chuckle.

"You know I once went to an Irish wake when the father of a buddy of mine passed. It lasted 3 full days and it includes drinking and singing"

"Well, I could definitely use a drink right now" Kate mutters.

My gaze wanders off to Bob who is talking to an elderly couple, and even though I know his feelings about my mother are completely mixed up after she so smugly confessed having kidnapped my little baby, I know he's hurt. He is grieving. And there is nothing I can do to help him.

Before I know it, I hear someone saying that we are now moving on to the graveside. I watch the bearers walking forward and puck up the coffin. I am being pulled out of my chair by Ethan and soon we are walking behind my mother's coffin towards the cemetery. From the corner of my eye I watch Hannah walking in the direction of our car.

It's surreal and while I watch the people surrounding me I try to evoke feelings of sadness and grief, but there is nothing. Only when I look at Bob, who is walking a few rows in front of me, and I see his hunched shoulders, is when I feel something in my chest. However, I know that it has nothing to do with my mother's passing. It makes me feel a little guilty because it feels like I am grieving for Bob and not my mother.

The closer we get to the graveside the more unsettled I start to feel. Without thinking I slip my hand into Ethan's and take deep calming breaths. Ethan's hand doesn't bring me the comfort I need, but I cling on to him regardless. I'm trying to remember happy memories of my mother because there have to be good memories, right? But regardless of how hard I think, I keep coming up short.

For a moment, I blame myself, thinking that I am being dramatic or playing the martyr, but the fact is that every memory I have of my mother, I remember feeling tense and nervous since I was always trying to assess her mood.

When we stop and I lift my head I see that we have reached the side of my mother's grave. The grave site is covered with artificial grass, probably to hide the earth. I feel Ethan's hand slipping out of mine when I am being pulled forwards and before I know it I am standing next to Bob, at the head of the grave. I search through the group of people to find Ethan or Kate and I start to panic slightly when I see they are gone.

"We're here. Right behind you." I have never been so glad to hear Kate's voice before.

Detached I watch the bearers placing the coffin on struts and knowing that they are going to lower her into her grave any minute now, I still I don't feel anything. I've read and heard many times, that a mother's death is one of the most painful experiences people face. How can I hate the woman who carried me for nine months?

Suddenly I hear the music. At first, I can't hear the lyrics very well but then I feel Kate's hand holding on to mine.

"Who picked out this music?"

I shake my head.

 _'Cause you were amazing_

 _And we did amazing things_

 _And I wouldn't change it_

 _'Cause we were amazing things_

Not being able to listen to the lyrics my mind somehow drifts back to the moment I woke up and my dad told me that Phoebe was gone, and suddenly I start crying and can't stop. I start remembering all the times when it tried to make my mother proud, but she always told me it was never good enough. And when it comes down to it, _I_ was never good enough.

Through my tears, I see the creepy guy with the suit stepping forward and he starts speaking about my mother's good spirit and the amazing job she did raising a child on her own. And that's when I lose it, I start sobbing uncontrollably. I feel strong arms surrounding me and we are walking towards the car, away from my mother.

"Oh, shit" Kate tenses next to me. "I thought this was a private service?" She hisses.

"Keep walking and don't look at them," Ethan mutters. "Ana, don't look up and hold on to me and Kate. Somehow someone alerted the media and the place is swamped with paparazzi"

I do make the mistake of looking up and I hold still when I see almost twenty photographers standing next to our car.

"Anastasia, we are sorry for your loss!"

"Anastasia! Where is Christian Grey?" _Oh, God._

I'm being pulled from one way to another as the photographers swarm around us with their huge lenses pointing at me.

"Get the fuck out of our way!" I hear Ethan shout.

The feeling is terrifying. We can't seem to get through the horde of journalists. With my eyes locked on my feet and one of my hands covering my face, we try to make our way to our car. Ethan next to me starts to swear.

"Kate run to the car!" He shouts. "Ana, hold on tight" I feel myself being lifted into his arms. I quickly bury my face in the crook of Ethan's neck and try to keep my body from shaking. But despite all the chaos surrounding me, I am shocked by my own thoughts. I wish Christian was here with me.

I feel relief washing over me as I am being placed in the car. The doors close and lock eyes with Hannah who is sitting behind the wheel.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes. Just get me out of here, please."

* * *

"What the hell happened out there?" Ethan is beside himself when we finally sit down in my room.

"The guy in the black suit, that was your mother's lawyer. It seems that your mother orchestrated this whole thing before she passed away…"

"The music, the eulogy…" I whisper.

"I am sorry, Ana. The car was surrounded by paps, there was nothing I could do" Hannah says. "The pictures are all over the internet, Ana."

"It's okay...I don't care about the pictures. I just want to get out of here"

Determined I rise from my chair and start mindlessly shoving clothes into my suitcase.

"Ana…"

"Can I please be alone for a few minutes?" I ask without looking up. Kate softly brushes my hand with hers. "I'll be in my room if you need me"

I hear them walking out and the moment I hear the soft click of the door, I let the clothes fall from my hand and reach into my bag to collect my phone.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up!" I whisper clutching the phone in my hand.

"Christian, pick up the fucking phone!" I growl frustrated.

After calling him five times, I give up. He told me he wasn't going to keep her away from me.

Will I ever be able to deal with this? Is he going to take her away from me? Alienate her?

Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Phoebe doesn't even know I am her mother. She isn't even expecting me to call her. She doesn't need me as she needs Christian, and he knows that. That knowledge is heartbreaking and terrifying.

* * *

Song: Alex Lloyd's - Amazing


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 21**

 **Christian**

Christ! What the fuck is happening to me? Everything hurts and it feels like I'm dying.

With all the strength I can muster I pull myself from my bed while wiping the drool from my face. I close my eyes when I feel the room start to spin. _Wait, am I still drunk?_

I wince and bring my hands up to my head when I hear a hard bang. I know it is nearby, probably in my room, but I just can't bring myself to move my head and look in the direction from where the sound came from. Fuck! I am really dying. No wait, I was dying yesterday, now I probably must be dead.

"Good morning King of Assholes!" Great, just fucking great. Elliot decided to surprise me with a visit. Just what I fucking need.

"Go away, Ell."

"Does your head hurt?" Elliot starts bouncing up and down on my bed, not really helping the dizziness I am feeling.

"Keep your voice down, asshole" I try to push him away but my coordination skills are fucked up. I end up falling back on my bed, causing my entire body to ache.

"Do you feel like you've been hit by a tractor?" He is still yelling that mother fucker.

"Will you just keep your voice down." I groan. "Fee is still asleep"

Clapping his hands like a moron, my brother starts laughing, but it stops as fast as it started, and something tells me that's not a good sign.

"Fee woke up 12 hours ago," He growls

"No, man…that's impossible…"

"Go fix yourself, Christian. We need to talk"

"I can't remember anything, Ell…I just remember going to bed when you told me to…"

"Bro, you smell, badly, like death. Go shower"

He disappears closing the door with another bang.

* * *

"Where's Fee?"

"She's with mom and dad."

"I'm sorry, Ell…"

He cuts me off by loudly placing a bottle of water on the counter while raising his eyebrow at me. He then shoves two Advil's over the counter.

"What happened?" I ask. "I don't remember anything since you walked out of my study"

"Nothing?"

"I'm battling to remember anything that I did or said."

He takes a deep breath and nods his head once. "You didn't go to sleep right away…I heard you going to bed when it was well after midnight." _So far so good._

"Fee woke up before the crack of dawn, she tried to wake you, but you were dead to the world…" Fuck!

"Anyway, I was able to distract her with a trip to IHOP, and then I took her to mom and dad."

"We were hanging out at mom and dad when I got a phone call from Taylor" _Christ._

"You were banging on the piano…" He raises his hands in the air and shrugs "His words, not mine. Anyway, you were playing some pathetic song on the piano while sipping on a new bottle of bourbon…"

"At what time was that?" I ask to be sure.

"It was 3 PM." He replies curtly.

"So, I woke up and got drunk again? Why, Elliot?"

"You really don't remember, do you?"

"Do I look as if I am fucking kidding! Fill in the fucking blanks, asshole!" I grit.

"Does this ring any bells?" Slowly he slides my iPad in my direction.

 **Victoria's Secret Angel, Anastasia Steele wears a simple black dress as she lays her mother to rest.**

 _The stunning, 28-year-old model was pictured at her mother's funeral saying their final goodbyes._

 _She was accompanied by her best friend Kate Kavanagh and a mysterious gentleman._

 _According to our sources, the loving Carla Adams, passed away three days ago, while being surrounded by her family._

 _Carla Adam's was laid to rest at Savannah's Bonaventure Cemetery, considered to be the place where death and beauty meet._

 _Family friend and attorney, Liam Terence said: "I know for certain that we never lose the person we love, even to death. They will continue to participate in every act, every thought, and decision we make. Carla's love leaves an unforgettable imprint in our memories, and we find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared her love and affection. Carla dedicated her life to helping others"_

 _Anastasia Steele was heartbroken during her mother's private burial. The young model left the service clearly distraught and in the comfort of the still unknown gentleman's arms._

 _It is no secret that Anastasia has always been very closed off about her private life._

 _However, Anastasia did share a picture of her and the handsome Seattle billionaire Christian Grey a couple of weeks ago on her Instagram. Now the question remains; where was Christian Grey?_

 **See the photos of Anastasia below…**

Apprehensive I scroll down and close my eyes when I see picture after picture of Anastasia. The first one is a picture taken from the back and it is clearly visible that she is holding Ethan's hand. Further down there are pictures of her covering her tear stained face while being ambushed by those fucking paparazzi. However, it is the last picture that almost has me throwing the fucking iPad against my kitchen wall. Anastasia in the arms of Ethan fucking Kavanagh.

"Her mother died and I called her neglectful" I mutter burying my head in my hands. "Her mother died, Ell…" I look up and don't even try to hide the tears building in my eyes.

"I should have been there for her…instead, I drove her away…"

"Apparently those pictures drove you over the edge. After smashing your study you decided to get drunk again…fast forward a few hours and here we are."

"Do you think I've lost her, Elliot?"

"Do you think you can pull your head out of your ass, Christian?"

"Do you know it's rude to answer a question with a question, Elliot?"

"Do you want your girl back?" He grins while casually sliding from the barstool.

"Fuck yes. I need a plan, Elliot. I need a plan to win her back."

"Well, it happens that you are looking at Seattle's best planner!" He pushes the button of the coffee machine with a flourish and wiggles his eyebrows at me.

"What do you have in mind?"

"First I need my phone!" He points to the piano where my phone is laying. Horrified I notice that I have five missed calls from Ana.

"Fuck!" I yell and immediately start calling her back. Pacing the room I start pulling my hair and my arm stills in the air when she picks up the phone.

"Hello"

"Ana? Ana…thank fuck. Look, Ana, please listen to me…"

"Is Phoebe there?" She says cutting me off. "I am about to board the plane, and I would love to talk to her."

"Please, give me one minute, please, Ana. I just want to say how sorry I am…I should have never…"

"Is Phoebe there?" The soft, yet cold tone of her voice halts me in my tracks.

"No…she is with my pa-…"

"I don't have the time or energy to play games, Christian. I will call you back in 8 hours and if I don't get to talk to Phoebe by then, you won't like the consequences."

"No! Wait! Please!"

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I yell when she ends the call. I try to call her back but her the call goes directly to voicemail.

"Elliot, where is Ana headed to" Determined I walk to my brother, I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him roughly towards me. "Tell me where she is going"

"I don't know, man."

"You've obviously talked to Kate and she is with Ana. Tell me where she went, Elliot, or I swear to God, I will kick your ass."

"We don't talk about, Ana!" He says roughly pulling away from me. "Look, man, Kate just texted me she boarded the plane to Seattle…maybe Ana is with her"

 _That wouldn't make any sense. Think, Grey! Think! L.A. She is on her way to L.A. for the Award show._

"Elliot call mom and dad and tell them to bring Fee here as soon as possible."

He nods his head once and does as he is told, surprisingly enough. In the meantime, I am dialing Andrea's number.

"Mr. Grey?"

"Andrea, I need you to call Stephen and arrange the jet. I want to leave as soon as possible."

"Mr. Grey…Ms. Bailey is on her way back from England…" Fuck! How could I forget? The kinetic energy adaptors deal. Fuck.

"What is her ETA?"

"Eight hours, Mr. Grey"

"Fine. Make it work, Andrea. Arrange another pilot, anything, I don't care, but I want to leave to LA today"

Turning to look at my brother I hold up my finger. "Be right back" He answers with a curt nod.

Reaching the confines of my bedroom I press Ana's number on my phone, and even though I know she just boarded the plane, a little part in me is hoping that she hasn't turned off her phone yet. Unfortunately, my calls immediately go to voicemail.

"Hi, it's me, Christian. Look, I know you are angry and upset with me and I understand, I truly do. And, I just wanted you to know that I am extremely sorry for how behaved and that I love you…I never stopped loving you. I am going to prove that to you even if it takes me forever. I know that saying 'sorry' doesn't fix the problem, it's what you do after what truly counts, and I am going to show you, I promise. I love you Anastasia, and I will see you soon"

Staring at my phone I start pacing the room. I need a plan, I need a plan to get Ana back into my life. It needs to be a grand gesture. Something that she won't be able to forget.

I hurry down the stairs when I hear voices and my face breaks out into a smile when I see my little girl glancing up at me.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

"Fee…baby, I missed you"

"You were talking in your sleep daddy…" She takes my face in her hands and those blue eyes are filled with worry. "And you were drooling…" She makes a funny face and shudders.

"Yeah, I am sorry about that, but daddy was just really… tired. But what would you say if we went on an adventure…"

"And I can come too?" She asks hopefully.

"Yes. We are going to L.A. to see Ana…to surprise her"

"I don't think Ana likes surprises," She says earnestly. "She told Ethan that"

"But I am sure that Ana will love seeing you again"

"Okay…" She says slowly not entirely convinced.

"But we need a plan and I need your help"

 **Anastasia**

"You look breathtakingly beautiful, Ana" I look up from my phone, my thumb hovering over Christian's messages, however, I can't seem to make myself delete them. But I can't make myself listen to them either. Fact is that I can't handle another excuse or insult from him.

"Thank you, Ethan. You don't look too bad yourself either" I try to smile, but seeing the grimace on his face, I don't think I've succeeded.

"I'm sorry…I just wish that things were different" I breathe and turn my head to stare out of the window.

The anxiety, the hurt, and the anger haven't lessened since I arrived in LA a few hours ago. However, being on a very tight schedule, it didn't give me much time to think about what happened these last few days. I was rushed to the hairstylist as soon as I stepped out of the plane. Then when I finally got home my stylist was waiting there for me. Two hours later we stepped into the waiting limo, and here I am not even 24 hours after I buried my mother on my way to a meaningless Award Show.

"I need to head back to Seattle tomorrow," Ethan says. "You are coming with me, right?" I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear the hopeful tone in his voice. Shit. It is time to end this, whatever it is.

"No, I am not…"

"You don't want to spend time with Phoebe?" The hopefulness has turned into an accusation.

"Ethan. I can't wait to see her again, but I'm a mess. I need some time to myself…"

"We can take her to the zoo, or to Disneyland…do you think she ever went there?" I doubt it. I know for a fact that Christian hates crowds and security would be a nightmare.

"We aren't taking her anywhere, Ethan," I say softly emphasizing the word 'we', and turn my head to look at him.

"Besides, I need to spend time alone with her. I need to get to know her, by myself."

"And where does that leave me, Ana?" He takes a deep breath and covers my hand with his. "Better don't answer that…" He murmurs. "We need to talk…" I nod my head.

"We'll talk when we get home"

* * *

"You're up next" Hannah whispers in my ear. I look at her and give her a small smile. She looks different, fidgety and I don't like it. Hannah doesn't fidget. Ever.

"Who's the guy?" I ask and watch her brow furrow as she looks down at her phone. "Hannah?"

"Um. Sorry, his name is Eric Haas, he's a singer-songwriter. Nice guy."

"What's wrong?" I whisper and try to see who keeps texting her.

"Nothing. Look, Thomas will be performing later at the after party, but you probably can leave before he gets here."

"Okay" I glance over at Ethan who gives me a thumbs up.

"Do you remember your speech?"

"The one you've written?" I snort. "Yeah, I do. Thank you for that, Hannah"

"Anytime"

"Something has come up and I will have to leave" She is avoiding my eyes as she feeds me some stupid excuse. "I'll be back before the after-party has started. Stay close to Ethan, okay?"

"Are you sure everything is alright, Hannah?"

"Perfect. Couldn't be better." Softly squeezing my arms she leans down and kisses my cheek. "Go, kick ass"

"Anastasia Steele started her career at the young age of seventeen. Anastasia is most known for being one of the angels of Victoria's Secret. She sits top on the list of most successful models in the industry, and with her brown curls and mesmerizing blue eyes, you can't, not notice this stunning beauty. This gorgeous woman is not only beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well. She dedicates her free time to various charities. Please give her a round of applause to the Most Desirable Woman! Anastasia Steele!"

Fake it till you make it, Steele, I think to myself as I climb the stairs and on automatic pilot going through the motions. I shove all the hurt and exhaustion away and with the fake smile I have perfected over the years plastered on my face I stride towards Eric who is smiling brightly back at me. The truth is; I'm exhausted and I can't wait to get out of here.

"Thank you," I take the trophy from Eric who has gentle brown eyes and a shy smile.

"Congratulations" He whispers in my ear and kisses me swiftly on my cheek. He takes a step back and gestures towards the microphone with his head.

"Thank you," I say holding up the trophy to the crowd in front of me. "I am pleased, honored and humbled to accept this award. A very special thanks to GQ for selecting me. Thank you to those who nominated me and voted for me. And, of course, thank you to my family and friends for always supporting me and being here with me this evening."

When I look up I see that Ethan is waiting for me on the side of the stage. Gratefully I take his hand while he guides me through the people until we finally reach a quiet spot at the bar. Swiftly he grabs two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and hands me one.

"I am so proud of you" I get this weird feeling in my stomach when he slowly brushes his thumb along my jaw.

"Ethan…" The words get stuck in the back of my throat when I see his eyes darting to my lips.

"If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there."

"Are you quoting Doctor McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy now?" I giggle and take a sip of my champagne.

"No more champagne for you, Ethan" I playfully place his glass on the bar and look up at him. He isn't laughing though and it only intensifies that weird feeling in my stomach.

"I love you, Ana…"

"Ethan…w-what are you doing?" _He isn't quoting, is he?_

"Ethan, I- I don't know what to say, please don't do this here."

"I need to get this off my chest, Ana. Because I've always loved you…I fell in love with you the moment Kate brought you to our home. When I saw you with your squeaky voice and your crazy curls, I thought you would become a pain in the ass and trick me into hanging out with you. Instead, you became one of my best friends."

"Ethan…"

"Shhh…I knew for sure that I was in love with you when we went through with "The Plan". I was devastated when you left shortly after that to the Milan fashion week. It took you 53 days to call me…" _Did he keep count?_

"But we are friends" I stammer.

"But I want more, Ana…all those times I said that I would be the one saying "I object" on your wedding wasn't just because I wanted to make you angry, it was because I meant it. I've been in love with you since the first time I saw you, and I tried to fight it, but I can't anymore, Ana. You are my person, Ana."

Stunned by his confession I take a step back until my back hits the bar.

"Considering the look on your face I believe the feeling isn't mutual?" The small smile he gives me breaks my heart.

"I do love you, Ethan, but I am not in love with you…" _I am in love with someone else, even if he doesn't love me back._

"It's Grey, isn't it?" He asks. Not wanting to cause him more hurt, I focus my eyes on the champagne glass in my hand. _Yes, it is Grey. It will always be him._

"Shit! I'm such an idiot!" He looks around him and shoves his hands in his pockets. He looks as uncomfortable as I feel.

"Come on, let me take you home"

* * *

"Give me a few minutes," Ethan says to the stoic looking cab driver.

"Aren't you coming inside?" I ask when we step out of the cab.

"No" He breathes. "I am taking the first flight back to Seattle…I'll get my stuff another time okay?"

"Ethan. I'm sorry…"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Ana. I made myself believe that there was more between us. I get it now, you are in love with Grey but I refused to believe it. Whether we ever speak again or not, I will always consider you my friend and my favorite person. I will always have your back. I will always be here for you when and if you need me. Don't ever forget that."

"You will always be my friend too, Ethan"

"Be happy, okay Ana? Be happy with your wonderful, beautiful little girl."

"Thank you, Ethan. Thank you for everything…" Even though it is wrong and that I should let him walk away, I wrap my arms around his neck, press my face against his chest and I cry. I am surprised when I hear him chuckling and patting me awkwardly on my back.

"You are ugly crying, Ana." He deadpans.

"I'm not" I sniff. Very un-lady like I wipe the tears from my face with the back of my hand and try to get my crying under control.

"Yes, you are. You are making awkward sounds and there is fluid leaking from every opening on your face" He shrugs. "As your friend, I am supposed to be honest." He winks at me and looks over his shoulder to the cab.

"I need to go."

"Okay," I sniff.

"Take care, Ana"

"Bye, Ethan"

I stay at my front door until the taillights of the taxi are only small dots in the distance. With a sigh, I open the front door but notice immediately that the alarm system is deactivated. Did I forget to turn on the alarm? It certainly wouldn't be the first time.

Slowly I walk through the hallway and into the living room and somehow it feels different, but I can't exactly pinpoint what feels different. With a little shake of my head, I make my way through the living room until I've reached the kitchen. I grab a bottle of wine from the fridge and make my way over to the patio taking sips as I go.

I spot him right away and somehow I am not even surprised. Christian is sitting in one of the loungers, his elbows leaning on his knees, his head bowed.

"What are you doing here? And how did you get in?"

His head turns in my direction. Slowly rising to his feet he makes his way towards me, and I have no clue from where I get the strength but I pass him, making sure we don't touch and sink down on one of the chairs.

"I asked you a question, Christian"

His intense gaze is making me stupidly nervous. Furrowing my brow I look at the bottle in my hand and carefully put it on the floor next to me. I feel embarrassed, nervous and not to mention confused. What is he doing here, but more importantly…how did he get in?

Slowly, as if he is approaching a scared animal he takes a few steps in my direction and squats next to me, his knee brushing against the fabric of my dress.

"You have been crying"

Lamely I brush my tears away with the back of my hand and shrug. Shifting closer he pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and hands it to me. Inwardly I smile when I stare down at the perfect pressed, embroidered handkerchief.

"You still haven't answered my question" I whisper turning my eyes to him and take the handkerchief from him.

The moment our eyes meet, I get lost in them. He truly has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen. I can feel his breath waver when our fingers touch and my eyes are immediately drawn to his mouth. His lips are moist and slightly parted. Mesmerized I watch as he licks his bottom lip.

"I missed you so much, Ana"

Deliberately slow I see his hand moving up to touch my face. The gesture is so sweet that I feel myself leaning into his touch.

"You shouldn't be here, Christian"

"You are wrong" He whispers in my ear, his lips moving down brushing over my jaw. "This is right where I should be. This is where I belong, where we belong." He pulls back suddenly and places his hand under my chin. "Fee is here too, I just put her to bed"

"What…but how?"

"Hannah" He sighs. "It took me some time and a lot of groveling and convincing, but one look at Fee and she caved." He winces slightly. "However, she did threaten me…"

"Christian…"

"I came here to apologize to you, to tell you that I love you, that I never stopped loving you. Because when it comes down to it, Ana, you are the only one I want. You are the only one I can imagine myself with. You are the only person I can see myself being happy with. And if space is what you need, I will give you space. If time is what you need then that's what I will give you. But please, please don't give up on us."

I can't resist him anymore and slowly start to run my finger over his face. The stubble is a welcome and familiar feeling, so is his scent. _God, I missed him so much._

"I read about your mother"

"No!" I quickly place my finger over his mouth and shake my head. "Don't talk about her…please just don't mention her…"

"Ana…"

"Sshh, no talking…" I whisper and brush my finger over his bottom lip, over his jaw until I reach his hair. Keeping my eyes firmly on his I start to undo the buttons of his light blue shirt, sliding my hand against his hard chest.

"Ana, what are you doing?"

"Don't talk, Christian, just feel"

When I finally get to the last button, he rolls his shoulders and swiftly pulls his shirt off. For the briefest moment doubt creeps up on me, but it is immediately forgotten when he crashes his mouth against mine.

"There is no going back after this, Ana" I moan into his mouth and pull at his hair.

"Tell me that you want me" He pants.

"I want you"

Effortlessly he lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. "Bedroom" I whisper. "First floor, second door on the right"

With minimal effort, he carries me up the stairs and after softly closing the door behind him and locking it he places me on my feet.

He looks into my eyes, silently asking me if I really want to go through with this. And even though I know we shouldn't be doing this, there is no way I will be able to stop him. I need to forget. He can make me forget.

I hold my breath as he cautiously brushes his lips against mine. But I don't want slow, I want fast, I want hard. Wrapping my hands tightly around his strong arms, I pull him towards me, his hands fly to my spine where he starts fidgeting with the zipper of my dress.

Frantically I start undoing his belt until he is forced to release his hold of off me.

It only takes us moments to get naked and before I know it I am lying underneath him. His hard, naked body pressed against mine. His eyes are still searching mine for some kind of approval, but I don't want to think anymore, I just want to feel.

He shifts and I feel his erection at my entrance. "Are you sure, Anastasia?" My answer is a quick shift of my hips.

"Very well…" he murmurs. Shifting his hips he penetrates me making us both yell in unison. He's so deep and I instantly wrap my hands around his neck.

He holds still for a few seconds, his head hanging, his breathing ragged. With his eyes pinned on mine, he withdraws slowly and slams straight back in with a grunt.

"Is this what you want, Anastasia?" He starts pounding into me hard and forceful. And it's amazing. It's just what I needed. My head falls back against the pillows and our eyes meet again. His pupils are huge and I notice his frown deepen and sweat dripping down his face.

"Talk to me, Ana…is this what you want?"

"Yes! Yes!"

Moving my hands to the back of his head, I fist his hair and pull his head down. Our lips smash against each other and he bites my bottom lip while he continues pounding into me.

I can feel my impending orgasm and I buck my hips against him and dig my nails into his back.

"Christian…"I pant against his lips. "Don't stop…I'm going to come…"

"Tell me you want me" He pants. My hold on his momentarily weakens. Doesn't he know that I really do want him? That I love him so much that it hurts? Doesn't he know that my heart aches for him?

"Tell me, Ana!" He yells. I dig my nails deeper into his back and focus my eyes on his.

"I want…you…"

"Tell me you need me…" His hand flies to my face and he forces me to look at him. His eyes are wild and stormy as he waits for my answer.

"I…I need you" _I will always need you._

I can feel my body releasing every bit of tension I felt this last week and in its place, it is replaced with the most pleasurable feeling as I start falling apart under him.

The room starts spinning and I am lost. "Jesus!" He cries, thrusting into me one last time before stilling over me. He collapses on top of me while breathing heavily into my ear. He withdraws fractionally and the pushing deep a few more times until his body stops trembling.

As I lay there with Christian warm body on top of mine I feel my eyes getting heavy with sleep. Slowly he lifts his head and searches my face, his eyes slide to my mouth and he leans down to place a gentle, sweet kiss on my lips.

With a deep sigh, he shifts his hips and slowly pulls out of me leaving me empty and cold. Without saying a word he shifts us until my back is resting against his chest, his arms tightly wrapped around me.

"I am not letting you go ever again, Ana"

I tense under his words, but I am too tired to talk. I want to forget everything that hurts and not think about what tomorrow will bring. I gently squeeze his arm and shift in his arms until my head is on his chest. His arms wrap tighter around me and I close my eyes in contentment when I feel his lips brushing against my hair. Closing my eyes I relish on the warmth of his body and the comfort of his arms. Tired from trying to be stronger than I feel, I give into the exhaustion because the real fact of the matter is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and the only thing I have is right now.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22**

 **Anastasia**

I love early mornings, I always have. Whereas Kate loves to sleep in, I prefer to sit in the pool area with a cup of coffee to watch the sunrise. Early mornings have a calming effect, however late nights, intoxication and wrong choices don't agree with early mornings at all.

 _What the fuck have I done?_

 _What the fuck was I thinking?_

A plan, that's what I need. I need to know what to say to him before he overwhelms me with his presence. I can't let him walk all over me again. Yesterday, was a…mistake, it shouldn't have happened. I should have never had allowed it to happen. He needs to go.

We will talk and then he will have to leave.

"There you are" I keep my eyes strained on my now empty coffee cup.

"I've checked on Fee and she is sleeping soundly…maybe we…"

"I know, she woke up one hour ago. I gave her something to drink and she fell back to sleep" I say cutting him off. When I turn my head, I see the apprehensive expression on his face.

"Oh, I didn't hear her crying," He says softly.

"She didn't cry, I checked up on her and that woke her up"

"Did you sleep at all then?" He says, his brow furrowing. Stupidly it makes me want to run my finger over his forehead.

I really didn't sleep at all. As soon as Christian fell asleep I slipped out of bed and wandered to Phoebe's room and I just watched her sleep. I could never get tired of watching her sleep.

"Ana…" the hairs on the back of my neck rise. The tone of his voice indicates that he is going to say something I don't like. Maybe he regrets what happened yesterday? He squats next to me, his knee brushing against my leg.

"Ana, we need to talk, but first of all I want to say how sorry I am about your mother passing away."

"I don't want to talk about my mother, I don't want you to mention her ever again. But, yes, we do need to talk and after that I want you to leave. I need you to leave, Christian"

" I am not leaving," He says calmly. "I am not going anywhere, Ana. I told you yesterday…"

I jump up from my chair the anger unfurling in the pit of my stomach spreading through my veins.

"Why are you even here, Christian? Because I am confused. One moment you call me neglectful and the next moment you are here on your knees professing your love to me."

"I should have never said that those things to you. I love you, Ana and you have no idea how embarrassed I am about my behavior."

I shrug, still with my back turned towards him. "I don't care. Just leave. I don't want you here, I never invited you in the first place"

"I am not going anywhere" And the calm in his voice just pisses me off even more.

"You are in my home!"

"I told you yesterday that there wouldn't be any going back anymore! I am going to say this once, I am not going anywhere. We are going to sit down and talk like normal people! What happened yesterday…"

"Was a mistake!" My voice wavers at the end and cowardly look away from him.

"Look, you can stand there and tell me you don't love me. Tell me that you didn't feel our connection yesterday, but I don't believe you. I am here to stay…whether you like it or not."

"Go!" I growl.

"No. You will have to physically remove me" He raises his eyebrow challenging me because we both know that I am not strong enough to remove him.

"I want you to go!" I say a little more convincingly this time.

He takes a step in my direction and takes my chin in his hand forcing me to look at him. "Tell me that you don't love me. Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me, Ana, and I will go…"

He shifts his hand and cups my face and I can see clearly in his eyes how much he is hurting too.

 **Christian**

Her eyes are filling with tears as she looks into my eyes. Her face is pale with dark circles under her eyes, her body is trembling and different emotions pass her eyes. Anger, sadness, hurt. _Did I do this to her?_

"Is this about your mother?" The hurt turns into anger and she roughly pushes me away.

"I said not to mention her again!" She yells.

"Jesus Christ, Ana…she's your mother…it's okay to be sad…"

"I'm glad she is dead, okay!" She whispers clenching her hands into fists. "I am glad she is dead and I hope she is somewhere in hell. My mother was a parasite, a toxic person…"

I don't know what to think as she turns around facing away from me and braces her hands on the counter. What the hell has happened to her? This is not the Ana I know.

"I know this sounds callous, cold, and appalling. A daughter who admits she is glad her mother died. And maybe I should feel guilty about the lack of grief, but I don't. All I can feel is that the dark cloud that has been hanging over my head all these years is gone. My mother didn't love me, she never cared. As a child and later as a grown fucking woman I tried to impress her, make her proud of me. But do you know she never told me she was proud? Never told me she loved me? It was always about her." She finishes in a whisper.

I am completely out of my depth as I listen to her ragged breath. Her small shoulders are tense as she holds on to the counter.

"Maybe she loved you in her own way…"

Spinning around on her heels she looks murderous, freaked out but then her face crumbles in pain. Tears are trickling down her cheeks and she just stands there without making a sound. I don't dare to move or touch her.

Slowly her she lifts her head and she focuses her eyes on the scars on my chest.

"Do you think your birth mother loved you, Christian? Do you think that the mother who carried you for nine months but let the pimp burn you with cigarettes actually loved you?"

"I've had years of therapy, Ana…and I came to the realization that my …birthmother was too young and sick…" I pick my words carefully because coming to that realization took me years, and it doesn't mean I forgave her because I don't think I will ever be able to forgive her. But this is not about me now. This is certainly not the moment to analyze my feelings about my birthmother, or my lack of feelings for her.

She snorts as her eyes move from my chest to my eyes. The pain radiating off of them is unbearable. I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and comfort her, take the pain away from her. However, I truly believe that the last thing she wants right now is my touch.

"Hopefully talking to a therapist helped you, but there is not enough fucking therapy in the world that can make me stop hating Carla Adams."

I know that her relationship with her mother wasn't good, but this hate? I have no idea what to make of this. She is angry with me, and rightfully so, is that why she is behaving this way?

Then the weirdest thing happens, her shoulders sag and her eyes fill with tears while she looks up at me. It's like all the strength has left her body and she is going to fall apart any given moment.

"I want to take Phoebe to Bainbridge Island…I rented that house for your birthday, and I really need to spend some time alone with her. I don't even know my own daughter." She cries. "I don't know her favorite color or her favorite food."

"If I had known, Ana …I would have searched for you…" I breathe and beg her with my eyes to believe me.

"Spare me your fucking lies Christian. You wanted to marry a woman you didn't love because you wanted a baby with her."

"That's different" I growl stepping closer to her.

"Oh yeah. And why is that? You wanted a baby, and there she was in the underground garage of your company…and what Christian Grey wants, Christian Grey gets, right?!"

"No!"

"Yes! Grease some palms here and there, maybe a donation to the Seattle Police Department, daddy dearest probably played some golf with the judge assigned to your case… and oh let's not forget to add the cherry to the fucking cake…to seal the deal you fucked your lawyer!" She spits out angrily.

"Fuck Ana! I thought her mother had abandoned her! She had that note!"

"That note was written by my fucking mother, you asshole! It was my mother who kidnapped my baby!" She starts pounding her fists against my chest while the sobs rake through her body.

I stand there motionless, feeling as if her words just knocked every wisp of air out of my lungs. I am struggling to breathe. And while Ana keeps pounding her hands against my chest, I try to remember how to breathe, I am unable to speak as the words bounce around my head.

 _It was my mother who kidnapped my baby!_

I snap back to my senses when the pounding against my chest stops and I feel her head on my chest. Automatically, I wrap my arms around her trembling body and hold her close to me.

There are no words to comfort her at this moment, because what can I say? This is possibly the most painful betrayal there is. Because parents are considered to take care of their children, not harm them.

"S-she doesn't e-even know I'm her mommy…"

Breath hitches in my throat at her heartbreaking words.

If I had decided back then to do things differently, I could have prevented a lot of pain. The feeling starts in my chest and it feels like someone is cutting me from within. Actions always have consequences.

"Come here" I lift her into my arms, bridal style and walk with her to her couch. Carefully I sit down and I am immense relieved when she places her head on my chest.

The only sound in the room is Ana's sniffs. I gently start brushing my fingers along her back and I slowly feel her relaxing in my arms. I smile to myself. Fee loves it when I do this.

I don't know how long we sit like this, and it doesn't really matter to me either. I also completely ignore the fact that my arm is growing numb. Instead, I focus on the feeling of Ana in my arms. I know we still have a long way to go, but for now, I am going to benefit from having her in my arms and the peace surrounding us.

Her breathing is even, her body completely relaxed, and when I think she has fallen asleep, she starts talking.

"I had invited my mother to Seattle to show her my house. She never approved of me buying that house. She wanted me to live in LA and New York, but I was never really happy there. And I knew I didn't want my daughter to grow up in LA, besides I've always loved Seattle. So, one day when I was sailing with Kate and her parents, I saw the house. I immediately contacted a realtor and to my surprise, they had just put it up for sale. I dragged my dad from Montesano and even though he was a little apprehensive at first because of the poor state it was in, I immediately fell in love with it. It just needed a little love and attention. Anyway, against my mother's wishes, I bought the house, hired a building company and had it ready a month before Phoebe's due date."

Slowly she brings her hand up, that was resting on her lap, to her forehead and slowly starts rubbing it. "Inviting my mother was another pathetic attempt to get her approval. It was raining that day…" She clears her throat and starts fidgeting with her hands on her lap. Slowly I place my hand over hers and slowly start rubbing circles with my thumb over her knuckles.

"During my entire pregnancy my feet felt like ice cubes and even while I was in LA I wore these warm, fluffy socks. Anyway, I was walking down the stairs and somehow, even though my mom was there with me, I was so happy…everything was finally falling into place, but then I made the mistake to turn around to look at Carla and I slipped on the stairs…I remember trying to hold on to the banister, but it was futile. Immediately I knew something was very wrong, the pain…I've never felt something like that…I heard screaming and I am not sure if those screams were coming from me or Carla. I told her that it was too soon and that she needed to call an ambulance…but she never did."

"I kept falling in and out of consciousness, but the pain…and the fact that I knew that my little girl was in danger and that there was nothing I could do…was horrible. I heard her crying, Christian…I heard her soft little cries, but I couldn't open my eyes…" Her hands are shaking when she starts brushing the tears from her face.

"When I woke up…my dad was there…and he told me that Phoebe had passed away. When I was released from the hospital I went to my dad's house in Montesano, I just couldn't bear to be in the house where I had lost her…I pleaded with Carla to tell me how she looked like…but she refused. She told me I was better off without her. Things got ugly and I sent her away and pretty much cut her out of my life. I left to LA shortly after that and I thought that I could go on with my life, I immersed myself into work, but I just couldn't deal with the unbearable pain…it was like a part of me was missing…"

"Where you alone in LA?"

She takes a deep shuddering breath and slowly looks up at me. My heart breaks at the devastation and hurt written all over her beautiful face. "Kate was with me…and I don't know what would have happened if she wouldn't have been there."

"The first week after arriving in LA I only came out of bed to use the bathroom. It was Kate how gently coaxed me to eat and drink. She found one of the best psychiatrists in the area, but I refused to see her at first. I forced myself to start living again, so I asked Hannah to fill my schedule with appointments. I would meet with my personal trainer, go to work…my schedule didn't leave me time to think about what had happened. I was mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the day…and that's when the nightmares started. I could hear her crying…it was always about her cries…and I was never able to get to her. I longed for her so much…" She breaks down sobs raking through her body. Clasping my hand around the back of her neck, I pull her towards me until her face is buried in the crook of my neck.

"One day…" She takes a deep breath and breathes it out slowly. "One day I was scheduled for an appointment for a Gucci campaign…there was this other girl…a model, but I didn't really know her…while we were getting dressed she held her hand over her stomach and told me she was pregnant…I don't even know how I managed to work that day, but I did. I just went through the motions. Smiling when they asked me, changing my outfit…I was on automatic pilot. I walked out of there and went straight home. On my drive home I remember seeing women with strollers, women with swollen bellies…and it physically hurt me. At that point, I had already started seeing my psychiatrist twice a week. Kate made sure to take me. I came home and walked straight to the wet bar…in the back of my mind I knew that I had to call someone, but at that point, I didn't see any reason to live anymore." I panic when she moves out of my lap and starts pacing in front of me. Her arms wrapped around her waist, her eyes glued to the floor.

"My doctor had prescribed me antidepressants, but I hadn't taken any of them because I didn't like the way they made me feel. I didn't want to go back to that time when I first started taking them…"

I clench my eyes shut and brush my hands through my hair because I know exactly what she is going to tell me.

"I didn't really wanted to die…" She says softly. "I only wanted to end the pain that was so deeply rooted within me."

"Ana…"

"I never went through with it…somehow I managed to call Kate. Together we called my psychiatrist and that's when I decided it was best to have myself hospitalized."

I can't look at her as shame and guilt consume me remembering the harsh words I said to her.

"I'm sorry" I repeat again and again. "I am so fucking sorry, Ana" She gives me a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"It never crossed my mind to take her away from you, Christian. That day in Georgia, when my mother confessed what she had done, I felt numb and strangely enough I couldn't wait to get back to you. I knew…" She pauses and shakes her head. "I knew that something was very wrong when Sawyer wasn't there anymore and when you didn't pick up your phone or reply to any of my messages. But my brain was too confused to put things together. I was so naïve thinking that you would forgive me for withholding that huge part of my life from you…but I just couldn't tell you. Something always held me back. You see…" She pauses again and takes a deep breath.

"I really meant it when I said I had started living again when you and Phoebe entered my life. Because I had spent the last three years of my life, going through the motions. I never felt as if I was home…I always felt restless…until I met you. After you kicked me out of your home and threatened to take Phoebe away from me, something snapped. It took me days to come to the realization that I would never be able to send you to jail…because I know that no matter what, you wouldn't have found me because Carla made sure of that. So, I am truly sorry for hiding things from you…I should have told you…"

"Why didn't you?"

She is silent for a while. "You do know that talking about your deceased child is a taboo, right? People don't want to talk about it, they don't know what to say, how to behave and they start avoiding you. The first reaction is always pity…but I didn't want pity. I guess I was afraid of your reaction…I was afraid of how you would treat me…and the longer I kept it from you, the more difficult it became."

"You should have told me…"

"I know" She admits softly. "I am sorry" She rises to her feet calmly and it seems as if she is back to the closed off person from this morning.

"I have more questions," I say and grab her wrist. She looks down at my hand and then slowly back at me.

"I am sure you have, and I will answer all of your questions, but not now, okay?" Tugging her hand free she starts walking towards the kitchen.

"How are we supposed to figure things out between us if we don't talk?" My voice sounds more accusatory than intended. She stops and I am standing behind her in a few strides.

"Christian…I don't think…"

"Don't " I growl. "Just fucking don't, Ana"

"I hid a huge part of my life from you. You put me aside without a second thought and believed that skank over me…"

"I should have never listened to her, but…"

"Yeah, I know. She was easygoing, beautiful, smart and easy to talk to, I know…" She sighs.

"She never meant anything to me, Ana" Her shoulders rise and I expect her to start crying or yelling at me, and I wish she did, but instead she continues to make her way to the kitchen where she starts pulling bowls and ingredients out of the cabinets.

"Do you love me, Ana? Because I do love you, I never stopped…"

Stoically she starts measuring flour and completely ignores me.

"Goddamnit, Ana, I asked you a fucking question!" She doesn't even flinch. She slowly places the flour back on the counter and starts biting her lip.

"Do you love me?"

"Love sometimes just isn't enough, Christian…"

"But yesterday…"

"Yesterday should have never happened." She says matter of fact.

"You regret what happened then?"

"I regret not asking you if you had a medical check lately" She shrugs and continues adding ingredients to the fucking bowl.

"Say what?" I take one step closer to her.

"You heard me, I mean surely you needed to thank your amazingly, highly intelligent, easy going and oh so beautiful lawyer properly. Don't worry though, I am on the shot…you know since I tend to fuck around"

I clench my fists, trying to control myself, but seeing the coldness and aloofness on her face is pushing me towards the edge pretty quickly.

"You never answered my question about Bainbridge Island. I really want…"

"And I really want a fucking answer to my question! Do you love me or don't you, Ana?" Roughly I pull the bowl from her hands and throw it on the floor. Shocked she looks at the mess on the floor and then she slams her hands on the counter.

"I do love you!" She yells back. Taking a step back from the counter she takes a deep breath. Her eyes are big and wide as she stares at me with a mixture of surprise and shock.

I am hit with an adrenaline rush that nearly makes my knees buckle. Without giving it another thought I scoop her up in my arms and press her tightly against my chest. I immediately bury my face in her chestnut curls and take in her intoxicating scent.

"Say it again…"

"I love you…"

"Do you know how crazy happy you just made me?" I place her on the counter and she immediately opens her legs while she wraps her arms around my neck.

"You are cute when you smile like that" She brushes her finger over my lips slowly.

"Cute, baby…no" She raises her eyebrow at me and I sigh.

She smiles while her finger is still brushing my lips. Slowly I watch her smile fade and I feel cold dread washing over me.

"Everything is so complicated" She whispers.

"No. It's only complicated when we make it complicated" I lean my forehead against hers.

"I know that we have a long way to go, Ana. But please, give us a second chance. Please…"

"Okay," She whispers softly.

I nod and keep my eyes on her. I am not a fool, I know we still have a long way to go, but she is willing to give me a second chance.

"Baby steps, Ana."

"Okay, baby steps"


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23**

 **Christian**

"I could really get used to this" She murmurs sleepily in my neck as I continue rubbing slow, soothing circles on her back.

"You can because I am not going anywhere" I step closer to her and bury my face in her neck.

"Promise?" Lifting her head from my neck she looks at me with worried eyes.

"I promise, Ana. I promise not to be a dick anymore, to talk to you before I jump to conclusions. My life's mission from now on is to make you and our daughter happy" The words haven't left my mouth when the tears start pooling in her eyes, and I know exactly why.

"Don't cry please, Ana, don't cry. We will figure things out" I quickly brush the tears from her cheeks and cup her face in my hands.

"We can't tell her, Christian…she will be traumatized…"

"We will figure it out, I promise"

"But how?"

"I don't know…maybe we can ask John to help us…or your psychiatrist. We will find a way to tell her that you're her mother, okay?"

"I love her so much" She whispers. "I felt this weird connection from the first moment I looked into her happy blue eyes…it was as if everything fell into place, but I didn't understand it myself. Because how could I replace my daughter?"

"And that's why you ran?"

"No" She breathes. "I ran because of her name. I ran because I was jealous…you had something so precious and it was clear as day that she adored you…" She shrugs and buries her face back into the crook of my neck. "I am so sorry, Christian"

"Don't apologize" I have thousands of questions for her, but I know this isn't the time. We are both exhausted and Fee is about to wake up any minute now. It's a fucking miracle in itself she didn't wake up from the shouting and yelling.

We stay like that for minutes, neither of us talking. But suddenly my dick springs to life aware of Ana's close proximity. Her nipples pressing against my chest through the thin material of her thin shirt.

I leave a trail of wet kisses from her neck to her collarbone. Her head falls back and a soft moan falls from her slightly parted lips. My hand that seconds ago was firmly planted on her hips is now making its way under her shirt until my thumb is grazing her nipple which immediately puckers under my touch.

Ana's hand slides to the back of my head where she starts tugging at my hair. She arches her back moaning softly.

My hands shake when I slowly pull the flimsy shirt she is wearing over her head exposing her beautiful breasts to me. Giving her breasts the attention they deserve I nudge her bottom with my fingers. It takes her a while to gather her thoughts, but when the prodding becomes more insistently she lifts her ass from the counter. In one swift movement, I pull her short pajama pants from her legs and throw them carelessly on the floor.

"No panties, Ana…" I step closer and kiss my way from her breasts to her ear. "Are you wet for me, Ana?"

Her response is another soft moan making my dick start to ache. I Inch my fingers over her taut stomach until I reach my destination. She is soaking.

"Is that for me, Ana?" I brush my fingers over her sex barely touching her but enough to make her hips buck against me and her fingers gripping harshly in my hair.

"Answer me"

"Y-Yes"

"That means you are mine, right?" Harshly she yanks at my hair and forces me to look at her. Her eyes are hooded and full of lust and there is a little sheen of sweat covering her brow.

She opens her mouth to talk but we both freeze in place when we hear Fee's voice through the baby monitor.

"Daddy?" Her voice sounds groggy. "Daddy?" This time there is an urgency in her voice that has Ana pushing me away from her.

"Go…go…" She looks down at the bulge in my pants. "You have a little situation" She giggles and fluidly jumps from the counter. Before I have the time to blink she is already dressed and picking up the mess from the floor.

"Go!" She urges me.

"Act surprised, okay?"

"But she woke up and I gave her something to drink"

"She wakes up a lot at night and never remembers it in the morning. She won't remember."

* * *

"Daddy?" She calls again when she hears me approaching.

"I'm here, Princess"

"Are we in LA?" Phoebe blinks her eyes a few times and yawns.

"Yes we are and Ana is downstairs making pancakes. So what do you say if we go downstairs really quiet and surprise her?"

"Okay!"

Quiet isn't going to work, I know it the minute I start walking down the stairs while she is giggling and wiggling in my arms.

I kiss her cheek and brush the curls from her face as we stay in the doorway watching Ana silently humming some unknown song and swaying from side to side. Fuck. She's perfect.

"I will count to three and then we say 'surprise' together okay?" I whisper in her ear.

Fee giggles and I just know that Ana heard her too.

"Okay, one…two…three!"

"SURPRISE!"

Smiling I watch as Ana spins on her heels and clasps her hands in front of her chest. A gesture that I've seen Fee do millions of times before. My daughter truly is a carbon copy of her mother. My mind drifts off to Fee's birthfather like it has so many times for the last couple of days. But I push that thought out of my head in a second when I watch Ana approaching slowly. The smile on her face is genuine and I can clearly see how much she loves Fee. It is also admiring to see how she is holding back because I am pretty damn sure that she would love nothing more than to take Fee in her arms and tell her how much she loves her. But she doesn't….still smiling she reaches us and takes Fee's hand between her fingers and slowly starts rubbing her knuckles.

"Hey, Fee!"

"Hi. We came here to surprise you"

"This is a lovely surprise," Ana says inching closer. She bites her lips and briefly looks up at me.

"Can I hold you, Fee?" She has her hands already outstretched ready to take her, but then Fee turns around and buries her head in my neck. The devastation and hurt on Ana's eyes are evident and it breaks my heart when I see her blinking her eyes a few times as if she is trying to make sure what just happened. Awkwardly she drops her arms and turns around.

"I've got chocolate chip pancakes!" She says making a huge effort to sound happy.

"She's tired" I offer her an explanation when we reach the kitchen.

"It's okay" Ana gives me a fake happy smile and turns around to gather some plates from one of the cabinets.

"I don't have a high seat for her" She whispers and suddenly looks panicked. "If I had known you were coming, I would've…"

"It's okay," I say gently placing my hand on her arm. "She can sit with me"

"I'll ask Hannah to get one…and more things…she needs more things. I don't have anything for her here…" She is rambling.

"It's going to be okay, Ana…" I can't help myself and lean down gently brushing my lips against her cheek.

"We're a team now, okay?"

Her eyes gaze up at me uncertainly and slowly her lips quirk up into a small smile. "A team…"

She seems to gather strength from my words and continues cutting up fruit. Every now and then she looks up at me and her eyes dart to Fee who still has her face buried in my neck.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable on the patio," She says with a small smile.

It takes Ana fifteen minutes or so to join us outside. The smile on her face is forced. She looks down at Fee who hasn't lifted her head from my neck. I give her an apologetic shrug and gently coax Fee to sit up straight so she can have her breakfast.

"Wow. Look at what Ana made for breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes! And she even has strawberries! Your favorite" Ana is beaming as she sits down and I see the hesitation on her face when she brushes her finger over Fee's bare leg.

"Come on, Fee. We can go swimming later. Would you like to go swimming?" Ana is holding her breath as she waits for Fee's answer, but the only things she gets is a muffled, grumpy, no.

 _What the fuck is wrong with her?_

"Okay, Princess, moping time is over. It's time to eat" I practically have to pry her from my body and when I am finally able to look into her eyes, I see a little-furrowed brow and a puckering lip. _Well shit._

"I don't want pancakes" _Christ._

"I can make you something else!" Ana jumps from her chair and practically runs back inside.

"You are not being very friendly this morning. Are you a little tired maybe?" I ask gently.

"No" She pouts.

"Then I would really like for you to behave," I say sternly. Her response is the tightening of her jaw.

I am really starting to lose my patience with the little, sulking, toddler sitting on my lap when Ana returns with a plate.

"Look, I made you a silly animal toast. This is what my daddy used to make for me when I was little" Ana replaces Fee's pancakes with another plate. I smile when I see that silly animal toast she made and gently nudge Fee to look.

"Oh! If you don't hurry, I am going to eat that" I say turning her around in my lap.

"No! I don't want that!" I don't know whether she does it on purpose or not, but when she starts kicking her feet the plate with the toast falls on the floor.

"Phoebe Grace Grey!" I bellow.

"It's okay, Christian…"

"It's not okay!" I say walking inside with Fee in my arms. "This is not how I raised her." I feel Ana following me inside, and without looking at her, I know she is fidgeting with her hands. I grab one of the cushions from the couch and walk with Fee to the far end of the kitchen. Gently I lower her until she is sitting on the cushion. Since we don't have a timeout chair this will have to do.

"Time out, Fee," I say.

She pouts and crosses her hands over her little chest. "I want to go home"

"Do you know why you are in time out?" I say ignoring her comment.

"I want to go home"

"You are being bad-mannered and disrespectful, Fee. And you know how I feel about rude little girls. Three minutes in timeout. And you will not move until I get back."

Knowing that she won't reply I raise to my full lengths and walk towards Ana who is watching the entire scene with shock.

"Come" I guide her along with me until we've reached the patio. We can see Fee sitting in the kitchen from here and I have to grab Ana's chin to make her look at me.

"She will be fine"

"She's tired…and she is only three years old…"

"She was being rude…" Casting another glance inside she silences me by placing her finger over my mouth, her eyes are pleading when she starts talking.

"Her little world has been turned upside downs these last couple of day. She doesn't know what's happening, but it is affecting her. Please, don't be so hard on her."

I kiss her finger that is still placed on my lips and nod. "It's only for three minutes. Trust me I know what I'm doing. The best way to nip this behavior in the bud is this time out, it will give her a chance to calm down and think about what just happened. Let's have breakfast and we can go to the beach later, okay?"

* * *

Christ! I was wrong. I was completely and utterly wrong. Sure, Fee calmed down a little after her three minutes time out, and she ate a little bit because we forced her, but now I have another challenge on my hands. Picking out a proper bathing suit.

"I am not wearing that, daddy!" Fee spits out horrified while pointing her pudgy finger at the bathing suit dangling from my finger.

"Why ever not?" I ask. Christ. What is wrong with these women? It would be so fucking easy if they just did what they were told, but no! Everything has to be their way.

"It ugly, and…and it has sleeves!"

"But that's the point!" I grit back. I take a deep breath, and even though I am not a religious man, I say a little prayer to the heavens, asking anyone up there who might be listening to give me strength.

"But look it is pink and it has awesome polka dots!" I put on my happy face and dangle the bathing suit in front of her eyes.

"No! I want that one" Stubbornly she points at the little red bikini. Over my dead fucking body. She's right, though, because the polka bathing suit is hideous, but it's safe. It provides sun protection, blocking 99% of harmful rays. At least that's what Taylor told me when he dropped this off.

"No!" I take a deep breath and I see her eyes lingering on the vein in my neck. She just clamps her teeth, crosses her arms in front of her chest and walks away from me.

"Where are you going, young lady?" I can't see her eyes right now, but I can feel she is rolling them. She ignores me, of course, and continues to crawl on the bed and lays back face down. Fuck, no tears, please no tears. I can't handle her tears.

Defeated I throw the motherfucking ugly long-sleeved bathing suit on the floor and make my way to my daughter who is now sniffling into her pillow.

"I-I am n-not wearing t-that…" She sniffs. "It's u-u-ugly" She peaks at me from under her arms with a little pout. She's exhausted. So instead of trying to convince her to put on the long-sleeved bathing suit, I gently start brushing my fingers along her back.

It doesn't take long when I notice that her breathing is even. I tuck Mr. Elephant under her arm, kiss the tip of her nose and carefully walk out of the room.

"What's wrong?" Ana is pacing the hallway when I emerge. Her eyes dart to the baby monitor in my hand and then to my eyes.

"She fell asleep?"

"Yeah, she's exhausted." I am momentarily dumbstruck when my eyes roam her body and see what Ana is wearing. _What the fuck? She is not wearing that_! It's a really tiny, black and white bikini, sexy too, and tiny…did I already mention that?

"What's that?" I point to her bikini and narrow my eyes.

Looking down she takes a step back and when I am finally able to drag my eyes from her barely covered tits, I see that she is glaring back at me.

"What does it look like?" She folds her arms under her chest making her tits almost spill over the cups. _Christ._

"You are not wearing that"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Ana, do not fucking push me."

She rolls her fucking eyes, turns around and sashays her way downstairs. When I finally manage to get my legs to cooperate she is in the kitchen pouring us a glass of orange juice.

"Let's sit outside," She says softly. Again I follow her like a dumb puppy. When she puts the glasses on the table I tug her towards me and cup her face in my hands.

"I love you…"

"I know, Christian, and I love you too…" I smile and kiss her because that's the first time she said the words since I arrived in LA.

She pulls back and places both hands on my chest. "I love you too, but that doesn't mean you can dictate what I should or should not be wearing. That is not going to happen. Not now, not ever."

She takes a deep breath and plants a soft kiss on my chest. "And that bathing suit you wanted Phoebe to wear, it should be ritually burned. It is hideous"

"But she is little…and it even provides sun protection" I sound like an idiot. I really do.

"I have sun crème. She won't burn…the more you try to push her to wear something, the more she will fight you on it."

" Why?"

"Because she is a girl. I can't even explain, that's just how our mind works, Christian."

"Well, she isn't wearing that red bikini, either!"

"Whatever you say" With a little smirk she playfully pats my cheeks and gracefully lays down on one of the loungers. She shifts and pats the side next to her, telling to lay down next to her.

"We haven't finished our discussion about this little piece of fabric" I mutter and trace the spot between her breasts with my finger.

She sighs and looks up at me. "You do realize that this is my work uniform right? That people have seen me wearing even less than this."

"That doesn't make me feel better, baby"

She settles her head under my chin and sighs. "Please, let's drop this," I respond by kissing the top of her head while in the meantime my mind is racing. _How the hell am I going to handle those shows?_

"You had questions?" She says softly.

"I do, but I don't even know where to start" Moving down on the lounger I shift us until we are face to face. I need to see her eyes.

"Just ask, Christian"

"Who is Fee's father"

"You are," she says without hesitating. Leaning up on her elbow she brushes her finger against my lips.

"Being a father is a choice, not a right. You choose to be Phoebe's dad. You are Phoebe's dad, no different than Ray Steele is mine. Anyone can become a father, but it takes a real dad to love and raise a child on his own."

"What if he wants her back? I mean he didn't know that…"

"Phoebe's father is Thomas, the musician" She rushes to say cutting me off. "And trust me he will never want her back…he didn't even want her to begin with"

"You mean Thomas? That motherfucker who hit you?"

"Remember on the jet? When you told me you loved a picture of me during a Victoria Secret show where I was wearing butterfly wings?"

I nod, pulling her closer to me.

"I was four months pregnant. After the show, I went to his apartment and told him." She shrugs and starts fidgeting with her hands. "He didn't want it…told me to get rid of it. Said that a child never fit in his plans. He told me to choose…it was him or the baby."

Her eyes start to glaze over as she stares at my chest.

"I don't know what came over me at that point, but I started laughing and he lost it…" She clears her throat and blinks the tears away.

"He got this weird look in his eyes, and I had seen it before of course, and then…"

She falls silent.

"And then what, Ana?"

"He kicked me, slapped me, basically told me that if I wasn't willing to end this pregnancy, he would do it for me…" She takes a deep breath. "One of the neighbors called the police when they heard the yelling. The police came pretty quickly and they led him away."

"And you?"

"I was brought to the hospital. The neighbor who had called the police, an 82-year-old man, stayed with me until my dad arrived."

"His name was Theodore and his wife who had already passed away was Phoebe…" She looks up at me and smiles sadly.

"I was a nervous wreck. It was in de middle of the night and it was taking the gynecologist forever to show up. In the meantime, the police showed up and I had to give them a statement of what happened. I was a mess. But he was so calm and sweet, he never left my side. However, listening to the stories about _his_ Phoebe, calmed me. Theodore left soon after my dad arrived and I never saw him again."

"What happened to that motherfucking piece of shit?" I growl. I tuck her face under my chin and press her trembling body tightly against mine. In the meantime, I am thinking of ways to bury that motherfucker. Ways to end his career.

"He hired one of the best defense attorneys in the country and he got away with a slap on the wrist. My dad and Ethan paid him a visit, though"

"Do you think he will want her back?" I voice my thoughts out loud not able to hide them any longer.

"No. He never wanted her in the first place, Thomas only loved himself. He voluntarily signed away his parental rights. When he relinquished those rights he gave up on her completely. He isn't even allowed to see her or talk to her until she is 18 years old. Since the law is different in every state, Ethan added a clause that he would never be able to regain custody of her ever again."

We lay there both lost in our own thoughts when Ana breaks the silence.

"Tell me about her."

"She was the sweetest baby" I start and pause awaiting her reaction, and when she slowly lifts her head and stares at me with the saddest eyes, I continue.

"She only cried when she was hungry or when she needed a diaper change…but she would only fall asleep in my arms or when she was being carried around." My eyes are fixed on hers and I see the tears rapidly falling from her eyes.

"She started walking with fifteen months and it was the most adorable thing to see her wobbly, chubby legs and that smile on her face."

"Her favorite color depends on her mood. Sometimes it is yellow, sometimes pink…" I shrug.

She nods and moves until she is sitting down facing me.

"After you kicked me out…Elliot came by to my house, he begged me to talk to you, but I just couldn't. When he knew that he wouldn't be able to change my mind he gave me this flash drive…it had pictures and videos of you and Phoebe."

"I didn't know, Ana…"

"Elliot is a good guy, don't get mad at him," She says softly. "Anyway, after watching those videos I couldn't hate you. You were wonderful with her and I could see how much you loved her and how much she loves you. In this whole mess, the only thing Carla did well was to choose you to be her father…"

"Choose me?"

"She was already planning on taking Phoebe away from me…me slipping from the stairs was an added bonus. She had contacted an old friend of hers…she was talking in the hospital cafeteria when she saw you…she overhead parts of the conversation. Joanne recognized you as the Seattle billionaire."

"So that woman on the CCTV…"

"That woman on the CCTV's name was Joanne. She was a nurse at the hospital. My…Carla knew that she was struggling financially since her husband died and left her with debts. She met up with her under the pretense to catch up on old times. When I slid off the stairs…she drugged me…she wrote the note, they put Phoebe in that whisker bassinet and they left her in the underground garage. Joanne killed herself…she wanted to turn herself in…called my mother. I guess she didn't see any other way out."

"Why?" I rasp.

"She didn't want to be burdened by Phoebe. She was forced to keep me and then my biological father died in a car accident. She even blamed him for getting killed. And she kept rambling on about how much she had sacrificed for me…"

I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the lounger. This is so fucked up. So incredibly fucked up that I can't even wrap my head around it.

"I am not like her…" Ana says now crying and grasping my hands in hers. "I promise…I am nothing like her…I loved Phoebe from the first moment I knew I was pregnant…I would never hurt her…"

"Jesus, Ana" I pull her towards me until she is straddling me and I take her face in my hands. "I know, baby…you are nothing like her. Please, don't cry."

"I am a mess…" She whispers. "How can we ever get past what happened…"

"Don't. even. Say. That." I say, emphasizing each word. "We will get over it because we both love our daughter, we are a team remember…"

"Baby steps…" She whispers. "Please, just don't give up on me"

My heart constricts at the pleading and hurt in her voice. "Never"

* * *

Ana fell asleep after her emotional breakdown. Afraid she would wake up if I brought her to her room, I left her sleeping on the lounger. I've been wandering through her house which probably features 9 square feet of living space. I have no clue what she was thinking when she bought this, because why would she need all this space?

I grab my laptop from the table and when I am about to make my way back to the patio I hear pounding on the front door. Was Ana expecting someone? When the pounding starts to become louder I hurry to the door, open it and stare right into limp dick's face, also known as Ethan fucking Kavanagh.


	25. Chapter 25

Hi all,

I wanted to let you know that I have been battling a very serious case of the flu and am still feeling quite unwell. To that end, I will not be posting an update this week either. I **hope** to do so **next week**.

Thank you for your understanding and for your continued interest in my story.

Alner XOX


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I growl.

"Where is Ana?" He growls back and tries to look over my shoulder into the house. I manage to plaster a grin on my face and step into his view.

"She's sleeping. Now get the fuck out. Stay away from her"

"Not a fucking chance, Grey. Now let me pass."

"Not a fucking chance, limp dick," I say and I watch amused as he takes a step forward until we are standing face to face. _What the hell does he think he is going to do?_

"I told you to get the fuck out of here. Leave my family alone…I don't want you near Ana or my daughter."

"Your family? Don't make me laugh, Grey! I'm guessing she hasn't told you everything that happened with Carla. The only reason why she is giving you another chance is because she doesn't trust you not to leave with Phoebe. Do her and everyone a favor, Grey and cut your losses. She will never get over what happened and let's face it; you aren't the right man for her."

"Cut my losses?" I laugh. "So that you can take over my place, you mean? That's never going to happen, Kavanagh…never!" I get right up his face and push my chest forward.

"I don't need to take your place" The way he smugly looks at me has the hairs on my neck rising. "Ana has always been in my life. I know everything there is to know about her."

"And yet here you are, looking like shit, on the wrong side of the door!" I smirk.

"Get the hell out of my way!" He bellows and tries to push me aside.

"Look, pencil dick, I've asked you nicely a couple of times, don't make me ask you again!"

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Not even one week ago you threw Ana out of your home. You don't have a place in her life, Grey…you are her connection to Phoebe, that's all there is to it. And if you think she loves you, you are wrong!"

Watching that smugness on his face makes me snap and in seconds I have him pressed against the wall, my hand tightly wrapped around his neck.

"I dare you to say one more word, Kavanagh. I fucking dare you…" It takes all of my will power to not press my fingers tighter around his neck. What keeps me from squishing this motherfucker's neck is the fact that I have a little girl sleeping upstairs and of course my other girl, Ana.

His words are running through my head like crazy. Is he right? Is Ana pretending to love me so that I don't take Fee away from her?

"Not s-so sure an-anymore…are you Grey?" He smirks.

"Give me one good reason not to fucking kill you," I grow and press just a little tighter.

"I am a lawyer," He gasps struggling for breath. "Your ass will go to jail so fast, you won't even know what's happening. And this time, you will go to jail, where you belong!"

"First they will need to find your body. And you know how resourceful I can be, dick face" I finally let him go and walk back to my spot at the door. _He is not fucking entering this house._

It takes him a while to recover from his loss of oxygen and I have never been this amused in watching someone suffer.

"Ana can have everyone she wants…she can pick out anyone, so do you really think she will stick with you? Just go away while your dignity is still intact. Ever since you met her you broke her down, instead of building her up again."

"And you think you are man enough for, Ana. Is that what you are telling me?" I chuckle.

"Tell me, dipshit…where were you when Fee was taken? Didn't you get some shitty award from the American Bar Association? If I am not wrong that award is given out to outstanding attorneys. Where the fuck was your outstanding mind then, huh?" I bellow.

"Didn't it ever cross your outstanding mind that there wasn't a birth certificate? Or even a death certificate?" I am yelling now, anger coursing through my veins. "Be a fucking man and own up to your own mistakes, dick head"

"He didn't know" I stiffen when I hear Ana's soft voice from behind me.

"Ana…look, he didn't want me to enter."

"What are you doing here, Ethan. You told me yesterday you were going back to Seattle." I haven't turned around yet, but the sound of Ana's voice is sending chills up my spine.

"I- I forgot…my suitcase…I have files that I need…" I blatantly roll my eyes. _Lying motherfucker._

"You said you would have it picked up. What are you really doing here, Ethan?"

"I just want to talk to you for a moment…" He pleads taking a step closer. His eyes drop to Ana's hand that is now slipping into mine. _Yeah, she is just not that into you, asshole._

"I said everything I needed to say yesterday, nothing will make me change my mind, Ethan. Besides you're drunk."

"You don't mean that…him? You chose him over me?"

"It was never a matter of choosing the one above the other. Now go."

"He will leave you…" He pulls the glasses from his face and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Have you told him about "The Plan"? When he looks up his eyes are glinting and I am not sure where that is coming from, but I don't like it.

"Go!"

"Have you, Ana?"

"What the hell is wrong with you, Ethan? I thought you were my friend. Please, just go and don't call me."

"I want you to be happy."

"I am happy. Christian and Phoebe make me happy."

A white BMW stops in Ana's driveway and I immediately recognize the blonde woman stepping out as Hannah, Ana's assistant. She looks at the door but proceeds to take out a number of bags from the car. Slowly she walks our way and greets me with a single, curt nod of her head. All the while it seems as if Ana and Ethan are in a staring match.

"Ana? Is everything all right?"

"It will be. Hannah, will you please drive Ethan to the airport and make sure that he gets on the first flight to wherever he wants to go? Ethan's bag is in the yellow guest room, will you make sure he gets that as soon as possible. Send it to him wherever he wants."

"Sure"

Without taking her eyes off Ethan she takes the bags from Hannah. "Thank you, Hannah. I will call you later, okay?"

"Of course"

"Goodbye, Ethan"

The moment she closes the door behind her, she drops the bag and buries her face in her hands.

"I'm sorry…" She says releasing her breath. "I thought that he had flown back to Seattle…"

"Ana, what was he talking about? What is "The Plan"?

Her eyes grow impossibly wide and I see her visibly swallow. "It's stupid…he was trying to…"

"Ana, what was he talking about? Is it true that you are with me because you are afraid I will take Fee away from you?"

"What? No!"

"Then what is the fucking "Plan!" I bellow.

"It was a plan for us to have sex! " She yells back.

 **Anastasia**

Christian's face goes from anger, to hurt to completely horrified.

"It didn't mean anything…" I whisper.

"You planned to have sex?" He whispers completely horrified.

"Well, yes, but seriously Christian, it was so long ago…"

"You've had sex with...with him?" He points at the closed door, his eyes never leaving mine.

"It was just a stupid plan, we were young, and…"

"How old were you?" He growls pulling harshly at his hair.

"Christian, please…"

"Ana, how old were you?"

"Nineteen." I whisper and start biting my lip when I see his hands falling limply to his side. His jaw is clenched and there is this angry vein popping up on his forehead. _Shit, he is really angry._

"Was he your first?"

"Christian…"

"Anastasia, was he your fucking first? Did you give him your virginity?"

"Yes." When his hands grip his hair and he starts pulling it again, I gently pull his hands away. I do notice however that he takes a step back.

"It didn't mean anything, Christian. It was just that; a stupid plan…it was nothing extraordinary…"

"Spare me the fucking details, Ana…"He takes another step back.

"I can't fucking believe it." He mutters. "I need to be alone…I'll be at the beach…"

"Christian, please…"

"Ana…I just learned that you had sex with that moronic fucker and it's messing with my head. I need to step away before I say something I'll regret" Even though his tone has softened, his body screams 'stay away from me'. So, I simply nod and take a step back.

* * *

Dislike. That's the first word that springs to mind when I look into Evelyn's eyes, my psychiatrist. Yesterday's and today's events told me that I needed Evelyn to deal with this chaos that is now my life. Hence the last minute Skype-session.

I stare back at her impassively through my laptop screen. I've always liked her. From the first moment I met her, she made me feel safe and somewhat normal. With her soft blue eyes and her motherly smile, I always felt at ease with Evelyn. Now, she is simply frustrating me.

"How does that make you feel, Ana?" I growl softly under my breath as the anger courses through my veins. And I don't have to look at her to know that she is leaning back in her comfy chair, waiting for my answer, with slightly raised eyebrows.

"Seriously, Evelyn?"

"Yes, Ana. I want to know how it makes you feel when Phoebe, your daughter pushes you away. Because that's why you called me, right? To discuss these feelings?"

When I finally find the strength to look up, the tears I was trying to keep at bay, spill over my eyelids. Her expression is insistent. She won't give me the answers I need before I answer her question.

"It…it makes me feel inadequate, worthless like I don't belong. I feel like an outsider" I whisper. "I want her to love me, why doesn't she love me, Evelyn?"

Shifting in her chair she leans over her desk and folds her hands together.

"She does love you, Ana…but remember that she is a very little girl…she is confused…"

"But, I'm her mother…and she keeps pushing me away. I love my dad unconditionally…" I don't even mention my mother knowing that my love for her stemmed for a weird place inside my head to be loved by her. Misplaced loyalty is what Evelyn calls it.

She sighs and when we lock eyes I see her eyes swimming with compassion.

"Ana, Phoebe is three years old. Toddlers can be curious and charming, but they are also irrational, self-centered and convinced of their own power. And you can't blame her; her brain is wired differently from ours. In addition, her little safe, protected world has been turned upside down since you entered the picture. Phoebe's world has always revolved around Christian. He is the only parent she knows."

"As for what you just said about loving unconditionally. Children, especially toddlers, don't understand that concept. Their love comes from their dependence on the parents."

Pitifully I nod my head.

"Give her time and space. To me, it seems as if she is afraid you will take her place in. I think she is really afraid you will take Christian away from her."

"Do you think she hates me, Evelyn?"

She gives me a sad smile and shakes her head. "No, I really don't believe she hates you. She is too little to harbor feelings like that. Ana, you do realize that even in normal families kids go through a phase in which they have a preferred parent, right?"

I give her a tiny shrug.

"It's not uncommon for a child to prefer one parent over the other. Mostly it is due to a change in dynamics. She is simply trying to find her footing in this new situation."

"Yeah, but regardless of the reason it still hurts to be rejected, Evelyn"

"Of course it hurts and it is okay to feel hurt when she pushes you away. And it's also okay to tell her how you are feeling. You should spend some quality time with her, take time to get to know each other, work on strengthening your bond, but also, set boundaries. A child, no matter how small, will pick up on your uncertainty and feelings of guilt amazingly fast. They seem to have a sixth sense for it."

"Okay," I whisper.

"How is Christian handling her behavior?"

"He put her in time out this morning, but it broke my heart because I could see that she was so tired and confused by everything. It helped but marginally…I mean we managed to get her to eat something, but then he got into a tiff with her about which bathing suit she was supposed to wear."

She nods knowingly. "If you want we can schedule a session for both of you. I have some tips that can help."

"I'll talk to him about it."

"I have time now," She says glancing at her watch "If he's there he can join us…"

Leaning back in my chair I brush my hands over my face. "He's not here at the moment" I sigh. "He…he's angry," I admit.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She says cocking her head to one side.

"He found out that I gave my virginity to Ethan. To say he isn't happy about it would be the understatement of the freaking century. However, I don't understand why he is so angry. Okay, I mean I do understand why, but it's not as if he didn't know that I wasn't a virgin anymore. Besides, neither was he."

She opens her mouth to respond when she is cut off by Phoebe's voice coming through the baby monitor.

"I need to go," I say jumping to my feet in an instant.

"Call me if you need anything" It's the last thing I hear before I quickly run towards the hallway where the bags that Hannah brought still are and make my way upstairs.

"Daddy?" She calls one last time when she hears me approaching. Taking a deep breath, I tighten my hold around the bags in my hand and enter the bedroom.

"Hi, Fee. How did you sleep?" I ask in a sing-song voice. As I already suspected, I am met with a glare.

"I want my daddy. Where is Daddy?" She pouts.

"Daddy is at the beach taking a walk"

"But I want Daddy." _Yes, me too. But we can't always get what we want, little Phoebe._

"Now, let me see what we have here…" Kneeling down on the floor I start pulling items out of the bags until I reach what I was looking for. A decent looking bathing suit.

"I don't want to look!" I am not looking at her right now, but I am positively sure that she is pouting and that she has her little arms crossed over her chest.

"Well, okay. Then you can wait until daddy gets back and you'll have to wear this bathing suit" I pick up the long-sleeved bathing suit from the floor and show it to her. There is a long silence as her eyes dart from my face to the ugly looking bathing suit. It seems like an eternity until she climbs off the bed and walks to where I am sitting on the floor. I stifle a giggle when she takes the ugly bathing suit from my hands with a crinkled nose and throws it on the floor.

"Can I wear this one?" She whispers pointing at a red and white polka dot bathing suit. It is simply adorable and I think Christian would approve.

"Yeah, I think this one is really pretty" I get a silent nod and I almost burst into tears when she places her hands on my face and squeezes gently.

"Can you help me, Ana?"

"Of course," I whisper.

"Look at how pretty you look!" I saw five minutes later.

"I need sunglasses," She says looking at herself in the mirror. "And a sun hat"

"Well, you can borrow mine"

* * *

I manage to go to the beach with Phoebe without any more tantrums. She gives me a tiny smile when I give her the little scoops and a little bucket. Offers to help her build a sandcastle is immediately turned down. Apparently Christian can do it better.

This is how Christian finds us one hour later. Phoebe playing with the sand while I am watching idly…hoping that somehow she will allow me to help her.

"Daddy!" She jumps up and runs towards Christian who looks exceptionally hot in his dark blue shorts. He gives her the biggest smile, picks her up and starts walking away from me towards the water. _Okay._

I feel like an idiot when I walk towards them. "Hey, can I join you?"

"I am really thirsty, Fee. What about you?"

"Yes! I want lemonade! Ana brought some with her!" Phoebe says and starts running towards the picnic blanket. She looks back at Christian and waves her hands in the air. "Come on, daddy!"

"Christian, please talk to me," I whisper. His hands are clenched into fists and he is scowling horrible. When he relaxes his hand, I think he is going to take me in his arms, but he simply brushes his hand through his hair and shakes his head. Turning around on his heels he leaves me standing alone and hurt.

I have no idea how long I stand there watching Phoebe and Christian sitting on the blanket, laughing and having fun. But I don't think I have ever felt so hurt and rejected before in my life.

I make another attempt and walk slowly to where they are sitting. Christian is showing Phoebe how to build the perfect sandcastle. I watch quietly, hoping they will involve me in their game, but they don't. So after five minutes of being ignored, I walk away. I am now the one that needs space.

 **Christian**

"Keep fucking looking, Taylor!" I yell into the phone. "I want a report every fifteen minutes."

"Yes, sir"

"Where the fuck are you, Ana?" I mutter as I pace her living room. Hours. She has been gone for hours and the only thing we know is that she left in a black Porsche. There is no way to track down her phone since she left it on the counter.

I have no idea how long I've been pacing the living room when I hear the front door open and close. It takes me seconds to walk to the hallway where she is just putting her keys on a little side table. And what the hell is she wearing? It's too short and too revealing! _Jesus Christ!_

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"He speaks" She mutters. The boring tone of her voice makes the hairs on the back of my neck rise.

"This is not the time for your smart mouth, Ana. I asked you something. Where the fuck were you?"

"Why do you care?" She breezes past me and I am stunned with her petulant behavior. Doesn't she know how worried I've been these last couple of hours? When my legs finally obey, I follow her to the kitchen where I find her standing in front of the refrigerator.

"What do I care?" She shrugs and pours herself a glass of wine. Lazily she walks to the patio leaving me again behind like a fucking idiot.

"Anastasia, so help me God. Answer my fucking question! You have been gone for eight hours! You left without your fucking phone and the guard of this fucking guarded community only told us that he had seen you leave in a black Porsche"

Graciously she slides down on one of the chairs and slowly takes a sip of her wine completely ignoring me.

"How long are you going to keep ignoring me?" Standing in front of her I grab the glass of wine from her hand and place it on the table.

"How does that make you feel, Christian? Is it nice feeling ignored?" She is still not looking at me and in a swift move, she leans down to pick up her glass of wine.

"I told you I needed fucking space! What is it that you don't understand about that? I had just found out that you've had sex with that numb nuts!"

"Do you know what my mother once told me when I asked her why she kept ignoring me for days? She said and I quote: "Ignoring you doesn't mean that I am mad at you. It means that you are just not really important or worth my time"

"I wasn't ignoring you" I repeat slowly. _How dare she compare me to her crazy mother?_

She huffs and empties the glass of wine. She sighs when she looks at the empty glass in her hand and slowly rises from her chair. Before she can walk away from me, I grab her wrist, but when she pulls her hand back sneering at me, I am horrified.

"Don't fucking touch me"

"Christ, Ana!"

"Don't fucking "Ana" me!" She yells. "I've been dealing with my mother's crap for years and I will certainly not deal with your erratic behavior! I understand the word space like no other, but I am saying this once and I will not say this again; this was the last time you've ignored me and treated me as if I was a piece of shit under your expensive shoe."

"I'm jealous!" I yell back.

"I get that," She says taking a step back. "But you could have told me we would talk later, but no…you ignored me and also fed into Phoebe's behavior." She yanks at the bun on her head. "I understand that she doesn't like me very much right now. But she is three years old! You are thirty-three! I am sorry that your little pathetic male-ego took a hit, but I do have a past and if you think you can't deal with that, I would like to suggest you pack your shit and get the hell out of my house!"

"I can't stand the idea that he touched you! That you shared that with him!"

She leans her head down, her shoulders slumped. He body screams defeat and I don't like it one bit.

"I have been with three men in my life, Christian. How many women have you been with?"

 _Yeah. So not going there._ "That's not the point! Besides, that's different!"

She shakes her head and throws her hands up in the air totally exasperated. Yes. I am being an ass, a hypocrite, but the idea of his hands touching her have my head spinning!

"Why is it different, Christian? It makes me insecure too when I think about your sexual past and I am positively sure it's much more colorful than mine! Look, if you don't think you can get over this then I see no point in discussing this any further."

Tiredly she wipes her hands over her face and takes a deep breath. "I am going to bed"

I am completely at loss and torn when I look at her retreating back. I need to talk to someone before I make this worse because I have no idea how to handle this.

Without giving it a second thought I dial my brother's number.

"You better have one hell of an explanation as to why you are calling me at 2 AM in the fucking morning, bro!" I wince when I glance at my watch.

"How do you deal with jealousy, Ell?"

"Jesus Christ, Christian! Are you out of your fucking mind! Do you know that I need to be at the site in 4 fucking hours?"

"I wouldn't have called you if this weren't important" I sigh.

"I can't fucking believe this…" He mutters. "You have five minutes" He grumbles.

I explain everything to him. From the moment Ethan dropped the bomb until Ana left for bed five minutes ago.

"You are an asshole, bro"

"Yeah, well…tell me something I don't know. Just tell me, Elliot, how do I get past this? How can I get those images of that motherfucker out of my head?"

"Double standards much?"

"Are you telling me that you aren't jealous of Kate's past?"

"We are not talking about me, bro! I am not the one who called you at 2 in the freaking morning!" He sighs and then I hear some movement and a door opening and closing.

"The past is just that, her past. There is nothing she can do to change it. Just like you can't change yours. It's selfish to be jealous and insecure about something she can't control, I mean you have a sexual history too, bro."

I hear him flushing the toilet and wince. "Were you seriously taking a piss while you have me on the phone, Elliot?"

"Shut the fuck up"

"Okay let me ask you this." He says after a beat. "Do you still love her?"

"Of course I fucking love her, idiot!"

"Then if you love her and want to be with her, you will have to accept her past. If you can't accept it it's time to move the fuck on and stop projecting your insecurities on her. It's not fair…she doesn't deserve it."

Moving on is out of the fucking question. I want her and I need her and there is no way I am letting her go.

"Your five minutes are up, man" He yawns. "Oh and one more thing. If you can't handle the truth and let's face it, you can't…don't ask questions. Sometimes it's best not to know too many details"

He hangs up the phone before I have a chance to reply.

It takes me another fifteen minutes to decide whether I am going to sleep in the guestroom or with Ana. Somehow my feet guide me towards her bedroom where I stand at the threshold looking at her sleeping body. She looks so tiny and vulnerable. And I made her feel worse with my stupid behavior. When the fuck will I learn?

I strip down to my boxers and crawl into bed with her. I feel instantly relieved when she turns around and settles her face on my chest and entwines her legs with mine.

"Are you awake?" I whisper against her temple.

"I am now…"

"I am sorry, Ana. I love you…and I am so fucking ashamed of myself."

"I am sorry that you had to hear it from him" She lifts her head and looks at me with sleepy eyes. "But I can't change my past, Christian and neither can you." Sweetly she plants a little kiss on my jaw and settles back down.

"Are we good, Ana? Will you please forgive me?"

"Just don't ignore me like that ever again." She whispers.

"I promise"

She nods against my chest and the anxiety I was feeling not only five minutes ago slowly leaves my body.

"Where have you been?" I ask her. Because damn if I am not curious.

She snorts. "You can't let it go do you?"

"I had a thousand heart attacks when I found out you weren't here. Fee asked for you…"

"She did?"

"Yeah, more than once."

She shrugs. "It was just…I didn't think I would be missed. You made it both very clear that you didn't want me here."

"Ana, that's not true…"

"I went for a drive and then I stopped at McDonald's …and I just sat there in the parking lot thinking about what I should do."

"And what did you decide?"

"That I won't give up. I will never give up. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you" I am glad it's dark in the room because those last words have me grinning like an idiot.

"I did a lot of thinking too" I admit. "We both made mistakes, after all, we are not perfect. But I will do my best to make it up to you. I promise you that I will never hurt you intentionally, Ana. I am just not used to having these strong feelings; I have never loved anyone as fiercely as I love you."

"I love you too very much"

I don't get much sleep. After Ana fell asleep my brain couldn't stop thinking. I shoot Taylor a text asking him to have the jet ready for tomorrow. I also ask him to make an appointment at Cartier. Because if she wants us to spend the rest of our lives together, so do I and I know exactly how to make it happen. Baby steps be damned.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm back! Thank you all so much for your well wishes! You are all so incredibly sweet!**

 **Thank you for your support and for your continued interest in my story.**

 **XOX**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

 **Anastasia**

"God, I'm so glad to be home" Christian nods and gives me one of his signature smiles that make your knees week and carefully closes the door of Phoebe's bedroom.

"I have a surprise," He says but looks suddenly nervous.

"Okay" I reply cautiously. Entwining my hands with his he pulls me through the long hallway until we have reached his bedroom. He stops abruptly and pushes me against the wall. Before I have the chance to blink his lips are on mine and he starts kissing me until we are both out of breath. Cupping my face with his big hands he kisses the tip of my nose and winks.

With his hand on the door handle his nervousness seems to be back. His eyes flit from the door to me. "Keep an open mind, okay?" He flicks his hand in the air and finally opens the door to his bedroom. Seeing him nervous is making me nervous too. On top of that, I am not really fond of surprises.

I enter the bedroom cautiously not really knowing what to expect. At first, I don't see anything out of the ordinary. There is the same bed with the horrible dark green colored duvet; the paintings are still the same. My eyes dart over the room. The chest of drawers is also the same with a few pictures of him and Fee. _What is the surprise? Am I missing something?_

"Christian…what…?"

"Come" He looks a little exasperated when he guides me towards his walk-in closet. I don't see anything unusual until my eyes zoom in on women's clothes.

"Since when do you have women's clothes in your closet?" I ask a little apprehensive.

"Since this morning" He answers proudly. "These are your clothes." He says and his Adam's apple bobs up and down.

"M-my clothes?"

"Hmm hmm"

I let go of his hand and slowly walk into the gigantic closet brushing my hands over my clothes. _My clothes are in Christian's closet. Jesus._

I look back at him and back at the clothes but then my eyes catch shoes…women's shoes…my shoes to be precise and my bags. All organized by color. _What the hell?_

"Christian, what is this? What are my clothes and shoes doing here?"

"You don't like it?" He looks at me warily but quickly averts his eyes as if he doesn't like what he sees in them.

"I am confused, Christian. What are my clothes doing here in your closet?"

"You promised me you would keep an open mind," He says slowly. I furrow my brow in confusion.

"I didn't promise you anything, Christian. But please pull me out of this confusion. What are my clothes doing here?" I wave my arm through the air and look at him expectantly.

He mutters something unintelligible under his breath, but since he's scowling, I decide I don't even want to know.

"Well, I asked Gail to pack some of your clothes. Also, since I wanted to buy you clothes I asked Caroline Acton to deliver a little bit of everything. If you don't like it you can send it back. I told them explicitly not to touch your underwear since…well that just didn't seem right…so I had that delivered too." After his long ramble, he takes a long breath and finally looks up at me.

"Okay," I say slowly. "Thank you for explaining how the clothes came here, but you haven't actually answered my question." I raise my eyebrow at him. "Why are my clothes in your closet, Christian?"

"Because I want you to move in with me" He delivers the sentence so fast that I actually have to let it sink in.

"You want me to move in with you?" I ask for clarification, because I surely misunderstood him, right?

"Yes," He says now looking thoroughly confused. _He is confused? Jesus._

"And you decided that? All on your own?"

"Yes," Again the frown.

"And where was I when you decided that?"

"Sleeping" He deadpans and adds a little shrug of his shoulders.

"Christian, you can't make this kind of decision without involving me" I slump down on the cream-colored ottoman and stare at the rows of clothes. _My clothes_. My vision gets blurry with the tears building in my eyes. I blink a few times but it is to no avail. They fall.

"I didn't mean to upset you." He whispers now kneeling in front of me while his hands cover mine. "It's that you said that you would never give up on us and that you want to spend the rest of your life with me. I gathered that you really meant it"

"I do mean it," I say entwining our fingers. "But we've known each other for five minutes. There have been so many changes lately." I take a deep breath and stare into his sad gray eyes.

"But I love you and I want to have you with me, with us. We belong together…the three of us. You, me and our daughter"

"I love you too, Christian. So much, but I think it is too soon to move in together. Besides what about my house? I love my house."

"I thought moving here together was the most sensible thing to do, for Fee mostly. But if you feel so strongly about it we can move to your house. I don't care, as long as we are together."

Why is he being so sweet? And he has a point about Phoebe, but do I want to move in with him? Do I want to be constantly surrounded by security? But most importantly, am I ready to move in with him? My eyes dart back to the clothes. I am not.

"If you don't like the clothes I bought you, you can send them back, Ana"

"I barely get presents," I say giving him a small smile. "Aside from Kate, no one ever buys me anything"

"That is going to change from now on because you have me." I nod, wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in my favorite place. The crook of his neck.

"Is this a yes then? Will you move in with me? With us?" I don't miss the hopeful tone in his voice.

"What about baby steps?"

"Fuck baby steps" He mutters and repeatedly kisses my cheek. "Stop fighting it, Ana. Stop over thinking."

"But what about Phoebe? Won't she be confused? Shouldn't we approach this carefully?"

"Kids are resilient, Ana. Besides, she loves you"

"Christian. I don't think this is a good idea" I hold my breath when I see his eyes turning into little slits.

"Please, listen to me" I take his face in my hands and rub my thumbs over his jaw. "Please, don't throw another tantrum because I can't handle it…" His eyes soften and slowly he leans his forehead against mine.

"Did I come on too strong?" He rasps.

"A little" He nods slowly and sighs.

"So this means no?" The way he sullenly speaks the words have me smiling. Somehow I think that Christian Grey isn't used to hearing the word 'no'…ever.

"Yes, this means no…for now."

"Why?"

"First because I don't think Phoebe is ready for me to move in. I honestly believe that the change would be too abrupt for her."

"But you are her mother, Ana…"

"Yes, but she doesn't know that." I sigh. "I truly believe that she is behaving the way she is because she thinks I am taking her place." I pull away from him and brush a wayward curl from his forehead. "Besides, we don't even know how she would react if we would tell her that I am her mother. Can you even imagine how she would feel?"

"Ana…"

"Christian. Phoebe thinks her mother is lost…I saw the drawings with the faceless woman. I am doing this for her. Her needs come before mine. They will always come first. She needs to get used to me. Look, when I found out she was my daughter and everything…exploded…I did the wrong thing. I should have never demanded that she spend time with me. I forced her into something that she wasn't even ready for. I don't want to hurt her. I love her too much to do that to her."

"Makes sense" His smile doesn't quite reach his eyes and it kills me that I made him feel this way. But I truly believe this is the right way.

"Also" I take another deep breath. "We aren't ready to move in together." His head moves up so fast that I am seriously thinking he hurt himself. His eyes have grown impossibly big and anxious. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"I love you," I say quickly. "So very much. And I take our relationship very seriously. With that being said, I think that we need time to figure out how to navigate certain issues."

"What issues?"

God. He's relentless and not to mention obtuse. "We started this relationship built on lies. And I admit that it was my doing. We hurt each other deeply."

"I trust you," He says briskly cutting me off.

"Christian…remember Ethan and how easy it was for him to plant that little seed of doubt in your head?" He stiffens.

"You thought I was planning on taking Phoebe away from you. He made you believe that the only reason I was with you was that I could take her away from you." When he hangs his head down, I know I am right. He is too stubborn to admit it, but I just know.

"I fucked up" He mutters.

"We both did. I am constantly afraid of how you might react to certain things. When you start yelling and ranting and cutting me off, I feel so …lost"

"Jesus, Ana…"

"Those are a few issues we both need to address before we take a step as huge as moving in together. You need to learn how to communicate and I need to learn how to make my own decisions. My mother was a narcissist, Christian…she controlled every aspect of my life until her death. I told you this the other day; I will not accept your controlling actions. I just can't …I need to do this for myself…for my own self-worth."

"I don't communicate?" He looks thoroughly confused and hurt.

I shake my head slowly but keep my eyes locked on his. "When I woke up this morning you had already arranged for us to leave LA…" I take a deep breath and steady myself for an outburst. Instead, he surprises me when he cocks his head to the side, telling me to continue.

"You arranged everything, Christian." I stop briefly when I hear the tinge of desperation clouding my voice.

"You told me when we had to leave; you even took it upon yourself to call Hannah. Hannah is my assistant, not yours. And then you had even laid out my clothes on my bed!"

I can see him visibly swallow as he takes in the information. "I just want to take care of you."

"I know and I love that about you. But you seem to forget that we are equals in this relationship. I am perfectly capable of choosing my own clothes! I am perfectly able of notifying Hannah that my plans had changed!"

"That's why you were so silent on the plane?"

I nod my head slowly. Immediately he pulls me against his chest and repeatedly kisses my hair.

"Fuck, Ana. I am so sorry" He takes a deep breath and leans back. "I sound like broken record, constantly apologizing. But I am truly sorry, for everything. From the way I reacted after I found out about Fee, up until now."

"I am also to blame, Christian. If I had been honest with you about everything, things would have been different"

"Are there more things you want to discuss with me?"

"I saw you looking at my medication when you opened the bathroom cabinet in LA. I just want to say that I don't take them anymore. I haven't for a long time. But if you want to know more about my depression or depression in general, you can talk to Evelyn, my psychiatrist."

He is silent, his eyes boring into mine while he mindlessly plays with a tendril of hair.

"It's okay, Christian. I was diagnosed with Environmental depression."

"I don't need to know that, Ana," He says placing a kiss on my lips.

"Environmental depression is not directly related to brain function and it isn't inherited. This kind of depression happens when there is prolonged stress or traumatic events." I continue.

"Evelyn or another psychiatrist is able to explain it better. I really don't mind if you want to talk with her, Christian. You can go alone or we can go together if that's what you prefer."

"That won't be necessary," He says stubbornly.

I sigh and take his face in my hands. "Christian, I've seen marriages fall apart because of depression. Because the partner didn't know what depression does to someone. How it makes you feel."

"Then explain it to me" He pleads. He effortlessly rises to his feet, entwines our fingers and guides me to his bed. Before I know it we are laying on the bed, facing each other.

"Tell me"

"Depression clouds your thoughts. I felt empty, sad and also alone, even if I am in a room full of people."

"Do you still feel this way?"

"Sometimes. But it is easier to cope with now. I use tools that Evelyn taught me and I am able to pull myself out of it. Just think about it please." He hums and pulls me closer, his finger slowly brushing against my cheek.

My eyes start to feel heavy. And even though I know I should go home, I move closer to Christian and close my eyes.

 **Christian**

"I know you hate this question, Christian" John stretches his legs in front of him and a small smile tugs his lips. "But explain to me how it made you feel."

Rising from the chair, I start pacing his office and try to come up with an answer.

"I felt rejected. Hurt. Out of control." I thrust my hands into my pockets and stare out of the window.

"I thought it would make her happy. I thought I was making the right decision by letting her move in with me." I snort pitifully. "I had even made an appointment with Cartier"

"I'll get back to that in a bit," He says.

"How did you react?" He's probably thinking I flew off the handle…again. And I feel this pride in me thinking back at that day and how I handled it.

"I listened to her. Tried to work things out in my head. But it was what she said and the way she looked that reigned in my anger. Her eyes, they were pleading, it was as if she wouldn't be able to handle another one of my tantrums…and also she said she felt lost." Leaning my head against the window I breathe out.

"Reading people is what made me what I am today. And Ana's face…she was afraid, John. My girlfriend was afraid of how I would make her feel. I don't want that for her. I don't want to make her feel as her mother did. I want to protect her from everything bad out there. So if that means I have to work on my control issues, I will. If that means that I have to give her space to make her happy, I will."

Hands still in my pockets I turn around and face my friend. "I don't ever want to see that look on her face. I don't ever want to be the reason for that look."

John stares at me for the longest time and nods his head pensively. I have no fucking clue what that means, though.

"You mentioned that she offered to make an appointment with her psychiatrist?"

"Yes. But I decided that I don't want to do that."

"Why?"

"Because it feels as if I am betraying her. I know Ana has suffered from depression. She was even hospitalized for a few months. And if she has a setback, I will be there for her, unconditionally. I also think that her reason for wanting to talk to her psychiatrist is because of the horrible way I reacted initially" I hang my head down in shame, not even able to look at my best friend.

"That's very noble. But clearly, you have no idea what depression really means. And I think that's what Ana wants you to understand. Just give it some more thought."

"Okay, so how do I deal with my controlling issues?" I say eager to get this over with and get back to Fee and Ana.

"I have a question first," He says holding up his finger.

"Cartier?" He cocks his head to his side waiting for my answer.

"Yes, for an engagement ring" As I expected his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"I haven't canceled the appointment, John. Because even though she isn't ready to move in with me, my feelings for her haven't changed. I love her, and I want to marry Ana, preferably as soon as possible. But I know it would be too soon."

"And now?"

"Now I will wait until she's ready. I don't care how long it takes."

"How long have you guys been back from LA?"

"Two weeks"

"And how are things going?"

"Wonderful. Ana was right. Fee is back to her happy self. We have fallen into this routine in which we are all happy with. We spend a lot of time together and Fee seems to be happy with that."

"I am glad to hear that"

"Okay, so now back to your control issues. This should be interesting" He mutters the last part.

"Have a seat, Christian, because this is going to take a while" He chuckles.

* * *

Back in the car, I go back to everything Flynn told me, but most importantly how I can stop being so controlling.

That my controlling issues stem from fear of abandonment, fear of vulnerability and fear of things going wrong, doesn't really come as a surprise. Also the fact that my need for control won't change overnight.

The most important thing he told me was that when I felt out of control I had to look at the bigger picture. I have to force myself to look at it from an 'us' point of view and not in terms of only what I want at that moment. _Easy for him to say._

* * *

My good mood dissipates completely the moment I enter my house. Kate fucking Kavanagh is sitting in my kitchen, sipping my champagne and eating the Manchego cheese Ana got at a deli store at Pike Place Market. Ana and Kate laugh when my brother tells them some kind of a joke.

Ana is, of course, the first one to notice me and her smile deflates immediately. Her eyes dart from Kate to Elliot and then back to me.

She is standing in front of me in mere seconds. Her arms wrapped around my neck. "Please, don't be mad. They came over to see Phoebe, and I asked them to stay for dinner." She whispers against my lips.

"Kate also mentioned that she wanted to talk to you" She hurries to say. Her blue eyes are wide as they dart across my face.

"She told me everything that happened that day and I would totally understand if you don't want to talk to her, but I would like to ask you to please hear her out. She is my best friend…actually, she is the only friend I have and she is with Elliot."

"She threatened me with a baseball bat" I growl.

"I know. Please, if not for her, do it for you brother. Without him…"

"Yeah, I know. I'll give her five minutes, no more." She breaks out into a smile. That incredible, breathtaking, amazing smile that has me almost running back to Cartier to speed up things. _I really do hate baby steps._

"Thank you. I love you, Christian" She whispers.

Instinctively I shove her body against mine and kiss her nose. "I love you too"

"Where is our little rug rat?"

"Outside with Sawyer"

"Okay. Let's get this over with then"

"Elliot, Katherine," I say as I walk further into the room.

"Elliot, do you want to join me outside?" Ana asks sweetly.

"Sure" He stops when he reaches me. "I love her and remember who you called at 2 AM in the fucking morning. You owe me. Big. Fucking. Time." He passes me but turns back and grasps my arm.

"And remember who made this mess in the first place"

* * *

I motion for her to sit down. I decided not to go to my study but sit outside on the patio where we have a nice view of Fee, Ana, and Elliot running around.

"Just so you know, Katherine. I am doing this for my brother and Ana."

"I know. And I want you to know that I did what I did because of Ana. She is my best friend and it is my duty as her best friend to protect her from assholes. At that moment, you were an asshole."

I raise my eyebrow at her. "Not helping your cause here, Katherine"

"Look, I should have never threatened you. That was wrong on so many levels. But she has been hurt so many times over the years that I couldn't handle it. I thought you would make her happy because ever since she met you, there was this light in her eyes that had been absent since she gave birth to Phoebe. If anyone deserves happiness, it is Ana. And I want you to know that should a situation like that arise again, I will do the same."

She is quiet for a moment watching Ana and Elliot playing with Fee.

We both laugh when we see Elliot dancing around like an idiot while Ana and Fee sit on the grass laughing at his antics.

"Tell me about LA," I say quietly.

"When she was hospitalized?"

"Yeah"

"She was heartbroken and there was nothing I could do about it. At one point…she…."

"I know about the pills she wanted to take"

I offer her my handkerchief when I hear her sniffling and she accepts it with a small smile.

"Only you would carry an embroidered handkerchief," She says with a roll of her eyes.

"I am sure it must come as a shock since my brother uses his sleeve to wipe his nose" I wink at her and she only shakes her head.

"She had been so strong during her entire pregnancy despite how that asshole treated her and how her mom would constantly nag and whine at her. Somehow it seemed as if being pregnant made her stronger, more resilient to her mother's …abuse"

"Anyway, that fateful day, when she called me…" Her voice breaks and I watch a tear sliding down her cheek. "I found her on the floor with a bottle of bourbon and a bottle of pills clasped in her hands. She kept repeating; "I can't do this any longer, I can't do this any longer", and there was nothing I could do for her, Christian. There aren't any words of consolation when you have lost your child. As Ana has told me multiple times. There was no solution for her broken heart because the death of a child is irrevocable."

"She miraculously agreed when I mentioned calling her psychiatrist. Her psychiatrist made the arrangements to have her hospitalized." She gives me a small smile.

"When she came out, she immersed herself into her work and started doing a lot of charity work too. But there were times that she would briefly fall back into this deep sadness."

"Did you know Carla well?"

"Enough to know that she was evil." She shakes her head anger flashing through those green eyes.

"Ana's loyalty towards her was…frustrating." She pauses briefly her lips set in a thin line.

"You know, I think I knew Ana for a year, and I knew she had suffered from depression since she was very young. I remember thinking that she had a fabulous life. She was financially secure, she traveled the world and was drop-dead gorgeous. To me, there was no logical reason why she would feel unhappy about her life…I just didn't understand why she felt so sad." She takes a deep breath.

"That is until I joined her on one of her photo shoots and Carla, of course, was there. It all clicked into place. She was toxic. And do you know what Ana said when I confronted her about it? She said, but Kate, she is my mother, I am supposed to love her."

We fall into a comfortable silence as we watch Fee laughing hysterically when Elliot starts tickling her.

"I am glad you were there for her, Kate."

When she gives me a little nod I know this conversation is over and even though I still believe Katherine Kavanagh is tenacious and stubborn, I like her.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

 **Christian – three months later**

"Hey, beautiful." I wrap my arms around her tiny waist and lean my chin against her shoulder.

Turning around with a smile she kisses my nose. "Hey, handsome"

"Are you ready to leave?" She asks and nuzzles my cheek while one of her hands plays with the hair on the back of my neck. _Fuck! I love it when she does that._

"I'd rather stay with you" My hands slide under her sweater to her breasts. _No bra, excellent._ My thumbs start tracing small circles around her nipples.

"Don't start what you can't finish, Grey" She breathes.

"Who says I wasn't going to finish?" I scoop her up in my arms and I laugh when she squeals. "Christian!" She playfully pats my chest.

"God, I love you" She pants when I throw her on the bed. "Do you have any idea how hot you look in a white shirt with the top button undone?"

"Do you know how sexy you look in my bed?"

"No" She whispers earnestly. "Well, you do…"

I stand back looking at the beauty that is Anastasia Steele and slowly start removing my clothes. Carelessly I kick them off to the side and slowly crawl on the bed with her.

I start undressing her and I don't take my eyes off her until she is completely naked. She is fucking perfect. Spreading my body over hers, I lower my mouth and brush my lips against her, softly until her tongue slowly brushes against my lips.

Without breaking contact I reach down and position myself at her opening. I enter her slowly and that little rush of air that leaves her lips makes me impossibly harder. I moan in pleasure as her blue eyes lock with mine and her legs lock tightly around my waist. She feels so fucking good that I could die a very happy man.

"I am going to marry you one day, Anastasia" I moan as I slowly rock into her.

She moans back and digs her nails into my bare shoulders.

"Because you belong to me…from the moment I saw you, you belonged to me"

"Where have you been all my life, Christian Grey?"

"Waiting for you…" We move in perfect sync, her hips following my slow movements.

After a few minutes, her movements get more frenzied and I know that she is close to her orgasm.

"Promise me something, Christian" Her tongue sweeps out licking her bottom lip and her eyes flicker to mine.

"Anything"

"Never leave me…"

"Never" I kiss her slightly parted lips and hold her tightly against my body when I feel her coming apart under me. With my face buried in her neck, I keep pumping my hip slowly, back and forth, draining every ounce of pleasure from her. I feel my body tensing as I spill everything inside her.

It takes me a minute to come back to my senses and then I swivel around onto my back taking her with me so that she's sprawled across my chest. She shifts slightly and starts tracing her nail on my stomach.

"Bath?"

She looks up at me with questioning eyes. "You were supposed to pick up Phoebe"

"Phoebe is having a great time with Elliot and Kate. I'll send him a text telling him I'll meet him there…"

Confused she looks up at me. "Meet him…where exactly?"

"That's a secret" I tap my nose and jump out of bed. Scooping her up in my arms, I walk us to the adjoining bathroom.

"Christian…if this has anything to do with my birthday tomorrow…" I place her back on her feet once we've reached the bathroom and take her chin between my fingers forcing her to look up at me.

"Do you trust me, Ana?"

"You know I do"

"Then you have nothing to worry about"

"Christian…"

"Time for a bath" I say cutting her off.

"I don't like to celebrate my birthday. I already told you this" She says forcefully.

Anger floods my body when I hear the emotion behind her words. She isn't angry, she is sad. Until recently I didn't even know Ana abhorred celebrating her birthday, not until Kate told me that Ana hasn't celebrated her birthday since she turned 18. Ten fucking years without celebrating her birthday and only because Carla made her feel inconsequential and worthless. Carla. Fucking Carla, I hope she is somewhere in the seventh circle of hell, rotting away.

"It's just another day…just like every other day" She adds.

"No, it's not just another day. It's your birthday and we are going to celebrate it, Ana. As of tomorrow, we are going to celebrate your birthday every fucking year. We are going to make new memories. We are going to celebrate your birthday with our closest family and friends, and do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you matter to them, to us. You are important and you are very much loved. I know that Carla fucked with your head, baby, but she is gone. This time she won't be able to ruin your day."

Her eyes harden and immediately she gets that stubborn set in her jaw.

"You don't understand…"

"Look, Ana. I have given you space and I told you from the start that I would take you any way that I could and I meant that…" I take a deep breath and press her naked body against mine. "Just give me this, okay? Fee is so excited…she can't wait to give you your presents…"

"You bought me presents?" I hear surprise and even a little excitement in her voice.

"Yes, lots and lots of presents" When I look down at her, I see a hint of a smile on her face and it couldn't make me happier.

I've never been much of a bath person, but with Ana, I think this is my favorite pastime. Well, that's not entirely true, making love to her is absolutely at the top of my list.

"Carla always ruined my birthday because she knew it was supposed to be my day." She starts softly. Her fingers are tracing little patterns on my legs, her head pressed against my chest.

"Nothing was about me; it was all about what she wanted. And if she ever acknowledged it at all, it was only because she wanted me to know and recognize that she was doing just that. That it was what she wanted to do and I was expected to be grateful for it. The only reason she threw me a big party on my 18th birthday was because she wanted to bring the attention to her. She simply couldn't stand not being the center of attention."

Looking over her shoulder she gives me a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No. I want to know everything about you." It is rare that Ana opens up about her mother so if it helps her, I will listen to her.

"I remember that we were still living in Montesano with Ray. I think I just turned eight years old…" She shakes her head sadly. "Chocolate cake was always my favorite…and she knew it. But that year she ordered some kind of sticky ginger cake with lemon icing. I was disappointed but I knew better than to show it, so I ate a huge slice of cake. They had to take me to the ER that day because it seemed I was seriously allergic to ginger."

"While they were treating me in the hospital, I heard my parents arguing outside of my room. My dad was so angry with her…but she somehow knew how to formulate it so it seemed as if it was entirely my fault."

"They had to treat you?"

"Yes. I still can't eat ginger. I have difficulty breathing, my throat closes, my lips swell…" She shrugs.

"Not a pretty sight" She giggles trying to make light of the conversation. I don't find it remotely funny and make a mental note to ask Gail to remove everything with the slightest trace of ginger from the house.

"You know. Maybe we should test Phoebe…"

"I'll ask my mother," I say.

Leaning down I brush my lips over her shoulder. "Well, there will be cake tomorrow, your favorite cake and presents. And no one will ruin your birthday, because I will make sure of it."

"I don't like being the center of attention"

"I know. So just see it as any other party, but there will be cake and presents."

With a soft sigh, she turns around and straddles me. "I trust you". And I wonder if she is just saying it to make me happy or to convince herself.

All of my thoughts about Carla and her nastiness vanish when she softly whispers in my ear if I am ready for round two.

 **Anastasia**

I can hear them entering the house. Phoebe's giggles are by far the most beautiful sound in the world, and then there is, of course, Elliot's boisterous voice. Christian is admonishing them to be quiet as they enter the kitchen. Elliot has Phoebe in her arms and they immediately run upstairs.

"Hey, babe" Christian is by my side with a few steps and lovingly kisses my cheek. "I love seeing you in my kitchen" He whispers in my ear. "I'd prefer barefoot and pregnant" He blanches the moment I look up at him.

"Shit, sorry, Ana…I…"

"Barefoot and pregnant, huh?" He swallows and if I didn't know how awful he is feeling right now, I would laugh at the expression on his face.

"Well, you'd better make an honest woman out of me first, Grey"

"What are you saying?"

"Well, you keep talking about wanting to marry me…" I don't get to finish my sentence, though.

"Hey, gorgeous. What's for dinner?" Elliot winks as he pushes Christian away and also kisses my cheek, knowing it pisses Christian off.

"Can't you see we were having a conversation?"

"Just pretend I'm not here," Elliot says completely ignoring his brother's icy stare. Casually he pulls two beers from the refrigerator and hands one to Christian.

"Don't you have your own home you can go to once in a while?" Christian yells.

"I could, but what fun would that be?" He smirks. "And I know I am fun to be with, just face it, I am doing you a favor, bro" He shrugs and brings the bottle to his mouth.

"A favor?" Christian hisses.

"Yeah. Admit it, little brother; I bring a lot of joy into your life. I am your little ball of sunshine." He winks and turns to look at me. "Now what's for dinner, beautiful Ana?"

"Where's Kate?" I ask as I jump off the barstool.

"Girl things" He waves it off and focuses back on Christian.

"You are not staying here for dinner, dickhead"

I leave them to their little discussion and walk towards Phoebe. "Hey, Phoebe. Did you have fun with Daddy and Uncle Elliot?"

"Yes, but I can't say what we did because it's a secret" She whispers the last word and her eyes dart over to Christian who is still in a heated discussion with his brother.

"A secret?" I hunch down, cup her cheeks and kiss the tip of her nose. Immediately her little arms wrap around my neck and hug me tightly. I don't think I will ever get enough of feeling her arms wrapped around me. These little gestures of affection are what I live for and what makes me incredibly happy. The first few weeks after returning from LA, she was still at times a little standoffish. Constantly telling me that Christian was hers, asking me when I was planning on going back home. It hurt being pushed away so harshly, but I knew I had to give her time. This wasn't about my happiness, but about hers. In a short amount of time her little, safe, world had been turned upside down, and I needed to be patient. Give her time to get to know me and realize that I wasn't going anywhere. Her behavior changed gradually. Also, Christian has been nothing but supportive…and patient. _Very patient._

True to his word, he really did give me space. Sure, he can still be controlling, but not as much as he was at the beginning of our relationship.

"Yes…for your birthday…tomorrow" She whispers excitedly in my ear. I wish I could be as excited as she is. I hate celebrating my birthday. Carla made sure to ruin each and every one of them. I can't even remember when the last time I celebrated it was. I always made sure to never be home during my birthdays…hiding somewhere until a few days had passed, much to my dad's and Kate's annoyance. They have gotten used to it, though. Even after having talked to Christian about it this morning, I still have the urge to go away, somewhere where people can't find me, but I guess that wouldn't be fair to Phoebe or Christian for that matter. _I do trust him._

"Are you excited about your presents?" She asks.

"Yeah"

She yawns and lays her head on my shoulder. "Are you tired, Phoebe? Do you want to take a little nap?"

"No. I want you to read me a story" Gosh, that soft small voice, that little sigh and then the little kiss she plants on my neck. How can I say no to her?

"Sure. Do you want to pick out a book or do you want me to do it?"

"I want the book of that little bird that can't find his mother" I knew it. She has been obsessed with this book for the last few weeks. She has been carrying it around everywhere she goes as if it is her little security blanket.

"Are you sure you want me to read you this book? It always makes you so sad"

She nods her head vigorously making her curls bounce up and down. I know better than to argue with her at this point. She hands me the book and crawls on the couch. Just looking at her makes me smile and happy, so deliriously happy.

When we are finally comfortable, me sitting on the couch and Phoebe lying in between my legs, I open the book and start reading.

" _A mother bird sat on her egg. The egg jumped."_

" _Oh no!" Said the mother bird. "My baby will be here! He will want to eat"_

" _I must get something for my baby bird to eat," she said. "I will be back" So away she went._

I feel Phoebe sigh and shake her head a little. "The mother bird shouldn't have left the baby bird." She says sadly. "He is all alone now"

"Do you want me to continue?" I kiss the top of her head and inhale her sweet scent.

"Yes," She sniffs.

" _The egg jumped. It jumped, and jumped, and jumped"_

" _Where is my mother," He said._

" _He looked for her He looked down. He did not see her. He looked up he did not see her. I will go and look for her, he said. So away he went"_

"Silly little bird" She shakes her head in frustration. "He should have stayed there, to wait for his mommy!" Phoebe huffs, but I hear the little crack in her voice nonetheless.

Occasionally she comments on the adventures of the little bird as I continue reading.

She sighs heavily when I close the book, staying still for a long time.

"The baby bird just didn't know what his mommy looked like," She says so softly that I almost miss it.

I don't answer her; I simply put the book away and wrap her tightly in my arms. I want to tell her so badly that I am her mother and that I didn't leave her. I blink away the tears and relish on the scent of shampoo.

Frustration, anger and sadness bubble up in me as I recall the several sessions we've had with Evelyn and Flynn about telling Phoebe the truth. We can't; it would cause her too much damage. She wouldn't be able to understand how someone could be so evil to take her away from her mother.

Elliot's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "You girls, okay?"

"Yeah, just chilling" I smile and hug Phoebe closer to me.

"Well, your boyfriend kicked me out" He pouts. "See you when I see you" Leaning down he kisses my cheek and ruffles Phoebe's hair.

"You are not staying for dinner then?"

"Nah. I am having dinner with Katie tonight. I was pulling his leg." He winks.

"Uncle Lelliot" Phoebe sits up straight and catches her uncle's hand in hers. "Where do babies come from?" I don't know which face is more hilarious, Phoebe's or Elliot's.

"Um. I really need to go, Princess Fee"

"You don't know?" She quirks one eyebrow up, challenging Elliot.

"Yeah, Uncle Lelliot…you don't know?" I lean my head to the side and smile at him.

He huffs and even puffs out his chest. "Of course I know where babies come from" His eyes flicker to mine, asking for my help. _Yeah, not doing that._

Somehow, Phoebe manages to get her Uncle to sit down on the couch. She straddles him and patiently looks up at him. Elliot is brushing his hands through his hair muttering under his breath.

"What do you think?" He asks her. _Great thinking._

"Um. Daddy told me that babies grow in a mommy's belly…"

"Yep. Correct." He stands, holding Phoebe tightly against him and kisses her temple. "See, you already know, you don't need me," He says clearly relieved.

"But how does the baby get out of her belly then?"

"Guess we are not finished then?" He sits back down and just stares at her for the longest time. I almost feel sorry for him.

"What was the question again?"

Phoebe sighs and places her little hands on his cheeks. "How does the baby get out of the mommy's belly?"

"The baby…comes out when he's ready," Elliot says slowly with a little wince.

"But how?"

"Well…when the baby is ready to come out he knocks on the mommy's belly. The baby goes, knock, knock, knock." _Oh, my God. How does he come up with this?_

"Really?"

"Yep."

"And then? What happens then?"

"Then it's like magic because the stork hears the baby's knocks and he makes sure to deliver the baby to his mommy"

"What's a stork?" Phoebe looks up at Elliot with that little, adorable V on her forehead.

"A stork is a beautiful bird. It has long legs and is very elegant." She seems to think about this and then slowly her lips turn into a smile. "And they deliver all the babies" He adds.

"All the babies?" She asks.

"Yep. All the babies in the world. The storks have a very important task."

"Thank you!" She jumps from his lap, grabs the book and hurries away.

" Phoebe! Where are you going?"

"I need to talk to daddy!"

 **Christian**

I can't stop thinking about what Ana said. "Well, you'd better make me an honest woman out of me first, Grey" It is going in loops in my head and I still can't wrap my head around it.

She wants to marry me? Ana wants to marry me and she hasn't said anything? I mean, we aren't even living together. Jesus, I really don't understand women. How could I have missed this?

I have spent the last half hour searching for elopement destinations because if Ana does want to marry me, I sure as fuck won't wait longer than necessary.

Vegas is the first eloping destination that pops up, but no fucking way we are getting married by an Elvis impersonator in a tacky chapel in Vegas. No, I want to take Ana to someplace chic and preferably romantic.

There is a soft knock on the door and then I see Fee's little head peeking around the corner. With a smile, I wave her in. I love having her with me in my office.

"Hi Princess"

"Hi Daddy, we need to talk" She puts a book on my desk and crawls on my lap kneeing me in the nuts as she always does.

"If this is about that puppy…" I start, but she cuts me off with an eye roll. I simply raise my eyebrow at her. She knows I hate it when she does that.

"Sorry, Daddy, but my eyes just did that on their own" I hold back my smile and cup her cheeks.

"Tell your eyes it's rude" She gives me a cheeky grin and leans over to kiss my nose.

"Okay. So what do you want to talk to me about?" She starts fidgeting with her little, pudgy hands. Her eyes dart away and when she starts chewing on her bottom lip, I know she is nervous. Like really nervous. What did she do?

"Fee?"

"Do you know this book?" She turns around and practically slams the book in my face. "Are you my Mother"… Unfortunately, I know the book and I hate that my mother gave it to her. This book brings out so many bad memories that I've been on the verge, several times, of throwing that damn thing away. Fee, on the other hand, loves the book. She can't seem to get enough of it.

"Yes, I do"

"Okay. So this little birdie…he loses his mommy." She opens the book and taps with her little finger on the bird.

"Hmm, hmmm"

"Well, the mommy leaves to get some food for her baby, but then…then the little bird falls and falls and falls." She sighs and my heart almost breaks when I see her sad eyes.

"Go on."

"The little bird lost his mommy" She looks up at me while the tears are brimming in her eyes. "That little bird is just like me, Daddy. I lost my mommy too…"

"Fee…"

"Daddy, I think the stork made a mistake…because he delivers lots and lots of babies…" She nods looking up at me her eyes teary and wide. "And he delivered me to the wrong house…and now I lost my mommy…" When I see more tears building in her eyes, I pull her against my body and kiss her hair. Over and over again. I want so badly to tell her that her mother is in the next room.

"Who told you about the stork?"

"Uncle Lelliot," She says very matter of fact. "He said that the baby says, knock, knock, knock, on the mommy's belly, and that the stork knows when he needs to come" _Knock, knock, knock. What the ever living fuck?_

"Uncle Elliot said that?"

"Uh huh. He said it's like magic"

"Right. Okay" I swallow and wipe a tear from her cheek.

"Why are you crying?"

She shrugs and wipes the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.

"The little bird looked exactly like the mommy bird. And I look just like Ana…" She holds her breath and I just nod for her to continue. My heart is almost racing out of my chest.

"You do…" I admit.

"We both have crazy hair" She leans her head to one side and fingers her curls. "And we both have blue eyes…and dimples…"

"Yes, you do…" You are a replica of your mother, I think. But then what she says next has my heart missing a beat.

"Daddy?

"Yes, Princess?" I rasp.

"Do you think…do you think Ana would like to be my mommy?" She says it very quickly and the hopefulness in her eyes is simply heartbreaking.

I swallow past the lump building in my throat and I have to blink my eyes a few times to push the tears away.

"I think that Ana would love to be your mommy, Fee"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Can I ask her?" She clasps her hands in front of her chest in a pleading motion.

"Sure" I can't stop smiling and laughing as I look at my daughters face. Ana is going to be so happy.

Just when I am about to rise from my chair the door opens again. "I'm sorry it took a bit longer, but I couldn't decide what to wear. Are you guys ready to leave now?"

"Um, yeah…I think there has been a change in plans. Would you mind having dinner here?"

"Of course not" Closing the door behind her she steps into my office until she has reached my desk.

"Did I interrupt something?"

I can only stare at her unable to speak. This is going to be a life-changing moment for her, the moment she has been waiting for since she knew she was pregnant.

"Christian?"

"Yeah, I am sorry, I zoned out." Lamely I wave at the sofa in my office asking her to sit down.

"Will you please sit down for a minute, baby?"

"You are scaring me." She takes a few steps towards the sofa but stops to look at Fee.

"Phoebe, have you been crying?"

"Just a little bit, but I am not sad anymore"

"Then what's wrong? Do you want to talk to me about it?"

Fee nods shyly and extends her arms. Ana doesn't hesitate and immediately takes her in her arms and sits down on the sofa. Not knowing what to do, I slide next to her as close as possible.

"Fee wants to ask you something," I say.

"Okay. What is it that you want to ask me, Phoebe?" Tenderly she tucks Fee's hair behind her little ear and smiles.

"I look like you," Fee says. Her little finger traces Ana's face and her hair.

"Yes, yes you do…" Ana whispers.

"Is that a bad thing?" She adds slowly when Fee just keeps looking at her.

Fee simply shakes her head. "Phoebe, what is it that you want to ask me, because you know you can talk to me about anything, right? We are…"

"Do you want to be my mommy?" Fee blurts out. Her little shoulders are tense as she asks the question, her hands fidgeting in her lap.

"W-what?"

"You see, the stork…the stork made a mistake." Fee sniffs. "And I think you are my mommy…do you want to be my mommy?"

"Phoebe…I…Oh my God…" She crushes Fee against her chest and buries her head in the tiny crook of her neck.

"A-Are you really asking me if I want to be your mommy?" Ana asks with a trembling voice.

"Yeah."

"Phoebe, I'd love to be your mommy…because I love you so, so much" The tears are streaming down Ana's face as she kisses Fee's face again and again.

"I love you too, mommy" Fee rasps. "To the moon and back"

Looking at the two most important people in my life I am transported back to when that nurse placed Fee in my arms after I found her. I remember feeling elated, humbled and overcome with awe. This right here is such a special moment that could never be surpassed.

* * *

 **Author's note: I think this is the moment you've been waiting for! I hope you liked it.**

 **Anyway, we are nearing the end of this story. Next week the final chapter and then the epilogue.**

 **Thank you all so much for your support. You guys are pretty amazing!**

 **XOX**

 **Alner**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

 **Christian**

"She knew about this party didn't she?" Elliot is looking over at Ana who is sitting with Fee, Mia and Kate talking about who knows what.

"Yes, I told her yesterday."

"Makes sense" He nods his head and pins his eyes on me while sipping his beer.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked her to marry you"

"I am going to ask her tonight, as soon as Fee is asleep, I am going to ask her." His eyes widen and his gaze wanders off to the other side of the room. I don't have to look to know who is standing there. _Ray Steele._

"Have you even talked to the guy yet?" He winces.

"He avoids me every chance he gets. He only comes to visit Ana when he knows I am out of town." I look briefly over my shoulder and I spot my future father in law. Fee is sitting on his lap, talking a mile a minute.

"Fee loves him" Elliot states.

"She does. He has taken her fishing a few times and even though the worms freak her out, she loves it."

"That's cool, man."

I nod my head once and my eyes wander off to Ana again. She looks absolutely breathtaking; that smile hasn't left her face since Fee started calling her mommy. However, at night, when we were lying and she realized the magnitude of the situation, she broke down. It was as if she was crying out years of hurt, pain, and sadness. She finally fell asleep, with her head on my chest and her arms tightly wrapped around my waist.

"You know, you don't have to ask for his permission," Elliot says pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I know that to some people it may seem like an outdated concept, but to me, it is a gesture of respect towards Ana and her father. Ray is very important to Ana and that makes him important to me too"

"And what if he doesn't give you permission?" He asks softly.

"I am not asking his permission, because I think Ana is old and wise enough to make her own decisions." I point out. "I am asking for his blessing."

I watch the handful of friends and family and reminisce about Elliot's question. What if Ray Steele doesn't give me his blessing to marry his daughter. A question that I've asked myself a lot of times and every time I come to the same conclusion. I don't want to make her choose between me and her father.

"So, the stork?"

My brother brushes his hands over his face and shakes his head. "Yeah, man, I mean, I was shitting bricks! What was I supposed to tell a sweet little girl like Fee? I could hardly give her the sex talk dad gave us"

We both laugh. "Fuck! That was awful"

"I will never forget your face when he caught us with that dirty magazine…" I hide my laughter behind my wine glass. Elliot isn't that tactful, unfortunately, because he throws his head back and slaps his hand against his leg. The few guests that are close enough, turn to look, but since it's my brother we are talking about, they only shake their heads and continue their conversations.

"Oh fuck!" He wipes the tears from his eyes. "We called it the 'titty-magazine" do you remember?"

"No, Elliot. You called it the 'titty-magazine'. It was your fucking fault I was subjected to that atrocious talk anyway"

"Anyway" He snorts. "I couldn't tell her, you see, Fee, the man puts his penis into the woman's vagina…"

"Do not even finish that fucking sentence" I growl. He laughs again throwing his head back.

"Oh, fuck! He's headed this way"

 _Fuck indeed!_ Ray Steele is being pulled in my direction by no one other than my daughter. Her face is almost splitting in two from the smile on her face, his face looks like thunder.

"Daddy! I have an idea!"

"And what might that idea be?" I say squatting down to her height. Everything to avoid Ray Steele's cold stare.

"You like fishing too, right Daddy?"

"Yep"

"Well, we can go all together on the "Grace" She squeals in delight. Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful. I'll need to make sure to avoid shark invested waters, though. The chance of me being thrown overboard by Ray is, considering the look he is giving me, very likely at this point.

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Fee."

"I am going to tell mommy!" She looks up at Ray and tugs his hand. "Don't go anywhere, okay?"

"Promise," He says softly.

The awkwardness is something I have never experienced before. I've dealt with all kind of people, obnoxious sheiks, and presumptuous presidents. But somehow, not having the approval of my girlfriend's father has me completely on edge and nervous. _And I don't do fucking nervous._

"Ray, I think it's time to put everything behind us, and…"

"I don't remember being your friend, Christian. Mr. Steele will do just fine." My body stiffens, my anger rises instantly. But then I remember why I am doing this. Ana. I am doing this for her.

"My apologies, _Mr. Steele_ ," I say emphasizing his name. "I think it's better if we took this conversation outside," I say pointing to the door. "The last thing I'd want is Ana overhearing this."

He nods stiffly and steps outside, casually leaning at the wall, hands in his pockets. His body language is telling me that he isn't interested in what I want to say to him, and for a split second the thought crosses my mind to step back inside, propose to Ana this evening and let her make the decision. But this is not how I was raised. This is certainly not how I want things to be. At some point Ana and I will move in together, is he going to avoid me then too?

"I know we started things off on the wrong foot…" He snorts, pushes off the wall and takes a step closer.

"Let me ask you a question first, Christian, before you make a complete fool out of yourself"

"Who is the most important person in your life?"

 _That's easy._ "Fee and Ana"

He shakes his head, a patronizing smile gracing his mouth. I would love nothing more than to punch him square in the face, but I can't stop thinking that he loves Ana. He was the only constant she had in her life.

"Mr. Steele, let's not make this harder than it already is. I am well aware of the fact how I treated Ana when I found out about Fee…and I wish I could go back in time and redo that conversation, but I can't…" I take a deep breath.

"You want to marry her" He states.

"Yes, Sir. I love her, and…"

"No"

 _No? No?_

"You are not worthy of her, so therefore I will not give you my blessing"

"Very well. I had hoped we could have come closer to solving this issue between us, Mr. Steele. One thing, though. I am sure you understand, this courtesy I just extended to you, for your blessing, really has no bearing on my future with Ana; surely you know she is a grown woman who makes her own decisions. What you may not understand though, is that Ana, Phoebe and I are already a family and I am not going anywhere. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my girls."

* * *

As I walk downstairs after having put Fee to bed, I find Ana humming with her head stuck in the fridge.

"I am going to work for a little while, okay?" I look away when I see a pang of hurt on her face, but I can't deal with Ray's rejection. Not only is it hurtful, but he made it also perfectly clear that he doesn't approve me or even like me. But what I find more devastating is that this can create a distance between Ana and her father and as a consequence, it can have a huge impact on my relationship with and Ana. I need to figure how to handle this before I even mention it to her.

"Okay," She turns around from the refrigerator and places the bottle of wine on the counter.

"I'll go shower then." She says softly. She takes a long breath and softly brushes her finger over my hand.

"Thank you for making my birthday so beautiful. This was the best birthday ever" She smiles.

"Anything to make you happy" I whisper against her forehead.

Since I didn't even bother with turning on the lights when I entered my office, I have to squint when I hear an incoming call. Elliot.

"Hey"

"Dude, how did it go? Have you asked her yet?"

"No" I sigh. "Ray, he…well he told me in no uncertain terms that he doesn't think I am worthy of his daughter."

"What the fuck!"

"Yeah. Well, I've been thinking…"

"Nothing good came come off that." He says cutting me off. "Look, I think I deserve the title "Christian-whisperer" at this point. So, my opinion? Go and get your girl. I didn't hear the conversation but this is a dick move on his end. Go and get her, Christian!"

"Elliot, what if she resents me for it?"

"Christian. It's technically still her birthday. Get that ring from the save and ask her! Do it, man!"

I don't even finish the call. I simply throw the phone on my desk and open the save with trembling fingers. This is it. This is the moment I've been waiting for. I open the red velvet box to check if the ring is still there and run upstairs, taking the steps two at the time.

Shrugging off my jacket and tugging at my tie, I stumble into the room and find her sleeping. Her hair is fanned out on the pillow and one of her hands is tucked under her face. I slowly brush my fingers over the little lines on her forehead and lean down to softly kiss her nose.

I chuckle softly when I see her wearing ugly pajamas with little ducks on them. Fee has a matching pair. Nevertheless, the pajamas need to go.

"Ana, wake up…baby…wake up"

"Christian?" She blinks her eyes and frowns.

"What time is it?"

"Ana, I need you to wake up…"

"But, I am awake…" She grumbles immediately closing her eyes again.

"Baby, I have something really important to ask you."

"Hmm, hmmm" She hums and awkwardly pats my chest. Again she opens her eyes and roams her eyes over my body.

"Why are you still dressed, Christian?"

"Ana!" Grabbing her by her shoulders I shake her a little and pull her up. I chuckle when she growls softly. Giving up she sighs and lets her head fall against my chest.

"Ana, are you awake now?"

"Yeah…" _She's not. Jesus_. "You smell so good, Christian…" She mumbles softly brushing her fingers against my cheek.

"Marry me!" I blurt out, not being able to hold back any longer. Her fingers still and then she surprises me when she starts to giggle. Is she fucking giggling? I am dead serious here and she is giggling?

"Christian, take off your clothes and go back to sleep, you are dreaming"

"I am not dreaming," I say earnestly taking her face in my hands. She blinks her eyes a few more times and I watch as she slowly wakes up. Her eyes grow a little wider and her perfect mouth falls open.

"Marry me, Anastasia"

"W-what?" She whispers.

"There are thousands of reasons why I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I swear, Ana, I've rehearsed this speech over and over again in my head. I do know that you make me insanely happy…happier than I've ever been before. You are an incredible person inside and out, you are strong yet vulnerable and so forgiving. You make Fee happy too, and that's because you are an incredible mommy, her mommy…I promise that…"

I'm shocked when she places her hand over my mouth silencing me. She is smiling so I think it's not bad. At least that's what I fucking hope.

"Ask me again," She says slowly pulling her hand away. "Ask me, Christian"

I nod once and take both of her hands in mine. "Anastasia Rose Steele, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Will you marry me?"

She blinks the tears away and I watch her taking a deep breath and then her face breaks out into the most breathtaking smile I've ever seen.

"Yes! Oh my god! Yes, Christian! A thousand times yes!"

 **Anastasia**

I don't think I've seen Christian this nervous before. He mutters under his breath when he tries to open the red velvet colored box. Cartier.

He pulls me up until we are both on our knees facing each other. My eyes drift from my smiling face to the box in his hand and then he opens the box.

"Oh my god…" I bring my hand to my mouth as I stare at the beautiful ring.

"If you don't like it…" I look up at him.

"Christian, it's perfect, beautiful" He kisses me all over my face and then slowly slides the ring on my finger.

"I love you, Ana"

"I love you too, Christian"

With a little shake of his head, he peels my shirt off and then slowly starts removing his own clothes. His eyes never leave mine. And then he slowly makes loves to make, whispering sweet words in my ear, promising me that he will always keep me safe, he will always cherish me and take care of me. It's perfect, extremely emotional to share this serious intimate connection with the man I love.

"Do you know how many times I rehearsed the proposal?"

I smile and lift my head from his chest to look at him. "I even wrote it down when I found the perfect words…" He chuckles.

"It was perfect" I brush my finger over his bottom lip and lay back down on his chest.

"No, it wasn't perfect, Ana. It felt like the words were rushing out of my mouth but that I wasn't making any sense…"

"You made perfect sense…"

"What kind of wedding do you want?" I ask.

He sighs and suddenly looks sad. He is quiet for a long time while playing with my hair.

"Christian?"

"I talked to your dad this evening…I asked him for his blessing. I knew this would be important to you so I asked him and…"

"And he didn't give you his blessing, right?"

"I'm sorry, baby, maybe I should have told you before proposing, but…"

"My dad is angry with me, Christian" I sigh and attempt to sit up but he tightens his hold on me, panic briefly crosses his eyes. I quickly peck his lips and wiggle myself out of is hold and crawl on his lap so that I'm facing him.

"He's angry with you?"

"Yeah. The last time he was here, when he picked up Phoebe to go fishing, well I told him that I was planning on moving in with you…and that I was thinking about contacting a real estate agent to put the house on sale."

"But you love that house"

"Not really. It was a wrong kind of emotional attachment if that makes any sense" I shrug.

"I was pregnant when I bought that house and even though I was exceptionally emotional, I was proud that my mother's ridiculous comments, didn't deter me from buying it. But since we came back from LA, I started questioning myself, because every time I entered my house or even walked up those stairs, it didn't feel right."

"But that was two weeks ago, Ana. Why did you never tell me?"

"Because I needed to figure it out myself first." I sigh.

"I felt an emotional bond with that house because of Phoebe and what happened there, but those feelings also involve a lot of grief and anger. Every time I step into the house I see my mother's face in front of me and that's a betrayal, even though she is dead, that I will never be able to overcome. I will never, ever forgive her for that"

"I'm sorry"

"She's gone and my life is here with you and our daughter"

"So, your dad? He got mad?"

"Well, to say he got mad when I told him about my plans would be an understatement."

"He's your dad and he loves you, Ana. He's trying to protect you"

"Maybe, but I won't allow anybody dictate my life ever again. I admit. I've always involved him in every aspect of my life, but it's time for me to make my own decisions. Besides, his issues weren't reasonable."

"What did he have to say about me?"

"It doesn't matter, I just let him rant and then when he was finished I told him that I understood his feelings about you, but that I didn't want it to drive a wedge between us and that it would mean a lot to me if he would spend some time with you to really get to know you"

"I also told him how much I love you and that I wasn't seeking his approval, merely his blessing. Because this…us…" I move my hand between the both of us and I get a little distracted when I see my engagement ring. Holy shit! I am getting married!

Christian has the same goofy grin when I look up at him. "You made me the happiest man, Anastasia…"

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I pour everything I have in me into that kiss, trying to tell him that I feel lucky too, and happy...crazy happy. We are breathless when we break up and immediately that grin is back on both of our faces.

"I don't want to talk about my dad anymore. I want to set a date." I kiss the tip of his nose.

"So, Mr. Grey, what do you have in mind?"

He gives me a devilish grin and pushes his hips upwards. "It's hard to think when you are rubbing my dick like that, baby"

I laugh, crawl off his lap and lay back next to him, my head leaning on my hand. He mimics my position and shifts me closer to him.

"I want what you want. If you want the big wedding with the dress and the cake, then that's what we will do."

I contemplate whether I should share my thoughts with him. I know Christian is extremely close to his parents, and knowing Grace, she would be very displeased to find out that her youngest son…eloped.

I feel Christian's fingers under my chin and when I look up I am staring into beautiful, smiling gray eyes.

"Tell me, soon to be Mrs. Grey. What do you want and I will make it happen"

"I want to elope. I have attended many wedding and I've seen couples become consumed trying to ensure that the guests were having a great day. I see marriage as a significant moment, for us." When he doesn't say anything, but just stares at me, I am starting to get a little worried.

"But I will understand if you want to have your parents there and extended family. Maybe some friends? And, you might even want to invite some business associates…" I am rambling and even though I try to pull my head away, Christian tightens his hold on my chin.

Then his face breaks out in the biggest smile I've ever seen.

"Napa Valley"

"What?"

"Napa Valley" He repeats again. "I already did all the research." He lets go of my chin and lifts me on top of him. "There is a historic mansion surrounded by vineyards. It's simple, elegant and they have luxury cottages with a lot of privacy where we can spend our wedding night. The ceremony is held on a cottage patio surrounded by vines and flowers. They even offer champagne and flowers…" He rolls his eyes what makes me giggle. "But I really want to be the one in charge of the champagne."

"I want Phoebe to be there with us, and Elliot and Kate as our witnesses"

"Honeymoon?"

"The Maldives" He answers without hesitation. "Where it all started."

I feel overwhelmed. We are really doing this. I am marrying the man of my life in a matter of days.

"When?" I choke.

"I need to get things organized at GEH first" He rubs his chin with his hand. "Next weekend; we can leave Friday, get married Saturday and we'll be in The Maldives on Sunday where we can spend one week of uninterrupted sex. Just the two of us" He wiggles his eyebrows and kisses me soundly on the lips. I love playful and carefree Christian.

"What about Phoebe?"

"She won't be coming with us to our honeymoon, Ana. I'll talk to Elliot, he can come and stay here with her."

"Christian, I'll understand if you would want to invite your parents and your sister…"

"Ana, my mother, she will live. We can always celebrate afterward. As for what you mentioned about friends, John and my brother are my only friends. John will be happy for us and happy he won't have to attend another wedding. As for my business associates, I am the owner of GEH, I don't have to explain myself to anyone."

"Okay then, Napa Valley here we come"

 **Christian**

There are no words that can accurately describe the feeling when I see Ana and Fee walking down the aisle. I smile when Fee grins at me and starts waving at us. But then my eyes focus back on Ana and I am hit with every emotion possible. Happy, excited, nervous.

She looks absolutely breathtaking wearing a lace gown with a flowing skirt. Fee is wearing a matching dress and little flowers in her hair. My girls.

I realize that I haven't even noticed the music playing until Fee hands me Ana's hand. "Here is mommy"

"Thank you, Princes" With Ana's hand tightly tucked into mine I lean down and kiss my daughter's cheek.

"You look beautiful," I brush my finger over her chubby cheek and can't help but chuckle at her confident nod.

"I'll be quiet" She whisper-yells while looking at the wedding officiant.

When Fee is standing in between Kate and Elliot the officiate steps forward and begins his speech.

* * *

Today I married the woman of my dreams. She is my best friend, lover, and mother of my child. When I first saw her, I knew she was special. It wasn't only her beauty or her smile, it was more than that. I quickly learned that she is also caring, compassionate, loyal, and the best mother a child could wish for. And the more I get to know her, the more deeply I fall in love with her. I know in my heart that we were meant to be together. It was our destiny. The very first moment I saw her, my heart was irrevocably gone.

The End.

* * *

 **Author's note: Well, this is it! The end of Irrevocable. It has been quite the journey, right? Anyway, in two weeks I will upload the epilogue.**

 **There aren't enough words to thank you for your amazing feedback and support!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 - Epilogue**

 **Christian**

 **(Phoebe 4 years old)**

"I'm home!" I holler and drop my briefcase in the hallway. This has become my favorite part of the day, coming home from work to my wife. Well, coming home to her might be second on my list; the first one by far is when I am balls deep inside my beautiful wife.

"Hi, handsome"

"Hey, beautiful…" I stop dead in my tracks when I see them both sitting at the counter. Kate has a disgusted look on her face as she watches Ana eating a pickle that she just dipped in mustard sauce. Christ, our child is going to be born with a yellow hue. My wife has been craving mustard since she was just a few months pregnant.

"Well, hello to you too" Kate chirps. Slowly she takes the glass of wine to her lips and pulls the platter with cheese towards her. _My cheese!_

"Hi, Kate"

"Want some?"Ana asks with a smirk as she waves the pickle in front of my face, but honestly, she is being polite. My sweet, loving wife has become a little bit possessive about her food these last few months. She definitely won't share.

"No, thank you." Stepping behind the counter I kiss Ana passionately not caring that Kate is sitting next to us or that my wife tastes a little… different.

"Okay, this is my cue to go" Kate hops from the stool, blows me a kiss and walks over to Ana to take her in an embrace.

"Laters,"

"Bye, Kate!"

"So, what did you do today?" I bury my nose into my wife's neck and inhale the perfect scent. Ana and flowers.

"We wrote a letter to the stork and Phoebe even made me add travel directions," Ana says licking some mustard from her finger.

"She's so worried that the stork might deliver the baby to the wrong house, Christian"

"She will forget everything about the stork when she sees the baby," I say with determination.

"Help me off this stool and let's take a walk. Let's see if that kicks this baby into action"

I hide my smirk when I lift her off the stool. She looks ready to burst even though the baby isn't due for two more weeks.

"I could fuck this baby out of you," I say as we walk into the patio.

"So romantic" She sighs with a smile. She stops when we are halfway and leans back against my body. Automatically my arms wrap around her belly and I rest my chin on top of her head. I smile when I feel little blip kicking against my hand.

"He's busy"

"Hmm, hmm" She hums looking up at me. "You keep saying it's going to be a boy, but you should really be prepared, Christian" _I pray to God every single night for it to be a boy._

"It's a boy" She nods and I feel her body getting heavier against mine. She's tired.

"I am already outnumbered and another girl like Phoebe will surely make me bald before I reach forty" I kiss the side of her temple, but to be honest, I really don't care whether blip is a boy or a girl. As long as he or she is healthy.

"Want to sit on the bench swing?"

"Makes me nauseous," She says with a little wince. "Let sit on the blanket"

"You had a picnic with Phoebe?"

"Yes, the best way to make her eat"

"Here, let me carry you" I feign a groan when I lift her, and she playfully smacks my chest. "You are just getting old, Grey" I revel in the feel of her body against mine and enjoy the peace and quiet for a moment as I carry her towards the picnic blanket.

She moans softly and winces when she sits down and her hands go to her belly. Immediately alarm bells are going off in my head and I reach for my phone in my pocket.

"It's just a twinge" She sighs giving me a tired smile.

"Big twinge or little twinge?" I ask looking closely at her face.

She shrugs, which doesn't really make me feel better. "A medium twinge" Her eyes meet mine and she grabs my hands. "Relax, they are probably Braxton Hicks" She pulls me down on the blanket and settles between my legs.

"Phoebe was really excited to go camping with my dad and Elliot; you should have gone with them."

"I am not leaving you so close to your due date, Ana," I say exasperated because we've already had this conversation and my answer was always the same. _No._

"Kate could have stayed with me…and you heard Dr. Greene the other day; Blip is not ready to be born"

"Besides, do you really think I'd prefer to go camping with your dad and Elliot and miss out on a few nights of uninterrupted sex?" I rub my hand from her belly to her thigh. She is wearing a long blue, strapless maternity dress and not only does she make pregnancy look sexy, but it also gives me free access to my favorite parts of her anatomy. _Perfect._

When I finally find my destination and my thumb brushes against the satin of her panties she moans softly and widens her legs slightly to give me better access.

I leave a trail of wet kisses from her ear to her neck and manage with a little wriggling to pull her panties off.

"Do you want me to make you feel good, baby" I whisper hoarsely in her ear. Her answer is a tiny nod of her head and another moan when I slide a finger inside her. With my other hand, I slide her dress down over her breasts start massaging her puckered nipple with my fingers. Her body tenses slightly but relaxes right after I start brushing my thumb over her sensitive spot while sliding my finger in and out of her.

When her legs start to tremble and she starts pulling on my hair I know she's close. "I…I need to feel you, Christian…"

"Just enjoy this baby…"

"No, together…"

I don't think I've ever unbuttoned my pants this quickly and with a little help she is soon straddling me and I am buried balls deep inside her.

"This is so good…" She breathes against my lips as she starts rocking her hips in a flowing motion. My hands settle on her hips and I help her move when I feel that she is getting tired.

"Faster, harder, Christian…." I try to get as deep as I can with each trust. She leans her forehead against mine as her breaths come in rapid speed and I know by the tightening of her walls against my dick that she is nearly there.

"Oh…my…G-god…"

"Let it go, baby…come on" I encourage her tweaking her sensitive nipple between my fingers. She comes with a loud 'fuck' and I follow her seconds later.

Minutes later we are still sitting in the same position when he stomach starts rumbling loudly.

"Jesus, Ana…"

She snorts against my neck. "Let's go inside." She says kissing my cheek. Gail left dinner ready."

"Gosh, I feel like an old person," She says as I help her up. I only smile, lift her up in my arms and carry her inside.

"I can walk, you know?"

"Hmm, but I love carrying you around"

She nods and nestles her head back against my chest.

"Oh, I met Sophie today," She says excitedly. "She's such a sweet and polite little girl, and Phoebe absolutely adores her"

"Is she still here?" It's been a while since I've seen Sophie so maybe I could peak my head around the corner of their apartment and say hi.

"No, Taylor had to take her home." She says sadly

"Go and freshen up, baby." I put her down and pull her towards my body. "I'll heat up dinner and tonight you get to pick out the movie"

She looks up at me and brushes her fingernails over my cheek. "You make me so unbelievably happy, Christian."

She pulls away after a kiss and starts wobbling away. "Chick flick tonight!" She squeals.

I laugh as I make my way to the kitchen thinking how much my life has changed since I met Ana, and even if she makes me watch chick flicks more times than I can count, I wouldn't want to miss it for the world.

* * *

I am heating up dinner when I hear a blood-curdling scream coming from the hallway. Every hair on my body stands on end as I run towards her. Ana is standing on the bottom stair; one hand is holding her stomach while the other is holding tightly to the banister.

"What's wrong?" I pant and grab her upper arms. Her eyes are wide and swimming with tears as she looks up at me.

"My water broke…but it's too early, Christian…ooooh my God!" I almost shit my pants when I see her bending forwards, her eyes now shut tight, her mouth set in a straight line.

"Calm down…breathe…in and out…phone…Taylor…" I am rambling but my panic grows when she lets herself sink down on the stairs.

"Call the ambulance…" She pants. "The baby is coming, Christian"

"It's not possible…we…Taylor…the suitcase…"

"Pull yourself together…" She says grabbing my shirt. "Taylor is gone! Ambulance!"

"Ambulance…yes…ambulance…" Jesus Christ, I am a mess. "Don't move…" She rolls her eyes and starts panting, both of her hands now holding on to her stomach. Christ. I really did fuck blip out of her.

I manage to pull my phone from my pocket and dial 9-1-1 while watching Ana, whose face is turning redder by the second.

"Yes, hello this is Christian Grey, my wife went into labor and I need an ambulance here now…" The dumb fuck on the other side of the phone asks me for her name and I am two seconds away from pulling him through the phone when Ana's moans turn louder.

"Ana...Grey, Anastasia Grey…that's my wife. Please, send the fucking ambulance!" I quickly rattle our address to the fucker and kneel down in front of Ana. I want to yell at the asshole when he tells me it will take them twenty minutes to get to our home, but I know I have to remain calm.

"The ambulance is on its way, baby…twenty minutes"

She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face. "The baby is coming now…"

"No…no…"

"Yes, Christian…" She sobs. "Listen to me…no matter what happens…don't let me pass out…I need to hold little Blip in my arms the moment he's born…please…"

I wipe the tears from her face with my thumbs. "Hey, everything will be all right…I promise you, baby, you will be the first one to hold little blip…"

"Don't let anything happen to our baby…" She sobs. "If something does happen to me, don't let our baby go…don't give him to someone else…" It breaks my heart seeing her nightmares come verbalized. I can't even count the times she woke up crying and screaming thinking that someone had taken our baby away.

"Promise me!" She grips the front of my shirt tightly.

"I promise, Ana." She seems to relax slightly but then her pants turn into an epic scream that has my insides leaping to my throat.

"Let's get you to the door, we can wait for the ambulance…it's almost here" _Who the fuck am I kidding?_

"The baby is coming now…I need to push, Christian…call Dr. Greene and Gail…"

I do as I am told. First Gail comes running into the hallway with towels, her eyes are panicked, but the moment she lowers herself in front of Ana, she is the picture of calm.

"Don't push, baby…please…just try and wait." She nods breathing in and out as they taught her in those classes. Fucking waste of time if you ask me. Before calling Dr. Greene I scoop her up and carry her quickly up the stairs to our room where I gently lay her on our bed. Gail kneels beside the bed and gently takes Ana's hand in hers telling her that everything will be all right and that she soon will be holding a perfect little baby in her arms.

"Dr. Greene, Christian Grey…Ana is in labor…and she needs to push…the ambulance…but it's too soon, Blip is too soon" I ramble feeling the panic taking over my body.

"Calm down…I am going to guide you through it" She says as cool as a cucumber. "Put me on speaker, Christian" Numbly I do as I am told and place my phone on the bed next to me.

"Hello Ana, this is Caroline Greene. I just heard that your little baby is in a rush and I want to tell you not to panic, okay. Everything will be okay"

"Okay…" Ana pants.

"Okay, Christian." She says her voice now businesslike. "I need you to look for me and tell me what you see."

When I lift Ana's dress it's like I am having an out of body experience. I help her bend her legs which are trembling and pull down her drenched panties.

"Talk to me, Christian. What do you see?"

"I…I see a head…the head is crowning" I am really trying to remain calm and keep the panic out of my voice, but watching Ana's reaction, I think I failed epically. Pull yourself together, Grey.

"I really need to push" Ana cries.

"Okay, Christian…don't panic" If it weren't for the fact that I can't find the words at this moment, I would verbally rip her head off.

"Okay…tell me what I need to do," I say taking a deep breath as I take another look under Ana's dress.

"Is someone there with you, Christian?"

"Yes…yes…Gail…our housekeeper" My eyes keep darting to Ana's face which is now covered in a sheen of sweat. This is definitely not how I saw Blip's birth going. No, we were supposed to drive to the hospital, Ana would be admitted and she would have our baby in a private suite. Then after Blip was born, I would pick up Phoebe so she would be the first one from the family to meet her brother or sister.

"Christian…this hurts…please, I need to push…" I don't know where Gail got the washcloth from, but it's just now that I see she is gently wiping it over Ana's forehead.

"I love you" I whisper leaning over and planting a kiss on her forehead. I stroke her wet hair from her face and give her a smile.

"Let's do this," I say.

"Yeah," She says through pursed lips. "Remember your promise" I shake my head and meet Gail's eyes as she gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Promise me!" She yells when a contraction hits her.

"I promise, I promise"

"Christian, how far along are the contractions?"

"Two minutes?" Gail shakes her head and holds up one finger. "Make that one" I add quickly.

"Ana, I need you to bend your knees and spread your legs further, okay"

She nods erratically biting her bottom lip. Jesus, I can't stand seeing her like this.

"Ana, on the next contraction I want you to push" Dr. Greene's voice comes over the phone.

"Thank God!" Ana groans.

"And Christian, when Ana is pushing, you need to apply pressure to the top of Ana's vagina" Say what?

"But I will be pushing the baby back in, right?" I am sure I see Gail suppressing a smile, but fuck, I am confused here. The baby is supposed to come out, right?

"The angle will help the baby's head pass easier." Dr. Green adds.

It's surreal when Ana starts to push and I see the baby's head coming out, but then before I can question it, Dr. Greene's voice comes through the phone telling me that with the next contraction Ana needs to push really hard.

Ana reaches down with her hand trying to hold mine and she squeezes hard. "I'm afraid" She cries.

"No, no, don't be. You and me, remember?"

She gives me the tiniest of nods, tears streaming down her face. "You will be holding our baby in your arms in just a few minutes, Ana…"

"Oh fuck! Another…contraction"

"Push real hard, Ana!" Dr. Greene encourages her. "

"Come on, baby." I encourage her, my eyes watching my baby's head stretching her opening.

My heart is beating erratically and the sound of her screams goes straight through me. "You are doing really well, Ana" My eyes flick between our baby and Ana, who now has her eyes tightly closed.

"T-the head is out" Mesmerized I start stroking my hand over my babies head.

"That's fantastic!" Dr. Green gushes calmly. "Ana, one more push and you will be holding your little baby…you are doing a terrific job"

"Okay…one more push, Ana," I tell her mentally preparing myself.

She nods, lip wobbling, tears sliding down her cheeks. She is holding on to the duvet with one hand, while the other hand is tightly squeezing onto Gail's.

It doesn't take long before she starts breathing heavy again. She looks at me and gives me a nod, her face becoming incredibly red. She doesn't scream this time and the tears have stopped, her eyes are glued to mine when she pushes for the last time.

"He's here!" I cry. The wet, slippery body falls into my hands and he immediately starts screaming. Thank fuck! My eyes are filled with tears when I listen to Dr. Greene telling me to be careful with the cord, lay him on Ana's chest and cover him up.

I can't hold back the tears when I see Ana's lips pressed against the baby's head, her eyes closed.

"Congratulations, Ana, Christian," Dr. Greene says. "I am going to stay on the line until the ambulance arrives"

With the biggest smile on my face, I crawl up to Ana's side and snuggle close to her. Her face is red and blotchy from the crying, her hair is sticking to her face, but I have never seen her looking so beautiful before.

She reaches for the baby's hand. "He's perfect…" She whispers. "Wait, did you see if it's really a boy?"

"I did, baby." I kiss her cheek, careful not to jostle her too much and then carefully bring my hand to cover his little back.

"Welcome, Theodore Raymond Grey"

* * *

 **(Phoebe 12 years old)**

"Phoebe will you stop picking at your food"

"I am not hungry" Her fork clatters loudly against her plate and angrily she pushes her plate away from her. Teddy's eyes go wide while he takes a bite of his salmon.

"Phoebe…" I warn.

"We discussed genetics today in class." She looks over at Teddy and ruffles his copper colored hair.

"Teddy has your eyes, hair and even your height, and don't forget he's super smart."She says her eyes darting to me, and then she slowly turns her head to look at Ana. "And he has your eyes, kind personality, and gracefulness."

I feel Ana's hand sliding into mine. Her face is pale and I can already see the tears glistening in her eyes. We knew this moment would come. However, we'd hoped she would be a little older.

"I can't stop thinking that there is someone out there that looks like me, or is maybe even looking for me." She dabs the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and takes a deep breath.

"I am a freak!" She shouts suddenly.

"You are not a freak!" Teddy rises from his chair and wraps his arms around his sister. "You are my sister and you look exactly like mom!"

"That's merely a coincidence, Teddy," She says gently pushing him away. "There are millions of people who have curly hair and blue eyes…"

"I want to find my birthparents" She states with finality. "I want to know if I look like my mother or my father. Do I have more siblings? But I really want to know why they gave me away. Didn't they love me?" Her voice breaks at the end and she hangs her head down.

"I am your mother" Ana whispers.

"Mom…you and Dad will always be my parents…"

"I am your real mother, Phoebe…and I am sorry that we didn't tell you sooner…"

"That's impossible…" Phoebe whispers, her hands now balled into fists.

"I am telling you the truth, Phoebe." Ana takes a deep breath and slowly stands from her chair and walks towards our stunned daughter. "I am your real mother, I gave birth to you, just like Teddy…the fact that you look like me is not a coincidence…"

"You gave me away? You didn't want me?"

"No…no…it's not like that! Please, Phoebe…"

"Then what? You got pregnant with me and decided your stupid career was more important than me?"

"Please, let me explain…" Ana is full on crying now and when she tries to take Phoebe's hands in hers we are all shocked when Phoebe recoils from her.

"Is it true?" She cries, looking at me. "Is she my real mother?"

I simply nod.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you!" She screams at Ana and runs off to her bedroom.

* * *

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I've given Phoebe some time to cool off, but now she is in her room, stuffing clothes in a bag.

"I'm leaving"

"Sit down, Phoebe"

"No! I hate mom! How could she do this to me?"

"I said sit down!" She stills hearing the harshness in my voice and drops the bags from her hands.

In typical Phoebe fashion, she murmurs something under her breath and stomps off to her bed.

"Why did she give me away, dad?"

"She didn't, Phoebe…but this is something you need to hear from your mom. Because she is your mother and she loved you from the moment she knew she was pregnant with you."

"But…I don't understand. You told me that someone found me and took me to the hospital while Grandma Grace was on call…she called you, you fell in love with me and decided to adopt me."

"Phoebe…I found you near my car in GEH's underground garage because someone put you there intentionally. I was supposed to find you."

"Mom put me there?"

"No, sweetheart, no."

"Then tell me the truth!" She shouts. "We are going round and round in circles and I can't stand to see the pity in your eyes! Just tell me!"

"I was a little over eight months pregnant when I slipped on the stairs…" We both look at Ana who is now standing in the doorway, her arms crossed around her waist.

"My mother…Carla, she was there. The house I bought in Seattle was just finished and I was showing her around. You weren't due for three more weeks, but then I slipped…and I lost consciousness. Carla …she was the one who took you away from me…someone helped her."

"No…" Phoebe whispers. "You are making that up…"

"When I woke up three days later, she told me you had died and I believed her."

"I stayed with Grandpa Ray for a few weeks and moved back to LA, but not a day passed that I didn't think of you"

"You are lying" Phoebe whispers.

"No, Phoebe, I am not. I found out that you were alive after I met your dad. I never cared about my career. I promise you, I am telling you the truth."

"Did you look for me?" I feel my heart sinking into my stomach when she turns her tear-stained face to look at me.

"Yes," Ana replies before I can. "But I was never taken to the hospital. There was no record of your birth…"

"Here…if you don't believe me, here is a picture from when I was pregnant with you. There are also different documents in which you can see the state in which Carla kidnapped you." Ana places the picture on her bed and takes a step backward.

"If I would have thought she lied to me, I would have looked for you, Phoebe. I loved you so much."

"You look so happy…" Phoebe is looking at the picture and brushing her finger over Ana's face.

"I was happy…I couldn't wait to meet you…" Ana says taking a step closer and sitting next to Phoebe. I know she wants nothing more than to hold her, but she doesn't know how Phoebe is going to react.

"I look just like you..." Phoebe sniffs. "I look exactly like you, Mom. It's not a coincidence that we both have crazy hair" She giggle-cries.

With the picture still in her hands, she launches towards Ana and wraps her arms around her neck. "You are my mother…I am sorry…I don't hate you…you are the best mother e-ever…"

"Mom?"

"Yeah?" Ana is wiping Phoebe's tears from her face and I don't think I've ever seen her smile like this.

"Who is my biological dad?"

"He's dead" Instantly my eyes lock with Ana and I shake my head.

And somehow I just know and feel that this lie, no matter how well meant on Ana's part, is going to come back to haunt us.

* * *

 **(Phoebe 16 years old )**

"Unacceptable!" I yell. I am coming unglued and my beautiful wife just stares at me, her hands holding her coffee cup. She is completely unaffected which pisses me off even more. Not that I'm surprised, because I don't think my wife is actually impressed anymore by my yelling after having been married 12 years, but it would be nice for a change.

"Why are you so bent out of shape, Christian?" I grip my hair and pull hard! Jesus Christ, it's a fucking miracle I even have any hair left. I thought 'the terrible two's' were bad, well I was fucking wrong! Because since Phoebe reached her teens I've landed in girly hell.

"Because it's our daughter's sixteenth birthday and she invited some dumb schmuck! And that's unacceptable!" I slam my hand on the counter and wince. _Fuck! That hurt._

"His name is Storm" She deadpans. Then she reaches for my hand and kisses it with a little smile on her face.

"Well, that doesn't make it any better, you know! What person in their right mind names their son Storm? Is his sister is called Thunder?"

"He's an only child." She sighs and grabs her phone from the counter.

"And how do you know he is an only child?"

"Because I've met him" She shrugs not even looking up. "He's cute…" _Cute? Cute?_

"How old is Storm the Schmuck?"

"Seventeen"

"Seventeen?" I bellow. "A seventeen-year-old boy isn't cute, Anastasia. A seventeen-year-old boy is horny. All the fucking time! So my answer is no…Phoebe won't be inviting Storm over to her sixteenth birthday party! She is my little girl!" I am completely out of breath when I've finished my rant when I see my beautiful wife standing in front of me. I am momentarily distracted when I see that her robe is slightly open at the top, giving me a perfect view of her breasts. _Focus!_

"She will always be your little girl, Christian."

"Damn right" I mutter and press her body against mine.

"So, who is going to tell her Storm isn't coming," I ask smiling, hoping that I've won this little argument.

When my wife gives me that special "you are an idiot" smile, I know Storm is coming to my girl's party. But I wouldn't be Christian Grey if I wouldn't hold on to my stubbornness a little while longer.

"Storm is coming to Phoebe's party this afternoon. And you are going to behave like a total gentleman. You are not going to hurt him, yell at him, intimidate him or threaten to kill him" _I'm not?_ It's distracting when she pushes her body closer to mine; her breasts pressing against my shirt. _Stay. Focused!_

"You are not going to call Welch to perform a background check either." She continues calmly. "I know Storm's mother and she is a lovely, hardworking woman, and honestly, Storm is a good guy."

"I don't like it" I pout. This usually works, because it seems my wife can't resist my pout.

"You don't say!" She giggles and glides her hands under my jeans, her warm hands now holding on to my ass. Her hands skim to the front where she effortlessly opens the button. Damn, she's good.

"Besides, you trust Phoebe, right?" Her hands are now inside my boxers massaging my dick.

"Hmm, hmm" I scoop her up and walk us to my study where I close the door behind us. _There. No need for interruptions._

"Put your hands back there, baby" In less than two seconds I remove my jeans and boxers.

"You haven't answered my question yet, Christian…" I should be alarmed…that sweet sound of her voice…but I am too distracted by her skillful hands.

"Christian?"

"Yeah?"

"You are going to be nice to Storm, right?" I temporarily lose my breath when I see her falling down on her knees and take my dick in her hands, her huge, blue eyes looking up at me.

"Uh huh" I fall back against my desk while her tongue slides all the way from the bottom of my dick to the top.

"You are not going to threaten him, right?" _Is she still talking?_

"Baby…" I push my dick back into her hands, willing her to continue! _She's fucking torturing me!_

"Christian?" How does she think I am able to talk when she has my dick in her mouth and sucking it? Her hand slides between my thighs and I think I just went to heaven as she starts massaging my balls.

I hear a little 'pop' and cool air hitting my dick. Well, fuck! What now?

"Do you agree?" She says, her fingers still drawing little circles on my balls. _Agree? To what?_

She senses my confusion and her victorious smile isn't lost on me, but I really have other things on my mind right now.

"Do you agree not to threaten, yell, intimidate…" Is she seriously ticking everything off on her fingers?

"Yes!" I bellow cutting her off. "I agree to everything! But for the love of God, Anastasia…"

"Just making sure" She sing-songs. When she sticks her tongue out and looks at me from under her lashes, I know this won't take long, at all. Watching her on her knees, swallowing me, licking me, has me coming in less than 2 minutes.

"It was a pleasure doing business, Mr. Grey" After a little wink, she turns around on her heels and sashays her way out of my office, leaving me breathless and completely stunned.

The moment my blood pressure is back to normal, I smile. I never promised her I wouldn't talk to him…did I? _Game on, Storm._

* * *

"Christian?" _Fuck! Busted._

"Yeah, baby?" I give my wife the smile that she loves so much and saunter towards her. "Did I tell you how amazing you look in that dress, Ana?"

"Yes, yes, you did. Ten times I think, but flattery won't help you this time," Standing on her toes she brushes her fingers through my hair and kisses me in a way that makes my toes curl and my dick stand at attention.

"I know exactly what you are doing here, pacing the hallway" She whispers. "But don't forget we had a deal…"

"I only want to talk to him"

"Fine" She sighs. "But she is sixteen and a very sensible girl. Besides, I already had the talk with her"

"The talk?" I can practically feel my organs twisting in my body, giving me instant heartburn and a headache. _The fucking talk?_

"Jesus, Christian! You need to calm down! You are going to have a stroke!" I am about to reply that I have passed that point when Phoebe comes barging in.

"Oh my God, Mom! He's here!" She is jumping up and down, clapping her hands in excitement.

"Dad, please…" Her eyes are pleading with me and it's in that moment when I look into those gorgeous blue eyes, that I realize my little girl isn't that little anymore. She is a young, beautiful woman who has matured mentally, physically, and emotionally. And I know that Ana is right, our daughter is sensible and studious, but it is my job to protect her. Because even though I trust her, I don't trust him. Yet.

"I promise, I am only going to have a little chat with him. Five minutes"

"Okay," She wraps her arms around my shoulders and kisses my cheek. "I love you, Daddy"

"To the moon and back…"

I have opened the door before he's even had the chance to ring the doorbell.

"Storm!" I call out extending my arm. He's shocked! The poor guy's eyes are about to bulge from his head.

"M-Mr. Grey"

"That's me!" I clasp his clammy hand tightly and laugh inwardly when he winces. _Pussy._

"Let's have a little chat, shall we Storm?" He swallows deeply, his eyes searching for who I assume is my little girl.

"Phoebe is helping her mother in the kitchen," I say. "Come this way."

I guide him to the most secluded part of our garden and I see him nervously shifting on his feet when I ask him to sit down on the bench. He's tall and a good looking dude, even though I would never admit that. He brushes his hands through his floppy dirty blonde hair and sits down on the bench. His hands clasped in front of him. _He's probably praying._

"How did you meet Phoebe?"

"Through Mrs. Jones, Mr. Grey." _Gail? Gail set them up? She's fired!_

I just stare at him and raise my eyebrows, silently asking him to continue.

"My mother is a housekeeper at the Van der Berg's, Mr. Grey and I always help her with the grocery shopping. One day Phoebe was with Mrs. Taylor and that's how we met."

"And your grades?"

"Top off my class, Mr. Grey" I see something passing his eyes, but it's gone before I can grasp it. "I want to become a lawyer someday,"

"That's very ambitious, Storm"

"Have you applied to any Universities yet?"

"Yes, Harvard, but I am hoping to win a scholarship," He shrugs. "Tuition is very expensive" He adds. "But my aunt lives close to Harvard, so if I win this scholarship I will have enough to cover the full four years since I won't need to pay for room or board fees"

"Right," I say and when I look back at the boy I truly believe he is going to make it. He is determined.

"Did you have the talk with your dad about the birds and the bees?" I wince and I am grateful that there's no one close by to hear me asking him this. As for him, I don't think I've seen anyone turn so red before.

The silence stretches. "I don't have a dad" He is staring at his feet. "He left my mom when she got pregnant with me. I found him three years ago…" He takes a deep breath and levels his eyes with me. "But he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, he has his own family" _Jesus Christ._

"I am sorry, Storm. But he doesn't deserve a son like you" He gives me a sad smile and glances to the right where Phoebe is standing, nervously wringing her hands.

The urge I felt to make this boy leave has gone and has been replaced with admiration. I extend my hand again, this time smiling. He reaches for it hesitantly with trepidation all over his face.

"Nice to meet you, Storm. And remember, you are not supposed to kiss girls until you are thirty."I give him a light slap on his shoulder and walk away to where Taylor is standing.

"Mr. Grey"

"Taylor, I need you to find out where that boy goes to school. There is a scholarship…"

"Already taken care of, Mr. Grey"

"Perfect"

* * *

 **(Phoebe 18 years old)**

"Phoebe is on her way home"

"Why? What happened?" Immediately I rise from my chair and make my way over to Ana who is standing in the doorway of my office at home. Her face is filled with worry.

"I don't know. When I came out of the shower I saw a text from her saying that she just landed in Seattle and that we need to talk"

"Is Storm with her? And how the fuck did she get here? Commercial flight?" I bring my hands to my hair and pull at the ends. "And what about her security! Jesus fucking Christ! Did she ditch her again?"

"I don't know!" She cries out totally exasperated. "But something is really wrong, Christian. Her message was curt and cold" She takes a deep breath. "That's not like her"

We stand there both lost in our own thoughts when we hear a door slamming. Then there is another door slamming until we hear her pounding feet approaching my study. There is no knock, she opens the door almost pulling it from its hinges. Her curls are falling wildly around her face, which is blotchy and red from crying. But there is also anger radiating from those blue eyes that I love so much. We have a very pissed off Phoebe on our hands for reasons still unknown. But somehow, underneath the worry, I also feel anger. _What the fuck is she thinking?_

"Phoebe…what is wrong. Oh my God, have you been crying?" Ana wraps her arms around her shoulders, but Phoebe doesn't reciprocate the gesture. She just stands there.

"What the hell were you thinking leaving Cambridge without notifying us and then taking a commercial flight to Seattle?" I bellow.

She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off.

"And where the hell is your security? I swear, Phoebe Grace Grey, if I find out you ditched security again, I will have you transferred to a University here in Washington so fucking fast, you won't even know what's happening!"

"You wouldn't…" She whispers narrowing her eyes at me.

"Watch me…" I dare her.

"Whatever," She shrugs flippantly. "I have my own money,"

I laugh mockingly. "That's money your mother and I put in your account!"

"Whatever! You are not even my real father!" She creams, hands balled into tight fists, tears trickling down her cheeks.

I am momentarily stunned at her comment. Not once in all these years has she said this to me, and it hurts.

"Phoebe Grace Grey! Apologize to your father!" Ana whispers.

"Care to explain what this is Mom…" She completely ignores Ana's comment and shoves her an envelope in her hands.

"What is this?" Ana's hands are trembling as she looks from the envelope to our daughter.

"Read it" Phoebe folds her arms across her chest and presses her lips together.

"Who gave you this?"

"It doesn't matter," Phoebe whispers. "All that matters is that you lied to me. You told me that my father was dead when he is actually still alive and living in LA."

Ana pulls the documents from the envelope and starts quickly skimming it. Her face is as white as a sheet when she lifts her head to look at Phoebe.

"Who gave you this?" Ana waves the papers in front of her face, her voice trembling.

"Someone approached me at Campus this morning and gave me this envelope. He said he was a lawyer"

"Carla" Ana whispers and hands me the documents.

"Why did you tell me he was dead? Why did you lie to me? I had every right to know that my father was still alive!"

"He's not your father," Ana says softly.

"I want to know why you lied."

"To protect you…he's not a good person, Phoebe, and…"

"And don't you think I can be the judge of that? Don't you think it was about time you told me the truth? How could you keep this from me?"

Phoebe starts pacing the room, her fingers furiously rubbing over her forehead.

"I want to know everything about him."

"Phoebe…"

"I have a right to know!" She says gritting her teeth.

"Very well" Ana takes a deep breath. "You already know that his name is Thomas Newburg, however, he changed his name when he started his career as a singer. He took his mother's last name and became Thomas Laurent; she is originally from France but moved to the States when she met Thomas' father, who is a very well-known heart surgeon In New York. His parents wanted him to pursue a career as a doctor, but he didn't. He moved to LA where he was cast as a model for Hugo Boss. He quickly got bored while working as a model and decided he wanted to become a singer"

"Where did you meet? Was it love at first sight?" I watch as Ana closes her eyes and slowly starts shaking her head.

"We met at an Awards show; my mother introduced us. And no…it wasn't love at first sight, Phoebe. His career wasn't doing as well as he had hoped, so we came to an agreement. We would show up at events together to keep him in the public eye. His publicist would contact a celebrity photographer so he could sell the photos to the media and help his career. This isn't uncommon, it actually happens all the time. Celebrities' PR teams, managers or agents using paparazzi to build stories."

"We spent a lot of time together and then one thing led to another. We started dating"

"And then you fell in love, right?" Phoebe asks, her voice filled with hope.

"No. I thought I was in love…but I was simply trying to please my mother. She loved him and this was the first time I didn't disappoint her."

Phoebe looks momentarily heartbroken but quickly recovers herself.

"Did you tell him you were pregnant? Does he even know I exist?"

"Yes," Ana takes a few steps to where Phoebe is sitting, crouches down and takes Phoebe's hands in hers.

"He didn't want me"

"Phoebe…" Ana starts carefully.

"Please, Mom, tell me the truth."

"Thomas was an alcoholic, Phoebe. He was cruel, spiteful and callous. And no, he didn't take the news very well when I told him I was pregnant."

"What did he say?"

The silence is deafening as Phoebe and Ana stare at each other. Phoebe raises a trembling hand and brushes Ana's tears from her face.

"He started yelling and he…pushed me from the stairs."

Phoebe completely breaks down, her face buried in Ana's neck.

"Do you believe me when I say I was over the moon when I found out I was pregnant?" Ana forces Phoebe's head back, gently brushing her hair from her face.

Phoebe nods her head. "I loved you since the moment I found out, Phoebe"

"Where is he now?"

"He lives in LA in a care facility specializing in Korsakoff syndrome" I reply.

"Korsakoff is…"

"I know what it is…" Phoebe says looking at me. "Brain damage caused by alcohol abuse"

"I want to meet him," She says staring at her fumbling fingers. "I need this closure"

"Phoebe…no…you can't go…" Ana pleads with her.

"I need this, Mom…"

I give her a simple nod, pick up my phone to call Taylor and ask him to arrange the jet for Phoebe.

"The jet will be ready in one hour; Taylor and Sawyer will escort you to LA, but remember this, Phoebe; your expectations will not be met"

"I need to call Storm," She says in a whisper. "He doesn't even know I left Cambridge." She rises slowly from her chair and embraces Ana tightly. "Please, don't hate me, Mom"

"I could never hate you," Ana says cupping her face.

* * *

"Thank you for coming with me" Phoebe whispers fumbling with her phone in her hands. We have been sitting outside of the care facility for one hour, staring at the door.

"Anytime"

"Okay." She says taking a deep breath. "I'll be back in a few minutes" She reaches over and sweetly kisses my cheek. In return, I kiss the top of her head and motion for Taylor to open her door.

I watch her walking towards the entrance, her head held high, her shoulders squared. I feel concerned for her heart, and want to protect her from having it broken. Surprisingly, I don't feel jealous. Because no matter what he says or does, I am her daddy. No one can take away all my firsts I shared with her. I do worry that whatever expectations or hopes she has will not be met.

It is approximately fifteen minutes later that I see her walking out. Anyone who doesn't know her only sees a beautiful young woman. I, however, see my heartbroken daughter who is trying to be brave. Sawyer is following her closely, but as always, his face is unreadable.

When she is only a few steps away from me I open my arms. With a trembling lip and tear-filled eyes, she walks into my embrace. Gripping my jacket tightly I feel the sobs racking her small frame.

"Take me home, please Dad"

* * *

"I don't look anything like him," She says looking out of the window as we drive back to the airport.

"But I realized when I was watching him from afar that I actually look like you." She shrugs and briefly turns her head to look at me. "I pull my hair when I am angry or frustrated, and according to Teddy, I tend to get overprotective and unreasonable"

"Did you talk to him?"

"No, I didn't. When I saw him, I only felt anger about how he treated Mom and then I felt incredibly lucky to have you as my family. Mom must have been terrified, scared and she must have felt so alone, but I know she loved me from the moment she knew she was pregnant with me and I know that you loved me from the moment you held me in your arms." She wipes the tears from her face and then giggles softly when I hand her my handkerchief.

"I never wanted a relationship with him, especially after I found out what he did to mom. I was just curious if we shared any similarities." She says softly.

"Do you hate me?" She sniffs and covers her face with her hands.

"Come here" I quickly unbuckle her seatbelt and shove her in my direction. "Phoebe Grace Grey, I could never hate you. I loved you since the moment I first met you and I will love you until the day I die. And there is nothing that man inside that building can do or say to change how I feel about you. You are my daughter just as much as Teddy is my son."

"I am sorry about what I said this afternoon because you will always be my dad. No one will ever replace you."

"I love you, Princess Fee" I give her a little wink and pull her closer to me.

"I love you too, Dad, to the moon and back."

* * *

 **Author's note: This is it! The End of Irrevocable. I can't find enough words to tell you how grateful I am for your support, reviews, and thoughts! Thank you for taking this ride with me!**

 **I have a few ideas that I want to write down, and I even have a story that I started writing months ago. But first I am going to take a long break. Again, thank you! You are truly amazing.**

 **Love,**

 **Alner**


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